David is correct, yet it goes even further than the usual foreplay.
You need to think of your connection to your wife in the sense of the erotic, not the sexual. Note I did not say the romantic in the modern way, as the "romantic" is total BS.
There is a nonsecret/secret that has been around for ages: Women have a much, much greater capacity for pleasure than men do, and perhaps many times greater. Understand that capacity for pleasure and work with it.
The foreplay has to be real, or you have to mean it and not out of anxiety to hold onto her. It works s-l-o-o-w-l-y. You need to be affectionate, but that affection has to be charged with erotic intent. This is an adventure, a challenge, and you are trying to win her all over again, even stronger this time. A caresss or kiss on the cheek can have different meanings, yet with the correct feelings behind it they can be love making as well as affectionate.
Stop during your work day and imagine lightly kissing her lips, not with passion at first, but with that slow love making attitude. Even if this doesn't reach her, it will start to charge you erotically and YOUR ENERGY LEVELS WILL GO UP A NOTCH. I believe that such desires do reach the target, at least the unconscious level.
You have to take the lead on this erotic behavior as you are the guy. When you are close to her physically stay away from "grabby" actions unless it gets to a point that she encourages strong sexual aggression. Look in her eyes like you can get lost in them, come close to touching highly sexual areas yet stop short, such as barely touching her nipples under her clothes, or using your fingers to finely circle her lips. Think of her with desire to give her pleasure especially in those stages between waking and sleep, when you go to sleep and when you first wake up.
Hopefully you are beyond the "little boy stage" of desiring to get off and get rid of sexual tension. It's not about sexual tension, it's about the erotic and it's connection to body energy, and the ability to use it to connect deeply with a female, if you are a male.
Know this: body energy comes from erotic desire even more than hormones.
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