i fu(ked up

Oscar

Oscar

Well-known member
Sirryvguys I know this probably isn't the best place for this but I just needed to get it off my chest and don't have the nerve to talk about it with my wife yet, but I was a recovered heroin addict had been clean from iv opiates for 7 years.

But these past 2 days Ive put myself in situations around the wrong sort of crowd and hadn't been handling all the extra stress that comes with holidays and other family **** I've got going on and ended up banging some opanas and some h.

I really don't wanna go down this path again but I'm having a difficult time separating myself from these people and getting my mind back on the right track because I really can't be doing this i ve got a loving hardworking wife and an amazing almost 2 year old son and I don't want to put them through the hell that I put my parents through when I was younger

Again sorry bout the rant just needed to get this off my chest
 
I know how you feel bro I was addicted to morphine for the longest time after I finished active deployment in Chechnya. Stop yourself right now man your life is worth more then that high. That high devours human beings soul, there is nothing worse to be addicted to then h , opes, and methadone. God forbid u get on this schit again! Shake it off brother! Keep your head on your shoulders, isolate yourself from those poisonous people and substances!! If you need someone to talk to I'm here bro.
 
Think of your kid, get away from the users and abusers you know. Yeah you may miss them, but at the end of the day they are your poison.
 
I wouldn't miss them in the least but we kind of live in the hood so they're hard to avoid not making excuses its just I step outside to smoke a cigarette and hey there's the dope man
 
Oscar said:
I wouldn't miss them in the least but we kind of live in the hood so they're hard to avoid not making excuses its just I step outside to smoke a cigarette and hey there's the dope man
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I understand that man, it's hard. Find a hobby, take your boy to the park or something.
 
I've got more than a hobby I live bodybuilding and didn't really talk to anyone in my neighborhood till recently when a friend if mine that got medically discharged for a back injury and needed help obtaining pain meds while they transition into the va

See what trying to be a good friend gets ya lol
 
U can get pass this! Life isn't perfect, everyone makes mistakes! U mentioned in another thread about how understanding ur wife was..today is a new day!! Focus on the good things in ur life.. U have plenty! Stay on track, set new goal, keep busy, think about ur son n wife, and most of all, do this for ur self!!! When u feel a weak moment coming on, go smash some iron. Good luck:)
 
Pack your **** and move.

Remove yourself from the situation before it becomes dire.

Firstly, talk to your wife. Good women are almost universally supportive when their man has a problem. Pretty sure she would understand the need to get away.
 
Reach out to a good, close male friend who can serve as an accountability partner.

Tell your wife of your struggles and what you are doing to deal with them.

Take that which only occurs in the dark and shed some light on it.

- OR -

Maybe, die.

Not a hard choice to make,
 
DAdams91982 said:
Pack your **** and move.

Remove yourself from the situation before it becomes dire.

Firstly, talk to your wife. Good women are almost universally supportive when their man has a problem. Pretty sure she would understand the need to get away.
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Oh I would move if I could but that's not financially feasible I do plan on talking to her about it, just a matter of working up the nerve to and I'm pretty sure shed understand as she puts up with all my other ****
 
I'd tell the ****ing dope man to beat it.. If you step out your door and there's a guy with those kinds of drugs, just think how easily exposed your son will be in future years..
 
dds said:
this should be the reason to stop.......
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It is I FD up for a few days, but gave away the last of my **** earlier glad I caught myself early before getting to the point where WD would be an issue thanks for the support guys
 
Oscar said:
It is I FD up for a few days, but gave away the last of my **** earlier glad I caught myself early before getting to the point where WD would be an issue thanks for the support guys
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maybe also check out some sort of support group like NA so you will have other people that know whats its like trying to beat the monkey and maybe can help out anyway
 
dds said:
maybe also check out some sort of support group like NA so you will have other people that know whats its like trying to beat the monkey and maybe can help out anyway
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I tried an last time I got clean but as an atheist it just really made me uncomfortable but my wife's in the army so I could always use the free asap(army substance abuse program) been there before to but didn't take it seriously (didn't need to then though it was just for underage drinking which was just stupid) hopefully she can reenlist soon so we can get away from ft hood and I can better distance myself from bad influences.
 
Now I gotta figure out how to hide these tracks before my stripping gig on thursday
 
Just read through all this. Sounds like you have the biggest support group right here at your fingertips! And for an individual to realize selfs mistakes and not throw them on back burner is a hUge step towards burning down a bad habit/cycle. I commend you on bringing that past addiction up buddy! «Live a good life, so in the end your kid can look back and glow with pride»
 
So much for complete lack of WD forgot about oxymorphones long half life, keeping myself busy though making some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins for my non dope head neighbors and hopefully they'll throw me some trees to help me deal with this
 
Keep your head up man, recovery is for life and it's good that you recognized the path you were heading down early. I would recommend some NA meetings as others have, and if you can get in at the VA, even better. My wife is a substance abuse social worker at the VA and they do a great job with helping people. Not just meetings but different forms of therapies as well. And do whatever you have to do to not be in a position to use, even if it's telling those people to F*** off. If they are actually your friends than they will understand. Best of luck man and keep up the good fight!
 
