HIT4ME
Well-known member
If you are married and your wife loses a bunch if weight...there is only one reason - she is looking for side action.
If you think I am wrong, tell me two times that you have seen otherwise...
Helping Girlfriend with Weight Loss
- Thread starter Solexsight
- Start date
If you are married and your wife loses a bunch if weight...there is only one reason - she is looking for side action.
If you think I am wrong, tell me two times that you have seen otherwise...
hairygrandpa
Legend
She is not committed and disciplined enough to lose weight.
My guess is, since she has you already, she don't really cares. All that may change if you dump her. Breaking up has helped all of my obese friends to get in shape, if they wanna find a new woman, they have to get in shape first -my guess is, it would work for her too.
Probably not what you wanted to hear, right?
My guess is, since she has you already, she don't really cares. All that may change if you dump her. Breaking up has helped all of my obese friends to get in shape, if they wanna find a new woman, they have to get in shape first -my guess is, it would work for her too.
Probably not what you wanted to hear, right?
DemntedCowboy
Well-known member
My wife lost 75 lbs., got a tummy tuck, and is crazy jealous if I even look at another woman. And she lifts 3 days a week now because of me. You can look in my log for better pics.Invalid Link Removed
Ape McGrapes
Well-known member
If you have the money, a good coke habit seems to work. Just don't let her go to rehab or she'll put it all back on.
On a more serious note; I can relate. My girlfriend has put on 20lbs since we started dating a year ago, and probably was already 20lbs heavier than ideal, to start. Luckily I like my chicks thick, but in shape. While she does come to the gym and lift with me, she is extremely picky on what foods she will eat. This makes finding dietary substitutes for what she likes, extremely hard. Ilet alone getting her to try something new. I Know it's going to be a slow process, but I think we will get her where she wants to be. I do my best to put little to no pressure on her.
On the brite side; I've never even heard my girl take a ****. She has some class.
On a more serious note; I can relate. My girlfriend has put on 20lbs since we started dating a year ago, and probably was already 20lbs heavier than ideal, to start. Luckily I like my chicks thick, but in shape. While she does come to the gym and lift with me, she is extremely picky on what foods she will eat. This makes finding dietary substitutes for what she likes, extremely hard. Ilet alone getting her to try something new. I Know it's going to be a slow process, but I think we will get her where she wants to be. I do my best to put little to no pressure on her.
On the brite side; I've never even heard my girl take a ****. She has some class.
Solexsight
New member
I've broken up with her twice. Once because she got RIP roaring drunk with her friends and proceeded to repeat STFU to me until I snapped. Then she said she was pregnant to try to get me back.
I of course knew she was lying but she insisted until I said I was going to do something extreme in which she admitted to lying.
She definitely feels comfortable and now the fear of me breaking up might be lessened since I took her back twice.
Ugh, I like the approach of saying that I think she is giving me signs to leave. Gonna take that approach and use reverse psychology. Basically I want to start a family but not with someone that is gonna gain 40 pounds during pregnancy and keep it on. Don't want to settle.
I of course knew she was lying but she insisted until I said I was going to do something extreme in which she admitted to lying.
She definitely feels comfortable and now the fear of me breaking up might be lessened since I took her back twice.
Ugh, I like the approach of saying that I think she is giving me signs to leave. Gonna take that approach and use reverse psychology. Basically I want to start a family but not with someone that is gonna gain 40 pounds during pregnancy and keep it on. Don't want to settle.
Ape McGrapes
Well-known member
Sounds like a bad relationship, which is a set up for an even worse marriage.
Maybe not what you want to hear, but you're both probably better off not together. Need partners that compliment your own life goals.
Maybe not what you want to hear, but you're both probably better off not together. Need partners that compliment your own life goals.
HIT4ME
Well-known member
Yeah man - is that the kind of drama you want in your life? And this is not a judgement - it's experience talking. I've allowed myself to get tied up with people and situations that I am embarrassed to talk about. I know it can be hard to hurt someone you care about, give up on safety, etc. Relationships are tough. But it sounds like her being overweight isn't the issue at all to me. If she was totally awesome and made your life great, you would probably care less if she was having some struggles with weight.
Don't take this wrong, but the telling sign to me is that you aren't conveying empathy for her struggle - you are conveying a lot of disdain and frustration. This isn't good for you, and it's not good for her. There are a lot of people out there, let her be who she is and stop trying to change her. You have a lot of opportunities to go find someone who you don't need to change.
Wobmarvel
Well-known member
There is a lot more going on here than what initially seemed to be. I'm not sure many people on here are truly qualified to offer a proper solution.
Sounds like some serious incompatibility. Some people feel that they should still be together though even if 80% of the time they don't get along. Counseling could be the solution, although personally I don't think I would ever do it.
I don't think you should be accusing her of wanting you to leave. That's just more and more pointless mind games. You seriously need to sit her down and ask her "are you happy?" with who she is, with you, with the relationship. Ask her if there is anything she feels she needs from you that she isn't getting. At the end of the day if she is your partner you need to be caring, considerate and understanding. There may be things you do, or don't do that really piss her off and she responds by getting drunk knowing you don't like it etc. Where as its the communication that's broken down.
Solexsight
New member
Well to be honest, I was reluctant to air my issues on this forum, but I'm glad I did. Some really solid and thought out responses man, I'm pretty impressed.
Most of my friends have all advised me to dump her but I needed an unbiased, completely unfiltered viewpoint.
Right now my main goals are to stay sober from drinking ( most important), build a great physique, succeed at business and meet a girl that isn't perfect but who tries to better themselves.
She helped me with the drinking so I felt obligated to help her but I agree that you can't hell help someone to do something they don't want to do.
