Destroyed: My recent breakup

[propho]

damn man, you are lucky.. I just started reading this whole thread today..

I'm an angry drunk and you kinda paralleled what I do when I get drunk.. which is also why I don't drink anymore..

I'd have to say forget about all that stuff over there.. I'm not one to promote rebounding.. but maybe you need to find one so it'll help you move on.. she WILL get you in trouble sooner or later.. not worth it AT ALL..

 

[somewhatgifted]

they keep you close enough that you can never get over them, but far enough away to leave your heart holding on. If you let go you gain power, if you hold on your in for the ride of you life. sounds like a rough ride so far, and know that it only gets rougher. thinking your in control is an illusion you tell yourself to rationalize irrational behavior. you cant be with her and its killing you so you lash out with anger in frustration, and at this point realise that that is the last step, the last resort. stop now and realise that you will do something stupid something bad (your already doing these things now because shes got you crazy) that will prolly be the only lasting part of this relationship. shes lying to you, your lying to yourself, and worst thing is this blip on the map of your life is ruining your chances with women who may be worth marrying. This is the equivalent of filling up on free bread before the king crab and prime rib get to the table. you may really like bread but man look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself back your dignity, respect and finally sanity. you deserve a good woman now get off this ride that goes in circles and go find her.

 

[handzilla]

they keep you close enough that you can never get over them, but far enough away to leave your heart holding on. If you let go you gain power, if you hold on your in for the ride of you life. sounds like a rough ride so far, and know that it only gets rougher. thinking your in control is an illusion you tell yourself to rationalize irrational behavior. you cant be with her and its killing you so you lash out with anger in frustration, and at this point realise that that is the last step, the last resort. stop now and realise that you will do something stupid something bad (your already doing these things now because shes got you crazy) that will prolly be the only lasting part of this relationship. shes lying to you, your lying to yourself, and worst thing is this blip on the map of your life is ruining your chances with women who may be worth marrying. This is the equivalent of filling up on free bread before the king crab and prime rib get to the table. you may really like bread but man look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself back your dignity, respect and finally sanity. you deserve a good woman now get off this ride that goes in circles and go find her.

:goodpost: Man I've been trying to get off the ride but everytime I'm out making an effort to move on with my life, I run into her and it drives me insane. Especially if she is with another guy. The sh!t that bothers me is not knowing the truth and the whole truth behind this falling apart. I also find it fyucked up how she could go from calling me as soon as she wakes up everyday, to just not caring and riding out with some other chumps so fast, man. It would be different if I had been controlling during the relationship but I wasn't the least bit. I didn't do sh!t to deserve this. She has a new reason every weekend. Why can't she just leave the city.

And I know I fyucked up lastnight. I pissed off at myself now for not just being able to breeze by like whatever. At first I couldn't exactly tell if it was her, and then I chose to take a 2nd and 3rd look to make sure. :wtf: Also I feel a little bad about the comments I made lastnight. Kind of out of character for me. I almost feel like I need to apologize for that sh!t lastnight. She's never ever seen that side of me until then. I hope she doesn't try to file a restraining order or some sh!t like that.

 

[ryano]

Everything that happened that night has just pretty much reaffirmed the feelings she has had toward you lately and has made you into something your not.

Call her on the phone and apologise and get your stuff and break it off. I can tell you from experience that things are going to get more painful and uglier the more you two drag this out.

She may have some mixed emotions right now but she is stringing you along to make things easier for herself to move on. She has made up her mind. The other guys are a preoccupation of her attention.

I hate cliches but this one has truth.
If you care about her then you would want her to be happy and I am certain that she wants the same for you unfortunately it will not be together.

It is going to suck worse than cardio and its going to hurt but you must believe us when we say that things are going to get better.

You can walk away from this with all the guilt, resentement and anger that comes with a nasty breakup or you can walk away from this with a clear conscious knowing you did the right thing for the both of you and possibly a close friend when the fog clears.

Sorry if this post seems a little blunt and insensitive but I am trying to save you more anguish.

