Beau
Well-known member
- Awards
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Ok – today I had an interesting day.
Mostly because I have never been on fire before.
I have a GREAT MD, truly terrific. We have gone through a lot together. She has been more than just an MD, she has become a friend. Our relationship is 25 to 30 years in the making.
Two weeks ago I went for a wellness check. Bloodwork and everything else (except weight) is just spot on. She asked me if anything is troubling me. I tell her about 6 areas on my body that have some type of benign growth. I learned they are called seborrheic keratosis. It seems that, similar to ear hair, your body decides to gift you with these as you age even if you didn't ask. So, we schedule an appointment for today to have them removed; a simple office procedure.
After showing up and going through the normal intake process, my MD comes in. As usual, she very thoroughly explains the whole kit and caboodle. Very thorough, as usual. We catch up on how we are each doing, then go into the “procedure room”.
Things were going great. The nasty one on my right thigh was now history, after some pain med injection, followed by cauterization. You don’t do this stuff for fun, but it isn’t that bad.
Next up, the one on my right shoulder. Done. Pain shot, then its excised and then cauterized. Not so bad.
The biggest one is near my right temple was next. It was adjacent to a somewhat smaller one in the same area. A few injections, some nifty scalpel work, some cauterization and they, too, are gone.
Next up is the left temple – where she will deal with those two; one big, the other less so. The first one - bing – bing- bing, then cauterized. Hey we are almost done.
Not so fast.
The last one is where things got kind of spicy. Injection, done. Removal of the growth, done.
But then we got to the cauterization. Things were going nicely (as nicely as cauterization goes) and then all of the sudden - POOF. It seems that cauterization uses something that is functionally equivalent to a glorified soldering iron. Soldering irons are pretty hot.
To avoid doubt, as I can now attest, these cauterizing things are also excellent at catching human hair on fire.
Although I was locally sedated, even still there is no question as to the smell of burning hair (the sound, too). At the time, I also had a blue medical blood absorbent paper on top of my head, covering my face. Well, I’ll be darned - who knew that those blue medical blood absorbent papers are not flame retardant. My buring hair set the paper ablaze.
My MD, one of the most stoic and unflappable women I know, now appears to get a bit "animated". She first puts out the hair fire. OK, that’s good (except the area had just been excised and was not fully cauterized, meaning it was rather raw, moist and still bleeding).
Next she pulls the flaming blue medical blood absorbent paper from my head; something I also thought was a good move.
But, as luck had it, the flaming blue medical blood absorbent paper landed on a cardboard box, and set it ablaze. Hmm, that’s not good.
My MD then yells (and I mean YELLS) “FIRE”, at which point the calamity commenced. Among other things, the alarm went off in the entire four floor complex (it’s pretty nice complex, though), they announce some sort of fire-related code (that was sort of impressive in a way), then the RN runs in with a fire extinguisher and releases the cloud of who knows what that puts the flames out. Mind you, my clothes were on a chair, and they (and my glasses, wallet, shoes and cell phone) suddenly looked as if they were covered in pine pollen.
Now I was concerned for the wellbeing of my MD. She was rather frantic (she later said that she had never set anyone on fire before, something we would all find comforting). I gave her a hug, and said everything was fine and that no one was hurt. However, when I did so I was not aware that, because I hadn’t been fully cauterized, I was spurting blood from the last area on my left temple (minor details).
When everything was done, I laughed and told my MD that she had cemented our relationship and that she would never forget me. She felt worse than you can imagine. I was really and truly OK with it.
Slightly singed and my hair looks like a punker’s on the left side, but – well – now I can claim to be a fashion trend setter
By the time I got home, I had a note from her in the Providence Health portal. She told me that she sent me nice bottle of Pinot Noir. I replied thanking her and I told her that her support and friendship over the years was already a huge gift.
I assure you that all of this is 100% true and not made more spectacular by exaggeration. Honestly, although a lot of the stuff I post is hyperbole, this is 100% the real McCoy.
