For Anyone Fighting to Live..!

[PhantomReaper]

I have no doubt that my Time is winding down..It's painful obvious..not just to me..!!
Both my bud, Gabriel and I are battered, tethered and torn from the 11 year war..
Won a lot, Lost more..still tallying the Score it seems..Who knows..
At some point..you will pause..step back and stare into Oblivion...Grab some dirt and Raise the Black Flag..One Final Charge..

Before That Time can come..
A Choice must be Made..
And
Only One..!!
To Quit...
or
To FIGHT...

Eleven years ago..I chose Fight..
I have MCL(11 yrs) and CLL(3 yrs)..
Internal bleeding problems..
Server neck nerve damage..
Bleeding ulcer..
Some Head issues from over 20 falls..4 near fatal..
Nearly died 3 times from Internal bleeding and once from C, in the last 4 years..
WBC 28 currently..as high as 45.5

Not One Day...have a Bowed to C..
Instead I've pushed back and stole Nearly 11 years..
You don't have to Beat C...You Only need to Stand Up Against C..

I know my Time is short, I'm come to Peace with It..and God..
I Never wanted to be remembered as the Guy who beat C..
No..
I Want to be remembered as that Guy..that C made into a Better Man..!!

He was Know as Z...

 

[PhantomReaper]

Update
2024 was a tuff year..

My attempts in Florida, to get help fighting C,failed miserably..
Couldn't get into Mayo or Anderson Cancer Centers..
After being in a shelter for 3 month, I got an apartment..
Sadly..My best friend,Gabriel..passed December 2nd..I've been lost ever since..!!
I had to out live him..he wouldn't have been able understand, and he might think I abandoned him..And,I couldn't have that..
Same as my,Judy..she wouldn't have lasted long either..

All alone, Now..buy design..
When it's bad, it's horrible..blood everywhere, can't control my bowls, can't eat...
I've lost 40lbs since Thanksgiving..
Lots of New Problems..WBC is at 34.5 now..

Had to finally go on Narcotics..not happy about that..
Hopefully, Hospice will start coming to my house to help..
But that's it...!!
I can't burden my family with taking care of me..
Nor..Will I ever go into a Home..!!

So..looks like..
I need an Exit Strategy..!!
Staying in the Hospital with tubes stuck up my butt..and hooked to machines, is Not happening..
Looking at planning a Trip, out West..
See some places I've always wanted too..
Thinking Wind River Range, might even revisit Zion National Park..the Narrows..!!
It's a rough draft, but doable..

I've either pushed people away..
Or, friends that are not with us anymore..
I have been talking to Push50's wife and son..
She wasn't doing to good with her C..
I've not been able to get through to her or her son..

I won't let anyone in..anymore..
When it's bad and people see me,it's never good..
It's either friends that can't believe just how bad it gets..
OR
Strangers looking at me funny..
I used to be able to hide my symptoms..
Not anymore..!!

I've come to Peace with everything..I don't want to be that guy..the one people go and see every Sunday afternoon, after Church..
Stuck in bed, where it smells like crap and pee..
No Thanks..!!

I'm trying hard to get back into the gym..that's my Church..
I have to take this Trip, before I get much worse, or I won't be able..
I'm just exhausted and I'm not healing, like I once did..
After 12 long years and loosing so much that was important to me, I think it's Time..

I've chewed it, down to the Bone..
I don't see any other Way..
Just had a Pet Scan..Haven't received any results yet..However, Hospice is coming back over..There's my Results..Damn..!!

It's been one Hell of a Fight..
I got 12 yrs..that's a when..very few get 5 yrs..
Honestly, I don't think God or the Devil want me..maybe that's what's taking so Long..lol

Just have a lot of spare time in bed now..bored and in pain..
Missed you Guys..
Z

 

[PhantomReaper]

Z

 

[j2048b]

So ur still alive and kicken it! Good to see! Dont see ya much on asf any longer tho…

U need to try fenben and iver and see if it and some apricot seeds can fix ya up