Watch the booze right now too...your a pressure cooker full of mixed up emotions and it ruins your gains and makes you fat!

 

[handzilla]

Very true ryano. I called her again and suprsingly she answered. Unfortunately she was with her friends and proceeded to somwhat b!tch me out about my voicemail lastnight. I apologized about my behavior and my words. I told her that I want to talk again later b/c I'm real uncomfortable with the way things went down. Her attitude was real spiteful and I cut it short and told her to call me later when she gets a chance. I think I am gonna take my things this time and just try to end it for good on the best note possible b/c this is just not healthy. I understand things will get worse if I continue to react when I see her out. So I will just have to walk the other way and ignore her (this will be the toughest part as I still have feelings for her). Lastnight I reacted before I thought and fyucked up. I'm lucky to have such a great support group through this whole thing. I'm really gonna have to try to get past this now. The pain is real and it is still here. But it's time I let go of this whole thing so I can be better off in the long run. This will not be easy.

 

[ryano]

Its gonna hurt alot..but you will be a better man after its all over and done with.

I would really try and stay away from some of the same places she hangs out at. So you dont even have to see her. Its gonna make it harder ..especially if you have some liqour in you.

Stay strong

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

Everything that happened that night has just pretty much reaffirmed the feelings she has had toward you lately and has made you into something your not.

Call her on the phone and apologise and get your stuff and break it off. I can tell you from experience that things are going to get more painful and uglier the more you two drag this out.

She may have some mixed emotions right now but she is stringing you along to make things easier for herself to move on. She has made up her mind. The other guys are a preoccupation of her attention.

I hate cliches but this one has truth.
If you care about her then you would want her to be happy and I am certain that she wants the same for you unfortunately it will not be together.

It is going to suck worse than cardio and its going to hurt but you must believe us when we say that things are going to get better.

You can walk away from this with all the guilt, resentement and anger that comes with a nasty breakup or you can walk away from this with a clear conscious knowing you did the right thing for the both of you and possibly a close friend when the fog clears.

Sorry if this post seems a little blunt and insensitive but I am trying to save you more anguish.

Watch the booze right now too...your a pressure cooker full of mixed up emotions and it ruins your gains and makes you fat!

:goodpost:

 

[handzilla]

Well, I just got all my sh!t back that I was able to find over there. I arrived and my muscle milk and my shorts were outside of her door. WTF?! So cold. That wasn't everything that I left there though. I called and knocked for about 5 minutes and she finally came to the door. I went in and we talked some more about what went down and how. I think we finally did get everything out in the open once and for all. We went over certain aspects that could have made things different; many aspects that caused one another to question the seriousness and sincerity of the relationship.

I told her there were some things that I was hesitant to do (take her home, try to stop her from wanting to move away, tell her how I feel about her, ask her more serious questions, etc.). She stated that those things definitely had an effect on how this turned the way it did. I told her that I wish I would have done and said those things to her.

It sucks b/c we both feel that it would have worked out if we had. Too little; too late. We hugged for a while, and kissed and held hands before I left. I know she was sad to see me go.

Call it wishful thinking but I have this gut feeling that she'll try to come back within the next 2 months or so of not being around me often. I think this last conversation might have slightly changed her view of what happened between us. Yes, no?

 

[handzilla]

What the fyuck ever! I'm too close to the edge right now. I went out with some friends and didn't have that much fun but I was defintely enlightened before we hit downtown. We talked about and analyzed damn near everything under the sun regarding my situation. Now I'm this close || to texting my ex and just asking her for one more night. :jaw: Outrageous yes. But I don't what the fyuck is wrong with me. I've turned into a zombie for this girl and feel like I need her right now. I also feel like this b/c I know she is moving out of that spot this week. So I just want one more night. And I know that's really really bad. I'll either fall asleep or text her before I fall asleep.:wtf: Regardless of what happens tonight, I won't let this go any further than tonight.

 

[DmitryWI]

NO! Don't even think about it. Man, I broke up with a girl in january I've been with for 1.5 years and I wanted her as bad, but I just left her alone and looking back it was the best decision for me. I know exactly how you feel. Move on, as hard as it is.