And the loud fn dumps post drinking 6 beers is f'd up. Gonna stick to my guns this weekend and decide if this is worth it.
HIT4ME
Well-known member
This. It's like you're not happy, but rather than do something honest and real to fix it, you're looking to play mind games. And if you're doing that, she probably has to do it too, which makes you have to do it, which makes her have to do it.
This thread has reminded me of something i heard the other day in a lecture - the idea of a "presenting cause". Which is like when you go to a psychologist and say, "I want to have a steady career, but I just can't find a job that I like!" The cause being presented is "I can't find a job that I like" - but the presenting cause is ALWAYS a lie. It is never the real problem.
Wobmarvel
Well-known member
Incidentally, my wife was also my high school sweet Hart (although we did split up after school and didn't see each other for 14 years, met up again fell in love again, got married, long story.
Anyway she is about 5 foot 3 inches and was always about 125lbs, she was that weight when we got back together. We have been together now for over 10 years and in that time have had two amazing kids. She put weight on though and at her heaviest was about 190lbs, she stayed that way for a while and now has slowly been dropping weight and is sitting at about 160lbs. At no point did I tell her she had to lose the weight, at no point did I threaten to leave or accuse her of trying to make me leave by being over weight. I don't under any circumstances consider myself "settling" because I have an amazing wife who has carried and given birth to two of my children and gained weight in the process.
I guess my point is, if your gonna be a focking ars hole then do the girl a favour and leave her.
Anyway she is about 5 foot 3 inches and was always about 125lbs, she was that weight when we got back together. We have been together now for over 10 years and in that time have had two amazing kids. She put weight on though and at her heaviest was about 190lbs, she stayed that way for a while and now has slowly been dropping weight and is sitting at about 160lbs. At no point did I tell her she had to lose the weight, at no point did I threaten to leave or accuse her of trying to make me leave by being over weight. I don't under any circumstances consider myself "settling" because I have an amazing wife who has carried and given birth to two of my children and gained weight in the process.
I guess my point is, if your gonna be a focking ars hole then do the girl a favour and leave her.
Solexsight
New member
Good point. I am being an a hole for wanting it all. However, what will continue to bother me is that she helped me with drinking by supporting me and hearing me gripe about wanting vodka.
Bloodwork determined that she needs to improve her health because of triglycerides being to high. Her family and friends could care less. She began cheating with foods with them. With me she ate clean for awhile. Now it's all back to the same.
Tough situation but I'm making it worse by not being honest with her and myself. Starting to see that. I might need to be selfish and focus on my sobriety. That's the main thing here.
Wobmarvel
Well-known member
Yeah, my comment was pretty harsh to be fair. The flipside is that your treating her with utter respect and she is the one completely at fault. My gut tells me the reality is somewhere between the two. Do you ever ignore her to go to the gym, hang out with your mates, play computer games, watch movies etc? She could just be crying out for attention and maybe gets more attention from you by doing these things, albeit negative attention. To some that is better than no attention.
I still stand by what I said before about asking her how she really feels about everything and what she would like from you. You then need to decide if what she says seems reasonable or not and take it from there. If she gets all negative and refuses to speak about it your at a dead end. She doesn't want things to improve.
Remember to thank her for helping you with your drinking problem.
Hyde
Legend
Lots of good advice here. Here’s the thing about relationships: success hinges on ownership.
If you are failing in some regard, it is up to you to fix it. If things need work, it’s a decision to fix it or not to do anything about a problem and let it fester - but choosing not to decide on a course of action is still a subconscious choice. The same is true of your partner.
If you think you are probably settling, that notion will subconsciously infect your willingness to own your role in the relationship. This will undermine everything, and ultimately leave you unfulfilled. Breakups suck, but you know what really sucks? Staying in a relationship where you aren’t all in.
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If you are failing in some regard, it is up to you to fix it. If things need work, it’s a decision to fix it or not to do anything about a problem and let it fester - but choosing not to decide on a course of action is still a subconscious choice. The same is true of your partner.
If you think you are probably settling, that notion will subconsciously infect your willingness to own your role in the relationship. This will undermine everything, and ultimately leave you unfulfilled. Breakups suck, but you know what really sucks? Staying in a relationship where you aren’t all in.
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thebigt
Legend
Whey
Active member
Shreddedby212
New member
You have to ask her
1) If she wants to lose the weight for herself or for you
2) Why does she want to lose the weight
I've dealt the same issue with my mom gaining weight and until those questions were ever asked, nothing changed.
1) If she wants to lose the weight for herself or for you
2) Why does she want to lose the weight
I've dealt the same issue with my mom gaining weight and until those questions were ever asked, nothing changed.
Solexsight
New member
So this weekend wasn't great but shes on "diet pills" which I will find out which ones.
Shes starting the diet as of yesterday. Last chance.
I did however say that I'm patient but not forever patient. She helped with my drinking problem so i'm helping, to some extent, with this.
I think she picked up the on the fact that I kept staring at her belly. No mind games just kept it real.
Shes starting the diet as of yesterday. Last chance.
I did however say that I'm patient but not forever patient. She helped with my drinking problem so i'm helping, to some extent, with this.
I think she picked up the on the fact that I kept staring at her belly. No mind games just kept it real.
Wobmarvel
Well-known member
Pills and sups can definitely help but won't lose the weight for her. Just explain that they will help increase the effects of a fatloss regime but won't be a crutch for a **** diet. I bought supps for my wife but explained that they cost me quite a lot of cash and they are to increase the weight loss not do it for her. She would weigh in weekly and I threatened her that if she gained weight for two weeks in a row I would take the sups and keep them for my next cut. Placebo or not she lost a heap of weight.
