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How Has God Changed You?

Mine is a story of anger, fear, and isolation. I was at the point where I didn't like myself, but I did admire myself. I was afraid to change because I thought I may lose what made me special. Once I finally stopped running away and faced all of the turmoil that was inside of me, I felt a huge weight taken off of my shoulders. Since then, many things have started to go my way, but I have also not taken anything for granted since that moment. That day for me was April 27th and the catalyst for this was one of our fellow members here at AM.
 
Beau said:
I just found out, it WAS sexual. For 8 months, we just separated.
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Hey bro, look on the brightside, you're free to go find yourself a real woman now. Our Heavenly father has a lot more in store for you than some deceitful relationship I promise.
 
I have a solid relationship with God. I'm lucky I haven't had to overcome drug abuse, alcoholism, or the loss of someone special in my life. I have witnessed the powers of God based on things that have happened to my friends and family.

About gear use: I don't feel guilty because it's something I'm using for self improvement instead of self destruction. That's how I justify it. I'm not harming anyone so what's the big deal ?
 
Yesterday she said she loved him and wanted him as her husband for the rest of her life.

I feel really bad, but mostly because I miss the idea and image of the person I thought I married; but she was never the person I thought she was. But it was only an image. The truth showed otherwise.

My sons (in college) are devastated. My wife has manipulated by daughter into thinking leaving was the only thing to do.

I never saw divorce as part of my legacy; but neither did I expect multiple affairs.
 
Beau,

This is a very unfortunate situation that you are dealing with. I am very sorry for the pain that this is now, and may very well cause you for some time to come.

I can empathize with the pain of a pending divorce. I am once divorced and it was the most devastatingly painful experience of my life. Know that you are not alone.

I do want to remind you of your opening post:
Beau said:
So, if God has changed you, how did He change you and under what circumstances? What changes did you make to allow this to happen?
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I have found that at the most painful times of my life I have had the greatest growths in my faith. My faith did not grow because of anything I did other than putting the little faith that I did have into trusting Him. The result of His faithfulness with my little obedience produced faith in me that is unshakable.

I would pray that you could see through this pain to be courageous enough to ask God what it is that He has planned for you and trust Him enough to believe it. The way you respond to Him will not only impact you but those who are a witness to what you are going through.

One of the greatest influences and witnesses I have had on my children and my extended family is the way in which I have trusted God to bless me (and my ex-wife) through and after our divorce.

"Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

May you find some peace at this time.
 
Beau said:
Yesterday she said she loved him and wanted him as her husband for the rest of her life.

I feel really bad, but mostly because I miss the idea and image of the person I thought I married; but she was never the person I thought she was. But it was only an image. The truth showed otherwise.

My sons (in college) are devastated. My wife has manipulated by daughter into thinking leaving was the only thing to do.

I never saw divorce as part of my legacy; but neither did I expect multiple affairs.
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My heart goes out to you Beau :( I haven't gone through something as horrible as that but we will either allow obstacles to destroy us or we will grow into better people by overcoming them. Sounds easy for me to say but keep your head up and use the gym as your ally ;)
 
thesinner said:
I'm so sorry to hear about this.


No matter how hard the struggle, I want you to keep your chin up and always remember this:

God puts difficult events in the lives of many as a way to prepare you for better things to come. Though I cannot give you my testimony (it will give up my anonymity), I can definitely say from my experiences that the toughest of times are nothing more than a preparations for the greatest blessings you will ever receive.
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I'm sorry to hear that brother. But please remember that God is good all the time and He is still on His throne. He doesn't "put difficult situations" on His children. That is Satan's mission. John 10:10 says, "The thief comes not except for to steal, kill, and destroy. But I have come so that you might have life, and have it more abundantly." Your wife is in a state of deception. She doesn't know she's being manipulated by the enemy with thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. She ate it up hook, line, and sinker and now she's in the thick of it. God is not mocked, she will surely reap what she has sown. NOTHING is impossible with God. God is a restorer, a rewarder, and the lifter of your head. He gives beauty for ashes and joy in the morning. I've seen marriages like yours be restored to something better than they ever were before. Pray that her eyes are opened and that you have wisdom and discernment and I'll pray in agreement with you. Remember, the things that are seen are subject to change!
 