 

[spunkles182]

just read through your whole ordeal... The best advice i can give you is stop talking to her and stop going where she is... cut off all ties for at least 3 to 6 months... serioulsy... after that time she will start to miss you and only remember the "good times" that you have had.. right now she sees you as a "chump"; as a back up if she feels lonely or not... you are better than that...

 

[handzilla]

Weak 5

DW you are definitely right, and I knew from the jump that doing that would be wrong. It's definitely a good thing that I fell asleep without texting her. I know that if I did and she didn't respond or responded negative that I would made me feel worse.

I also thought that I don't want her to rememeber me like this. I left her place yesterday with some closure and feeling like I would definitely be missed. The last thing that I want to do is have her remember me begging to stay with her. That would just be real chump.

What up spunkles! Thx for stopping in. That is great advice. You are right. I think she does view me in this way right now. Not only that but I think she is enjoying every bit of the effect that she is having on me. As much as she sais that she doesn't like the drama that's gone down the last 3 weekends, she sure does love the attention. I really don't want her to see me like this anymore. In a way I feel that I've might have done more bad than good, but I don't even wanna get into that.

 

[DmitryWI]

Weak 5

I also thought that I don't want her to rememeber me like this. I left her place yesterday with some closure and feeling like I would definitely be missed. The last thing that I want to do is have her remember me begging to stay with her. That would just be real chump.

There ya go. Now you thinking straight. I pray for you, man. You'll get better.
I also thought my life is over and how many times I wanted to dial her number. Drank for 2 weeks didn't go to work, started smoking again, almost 2 packs a day. but it does get better...
If you need to get off your chest we are here for you. Stay strong.

 

[handzilla]

Thx, Dw. Man I don't know what I'd do without you guys here on AM. I still can't help but to think what would have happened if I had done this or that. So far this morning I have been pacing all around the house looking at my cell phone calendar analyzing certain weeks of the relationship saying sh!t like:

This day would have been the perfect day to bring this up...

This is the week that I started noticing this...

It was during these 2 weeks I should have done this and things would have been different...

We would still be together if I had said or done this during this weekend...

I've been doing this for the past hour now. The dramatic irony is just overwhelming. One of the worst things about this is the weekends. Either b/c I see her out or I want to stay with her like I used to and know that I can't and shouldn't. Still can't believe I let her slip through my hands like this, man.

 

[spunkles182]

see right now you're thinking about her day and night, you keep playing different scenarios of approaching her and making her like you in your mind over and over again - that's called desperation. And it'll show. She's gonna see it (consciously or subconsciously) and nothing repels girls more than a desperate guy.

Obsessing about a particular girl, and whether or not she likes you, is the KISS OF DEATH! If you're worrying about whether a girl likes you or not, chances are she doesn't - or rather, SHE WON'T. She won't because your "worry" and your obsession with what she thinks of you will actually push her away. When you let yourself fall into the "obsession" trap, you begin to analyze everything your dream girl does, every word she says, every move she makes... and try to relate them all to you. She smiled at you - she didn't smile at you. She emailed you - she didn't email you. She returned your call - she didn't return your call. Confusion, frustration, and anxiety result.

And not just for you. If she comes to know that you're obsessing about her, she will also know, that you'll be analysing her every move in relation to you. Which will invariably make her uncomfortable. She can't be herself anymore, she can't relax and feel free in your proximity/company. Knowing that you're obsessing, she will feel anxiety, discomfort and maybe even fear when you're around. And on all occasions, she will want to get away, further away from the source of her anxiety, further away from you.

I was in pretty much your same situation. This is probably the best advice that i have ever gotten "spend some intimate time with at least 10 other girls, then see if you still want this girl and think she is so special"

good luck man..

 

[DmitryWI]

Don't kick yourself, it wasn't your fault. What a bull****! She tries to make you feel bad, like you are the one ruined this relationship. BULL ****!!! She seems like selfish ***** to me now. She decided to get out, without talking to you and try to solve problems and now she's trying to make you be responsible for it.
Move on, she didn't decerve you.

