how to shower.........

Beelzebub

Beelzebub

Registered User
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide, loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee! Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off! Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
 
How do you shower like a beelzebub?

Take out baby wipe. Wipe down body (ball sac first). Discard baby wipe. Repeat every 2 weeks.

:lol:
 
how long did you have to live off baby wipes in iraq? we went for about 2 months or so before finding a shower. rotating 6 pair of underwear, flipping them inside-out, etc. we were some smelly mofo's after 4 weeks and the heat started hitting.
 
Beelzebub said:
how long did you have to live off baby wipes in iraq? we went for about 2 months or so before finding a shower. rotating 6 pair of underwear, flipping them inside-out, etc. we were some smelly mofo's after 4 weeks and the heat started hitting.
Click to expand...
I go commando in my BDU's. It depended. Sometimes we would have showers up to 3 times a week. Sometimes we had to wait weeks between showers because someone would threaten to kill our water haji's or we'd be on an extended mission.

On a side note, did you catch "Shootout" on the National Geographic channel last night? They had a couple of episodes profiling a couple of Marine Battilions (1-4 and 2-4) in some large scale shootouts in Iraq last year. It was pretty interesting. In fact, one of the guys who spoke on the show, was stationed with me in Bahrain back in 2001.
 
When I was over there, I ate some nasty food that the Hodgies made for us. I **** all over myself on an 18hour convoy. I tried to hang my ass out the window going down route TAMPA on my way to Camp Anderson. Anyways, by the time we got to anderson the **** was dried up and all I had was babywipes. I probally used over 50 and still had crusty chunks in my ass hair and cammies. The next morning we drove 18 hours back, and if you have ever rode 18 hours straight in a hummer you know that your seat gets to like 300F, well I guess you could say that kind "loosend" up the left over **** and it kind of went into a melted fermented state. It was the most exciting day of my life.
 
revodrew said:
I tried to hang my ass out the window going down route TAMPA on my way to Camp Anderson.
Click to expand...

Damn.... I snotted all over my screen reading this part... laugh so fucking hard.

Adams
 
Natedogg,
I see that you hate equal oportunity, I was my Batt. rep for 2 years. I got "fired" or as you would say relieved for telling a girl who always bitched about her son bieng sick to take him to dermo and trade him in on a healthy one so she could get some work done.

Well, honestly, the straw that broke the camels back was when a Indian girl told me that in her religion they were not allowed to eat pork. She wanted to get comrats while living in the barracks. I then as politly as possible asked her if her bieng pregnant before marriange was ok in her religion? Needless to say the BN commander did not like that at all. After a Pg 11 and some NJP talk, I was no longer the Equal Opportunity rep.
Drew :wtf:
 
I had to read them each a couple of times, but very funny stories indeed, especially the part about sending her son to dermo. That's so mean. :lol:

And about the Equal Oppurtunity Hater thing. What I am meaning to say, Is that I hate on anyone stupid regardless of race, religion, or sex, not that I hate equal oppurtunity.
 
drew, you and i would have gotten along real well :)

nate, nah, i didn't see that special. finals week, i shouldn't even be on this damn thing.

Dadams, jarhead.....errrrrr. :) didn't realize we had so many devils on this board.
 
drew, i had very similar issues with every WM i worked with. i feel your pain. every one of them was a pain in the ass.
 
I HAD finals too. Thank god it's over. I never had the chance to work with a WM (being infantry and all). Once again, thank god.
 
You have a shitload of time. I stopped at number 34, just because I am to lazy to read any more. Where were you stationed at. 29 stumps for your whole tour?
 
DAdams91982 said:
Damn.... I snotted all over my screen reading this part... laugh so fucking hard.

Adams
Click to expand...

I promise you would have probally **** yourself if you saw it. All that gear trying to fit my fat ass through a 1x1 plastic window?
 
DAdams91982 said:
ParaRescue... AF Special Forces.
It was that or Combat Control... PJ just seemed more interesting.

Adams
Click to expand...
Nice bro, pararescue is hardcore... My TI in basic was pararescue.
 
revodrew said:
You have a shitload of time. I stopped at number 34, just because I am to lazy to read any more. Where were you stationed at. 29 stumps for your whole tour?
Click to expand...

pendleton (artillery) which frequently visited 29 palms.
miramar (logistics) which frequently visits the globe.

8 years total.
 
I was with 1/10, Arty, with whom I did my first pump with. Then got sent to FSSG :frustrate (couldnt find a throw up smilie). I went to Iraq with them and just wanted to kill my louies more then the Iraqies. Dumb **** forgot flares on the convoy. Stupid Ass!! 6yrs6months total with 50% dissability for hearing, knees, IBS, hip displaysia, leg length discrepancy, plantat faciatis and probally some others I cant think of now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top