Life changing 180 degree turn around. Brought me a wife that is totally awesome. God makes me feel less alone and loved. Knowing that out of all of this I, yes little ole me, matter enough for him to send his Son to me / us to show me / us the way to live our lives in love!

So much more.....

Much Love,

Neoborn
 
Beau said:
Yesterday she said she loved him and wanted him as her husband for the rest of her life.

I feel really bad, but mostly because I miss the idea and image of the person I thought I married; but she was never the person I thought she was. But it was only an image. The truth showed otherwise.

My sons (in college) are devastated. My wife has manipulated by daughter into thinking leaving was the only thing to do.

I never saw divorce as part of my legacy; but neither did I expect multiple affairs.
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I went through the same thing...sort of. Married a girl I thought was good. Turns out shes a closet addict. She dinks around on me, then 2 years later decideds to leave.
She begs me back, I take her back.
We start all over, except this time it takes 5 years, and we are finally divorced.

I was devistated, but more so by her deceit. I don't want to give too many details as it might compromise my anonymity.

But I will tell you this. Whether this is relating to God or not, something good will come of this. When you are in your worst times, you can't possibly see the positive out come. You're in too deep. You just have to believe that you will be taken care of.

In my case I got a certain possession back that she took from me to use as leverage in our divorce, and, not more than 8 months later I meet a girl that moved to the same city I moved to at the exact same time and lives about 2 miles away. I would drive past her house every day on my way home. Come to find out, we lived in the same city before that, just a mile or so away. Now, nearly a year later this woman is not only my girlfriend, but one of the best friends I've had in my 32 years here on earth.
I place her tied for 1st with my mother. I could never say that about my ex wife.

So, let the bad times happen, deal with it how you must, but remember, if you let it keep you down it will. If you march forth, something much better is waiting for you to discover it.

FIND IT!

I can 100% honestly say right now, that I would go through every bit of pain and turmoil again with my ex, if it meant I'd get to be with the woman I'm with now. It was all worth it.

I'd rather be able to just have her be a next door neighbor if I could go back, but thats the easy way.

Good luck.
 
Beau said:
Yesterday she said she loved him and wanted him as her husband for the rest of her life.

I feel really bad, but mostly because I miss the idea and image of the person I thought I married; but she was never the person I thought she was. But it was only an image. The truth showed otherwise.

My sons (in college) are devastated. My wife has manipulated by daughter into thinking leaving was the only thing to do.

I never saw divorce as part of my legacy; but neither did I expect multiple affairs.
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Sorry to hear this, my heart and prayers go out to you and your children.
 
Here is what I've learned.

She's been having an affair with another member of our church's music ministry for about 10 months (they are both part of church staff). Both have now resigned. The church expected something - but did NOTHING. He has planned everything with her behind the scenes, and she involved my 14 year old daughter in some of the plans (although my daughter didn't know about the adultery). She planned on moving out - and telling others we were working on our marriage, and then "deciding" to divorce me. I found out about things in the middle - when I searched wireless records and discovered they had exchanged approx 5,000 text messages over the past three months. Now she has asked me to tell others we have separated to work on issues in our marriage. No way. She even had my daughter call me to make that request.

Also, her buddy filed a retraining order against me, and it is all lies. I said or did nothing like what he claims - fortunately I had a witness.

I am trying to hold on to God. I am full of pain. The woman I was married to never really was who she "showed" to the public.

We will divorce, and I will recover - someday.
 
Anything in me now, or that will ever be good, is because of what Jesus Christ has, is and will continue to do for and with me throughout eternity. By His unfailing grace He has paid FOR me that which I could never pay myself. Having been washed of the filth by His blood I can now go boldly before the throne of the Father, throw off any earthly crown and bow before the maker of time, space and matter - who just happens to not only know me by name, but calls me by it and invites me to share in the inheritance of his only son.

How has God changed me? How has he not?

I do believe my understanding (as limited as it is) of God's love increased exponentially for me through having children of my own. When I see one of them screwing up, mostly out of ignorance or dammed human pride, I still love them so much and only want what is best for them. I will never stop loving them and there is nothing they could ever do to change that. God loves me more.
 
Beau said:
Here is what I've learned.