 

[handzilla]

Spunk' you're definitely right on this one. I mentioned in an earlier post that OBSESSION has been an issue throughout this situation. Mainly on the weekends. I think I do need to stay away from her and see some other women if possible. I also need to make sure I don't run into her when I'm out, b/c it keeps on fyucking up my weekends.

DW, I don't know why I continue to blame myself but I know that I shouldn't. I still shouldn't have reacted the way I did Friday night. I probably just should have left. I also should have taken all my sh!t back and cut her off a couple weekends ago when she told me about the other guy. If I did all that I might have been better off right now instead of OBSESSING about this b!tch. I can't wait to run into her and feel nothing, not be effected by, or feel any kind of attraction to her. That is when I will be back to normal and will probably have better luck meeting better women. I know right now I stink of desperation and depression and that is messing me up when I go out sometimes.

 

[handzilla]

Whoa that was weird, tc where'd your post go? Anyway, you're right again. Not that it matters anymore but I probably only have 2 of te three side to the story. And maybe a 1/3 of the truth.

I deserve better and she deserves worse. And I know she's gonna f*ck up and get hers soon. Like Deniro at the end of Casino, I'll sit back and watch her waste away b/c of her immaturity and selfishness. Meanwhile, I continue to prosper.

 

[Achilles13]

Whoa that was weird, tc where'd your post go? Anyway, you're right again. Not that it matters anymore but I probably only have 2 of te three side to the story. And maybe a 1/3 of the truth.

I deserve better and she deserves worse. And I know she's gonna f*ck up and get hers soon. Like Deniro at the end of Casino, I'll sit back and watch her waste away b/c of her immaturity and selfishness. Meanwhile, I continue to prosper.

Now that sounds like a plan. Same thing I came up with for my ex and now she is in college failing intermediate classes... smoking weed everyday, having sex with everyone in town, and just drowing in her immaturity. Funny thing is, she still texts me saying I love her and thats why I am not with anyone else. ROTFLZ! It'll feel so good when you are succeeding in lifeand she is going nowhere.

 

[handzilla]

Damn right, 'chilles! On another note, an aquaintance of mine pointed out something pretty interesting yesterday. As I was decribing the recent circumstances to him, he mentioned that her behavior seemed PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE. So of course I had to look it up and found this:

Invalid Link Removed

and this:

FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.

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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.[/FONT]
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[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]*[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times]A passive-aggressive man won't have every single one of these traits, but he'll have many of them. He may have other traits as well, which are not passive-aggressive[/FONT]​

The close relationships of people with PAPD, however, are rarely tranquil or happy. Because they are bound to their resentment more closely than to their satisfaction, they may never even formulate goals for finding enjoyment in life. People with this disorder lack self-confidence and are typically pessimistic about the future.

I'd say that 90% of the criteria hits the nail square on the head. If this is accurate, then I think it means that regardless of what I could've and should've done here and there, then there was really no way to avoid the current situation.

 

[handzilla]

This too:

Passive/aggressive types are the worst. They have a way of making you feel like you’re the problem. There is absolutely nothing inert about their aggressive actions in a relationship, whether involving a life partner, co-worker, or acquaintance. Instead of dealing with situations in an overtly healthy manner, they are subtle, almost sly in poorly communicating their desires.
Quietly, yet tactically, they opt to push all of your buttons until you blow up in a fit of frustration. After that is accomplished, they whip out the topper. As if they are the angels, they have the nerve to be dismayed at your anger. ‘”Why are you so angry?”, they ask. That’s when the passive/aggressive individual thrusts you into insanity. “Did I really have the right to get angry?” you ask yourself. “Are they really pressing my buttons or am I being too sensitive?” You continually question these things in your mind.
The answer is yes, they are pressing your buttons. It’s what the PA does. Most folks are never prepared to deal with the PA and their games. The best approach is to speak the truth and stop engaging in their games.

