Make Us Laugh: Win X-factor!!!!!

[jjohn]

that ball thing could be a really good toy during foreplay :ntome:

Indeed. I heard Tangerine dream bought it, hated it to do her abs on it, and decided to tape a dildo on it LOL

 

[ReaperX]

I love this one.

 

[Big BAMA]

That is not what I meant when I told my wife to squat on my balls.

 

[E J]

A 90 year old couple is at their house. The old man is taking a bath when suddenly he starts calling his wife at the top of his lungs:

"Mary, Mary, it's up, it's up. Hurry we can finally have sex!"

Mary having not had sex for a long time starts running towards the bathroom while stripping.

Finally she arrives totally naked, looks at her husband and says:

"You f*cking dumb@ss, it's not up... It's floating!"

 

[Zombie]

A 90 year old couple is at their house. The old man is taking a bath when suddenly he starts calling his wife at the top of his lungs:

"Mary, Mary, it's up, it's up. Hurry we can finally have sex!"

Mary having not had sex for a long time starts running towards the bathroom while stripping.

Finally she arrives totally naked, looks at her husband and says:

"You f*cking dumb@ss, it's not up... It's floating!"

sick perverted grost but funny lol

 

[AK32408]

[youtube]bJwshQJ39Og[/youtube]

 

[rustlerracer]

 

[MashedPotato]

sorry, i had to post this here tee-hee.

 

[poopypants]

LMAO at the school pic....

I was wonderin if you were gonna do that MP, was abou tto suggest it to you.

 

[MashedPotato]

LMAO at the school pic....

I was wonderin if you were gonna do that MP, was abou tto suggest it to you.

yeah, i thought about it, thought it might be too much, then again its a chance to win something:lol:

 

[TOYFORDOLET]

This is great.

 

[diminuendo]

p://www.tube8.com/hardcore/hey-there-vagina/7358/

 

[celc5]

Dear PoopyPants,

I just bought THE STRAP by Fizogen today. My bench went up 20 pounds and I lost 3% bodyfat in 6 hours. In fact, after eating too much protein, THE STRAP worked TOO WELL. It made me shiit so hard, I blew out the bottom of my toilet! I'm a Fizagen user for life.

 

[poopypants]

LMAO

thats great. I actually tried their NO product... i think its called blast??? ya I blasted that toilet to pieces... that makes this review oh so consistant with my previous experiences of their products.... and its damn funny.

 

[LatSpread]

"my trainers always busting my balls"

 

[Necroticism]

 

[poopypants]

View attachment 20422

holy **** its a darwin in the making.

 

[InThaBlood]

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

haha had to throw a chuck jokle in here!!!

 

[skunkman]

Whats the difference between a freezer and an assh0le?




A freezer doesn't fart when you take the meet out.

 

[KSMA]

Q: Whats the worst part about eating your vegetables?











A: Putting them back in the wheel chair.

 

[7th]

one i made up while in high school:
Q-why did the golfer shoot the mexican guy after a bad day of golf?
A-so he could tell all his friends he made a hole in Juan

 

[poopypants]

one i made up while in high school:
Q-why did the golfer shoot the mexican guy after a bad day of golf?
A-so he could tell all his friends he made a hole in Juan

wow you registered to post that??? LOL

 

[AK32408]

 

[pmiller383]

I have done some dirty things for supplements in the past.

 

[ReaperX]

A 90 year old couple is at their house. The old man is taking a bath when suddenly he starts calling his wife at the top of his lungs:

"Mary, Mary, it's up, it's up. Hurry we can finally have sex!"

Mary having not had sex for a long time starts running towards the bathroom while stripping.

Finally she arrives totally naked, looks at her husband and says:

"You f*cking dumb@ss, it's not up... It's floating!"

I've re-read this like 5 times and still don't get it.

 

[pmiller383]

I've re-read this like 5 times and still don't get it.

His wang is floating in the water, not ready for action

 

[TheMouth]

 

[OCCFan023]

Insta-Victory

 

[EasyEJL]

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart)

 

[OCCFan023]

lol. Thanksgiving put so bluntly.

 

[TOYFORDOLET]

What has our world come to...

 

[EasyEJL]

and the wheelbarrow is probably paid for by medicare out of my tax dollars as a durable medical device too

 

[7th]

wow you registered to post that??? LOL

lol no, I registered a few days ago while researching supps

 

[Zombie]

How do you call 2 mexican playing basketball ? ? ? ? ?















juan on juan

 

[E J]

Two rednecks were hunting out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says:

"OK, now what?"

 

[Highlanda01602]

You Wanna Squat Like A Man!? Then Read Dis!

