Let's look at the numbers

[Smont]

What's up guys and gals, I just wanted to share this for you to ponder over.

I just got done responding to some emails from ppl I do diets for, and these 2 ppl who are polar opposites with opposite goals have the exact same problem. I'm guilty myself and so are the majority of you too.

Person A. Let's call him Tom. Tom wants to get bigger and keeps telling me the plan is not working, but Tom is doing a terrible job weighing his food and sometimes he misses meals. But "it's not a big deal" because it's only like 2x a week that he's too busy and forgot his meal.

Toms plan is 5 meals a day, that's 35 meals a week, and no big deal because he's still getting 33 meals a week. Well sorry to tell you tom but your doing a terrible job.

2 meals a week might not sound like much, but that's 2 meals EVERY WEEK, at the end of a year you have now missed 104 meals!

Go look yourself in the mirror and say I only made the same mistake 104 times this year, I did pretty good lol. No you didn't. I obviously didn't say it to him like that but do you get the point?


Person B. Let's call her Kim. Kim can't loose weight and Kim is always looking for the magic pill because the diet doesn't work. But when I asked Kim to read me some notes from her diet journal she couldn't. She guesses the calories, dosent weight the food and admits she eats a little treat a couple times a week.

Let's be nice and say she only cheats 2x week. Well Kim, just like Tom, you cheated on your diet 104 times this year.

Is the diet not working or is Kim not working.

Everyone likes to dismiss all there little screw ups and never looks at the bigger picture.

You got to where your at now by not doing things right, you can't continue to do things wrong 100 times a year and expect a positive outcome.


I'm not telling you not to enjoy life, I went out for dinner Friday night, then I binge ate all day yesterday.

There are going to be consequences for those actions tho.

Every program can include dinner and movie nights and some Ice cream or a dessert once in a while, but it needs to be accounted for.

Cheating or straying from the plan is not accounted for and Hershey kisses turn into chocolate pies and before you know it your 40 meals of target.

And again, I'm guilty myself . But stop saying something is not working if your the one not working on it.

 

[klbsa]

That’s why when I’m dieting to cut I do a VERY low calorie diet…1400-1600 a day. So when I cheat once or twice a week (which I def do at times) my calories are still under 2000 a day on this days when I f’ked up.

 

[KvanH]

That is so frustrating when people you help don't stick to your instructions and then say your plan doesn't work. I've never taken any money from anyone, but have constructed training programs and diets to follow for friends. I'm no coach or an expert, but 15 years 'in the game' has taught me something and I can confortably guide beginners to get things started or give my opinions for more experienced lifters aswell, if asked. But usually if I do make up a training routine or diet plan for someone, I usually give the laid out intructions, make sure they understand everything, and then it's off you go. I don't want to be trying to tweak things for them as they go, cause' I'm not in the gym seeing if they have proper form on lifts, or if they actually put up some real effort in the gym, or how many meals they miss/add/change.

Anyway, that's really frustrating what you explained there.

 

[Resolve10]

If they don’t have extreme fitness or sports goals 2 meals deviated a week really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. If it is really messing things up then either expectations aren’t appropriate or something else is going on.

People aren’t machines and there is a large psychological component and finding the right way to solve the problems and get people on the right track is the real point and value of coaching anyone can plug in some numbers.

 

[ReformedNerd]

I agree with the WWoS. I'd like to add this can also lead to worse behaviors. For myself it starts like Smont mentioned. One or two dinners a week I don't track. Next thing I know it's every dinner. Next thing I know I'm feasting at dinner. Next thing I know I'm cutting again .

 

[KvanH]

If they don’t have extreme fitness or sports goals 2 meals deviated a week really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. If it is really messing things up then either expectations aren’t appropriate or something else is going on.

People aren’t machines and there is a large psychological component and finding the right way to solve the problems and get people on the right track is the real point and value of coaching anyone can plug in some numbers.

I agree with the ladder paragraph and if you're a 'hands-on' coach, then people skills and being motivating and finding ways to make the process 'easy' for the client and all that are important skills with some clients. But regarding the 2 meals deviated a week, I know if I add 2 extra meals a week when cutting, that would significantly hinder my progress and could even bring it to halt. I'm not sure about when bulking. I never have problems eating enough, so no experience on that.

 

[Smont]

This isn't about plugging in numbers, it's about ppl saying that there following there meal plans when there not. This isn't about screwing 2 meals a week it's about ppl saying there following a diet yet there not because they're not weighing there food and have no clue what there actually eating. I don't care what your fitness goals are. If you have a game plan and you deviate from that plan over a hundred times in a year your not even remotely close to the plan or the goal.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Person X did not become 75lbs over weight because the screwed up 2 times this week, they got there because they screwed up 2 times a week for 10 years straight, over eating 1000+ times. And you cant expect to reverse 10 years of mistakes by continuing to make mistakes over and over again.

