Wardog Bible Stories

wardog

Active member
These started in the MOD forum, as a thread gone off track, however, I thought others may enjoy them as well.

My stories are in NO way meant to offend. They are simply a bit of humor..so please relax..LOL! :D


Boys, Boys Boys, everybody knows, on the eighth day, God created test and fina, so that his creations could know the feeling of having power like angels. However, in his divine wisdom, he made it something that required much insite and research, before you could partake upon this wonderful supplement.

Satan, fearing the strong Sons of Man, grew angry. In his rage, Satan created HTPA shutdown, gyno, and testicular atrophy, that the Sons of Man may be deterred.

Seeing this, God brought forth Clomid, and Novladex, that the Sons of Man may regain their testicular fortitude, after imbibing of these wonderful gifts.

Unfortunatly, in his evil lair, Satan himself looked up, and saw the children of God, becoming mighty, and well formed. In his anger and fear, he conspired with several of his skinny, ill-formed minions, who, in their jellousy and insecurity, created the DEA and the FDA to stop those with the knowledge, from becoming powerful and well-formed.

Seeing this from above, God created fina and synovex pellets, that the Sons of Man could still aquire His gifts, however, now they would need to learn the sacrement ofhomebrewing, as well as that of converesion.

He also provided the newest generation of gifts, letrozole, armidex, and aromasin, that the Sons of Man would have faster and getter recovery.

Therefore, the eternal battle rages on...............
 
The REAL story of Job

Verily, I say, the day came, when Satan and God were working out together. During benching, God said to Satan, look at my servant Job, he benches twice his bodyweight, and has better proportions than you do Satan. Satan in his anger, retorted, that is because you allow Job to have test and fina, and jump his cycles with Dbol. Take those away and Job will shrink.

So God, allowing this possibility, came one night, and took all of Jobs sources gear, and replaced it with fakes. Now when Job went to buy a cycle again, all he recieved was sugar pills, and oil. Jobs wife was the first to notice the difference, when Job didn't chase her around the house demanding sex 24 hours a day after his cycle had begun. Job also noticed, his strength didn't skyrocket, as it usually did. Upset, he called out to God "Lord, Lord, why have you forsaken me?" God however, did not reply.

Job, knowing gear was just one part of the puzzle, did not lose his faith. He instead, trusted in God, and ate super clean, lifted heavy, took creatine, protein powder and his other supplements and made sure he got additional rest. Jobs gains kept comming, although at a slower rate.

That day, Satan and God were doing legs. God said, "Verily, look at my servant Job, I have taken away his juice, and he yet gains" Giving Satans small wheels a smirking glance as he spoke. Satan angrily retorted "It is because you allow him creatine, and other supplements...take those away, and Job will shrink, and stop lifting"

God again conceded this point, and made Jobs creatine go bad, and his other supplements useless intert powder. The next day, Job noticed he wasn't pissing his usual flourescent colors because of his high vitamin intake, and realized what had happened. Again, he called to God "Why have you forsaken me?" Again, God did not reply. Now Jobs lifting partners got into it, telling Job "obviously you have pissed off God, and you may as well quit lifting" Job however, was undeterred. He knew God had given him a body that would respond to simply a clean diet, and hard workouts, so he continued, and his gains continued.

Now during Back and bicep day, Satan stormed in angrily, and demanded "Who is this Job? You have taken away his gear, his supplements, and yet he STILL trains, and he STILL grows!" To this God replied, Job isa wise man, who knows, I have gifted him, and all of My children, with a body that will grow WITHOUT supplements and without juice. Thru all My persecutions, Job has kept consistant, and has not faltered in his faith, therefore, he has continued to grow. Satan stormed angrily back to hell, his 13" guns shaking in rage.

God however, finished his workout, then blessed Job with painless high mg/mL gear, and purer protein powder. He also blessed Job with an additional inch on his arms, and 4 inches on his chest, while removing an inch from his waist, that all could see..the blessings of God for those who kept their faith in the body He had given them.
 