This was pulled from another site, but is probably one of the most hilarious things I've ever read about weightlifting. Lengthy, but well worth the read. Enjoy -


Have you always wanted to be one of those feared monsters in the gym, but never knew the secret? ... have people cover their eyes in fear when you walk past, see little scrawny guys scurry away from the fountain when you grunt, or have an entourage follow you around to watch your every lift, in absolute awe? Well, you've got to get noticed, and do the stylin' squat... Here's the guide for doing squats to ensure the fastest growth in your gym prowess: (meatheads need not apply)
Step 1: Preparation

For your "intiation day" at the gym (the one that will set you well on your way to monsterhood), you should have ready the following:

* Chalk (find some that makes the biggest cloud that hangs in the air for the longest time after you clap your hands with it). Store it in a tupperware container, important for the veteran look.
* Powerlifting belt. 4-6 inches on the back. Essential. The biggest prongs and buckle you can find. It must be leather, too. Remember to remove the price tag.
* Knee wraps. If you can find them, get ones that take about 5 minutes to wrap. Any less just won't do.
* Get a crew cut. Everybody knows a short haircut makes you look bigger.
* Cheap water bottle.
* Practice the ILS strut -- walk around like you've got barrels under your arms, the bigger the better.

Step 2: The Walk

Go to the squat rack, and nothing but the squat rack. You must find the most direct line, even if that means walking over a benchpress or through a conversation between monster- heads. Don't be intimidated. You're going to earn their respect today. If anyone talks to you on your way, you must ignore them, with your eyes fixed on the rack. You mustn't talk, as this takes away from your intense look. During the walk, you musn't trip over anything, as this doesn't look good either. If necessary, practice the direct-route walk when the gym is empty, so you know where the difficult areas are.
Step 3: Taking the Rack

When you arrive at the rack, if there's a skinny guy doing curls, then push him over, and say, "get outta here, rat!" Make sure he gets hurt when he falls. Clench your jaw together when you're doing this, for additional effect. If there's a big guy, then hang off for a while, standing near the rack, but make sure your lats are flexed 'til they cramp, and in complete view of the rest of the gym -- it helps if you tuck in your tank top. It's much better if you time your entrance (beginning of step 2) so that there's no big guy at the rack by the time you've finished your Walk.
Step 4: The Setup

Now that you have your own rack (or cage), it's important to get some attention. Drop your gear near the rack as loudly as possible, preferrably so that the prongs of the belt hit something metallic.

Look in the mirror in front of you to see if anybody heard, if not, then make sure the supports in the cage are strong by hitting them loudly with the side of your hand as hard as you can without getting a bruise.

Now, pick up your belt and cinch it up as tight as you can manage. Tighten until your waist is 20 inches. Contrasting your 40 inch chest, you now have an impresive v-taper, just like the pros.

Walk up to the bar, hit it with both hands (again, forcefully enough) grunt at it, and then turn around to check out your audience. The more people near the rack, the more impressive your lift will seem.

Throw on a pair of 45s. Make sure that you throw them on as hard as you can manage without losing your balance. This is an excellent way to cultivate your audience. Next, put on your wraps and double-check your belt. Pick up your water bottle, take a swig, then throw it across the gym. For best effect, it should rocket through the other guy's squat cage, narrowly miss the guy doing 100lb dumbell presses and hit a far wall.

Now, toss on another pair. You should have 225. This isn't enough for them? Time to throw on another pair. Now we're getting a couple looks, aren't we? Ahh... now's not the time to stop -- you're on a roll, and you're starting to get some respect, so fling on another 90. When the clamour of the weights begins to die, tell somebody nearby, "Hey you... fetch me a couple more plates." 495 on the bar... look who's talking now! You will probably see even see the biggest guys in the gym looking out of the corners of their eyes, suppressing their awe. If only Yates could see you now.
Step 5: The Burn

This is a crucial step. Pick some skinny kid nearby and walk up to him, ask him quietly "can I borrow you for a moment?" Walk back to the bar, and wait for him to come near. If all goes as planned, he'll say, "Do you need a spot?" Bingo. Make sure you yell the rest of this loud enough so that everyone around you could hear: "You... spot me? HAHAHAHAHAH Muahahaha.. You couldn't spot a fly if it hit you in the eye." Immediately, pick one of the big guys and say, "Hey bro, got a sec for a quick spot?" You have boosted his ego, so chances are he'll do it. If not, then come up with a good joke about his clothing and pick somebody else (preferrably not the deepsquatter).