Some of you are completely missing the point here.

It's not about numbers, it's not about these clients/friends (1 is a client and the other is actually my cousin)

It's about all the ppl I constantly see and hear every day, we see it all over this forum.

Joshmo89 is looking for Clen and tren cycle to loose weight but he's 30% bodyfat and claims he can't loose weight.

Or jackpack99 says he's 6'1 121lbs and he can't gain weight and he EATS A LOT, but ask him to show you the pages of his food journal and he can't, because he does not track, some days he ears 3500 calories and other days he eats 1800.

 

[klbsa]

Americans have next to no willpower regarding ANYTHING that requires even the slightest discomfort. It’s honestly the main thing that separates us from the general public.

When I was an actual paid personal trainer convincing my clients to stick to even a remotely clean diet was the hardest part of my job…… They would complain that they are not losing weight but when I asked them what they did over the weekend it was “ Watched the game with my friends while drinking beer and eating wings”

I get it, trust me….. I crave shitty food all day every day. I just say no to those cravings (most of the time). Most people are so pathetically weak that they would rather look hideous naked than not stuff their faces every day….. It’s mind boggling to me. The worst fitness level I have ever had was 18% BF and when I would talk down on myself about it, all the simple mortals in my life would say “I wish I looked as good as you”…… Crazy.

 

[Resolve10]

Ok so this is just a venting post and not one looking for actually learning anything. My b.

 

[Smont]

Ok so this is just a venting post and not one looking for actually learning anything. My b.

Venting, maybe. But the point was stated several times. I know there is much more to helping ppl then giving them a diet. I don't feel I need to dive down the rabbit hole of things I help ppl with. But regardless of any situation, you can't help someone that refuses to help themselves

 

[Smont]

I'm gonna vent a little now lol, because this part does piss me off. Especially when I help out a friend or family member and I'm not charging them or asking for anything in return other then to follow the advice.

Several times I've had ppl beg me to help them with a goal, I start by working on the diet, I say this week write down everything you ate and be precise so I can figure out your maintenance calories. Then we will divide that list total number by 7 and get a rough idea of how many calories you're eating per day.
Then I make them a meal plan that works with there schedule and include little cheats and treats to help with cravings and 3 weeks later I find out your not following the plan and I wasted like 20-30hours of my time.

 

[match]

I'm gonna vent a little now lol, because this part does piss me off. Especially when I help out a friend or family member and I'm not charging them or asking for anything in return other then to follow the advice.

Several times I've had ppl beg me to help them with a goal, I start by working on the diet, I say this week write down everything you ate and be precise so I can figure out your maintenance calories. Then we will divide that list total number by 7 and get a rough idea of how many calories you're eating per day.
Then I make them a meal plan that works with there schedule and include little cheats and treats to help with cravings and 3 weeks later I find out your not following the plan and I wasted like 20-30hours of my time.

Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens a lot when people get something for free. I know it goes entirely against the grain to charge a close friend or a family member for advice and help, but people put money into the things they value (and they put more value into things they have to pay for).

For example, my wife has been teaching piano for decades, but the only people that get taught for free are our kids. Everyone else has to pay, even if it is with a big discount. She didn't start off doing that though. In the beginning, she would teach some students for free. Those students missed lessons and their parents didn't push them to practice. So she started charging, and the parents started pushing their kids to practice, but she didn't charge if they had to cancel a lesson. So the students got better, but they would cancel more and more lessons over time and progress would stagnate.

It wasn't until she started charging for cancelled lessons that her students really started to make good progress. Now, there was a reason for the students to practice at home, and for the parents to make-up/reschedule lessons that would be missed.

My wife didn't charge everyone so she could get rich, she did it so they would value what they were getting, because her time, and theirs, is valuable. As is their skill.

Do I expect you to charge your close friends and family? Not really. But maybe it's some food for thought...

 

[match]

Perhaps you can cut your friends and family a deal.

Tell them you don't think they're serious about their goals. Flat out, don't pull punches. Let them convince you they are. If they can't even convince you, then there's no real conviction there in the first place.

If they can convince you that they really want to do it, then tell them you're going to charge them money. Say $100 to set something up for them (enough for them to care, and enough for them to feel like an actual loser if they don't succeed, because that's the truth, they got challenged by something they set out to do and they lost). Tell them that you're going to set a goal together. If they make that goal, you'll give them their money back.

If they want to set another goal after that, just repeat the process.