Know Any Good Jokes?
- Thread starter CrAzyOttER
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TheChosen1
Member
The Nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one Sunday Morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven "Which part of your body goes first?"
Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?
" Suzie replied:"Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"
"What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her."
Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?
" Suzie replied:"Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"
"What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her."
TheChosen1
Member
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her
on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her
on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
TheChosen1
Member
A guy goes to see a doctor because he's ...well, a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. He can't get any women to have sex with him. The doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help. The witch takes a look at the problem and tells him, "Go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says 'no,' you'll be five inches shorter."
The guy decides it's worth a try and dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would, finds the pond, and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.
The frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."
The Guy looks down and sure enough, he's five inches shorter. "Hey, this is great," he thinks to himself, "Let's try it again."
"Will you marry me?" he asks the frog.
The frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"
Twitch! The guy's down to 15 inches. "Well, it's still a bit excessive," he thinks. "Down another five would be perfect." So he calls across again, "Will you marry me?"
The frog yells back, "Look! How many times do I have to tell you? NO! NO! NO!"
The guy decides it's worth a try and dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would, finds the pond, and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.
The frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."
The Guy looks down and sure enough, he's five inches shorter. "Hey, this is great," he thinks to himself, "Let's try it again."
"Will you marry me?" he asks the frog.
The frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"
Twitch! The guy's down to 15 inches. "Well, it's still a bit excessive," he thinks. "Down another five would be perfect." So he calls across again, "Will you marry me?"
The frog yells back, "Look! How many times do I have to tell you? NO! NO! NO!"
Eberly
Banned
LOL.Nice jokes.