I love it Wardog!!! Mind if I take it to another board?? Of course you'll get ALL the credit ;)

Peace

Bone
 
Feel free to take them where you want. I did them in fun, so I am glad to see everybody taking them that way. :D
 
im suprised a Steroid Ten Commandments hasnt popped up yet .... " THOU SHALL NOT COVET THY NEIGHBORS SOURCE! "
 
those are awesome. Your name is gonna get spread quickly with these stories i think. Hehehe, well done, and thx.
 
After God had liberated his people from the land of Egypt, where they were kept on a vegitarian diet, and not allowed sufficient protein intake, he led them into the desert. The sons of God at first were overjoyed, quickly setting up squat racks, and incline press benches. However, after a while, the people grumbled, that their diet of snake, scorpion, and cactus flesh, just wasn't getting it done for maximum anabolism. Eventually, their complaints reached God, who sent them tasty protein wafers, which fell to the ground with the morning dew. Gods only commandment was to only take what they could eat that day, for if they hoarded them (as bodybuilders are apt to do) the protein would degrade, and the wafers would not be useful. At first, the people did not obey, and quickly found, by the next day, the protein wafers tasted worse than Wieders Dynamic Mucle Gainer in water. Therefore, they learned, and again, the Sons of God grew strong, and buff, and again, their women grew tight and toned, and the robes worn..became shorter and shorter, as more wished to display their bodies.

Bootleg gear manufacturers quickly sprang up, as many still remembered the art of brewing the sacred juice. Test cycles became frequent, and dbol tabs became as common as grains of wheat. God looking down saw, that unfoirtunatly, many began abusing his gifts, and using them without research, or common sense. Teen boys began stopping growing at 14, and developing lovely sets of B-cups. Women began getting deep voices, and facial hair..and God was not pleased.

Therefore, God called on Moses, one of the most jacked, heaviest juicing of the Sons of Man. During Moses's morning cardio, of mountain sprints, God appeared to him, and Moses fell to the ground, hiding his eyes at the site of God, with delts like bowling balls, a lat spread bigger than the Roman couleseum, and a V shape that put the pyrimids to shame. Handing Moses two huge stone tablets, God commanded Moses to bring them back to his people. "Is this for aditional resistance Lord? "Moses asked? In a moment of fina rage, God considered obliviating Moses with a bolt of lightning, but then remembered, Moses may have been the biggest mofo down there, but he wasn't always the brightest. "No, you are to read them to My people" God commanded.

So Moses lumbered down the mountain, getting a great quad workout lugging those heavy tablets. When he reached the bottom, he called all the people together, and announced "These are Gods commandments, which ALL thru the generations must obey, or face the wrath of God"

I. Thou shalt not juice until you are finished growing

II. Tho shalt use test as the base of any cycle.

III. Thou shalt not use an orals only cycle.

IV. Thou shalt protect thy liver, for I only give you one

V. Thou shalt not brag to others about your juice use

VI Thou shalt keep your source private, and secure, that he may go on serving you

VII. Thou shalt always use sterile injection tecniques

VIII. Thou shalt not be cheap with post cycle anciliaries

IX. The gifts I give you, are not meant to make up for poor diet or lazy workouts

X. Thou shalt NEVER start a cycle without all gear, and all anciliaries in your posession.

The Sons of Man took these commandments to heart, and once again, grew strong, with a minimum of side effects, therefore, they praised God in His wisdom.
 
Love the commandments bro. I think these commandments could be a good sticky for those who are new to gear or researching gear.
 
Just like reading the bible!LOL! Takes me back to the 'bible school days'. Very good and informative posts by wardog in a language everyone can clearly understand.
 
good stuff bro, we are the chosen ones aren't we? LoL

ManBeast
 
Matthew D, I would have pmd you but it wouldn't let me didn't know about the whole wardog thing would have never bumped it if I did. I was searching on anti e info for a recent post I made and came across it and thought it would be funny. My apologies.
 
don't worry about it.. you had know way of knowing, it has been a few years since all of this happened
 
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