Reach into your tupperware container of chalk, and rub it across your palms, back of shoulders and neck. Grunt every now and then and mutter some things under your breath. Occasionally say, "piece of cake", "what a joke", or "now we're cookin'". Finally, smash your hands together, but make sure there's a hefty quantity of chalk in the cup of your hands before they hit. This will make sure that all of it explodes into the air. You want the skinnies in the aerobics area to be struck with fear by the A-bomb cloud of chalk dust rising over the squat area. This is usually enough to bring over a couple more spectators.
Step 6: The Lift

Now that you're wrapped, chalked, belted and have an enough people watching, it's time to get on with your lift -- if you wait too long, you'll lose people's interest. Walk back up to the bar, again, slap your hands on the bar, and very quickly duck under the bar and smash your shoulders into the bar. This should make the cage rattle with all the weight. You're in position for your Lift.

Make sure your spotter is close behind you, because it's important that he obscures you from the crowd watching from behind. You want them to hear your lift, not see it.

When ready, stand, walk out and grunt. You will probably need about 5 grunts to keep people's interest while you're getting ready. Now, start to bend your knees, and go down a couple inches. As soon as you think you've gone far enough, start yelling. Try to roar from the bottom of your stomach, with as much force as possible. Before you start your roar, be sure to get as big a breath as possible. This will allow you to keep a sustained roar for much longer; hyperventilate if you have to. But it's not the length that counts, it's the number of times the roar changes pitch, making it sound like you're going through a series of different levels of agony. Your last note should be unpleasantly loud and should crescendo with you throwing the bar back on the pins. Assuming your yell was long enough, most people will think you came up from parallel, and the spotter should make it difficult to see.
Step 7: The Exit

Step out of the rack, and look around to see what sort of audience you managed to summon. If you've injured yourself, don't cry until you've left the gym. Leave the weight on the bar so that the next person to use it has to take it all off and realize how strong you really are. Ignore your spotter. If he starts to say something about depth, yell over top of him, "what kind of LOUSY spot was that?" To anything he says after that, just laugh him off immediately. Exit the gym by the same route you took to get in. Do not remove your belt and remember those barrels.

With careful application of these secrets, don't be surprised if you become the new talk of the gym. If the gym tells you they don't want you back (they're usually worried about letting superstrong guys like you make others insecure), find another one. Preferrably one of those hardcore ones like Jane Fonda or Bally's.

 

[ticco]

try this side splitter,

When the ark's door was closed Noah called a meeting with all the animals.
"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO s e x on this trip. All of you males take off your penis and hand it in to my sons. I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penis back."

After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited.

"Quick!" he said, "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"

Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said, "Sorry, no land yet."

"Damn!" exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.

This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. Mrs. Rabbit asked, "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?"

"Look!", said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper, "I GOT THE HORSE'S RECEIPT!!"

dan

 

[king1033]

Q. what do you tell a girl with two black eyes

A. Nothing you already told her twice :thumbsup:

 

[king1033]

and the wheelbarrow is probably paid for by medicare out of my tax dollars as a durable medical device too

hahahahhaa

 

[Necroticism]

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

ive just one the game.

 

[Highlanda01602]

ive just one the game.

I've tried watching that several times, and I just can't take it after a minute or two. If I see one more person do a 360 spin today, I'm gunna dropkick them in the face.

 

[OCCFan023]

It isn't the funniest thread until theres some south park!

 

[IvyLeaguePump]

I said to my girlfriend, you've got a tight c*nt and no tits. she said "get off my back".

 

[IvyLeaguePump]

What is the smartest thing to come out of a womans mouth?







Einstein's c*ck.

 

[TexasLifter89]

MySpaceTV Videos: busting ass by Aw-sh-Ton

....im not sure how to post a video but thats the link!

 

[EasyEJL]

 

[strategicmove]

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep, he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés, the young man realized he could not hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped. "Spot!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, that was lying at the young man's feet. Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply.
"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one. "Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he sh1ts on you!"

 

[E J]

A young man went to the drugstore to buy some condoms.

"I'll have one condom please" he told the pharmacist. "Tonight I'm meeting my gf's family, we are having dinner and we are staying at their house so I bet I'm gonna get lucky"

The pharmacist gave him the condom and the young man left. 5 seconds later the man returned and told the pharmacist:

"You know what man I'll have one more condom, I bet my gf's sister is f*cking hot and I might bang her tonight too."

The pharmacist gave him another condom and as the young man was leaving, he turned back and asked for another condom:

"You know what, I'll have one more condom, cause if my gf is that hot, her mom's gotta be hot too, so I will f*ck her mom also"

Finally the young man left and went to her gf's house for dinner.

After dinner the girl pulled the young man aside and told him:

"You know honey you never told me you were so timid, you haven't spoken a word all night"

To which the young man replied:

"Well honey, you never told me your dad was a f*cking pharmacist!!!"

 

[rustlerracer]

from the christmas one

 

[TripDog]

:toofunny: ahahahah thats great!