matt21irby21
Member
I'm 24 years old. Never even started working out till I was 22 (Takes the cake for late bloomer) i actually don't think I would have started working out until my ex told me I looked like an Ethiopian. But I mean I'm 5'9" and at the time she said that, I was only sitting at a whopping 115 pounds. Only thing that bitch was good for was motivating me to start working out. Anyways.. I worked out for two years doing only protein shakes and creatine. The obvious gear users always tried pushing gear on me for the longest time. But I never felt like I needed it. I went from 115, to 140 In two years. I was actually happy with it even though I was still pretty small for my size. It was march 11th of 2014 that changed everything. Me and my awesome new girlfriend (who is now currently my fiancé) found out we would be having a baby. We had only been together for not even two months. So that was a pretty big shocker for me. Especially since I had no intention of having a kid. We were still just getting used to each other. But everything was going great. We became real close. We have so much on common which definitely helps. Hell we met each other at the gym. Every mans dream lol. We went to the doctor march 11th for our babies final check up before she would be here. The c section date was set for the 13th. Unfortunately, the day we went for her final check up, there was no heart beat. At first I wasn't alarmed. I've never had any experience with all the baby stuff so I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know things were bad until our doctor and my fiancé started crying. I asked what was wrong. And all they did was hug me. So I put two an two together. She was only two days from being born. We had literally everything planned out. Everything was bought for her. We had her room all decked out with the nicest things a baby could ever need. Serenity Layla Hope Irby was deemed a "still born" basically meaning she died but no one knows how or why. As you can imagine I turned to many things to try and get it off my mind. The day after that happened, I bought gear, and didn't even ask what a low or high dose was. I clicked on the first google link that popped up and went from there. I blew up fast. Went from 140, to 170 within maybe a few months. Everyone knew I was doing it. But they all knew what happened so no one said **** about it. I can tell you right now, that was a horrible idea. After what had happened, on top of doing gear, my aggression, depression, paranoia all sky rocketed. I got in three fights within two months. I would randomly cry for no reason. I punched holes in the wall just cause I put my iPhone password in wrong one time. Going to the gym wasn't even about working out anymore. It was about running my mouth to people who even looked at me the wrong way. I became a total ******* for awhile. Even to this day a lot of people still won't talk to me because of how mean I became. My paranoia was so bad that I started excusing my fiancé of cheating on for. For absolutely no reason. There was literally no reason for me to think she was doing anything behinds back. But in my mind at the time, she was a cheater. I was doing AI. I did cycle support. But that didn't matter. It took my fiancé breaking down to finally open my eyes to how bad I had got. If it weren't for her I'd probably be in jail or worse. To this day I still facepaIm myself when I think back to all the mean things I said to her. I'm glad she loves me as much as she does. Any other woman would have left me before it ever got that bad. I just recently came to terms with everything that happened. I'm still on gear, but I'm doing it all the right way. The invites have all gone out. And we will be officially married July 11th of this year. I don't know why I wrote this. I guess just so people know my story. Gotta vent some how, right? Lol. But for anyone going threw a rough time, on top of dealing with the added hormones in your body. All I can say is, it'll all get better. "You just gotta keep on keepin on" -Joe Dirt