 

[BMW]

bro please do me a huge favor go hear and learn this will be your saving grace i promise you but dont pay attention to the health and fitness forums theyll make you laugh lol. Invalid Link Removed

 

[handzilla]

bro please do me a huge favor go hear and learn this will be your saving grace i promise you but dont pay attention to the health and fitness forums theyll make you laugh lol. Invalid Link Removed

(Bookmarked)

That is what I really need to be studying and focusing on instead of this bullsh!t. Good looking out.

 

[ryano]

Some of that stuff is funny...it looks like alot of it just boils down to confidence and being your self...

Def some good advice on tactics...we need to get handzilla some err you know what...

Then you will feel like:woohoo:I just gotta:dance: !

 

[BMW]

Some of that stuff is funny...it looks like alot of it just boils down to confidence and being your self...

Def some good advice on tactics...we need to get handzilla some err you know what...

Then you will feel like:woohoo:I just gotta:dance: !

get handzilla some shoot i need some first lol.:rofl:

 

[handzilla]

Some of that stuff is funny...it looks like alot of it just boils down to confidence and being your self...

Basically how've I've always done it. They either feel ya or they don't.

 

[handzilla]

Well I actually had a ball last weekend and this time I didn't run into her, thank goodness. This is the first weekend that I haven't had any contact whatsoever with her in 6 months. Changes *sigh*

Week 6 (weakness gone?)

So far this week has been fine. I still think about her, sometimes positive; most times negative. I've been learning to enjoy the all the things that I used to when I was single.

I received a text message from an unknown number lastnight: "How have you been?"

hmmmmm

They even sent it again. I didn't respond. I called it from an unknown number today and there was no personalized voicemail. About 20 minutes ago I received another text from that number confirming it is her. It looks like she was a step ahead of me in getting her number changed. The text said that she had found a couple of things of mine.

Not sure what I should do here in terms of getting my sh!t back. I don't think I wanna see her, b/c it might reopen the wound some. But then again I might find that I really am much better if I do see her face to face. On the other hand, I'm thinking of texting her my address to mail it, not only that but also telling her not to put her name (or just put a different name) on the envelope. At the same time I wonder if she has some kind of motive at this point.

 

[Malek256]

Well I actually had a ball last weekend and this time I didn't run into her, thank goodness. This is the first weekend that I haven't had any contact whatsoever with her in 6 months. Changes *sigh*

Time to change where you go. You are either FULLY in control or you are not. Going places she might be is choosing the second path.

Week 6 (weakness gone?)

So far this week has been fine. I still think about her, sometimes positive; most times negative. I've been learning to enjoy the all the things that I used to when I was single.

Awesome - life is very very short bro and your time to yourself may be the best part of it! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE to DO the things you've thought about or dreamed about RIGHT NOW. "One day I'll write a novel..." or whatever your dream is: do it NOW.

The text said that she had found a couple of things of mine...

Ask a friend to go pick it up. You're either FULLY in control or not...

 

[spunkles182]

"Not sure what I should do here in terms of getting my sh!t back."

don't do it. its just not worth it. she's trying to keep in contact with you so she can keep you "on the back burner". unless its someting extremely important. its better if you keep ignoring her and cut off all ties.

 

[handzilla]

"Not sure what I should do here in terms of getting my sh!t back."

don't do it. its just not worth it. she's trying to keep in contact with you so she can keep you "on the back burner". unless its someting extremely important. its better if you keep ignoring her and cut off all ties.

Easy to say, man. Not too easy to do when I still got feelings for the chic and am wondering what she's thinking.

I know it would be better if I ignore her. She called me yesterday pre-workout and I didn't answer. No voicemail. Heart was racing when that number showed up on my caller ID though. I'm sure the effects would be worse if I saw her in person.

 

[Malek256]

Easy to say, man. Not too easy to do when I still got feelings for the chic and am wondering what she's thinking.

I know it would be better if I ignore her. She called me yesterday pre-workout and I didn't answer. No voicemail. Heart was racing when that number showed up on my caller ID though. I'm sure the effects would be worse if I saw her in person.