Oscar said:
So much for complete lack of WD forgot about oxymorphones long half life, keeping myself busy though making some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins for my non dope head neighbors and hopefully they'll throw me some trees to help me deal with this
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Bro stay away from the H if you love your family at all. It has become some cheap and easy to produce down in Mexico that people are Oding left and right from the purity of it. This exact time last year I lost a really good friend of mine. Similar story he was clean for almost a year and then had his last relapse his family found him dead the next morning. His heart just stopped. dont waist your life and your family's future for a few hours of escape.
 
Trust me I know bro when I got clean last time it was because I gave my best friend the bag that ended his life **** was laced with fentanyl
 
I lost my mother 1 day before my 16th birthday because of overdose. I don't want to sound like an ass, but you said you were clean for 7 yrs? So any choice you make,at least in this next short time, is a CHOICE.. So from your original post, I think your choice should be your "understanding" wife and beautiful little boy... Any situation you put yourself near (friends, neighbors, substance itself) puts you farther away from them!!! I hope you make the right choice!!!! I am rooting for you.
 
Former junky checking in.

Think about why you quit. You prepared to go back to that? It's all fun and games until sht gets real or you hit bottom. Spare yourself all of that pain OP. Do whatever you have to to stay away, especially if there's a kid involved. You don't deserve that and the child sure as hell doesn't.
 
I know its my choice and I'm choosing not to f with it gonna tough out the mild withdrawals smoke some green and try to keep up with my training just sucks that I haven't been able to eat to much today.

On another note probably not telling my wife just had a big fight about something entirely unrelated but I just might leave her ass I'm ****ing pissed.
 
Oscar said:
I know its my choice and I'm choosing not to f with it gonna tough out the mild withdrawals smoke some green and try to keep up with my training just sucks that I haven't been able to eat to much today.

On another note probably not telling my wife just had a big fight about something entirely unrelated but I just might leave her ass I'm ****ing pissed.
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Prolly not best to make those decisions while going through any form of WD. And while I don't think weed is a gateway drug, don't know that I'd agree with smoking that being the best way for a recovering addict to cope with stress.
 
McCrew530 said:
Its hard to believe that people actually put that stuff in their body knowing what it does almost instantaneously to their tissue.
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IKR? And it slowly eats away tissue for years post injection!
 
Not to be a dick, but for someone who "lives" bodybuilding.. Yet you still smoke cigarettes, and weed (not saying weed is bad) but you're priorities are out of whack...

Cigarettes are a substitute to you're h town addiction (seeing as to how cigs ARE addictive). I'm not throwing stones either, cuz I've been sober now for three years (xanies and other drugs). You're judged by the people you surround yourself with, and those same people are your "support" system. Better people=better support... JMO
 
Well if it makes any difference I was using a .23um whatman syringe filter.
 
Been trying to quit the cigs but that ****s hard I've been smoking since I was 14 and I'm 26 now so yeah 12 years on them hoes and weed well that's my PTSD medicine
 
tyga tyga said:
IKR? And it slowly eats away tissue for years post injection!
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did you see how one dudes body "auto amputated" the tip of his finger? when your body starts getting rid of body parts you may want to do a recap on life.

Oscar said:
Been trying to quit the cigs but that ****s hard I've been smoking since I was 14 and I'm 26 now so yeah 12 years on them hoes and weed well that's my PTSD medicine
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Dude those Esigs make quitting easy.
 
Tried the ecig a few times they kind of just piss me off had a vaporizer for my herbals to just ended up being an expensive paperweight
 
Oscar said:
Tried the ecig a few times they kind of just piss me off had a vaporizer for my herbals to just ended up being an expensive paperweight
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Vaporizers are good for oil but not so much for green. Check out Vapure they have crazy flavors and have an entire line of non nicotine inserts. Quitting comes down to you really wanting to do it though. Some times people just really dont want to. I know when I "tried" quitting for a girlfriend back in high school I was just telling her what she wanted to hear I didnt want to but when I really wanted to I was on and off the Esigs in a month. there were days where I would blow though an entire cartridge and days where I only picked it up once but when I put that thing down I was done smoking for good. The smell of cigs now makes me sick.
 
There is a medication that makes you sick as you continue to smoke. Check it out. Smoking weed isn't much better than smoking tobacco
 
oogaly_boogal said:
There is a medication that makes you sick as you continue to smoke. Check it out. Smoking weed isn't much better than smoking tobacco
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Yea they have the same type of medication for alcohol as well. Only problem is of the user decides he wants to drink he can just not take the pill
 
Well I like my weed and in gonna keep my weed but as for anything else save for the occasional drink I'll stay away still feeling kind of crappy but since I didn't use that long on my little relapse I should be good by tomorrow
 
Stay strong! Glad to hear u r feeling better, n thinking positive.. It's a good start.. In life there's always room for improvement, so keep improving my friend:)
 
Thanks again everyone. Even told the wifey (left out the iv part though) feeling a lot better today gotta "hotboy" gig tonight after my workout so I'll be keeping busy bitches can give me their money but know after alls said and done I'm going home to my wife
 
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