Code language at work

[Iron Warrior]

Well, some of us have to say things in a very nice and professional manner at work if we'd like to remain employed but I think what we say and what we mean are 2 different things. Here's somethings I've said at work but I've really meant something else when I said it LOL. Add yours as you see fit.

Write what you say followed by what it really means.

1. Of course I’m concerned - I don’t give a damn about your problems

2. I don’t think you understand - What the fvck’s your problem !

3. I don’t think that will be a problem - I don’t give a sh!t

4. I see that obstacle as an opportunity to improve as a professional – I really fvckin’ hate being asked to do what others aren’t doing.

5. I was not involved in that – It’s not my fvckin’ problem

6. I’m on break – Leave me the hell alone

7. Perhaps you should check with someone else – Ask someone who might give sh!t

8. Can we handle this with memos or do we need to discuss it ? – Do we need another worthless meeting ?

9. You’re not familiar with this problem ? – Are you that incompetent ?

10. I’d love to help you but my day is officially over and I have something to take care of – I am on salary and I don’t have to do that

11. I’m not sure I can implement that – I don’t think that sh!t’s gonna work

12. I’m not feeling good today, I won't come in – I actually have some fun stuff to do on a weekday OR I am hung over.

 

[Trauma1]

Some of my favorites are:

1. "I've been in the waiting room for 6 hours, this is ridiculous, animals wouldn't be treated this way!"-Translation: I'm a stupid fukc that abuses the healthcare system. If i had a brain i would have gone to see my primary doctor with my bullsh*t complaint instead of adding to the overcrowding of the E.R.

2. "I was here before him, why the hell is he going back before me."Translation-I'm an illiterate moron and can't comprehend the meaning of the word TRIAGE that's clearly explained on the form i just filled out..... "I'm sorry you're a dipsh*t ma'am, your right, we should get you right back for your hangnail......this man here that's having a stroke can wait, because your were here first."

 

[anabolicrhino]

When I say- "I'll look into that for you"

I mean - "It will never get done"

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When I say - "How can I help you"?

I mean - "How can I find a way to do as little as possible, while you think that I am actually trying to help you"?

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When I say -"The company policy is..."

I mean - "The owner said I don't have to do it, so unless you start throwing $100 bills at me I am not doing anything"

 

[motive]

Some of my favorites are:

1. "I've been in the waiting room for 6 hours, this is ridiculous, animals wouldn't be treated this way!"-Translation: I'm a stupid fukc that abuses the healthcare system. If i had a brain i would have gone to see my primary doctor with my bullsh*t complaint instead of adding to the overcrowding of the E.R.

2. "I was here before him, why the hell is he going back before me."Translation-I'm an illiterate moron and can't comprehend the meaning of the word TRIAGE that's clearly explained on the form i just filled out..... "I'm sorry you're a dipsh*t ma'am, your right, we should get you right back for your hangnail......this man here that's having a stroke can wait, because your were here first."

:cheers:

 

[TripDog]

Some of my favorites are:

1. "I've been in the waiting room for 6 hours, this is ridiculous, animals wouldn't be treated this way!"-Translation: I'm a stupid fukc that abuses the healthcare system. If i had a brain i would have gone to see my primary doctor with my bullsh*t complaint instead of adding to the overcrowding of the E.R.

2. "I was here before him, why the hell is he going back before me."Translation-I'm an illiterate moron and can't comprehend the meaning of the word TRIAGE that's clearly explained on the form i just filled out..... "I'm sorry you're a dipsh*t ma'am, your right, we should get you right back for your hangnail......this man here that's having a stroke can wait, because your were here first."

nice brother from the same mother........

 

[Iron Warrior]

When I say -"The company policy is..."

I mean - "The owner said I don't have to do it, so unless you start throwing $100 bills at me I am not doing anything"

LOL it's like the part in the Good Fellas where Ray Liotta's character goes on his "fvck you, pay me" rant.