So, any day that you do not catch on fire – is a good day.
Mostly because I have never been on fire before.
I have a GREAT MD, truly terrific. We have gone through a lot together. She has been more than just an MD, she has become a friend. Our relationship is 25 to 30 years in the making.
Two weeks ago I went for a wellness check. Bloodwork and everything else (except weight) is just spot on. She asked me if anything is troubling me. I tell her about 6 areas on my body that have some type of benign growth. I learned they are called seborrheic keratosis. It seems that, similar to ear hair, your body decides to gift you with these as you age even if you didn't ask. So, we schedule an appointment for today to have them removed; a simple office procedure.
After showing up and going through the normal intake process, my MD comes in. As usual, she very thoroughly explains the whole kit and caboodle. Very thorough, as usual. We catch up on how we are each doing, then go into the “procedure room”.
Things were going great. The nasty one on my right thigh was now history, after some pain med injection, followed by cauterization. You don’t do this stuff for fun, but it isn’t that bad.
Next up, the one on my right shoulder. Done. Pain shot, then its excised and then cauterized. Not so bad.
The biggest one is near my right temple was next. It was adjacent to a somewhat smaller one in the same area. A few injections, some nifty scalpel work, some cauterization and they, too, are gone.
Next up is the left temple – where she will deal with those two; one big, the other less so. The first one - bing – bing- bing, then cauterized. Hey we are almost done.
Not so fast.
The last one is where things got kind of spicy. Injection, done. Removal of the growth, done.
But then we got to the cauterization. Things were going nicely (as nicely as cauterization goes) and then all of the sudden - POOF. It seems that cauterization uses something that is functionally equivalent to a glorified soldering iron. Soldering irons are pretty hot.
To avoid doubt, as I can now attest, these cauterizing things are also excellent at catching human hair on fire.
Although I was locally sedated, even still there is no question as to the smell of burning hair (the sound, too). At the time, I also had a blue medical blood absorbent paper on top of my head, covering my face. Well, I’ll be darned - who knew that those blue medical blood absorbent papers are not flame retardant. My buring hair set the paper ablaze.
My MD, one of the most stoic and unflappable women I know, now appears to get a bit "animated". She first puts out the hair fire. OK, that’s good (except the area had just been excised and was not fully cauterized, meaning it was rather raw, moist and still bleeding).
Next she pulls the flaming blue medical blood absorbent paper from my head; something I also thought was a good move.
But, as luck had it, the flaming blue medical blood absorbent paper landed on a cardboard box, and set it ablaze. Hmm, that’s not good.
My MD then yells (and I mean YELLS) “FIRE”, at which point the calamity commenced. Among other things, the alarm went off in the entire four floor complex (it’s pretty nice complex, though), they announce some sort of fire-related code (that was sort of impressive in a way), then the RN runs in with a fire extinguisher and releases the cloud of who knows what that puts the flames out. Mind you, my clothes were on a chair, and they (and my glasses, wallet, shoes and cell phone) suddenly looked as if they were covered in pine pollen.
Now I was concerned for the wellbeing of my MD. She was rather frantic (she later said that she had never set anyone on fire before, something we would all find comforting). I gave her a hug, and said everything was fine and that no one was hurt. However, when I did so I was not aware that, because I hadn’t been fully cauterized, I was spurting blood from the last area on my left temple (minor details).
When everything was done, I laughed and told my MD that she had cemented our relationship and that she would never forget me. She felt worse than you can imagine. I was really and truly OK with it.
Slightly singed and my hair looks like a punker’s on the left side, but – well – now I can claim to be a fashion trend setter
By the time I got home, I had a note from her in the Providence Health portal. She told me that she sent me nice bottle of Pinot Noir. I replied thanking her and I told her that her support and friendship over the years was already a huge gift.
I assure you that all of this is 100% true and not made more spectacular by exaggeration. Honestly, although a lot of the stuff I post is hyperbole, this is 100% the real McCoy.
So, any day that you do not catch on fire – is a good day.
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