Skye
Well-known member
- Awards
- 1
not sure were this came from, if its been posted or what, but it was worth reading 
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in
very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to
bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison
to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter into the
emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady.
Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful
in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a
float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards
them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint
might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and
wrote "this. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting
to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to the Wells
Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he
handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that
he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said, "OK"
and left.He was arrested a few minutes later, as he
was waiting in line back
at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign.
He probably couldn't
read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise
guy........ but you still
get a sign!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put
the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are
over 21." The robber said
he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't
believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it
over and agreed that
the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in
the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the
license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs
a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled
first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't even deserve a
sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole
event was caught on
videotape. Yep, Here's your sign. (Please note that
all of the above people
are allowed to vote.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal
of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being
hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore." From
Kingman , KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local
Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a
Chef? Yep...From Kansas
City !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at
the gate when an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in
your baggage without
your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without
my knowledge, how
would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's
why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes
when its safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of
mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it
signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled,
she responded, "What
on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a
probation officer in
Wichita , KS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and
dear coworker. She was
leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager
commented cheerfully,
"This is fun. We should do this more often." Not
another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged
her power strip back
into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't
understand why her
system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas
County Sheriffs office no
less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an
automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked
in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the
drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger
side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was
unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I
know - I already got
that side." This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton
, Mississippi !
STAY ALERT! !!
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in
very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to
bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison
to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter into the
emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady.
Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful
in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a
float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards
them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint
might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and
wrote "this. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting
to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to the Wells
Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he
handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that
he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said, "OK"
and left.He was arrested a few minutes later, as he
was waiting in line back
at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign.
He probably couldn't
read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise
guy........ but you still
get a sign!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put
the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are
over 21." The robber said
he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't
believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it
over and agreed that
the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in
the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the
license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs
a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled
first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't even deserve a
sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole
event was caught on
videotape. Yep, Here's your sign. (Please note that
all of the above people
are allowed to vote.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal
of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being
hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore." From
Kingman , KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local
Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a
Chef? Yep...From Kansas
City !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at
the gate when an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in
your baggage without
your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without
my knowledge, how
would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's
why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes
when its safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of
mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it
signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled,
she responded, "What
on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a
probation officer in
Wichita , KS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and
dear coworker. She was
leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager
commented cheerfully,
"This is fun. We should do this more often." Not
another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged
her power strip back
into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't
understand why her
system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas
County Sheriffs office no
less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an
automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked
in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the
drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger
side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was
unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I
know - I already got
that side." This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton
, Mississippi !
STAY ALERT! !!