Hey man, we are talking from experience. Try having it happen after 10 years with someone and they walk out. Believe me, I know about the heart racing, all that crap.

I still did it after a week of crawling - cut off ties and it was absolutely the right thing to do. I talked to her on phone only for disposing of assets, was cordial, ignored her control attempts, ignored my friends coming up and saying "she says you're really mean, etc." and just told them "you think about how I behaved and how she behaves, and note I haven't said anything about her...then you can figure out who's true and who's not." Those friends are STILL my friends many years later so they "figured it out".

Ask Cuffs man, he also went through it not too long ago. The right choice: no contact.

 

[toughchick401]

No contact...really all your hard work will be for nothing, and dont give her that power....be strong and remember time helps, ((((HUGZ)))) stay strong

 

[Achilles13]

No contact...really all your hard work will be for nothing, and dont give her that power....be strong and remember time helps, ((((HUGZ)))) stay strong

I couldn't agree more(everything except the hugs part:rofl:...) Trust us brotha, you will be better on down the line. Eventually(well IMO) it will start to pick up once she see's that she has lost control over you and is no more of an influence in your life. In a way, it'll be sweet because when she wouldn't give you the time of day, now you can do the same thing and play it out from there. Goodluck.

 

[toughchick401]

I couldn't agree more(everything except the hugs part:rofl:...) Trust us brotha, you will be better on down the line. Eventually(well IMO) it will start to pick up once she see's that she has lost control over you and is no more of an influence in your life. In a way, it'll be sweet because when she wouldn't give you the time of day, now you can do the same thing and play it out from there. Goodluck.

LOL.......

handzilla, really trust us, this is all good advice...

 

[handzilla]

I appreciate all the advice...and hugz. I am doing much better this week. I still think about and miss her though. Still wading through these pools of love and hate. It sucks, and I know it would hurt some if I contacted with her. But she had just better hold on to those things and not trash or lose 'em. Granted I can live without 'em, but I don't like anyone disrespecting my property.

 

[BMW]

you need to go out tomorrow no questions asked and work your game brotha. go talk to as many women as you can it take practice practice practice but youll see what the world has to offer instead of your ex, trust me.

 

[handzilla]

Week 6 Update

She called me twice lastnight. Not only that, but this was like between 2 and 2:30am. She left me a voicemail the 2nd time sounding kinda drunk:

"its me, and I see you're not answering your phone which is kinda sh!tty. I just wanna see how you're doing, and if you don't wanna talk to me let me know... Later"

I see how she is about that control. Thinking if she calls me at booty call time that I would answer. I'm sure that one caught her off guard. Even surprised myself by not answering both times, considering how much I had to drink.

 

[toughchick401]

best thing change your cell number,...works like a charm

 

[Achilles13]

best thing change your cell number,...works like a charm

Bump to that. I'd change my number so she couldn't contact me at all. Once she sees that you have changed your number, she will understand that you have moved on. She'll feel real sh**ty then. Great job though not answering the phone. I know how tough it can be...


BTW nice avy TC.

 

[Rictor33]

Alot of time ex's don't come back until you've forgotten about them. It's hard to do, but stop waiting for that ****ing phone call, go out and have a good time and get on with your life. She needs to get her life together and it seems to me like you put a little too much pressure on her with "talks". I am not trying to be pessimistic, just trying to help you take a realistic view. Once a girl loses her attraction/feelings for you, there is almost no chance for you to get it back, and if you do it will be as a back-up plan (happened to me) doing so many young men lose their way and ruin precious time that should be spent having a good time and enjoying your most enjoyable years.

 

[handzilla]

Alot of time ex's don't come back until you've forgotten about them. It's hard to do, but stop waiting for that ****ing phone call, go out and have a good time and get on with your life. She needs to get her life together and it seems to me like you put a little too much pressure on her with "talks". I am not trying to be pessimistic, just trying to help you take a realistic view. Once a girl loses her attraction/feelings for you, there is almost no chance for you to get it back, and if you do it will be as a back-up plan (happened to me) doing so many young men lose their way and ruin precious time that should be spent having a good time and enjoying your most enjoyable years.