She's been having an affair with another member of our church's music ministry for about 10 months (they are both part of church staff). Both have now resigned. The church expected something - but did NOTHING. He has planned everything with her behind the scenes, and she involved my 14 year old daughter in some of the plans (although my daughter didn't know about the adultery). She planned on moving out - and telling others we were working on our marriage, and then "deciding" to divorce me. I found out about things in the middle - when I searched wireless records and discovered they had exchanged approx 5,000 text messages over the past three months. Now she has asked me to tell others we have separated to work on issues in our marriage. No way. She even had my daughter call me to make that request.

Also, her buddy filed a retraining order against me, and it is all lies. I said or did nothing like what he claims - fortunately I had a witness.

I am trying to hold on to God. I am full of pain. The woman I was married to never really was who she "showed" to the public.

We will divorce, and I will recover - someday.
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I'm sorry to hear this man, truly, it unsettles my heart. It's become so 'popular' nowadays for people to be unfaithful, that it's become a 'thing'. It happens, a divorce ensues, a new marriage, a new divorce... people really don't know what love is anymore. Anybody can say they love someone, but that is proven otherwise when things like this happen. Simply put, some people today have no morals, no values, and no respect... the thing is to, I'm sure that it's supposed to be this way. If you look hard enough, there's still good people in thie world that are honest and true...
 
Here is the really hard part - my wife was my first and only true love. I would have given my life for her. I mean that. I know that I actually gave up a part of my life when I endured the aftermath of the first affair, and her failure to do what she said she would. This changed me permanently. I lost my joy. I was numb, dead inside - except for bitterness.

But God changed that several months ago. I think it was to prepare me for this. I stumbled into their long term plan in ways I can't really piece together. Her plan was one intended to make both of them look innocent.

Oh, and I've always remained faithful despite many offers to stray. I took a vow; a vow to God and my wife; it was a covenant relationship. I'm glad I didn't break it. And I didn't. I wouldn't. To me, it was a matter of character. There was NO WAY I could look myself in the mirror, or her in the eyes, and justified having slept with another person as anything other than evil. I couldn't have "lived with myself".

She obviously could. And this time, she acts as if she has done nothing wrong - she says everything she did was my fault "because of the way I treated her".

Anyone else sense a lack of personal responsibility?
 
Beau said:
Here is the really hard part - my wife was my first and only true love. I would have given my life for her. I mean that. I know that I actually gave up a part of my life when I endured the aftermath of the first affair, and her failure to do what she said she would. This changed me permanently. I lost my joy. I was numb, dead inside - except for bitterness.

But God changed that several months ago. I think it was to prepare me for this. I stumbled into their long term plan in ways I can't really piece together. Her plan was one intended to make both of them look innocent.

Oh, and I've always remained faithful despite many offers to stray. I took a vow; a vow to God and my wife; it was a covenant relationship. I'm glad I didn't break it. And I didn't. I wouldn't. To me, it was a matter of character. There was NO WAY I could look myself in the mirror, or her in the eyes, and justified having slept with another person as anything other than evil. I couldn't have "lived with myself".

She obviously could. And this time, she acts as if she has done nothing wrong - she says everything she did was my fault "because of the way I treated her".

Anyone else sense a lack of personal responsibility?
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Man this is tough. Your wife is definately lacking in the character dept. if you ask me. Just like most people, she's trying to find a cop-out to why she sinned or make it ok in her own mind. I don't know if your wife is saved or not (although I would bet not given her actions) but the only absolute answer I can give you is you both will be judged and I think God will be proud that you followed his words. Again, my heart and prayers go out to you and your daughter.
 
I've found my self-worth in something I dont need to own.
 
if your gods child then god will always be there and is always working for the spiritual good for you ALWAYS
I know it doesnt seem like it but thats because we cant see everything. Everything is directed by his counsel
nothing happens otherwise. So I rejoice in this everyday and realize He's got it.
 
Hey Beau,

I am sorry to hear that, brother. Great thread. I'll post again later.

Good to see a lot of brothers posting their testimonies!
 
Beau said:
Here is the really hard part - my wife was my first and only true love. I would have given my life for her. I mean that. I know that I actually gave up a part of my life when I endured the aftermath of the first affair, and her failure to do what she said she would. This changed me permanently. I lost my joy. I was numb, dead inside - except for bitterness.

But God changed that several months ago. I think it was to prepare me for this. I stumbled into their long term plan in ways I can't really piece together. Her plan was one intended to make both of them look innocent.

