Make Us Laugh: Win X-factor!!!!!

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  1. Club Myth CEO
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    wow Z, wow!

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    I got one for you!

    You know what the best part about ****ing a pregnant woman is?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
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    not only do you get to have sex, but you get a blow job at the same time!
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    lol you said blow job
    •   
       

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    i love bulking
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    A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

    The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

    While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

    "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
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    Bring it on Willie!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheMyth View Post
    I got one for you!

    You know what the best part about ****ing a pregnant woman is?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    not only do you get to have sex, but you get a blow job at the same time!
    FTW Baby!!!!!
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    Q: why did the pirate not go into the movie?



    A: because it was rated rrrrrrrrr!

    il take my x factor now
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    Quote Originally Posted by E J View Post
    An American, a Cuban, a Swiss and a Mexican were traveling on a train.

    So to break the ice the Cuban takes out a Cohiba Cigar, lights it on, takes 2 puffs and throws it out the window. The otehr thre guys were like

    "WTF man that was a $500 dollar cigar man what the fcuk's wrong with you?"

    The Cuban says (imagine cuban accent here): "no worries man back home we got sh*t loads of them, sh*t loads..."

    So the Swiss guys takes a look at his watch, takes it off and throws it out the window. Everbody is like:

    "WTF man that was a $4000 Rolex man what the fcuk's wrong with you?"

    The Swiss guy says: "no worries man back home we got sh*t loads of them, sh*t loads..."

    The American feeling bad, doesn't know what to do so he grabs the Mexican and throws him out the window!

    omg. i laughed so hard...
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    This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
    Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
    While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
    "No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke..."
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    Two rednecks were seated at the end of a bar when a gorgeous young lady sits down at the other end and orders a martini. Stunned by her beauty, the two guys stare at her for a while, debating whether to approach her, when all of a sudden, she begins to cough, clutch her throat, and begin to turn blue (obviously in serious respiratory distress). One said to the other, "That there gal is having a bad time!"
    The other agreed and said, "Think we should go help?" "You bet," said the first, and with that he ran over and said, "Can you speak?" She shook her head no. He then asked, "Can you breathe?" She again shook her head no. With that, he pulled up her skirt, pulled down the back of her panties and licked her on the butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.

    At which point, the first redneck looked at his friend and exclaimed, "I guess that hind lick maneuver really does work.
  12. E J
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    A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started."

    Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to her and said:

    "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............," he sighed, ..... "Let's put all of these frosted flakes back into the box."
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    A kid is walking to school with his pet turtle.
    As hes crossing the street a truck runs over his turtle.
    He runs to school carrying his turtle and crying. and says to his teacher "my turtle broke his ass!!"
    The teacher says "we dont use that word, we say rectum."
    The kid says, "wrecked him it fVucking killed him!!"
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    hey jjohn, do u want information on people? weight, height?? details?
  15. Bananas
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    EasyE is really a 12 year old schoolgirl. She skips school everyday to make sure she gets her 50 posts a day. With a slammin collection of lipgloss, colored hair extensions, and Hannah Montana cd's. That is actually a picture of her mailman in her avitar.
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2
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    LOTR ORGY



    Guaranteed to make anyone break down into tears. LOTR ending slowed wwaaaayyyyyyyyyy down w/ voice overs.

    One of my all time favorites.
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    this one is from my 9th grade language arts teacher.

    Q:How do you make a woman scream twice?

    A: first **** her in the a5s and then wipe your d1ck on the curtains.
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    Well here goes my entry and a damn good one if videos count "show me the xfactor!"

    http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMdj4DwMcK4
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    Quote Originally Posted by sogone2day View Post
    Well here goes my entry and a damn good one if videos count "show me the xfactor!"

    http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMdj4DwMcK4
    Here's me... not laughing at all :|
  20. Bananas
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    Quote Originally Posted by ozarkaBRAND View Post
    Here's me... not laughing at all :|
    hahahaha
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stay Puft View Post
    Totally stolen from Digg.com, but if you got a pulse you will LOL.

    http://i28.tinypic.com/3445t0p.jpg
    LMAO that was pretty damn good..


    matter of fact most of these are good... I liked the dead mailman from the pregnancy machine.
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    First time I head this (Oscar part) I was dieing
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    sigh, racist, but too funny to not share