Most of those "talks" weren't about getting back together but for clarification of what the underlying issue was that caused the break-up in the first place. She told me that she definitely hasn't lost attraction to me but just her feelings.

I've been out and about and she's definitely tried to get ahold of me within the last week. I've been doing a decent job ignoring her even though she still has a few things of mine. Through all this though, my ultimate question is:

Should I really be burning the bridge?

 

[the Cardinal]

Through all this though, my ultimate question is:

Should I really be burning the bridge?

Uh, yeah.

But maybe that was a rhetorical question, right? Your ex - based on the mental and emotional torture you're PUTTING YOURSELF THROUGH - has gotta be, I MEAN SHE'S JUST GOTTA BE, the most amazing, beautiful, sexiest, intelligent, loving, kindest, passionate, honorable individual to have ever walked the earth (as well as the girl who no longer wants a romantic relationship with you), and you still ask the question you did?

Aiyiyiyiyiyi...please fast forward to the end of this current arc of The Young and the Senseless so that you can start experiencing life again! I may be going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing there are about - oh - infinite opportunities for happiness involving <gasp> other women (or hell, men if that's what floats yer boat)!

I really do wish things could work out the way that you want, but please understand that after awhile, venting starts to sound like whinin', pissin', and moanin', and a sympathetic figure (which we all pretty much felt you were at the beginning), kinda becomes a pathetic sad sack (especially since you are what, mid-twenties?)

No offense, but remember how the world didn't end when you failed to get your way about whatever-the-heck-it-was-you-wanted at age 8, or age 16, or age 20? I'm guessing your reactions then were similar to your reaction now, and somehow you still haven't absorbed the take-home lesson very well (i.e., the sun continues to rise, and eventually you move on to other people and things, you're happy again despite your best efforts not to be, and when you really, really think about it, you feel like an idiot for having wasted so much time whining and agonizing about someone or something that is really insignificant in the grand scheme of things).

You're young enough to do better, and you're old enough to know better.

Sincerely,
Your (much older) bro' in iron

 

[DmitryWI]

She's after you now because you act like you don't want her, if you give up and decide to go back with her she'll dump you week later.
It's perfect example of passive agressive thing.
You can end it now by burning bridges or see if I'm right and learn it hard way. I know you don;t like to hear it and I know how much you want her, but it's just not going to work out. She is not the one you want to be with.

 

[handzilla]

Card', your wise words are much appreciated. I know I've done more than enough whining and b!tchin (mostly during PCT). You're advices always hits it on the head.

True indeed, DW. Most want what they can't have. The more I think about and analyze her, the more I see how fyucked up she is. And how fyucked up I was for obsessing over her. Nevermind all that "she's got potential" and "I can taker her higher" bullsh!t. I gotta deal with the right now. And right now she doesn't even deserve the peace of mind of me humoring her with my voice over the phone.

Week 7 Update

Stepped out the shower to see that she left a voicemail:

"...I was just thinking about you and I hope to talk to you soon..."

Such a soft spoken manner tonight.

Interesting, I thought it was her night to be with the 38 year old designated dentist.

What could be next...

 

[toughchick401]

Most of those "talks" weren't about getting back together but for clarification of what the underlying issue was that caused the break-up in the first place. She told me that she definitely hasn't lost attraction to me but just her feelings.

I've been out and about and she's definitely tried to get ahold of me within the last week. I've been doing a decent job ignoring her even though she still has a few things of mine. Through all this though, my ultimate question is:

Should I really be burning the bridge?

YES!!!! this girl has caused you mort heartache, headaches and sleepless nights than you care to remember right now..But really....burn the bridge, infact run from it......

Cardnal is right, lots of other girls out there, who aren't controlling jerks.,...So really do yourself, your sanity a HUGE ass favor, change your cell nu ber, forget your "things" at her house and move on..................

