I found a story a former friend of mine wrote .. I went coursing through his log for some advice.. Wanted to share this one. :FUfinger: [Volcom, you may remember this one . . .]
The Troubles of Dieting and Females not Respecting a Man's Mission
[Girl/Ex walks in after a week and a half apart. Big Pimpin' Norwegian is shocked by what he sees and grabs around as Ex walks in the door. Ex has lost weight, and way too much of it! Big Pimpin' Norwegian doesn't hesitate to state his case.]
- God dammit, woman, you've lost like 10-12 lbs !! said big pimpin' Norwegian. You're SKINNY, what's your deal?
- I just haven't eaten, I don't have time with adderall and finals and all! said girl. But now that I'm here, let's go get some IHOP pancakes!
[Big pimpin' Norwegian is flustered by the OBVIOUS 10-12 lbs weightloss his Ex had had in a meager week and a half]
- OK, we'll go to put some meat on your bones, but I'm getting a salad. I'm trying to lose weight, so I'm gonna keep at that, said big pimpin' Norwegian.
[We both put our shoes on]
- Are you a fag? said girl sarcastically, A salad?!
- Are you ****ing serious you dumb cvnt ?! You keep telling me I'm too big, so I try to cut down, then I cut down, and I'm too veiny, WHAT THE **** YOU WANT FROM ME!? said big pimpin' Norwegian.
[The 'date' is already off to a terrible start, and Big pimpin' Norwegian don't even have mrs. MJ around for comfort]
[Girl straddles Big Pimpin' Norwegian, grabs his shoulders, and goes, with her Bambi eyes..]
- Pleeeeeease, Baby, Honey, for me ?! Have some pancakes with me ! Preetty please ?! I'll **** you !
[Girl rubs on Big Pimpin' Norwegian's chest, arms and shoulders]
- Please ?! the Ex kept begging.
- No, I'm gonna have a salad, sorry, boo, Big Pimpin' Norwegian said.
- OH MY GOD, we're not going then, if you're gonna have a salad! Hell, I'm just gonna leave! said obnoxious girl.
[little girl unstraddles me, grabs her purse and computer bag without hesitation, and opens the door. Big Pimpin' Norwegian's jumps up, veins are out and about, a surge of testosterone is coarsing through his veins, he's getting worked up, but it's definitely NOT the right situation to be getting pissed off in. But he can't hold back ... DUH!]
- You ****in' serious ? Come on, get real! said pimpin' Norwegian. Stay here, dammit, I haven't seen ya in a week and a half !
- No, it's whatever, I'm leaving, said crazy girl.
- FINE, ****ing FINE, WHATEVER, I'll have some god damned, cursed, ****ing pancakes with you, Big Pimpin' Norwegian said, with MUCH hesitation.
[after some forth and back arguing and convincing, they decide to go to IHOP. Big Pimpin' Norwegian got a serving of four Whole Grain Oats Pancakes with nothing on top and had two of them. At least the never-satisfied girl shut her mouth up. Then the fairy tale wrapped up with a little badonka-donk, before she parted ways..]
THE END!