    So my friend (who happens to be black) and I were visiting Rome. Now my friend really likes to grill. So do I, but not to the same extent. Anyway, he brought along a Hibachi, and on top of visiting sites as tourists he was looking for a good place where he could start grilling. Well, we wind up touring the Vatican and we come to the Papal Gardens. This time they were closed off to the public today, but my friend was determined and jumps the fence. Reluctantly, I jump the fence and join him. He starts setting up the hibachi. Meanwhile, I'm freaking out. I'm thinking the guards are going to find us and we're gonna get arrested and kicked out of the country. At this time, I see the Popemobile coming around the bend, and I see the Pope motion to the driver in our direction. My friend dives behind some bushes and hides. I stand there, frozen in fear. The Popemobile drive up to me, the window opens and Pope leans out and says something while making the sign of the Cross and then leaves. As soon as the coast was clear, my friend comes out from behind the bushes and says, "Do You realize what has just happened? You got a Papal blessing!" I say, " I didn't get a Papal blessing." "Well, then what happened?" I reply "Well, the Holy Father came up to me and said, 'I want you (points up), the Hibachi (points down), and the nigger in the woods (points right) to get the **** out of my Gardens! (points left)'"


    works a lot better in person when you can make the gestures
    This space for rent

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    What did one old boob say to the other?

    Perk Up or people are going to think were nuts!
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    A newlywed couple moves to a small town and decide to join the local church. When they are talking to the priest he tells them that to prove their dedication to the church they have to abstain from having sex for 1 month.

    The couple comes back a month later. The priest asks them if they had done as he asked. The man replies "Well it was going pretty good for the first 3 weeks, but last week my wife was grabbing a box of cereal and dropped it on the floor. When she bent over to pick it up I could not contain myself any longer. I ripped her pants off and did her right then and there." The priest says, "I'm sorry my son, but yall can not join the church." The man replies, "That's ok we're just glad they decided not to ban us from the grocery store."
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    The Elephant Story;

    An amazing elephant story...
    Sometimes I like these heartwarming stories, but this one is truly interesting.


    In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

    On a hike through the bush, he came across
    a young bull elephant standing with one leg
    raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed,
    so Dan approached it very carefully.

    He got down on one knee and inspected the
    elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood
    deeply embedded in it.

    As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked
    the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the
    elephant gingerly put down its foot.

    The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather
    curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

    Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
    Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

    Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

    Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo
    with his teenaged son.

    As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures
    turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr.
    were standing.

    The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot
    off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several
    times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

    Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help
    wondering if this was the same elephant.

    Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and
    made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the
    elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted
    again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed
    him against the railing, killing him instantly .

    Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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    EMERGENCY ROOM....



    The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.



    Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Air Force fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the Internet onto the front of my shirt.



    When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.



    Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.





    *

    It also works well if you ever have to use a Laundromat ....
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie View Post
    EMERGENCY ROOM....



    The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.



    Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Air Force fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the Internet onto the front of my shirt.



    When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.



    Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.





    *

    It also works well if you ever have to use a Laundromat ....
    LMFAO!!!

    I live in so cal so that hits home..... yell La Migra on the streets and watch the kiddies scatter... lol.
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    Even if I don't make ya'll laugh, I win at awsome.
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    Q. How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a light bulb?



    A. Three. 1 to screw it in and the other 2 to yell, "YOU'RE PUMPED, YOU'RE HUGE!!!"
  32. JDF
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    Q. Whats the object in Jewish Football?



    A. To get the quarterback
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    its on
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    LMAO rustle is cranking up the intensity!
  35. E J
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    To Mr. Zombie


    Dear, Mr Zombie being Mexican I do not find your joke funny



    A guy from Honduras, a Colmbian and a Mexican are in a truck, who's driving?

    .....

    US Border Patrol

    Now that's funny


    PS Please discontinue the use of Mexican-racist jokes, don't make me swim all the way up there and kick yo a$$
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    One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to ask his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action.
    "Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

    "Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in Comicland. Why don't you try her?" replied Batman.

    "I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don't really want to take advantage of her."

    "Damn shame," said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.

    Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the Green Lantern patching up a building. He flew down.

    "Hey GL, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor, who's the best babe in Comicland?"

    "Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in Comicland, why don't you try her?"

    "Well, we're sort of friends," Superman said, "but I didn't realize she had gotten around so much" and he flew off in frustration.

    Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart and up in the air. Superman was tempted. He thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I'm here."

    So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone. Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed __expression. "What the hell was that??" she exclaimed.

    "I don't know," said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, "but my a$$ is killing me
  37. Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by E J View Post
    Dear, Mr Zombie being Mexican I do not find your joke funny



    A guy from Honduras, a Colmbian and a Mexican are in a truck, who's driving?

    .....

    US Border Patrol

    Now that's funny


    PS Please discontinue the use of Mexican-racist jokes, don't make me swim all the way up there and kick yo a$$


    entonces deveria poner chistes de pepito o de polo polo ?
  38. E J
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    entonces deveria poner chistes de pepito o de polo polo ?
    Solo que traducelos porque si no, nadie les va a entender lol
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    whats more fun that tying a baby up to a clothes line and spinning it in circles?

    stopping it with a shovel.
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    [youtube]vuZ47hsn6Z0[/youtube]

    pelvic powerlifting lol
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