NO ONE, and I repeat NO ONE who loves you, would treat you like this...............

 

[black06]

I hate to be insensitive but... is this even real?? No one can be that gullible. Dude, stop making excuses for her, she sounds like a real piece of work. Bottom line, she's taking your feelings and kindness for weakness, probably sees you as a doormat, and is not interested enough to pursue a relationship with you. She's keeping you around as some sort of emotional crutch and more than likely you're her backup plan. Sounds like a typical, silly, young, confused chick. How old are you guys?

 

[black06]

Dude, you're beyond help... I see court cases and restraining orders in your future. I'd give more useful advice but you wouldn't listen... good luck with all that.

DW you were absolutely right. Last night I went out with some friends and for once I didn't end up bumping heads with her at the same place after 3 consecutive times.

So on my way home, she called again. I had a few drinks in me so I went ahead and reacted with out thinking and answered it. Sorry, TC.

...

Ahhhh, closure.

 

[black06]

lol, looks like I was right... next step, restraining order...

Ugly Lastnight:

Went out again with some friends lastnight. Hoppin around downtown drinking and stuff. Wound up at the infamous meeting spot once again...
You guessed it. She was with a new "friend." Of course my drunken ass approached her and let her kiss me on the mouth again. She introduced me to her "friend" and asked me how I've been and I told her that I've never been better (visibly lying again). Then I proceeded to ask: "Having fun?" "What's up with later?(as I rubbed on her back)" "Going to after hours?" I was really trying to find out if she wanted to take me home in other words. Of course she responded with her infamous "I don't know" and I walked off. I started to get fired up again talking to my friends, and one of the guys I know who works there helped to calm me down. So I was cool for about 5 seconds then turned around and saw her getting kind of friendly with her "friend" and flipped. I walked over there and grabbed her around her waist and proceeded to carry her out the back door telling her that we need to talk. She wasn't too happy about this and of course began yelling and swinging. I managed to get her outside with minimal force and over to a private area to talk to her. She had smacked me more than a few times at this point. I had some harsh words for her...something about acting like a slut and get the fyuck over here, and shut the fyuck up maybe. Either way both of us were pretty messed up. So I asked her "What the Fyuck is going on? We dated for a little while and now you're slutting around" (or something like that). She replied "I thought I told you I'm happier like this, I don't know what to say! I love you, but not the way that I want to. I wish I still cared about you---"
I then asked her about how she started losing love for me b/c of how she felt I was hiding her since she hasn't met my parents. She said that that was part of it. I got pissed and asked her to tell me the rest, and then she started to walk away. I said something like "I hope that dude doesn't forget to wear a condom when he ****s you!" Then my friend came up and said the cops were coming so I ran away. Idiot me drove over to her place to wait for her to arrive. Nothing. Went back downtown inside the club to find her. Nothing. Back over to her place to wait again...nothing. All within about a 45 minutes. On my way home I called her phone twice and left her a voicemail saying something like "I hope that dude wears a condom...(more importantly)We need to talk again, you haven't been straight with me, I just need to know exactly why..." Got home and went to bed. Now I'm thinking how stupid all the sh!t that went down lastnight was. I know I was out of line for snatching her up like that, and saying derogatory sh!t. But that's the product of anger and alcohol. Kinda pissed about this, bout ready to go down there and get my sh!t and be done with it for good. I can't believe how she could sh!t on me after I was so good to her. I can't stand seeing her out with other guys either. I'm losing it! :wtf:

 

[black06]

Ok, now that I'm finally caught up, sorry for being so harsh but things were looking pretty bad for a minute there. Keep with the current plan... NO CONTACT, no matter how tempting. It gets easier with time as you can tell. Stay strong guy & good luck!

 

[toughchick401]

Ok, now that I'm finally caught up, sorry for being so harsh but things were looking pretty bad for a minute there. Keep with the current plan... NO CONTACT, no matter how tempting. It gets easier with time as you can tell. Stay strong guy & good luck!

agreed no contact..drives em wild.....and you will have the last laugh..............be strong.....