When Bryan Price joined the Arizona Diamondbacks as their pitching coach in 2006, he started hearing rumors about Jeff Motuzas, the team’s longtime bullpen catcher. But the Legend of Motuzas remained largely a mystery to Price until one fateful afternoon at spring training. “Someone pulled something out of their nose and he ate it for $400,” Price said. Baseball lends itself to colorful characters. Its languorous pace and 162-game schedule lead to long stretches of boredom. Motuzas likes to fill these stretches (and pad his bank account) by taking dares. In 1998, not long after Motuzas’s minor-league playing career came to a close, the Diamondbacks hired him as their bullpen catcher. He soon had a revelation about the big leagues. “These guys have money,” Motuzas said. “They’d be like, ‘Hey, how about I pay you to eat this, drink this or let me whip you with that? I’ll give you $400.’ And I’m like, ‘Okay!’” Bullpen catching is not a particularly lucrative field; most who do it earn less than $60,000 annually. Motuzas declined to reveal his salary, but he said his various stunts have helped him pay down two mortgages and make healthy contributions to his two children’s college funds. “I don’t act like this at home,” he said. “I’m a responsible father.” A recitation of Motuzas’s money-making exploits should come with a disclaimer: Kids, don’t try this at home. He has snorted wasabi and eaten horseradish by the bowlful. He has devoured a dozen donuts and guzzled 13 bottles of water. And this is the PG-rated version. “Tooz will eat anything except poop, urine and vomit,” Diamondbacks reliever Sam Demel said. “No, wait—I’m sorry. He will eat vomit.” Demel cited the memorable day when a former teammate regurgitated some yogurt and slathered it on a potato chip for Motuzas. Demel also said he once saw Motuzas ingest a concoction of chewing tobacco dip spit and 3-day-old chili. Pitcher Livan Hernandez became something of a sadistic benefactor when he arrived in Arizona in 2006. Motuzas said Hernandez once paid him $3,000 to drink a gallon of milk in 12 minutes. The two also hammered out a deal that permitted Hernandez to punch Motuzas in the groin for $50 a pop whenever he felt the urge. Motuzas would receive a $300 bonus after every 10th punch. Motuzas, 39, freely volunteers his feats. How about the day he dry-shaved his armpits and left a thick coating of medicinal hot balm on them for an entire game? (“It burned so bad.”) Or ate 11 bananas in four minutes? (“That’s easy stuff.”) Or the time he let pitcher Dan Haren fire at him from close-range with a BB gun? (“He’d shoot me right in the earlobe.”) Things got really interesting one season when Hernandez got his hands on some rubber nunchucks. (“A gift from a fan,” former Diamondbacks pitcher Brandon Webb said.) Hernandez, who now pitches for the Washington Nationals, would put them to use now and then by blindfolding Motuzas. “And then he’d come up and whip the s— out of me,” said Motuzas, who was compensated for this, as well. “That was just his thing. Great guy, though.” Evan Meek, a Pittsburgh reliever, said a teammate trapped two large moths in a cup, which he then handed to Motuzas through a fence that separated the bullpens. He popped both in his mouth as if he were munching popcorn. “That was impressive,” said Meek, who helped collect $200 from his teammates to reward Motuzas.