Oh, and I've always remained faithful despite many offers to stray. I took a vow; a vow to God and my wife; it was a covenant relationship. I'm glad I didn't break it. And I didn't. I wouldn't. To me, it was a matter of character. There was NO WAY I could look myself in the mirror, or her in the eyes, and justified having slept with another person as anything other than evil. I couldn't have "lived with myself".

She obviously could. And this time, she acts as if she has done nothing wrong - she says everything she did was my fault "because of the way I treated her".

Anyone else sense a lack of personal responsibility?
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Sorry to hear this man.

My finace's dad went through and is actually going through something very similar, but his wife for 30 years or so decided to leave him with a close friend of his.
 
RisingAgainst said:
I'm sorry to hear this man, truly, it unsettles my heart. It's become so 'popular' nowadays for people to be unfaithful, that it's become a 'thing'. It happens, a divorce ensues, a new marriage, a new divorce... people really don't know what love is anymore. Anybody can say they love someone, but that is proven otherwise when things like this happen. Simply put, some people today have no morals, no values, and no respect... the thing is to, I'm sure that it's supposed to be this way. If you look hard enough, there's still good people in thie world that are honest and true...
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Ain't that the truth. Every TV show my lady watches someone is cheating with their best friend's significant other, or the like. Then you have the entertainment world getting divorced like marriage is going out of style, or cheating with the so called next thing...
 
I started going through our things last night; separating them. I found about 20 cards in which she written that she wanted me to be my husband the rest of her life, loved my unconditionally, knew I was the man God intended for her, etc.

I cried like a two year old - for about an hour straight.

Nothing about this feels fair, right or as God intended.

Just about when I stopped crying, a friend called. Among other things he said that although I might feel lonely, I am not alone and God is crying with me.

I can't describe how I feel.
 
Beau said:
I started going through our things last night; separating them. I found about 20 cards in which she written that she wanted me to be my husband the rest of her life, loved my unconditionally, knew I was the man God intended for her, etc.

I cried like a two year old - for about an hour straight.

Nothing about this feels fair, right or as God intended.

Just about when I stopped crying, a friend called. Among other things he said that although I might feel lonely, I am not alone and God is crying with me.

I can't describe how I feel.
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Beau, you are going to feel like crap for a while - it's going to take a while to get over this. Don't try to jump into another relationship anytime soon. Stay close with any Brothers that you may have...no man is an island.

I am very sorry - I don't know exactly how you feel Beau, but I went through a similar issue with my marriage. When you are ready, check out Invalid Link Removed it's a Christian support group that is available all over the country. I took the course and it really helps and it gives you direction and assistnce in dealing with the anger, etc. and how to move forward.

Feel free to PM or email me, Beau.
 
Beau said:
I started going through our things last night; separating them. I found about 20 cards in which she written that she wanted me to be my husband the rest of her life, loved my unconditionally, knew I was the man God intended for her, etc.

I cried like a two year old - for about an hour straight.

Nothing about this feels fair, right or as God intended.

Just about when I stopped crying, a friend called. Among other things he said that although I might feel lonely, I am not alone and God is crying with me.

I can't describe how I feel.
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Brother, I don't really know what to say to comfort you or if anything will bring you any comfort right now. I pray that this event will bring you closer to God. That you dig deep and lean on our Lord and Saviour for guidance and support.

This life changing event could push some people away from God if their not cafeful, I just pray you use it to strengthen your relationship.
 
OK Brothers - here is an update to a prior comment I made ("Also, her buddy filed a retraining order against me, and it is all lies. I said or did nothing like what he claims - fortunately I had a witness."

I went to the court today for the hearing. God was watching over me. I'll explain. I was served the TRO last Friday at about 4:00. I had to file an "answer" and include a statement from my witness, and proof of service. Because I was so late receiving the TRO, I did everything over the weekend and had it mailed Monday AM. When I showed up to court, the judge said the plaintiff hadn't had time to receive the answer, so we would either have the claim heard w/o my answer (no way) or continue a week later. I opted to continue - my information was both factual and key to refuting his drummed up statements. Then, I found out my witness couldn't make it back to court next week.

I asked the judge if I could address the court. I explained what had happened to the judge and asked if he would be willing to hear the case if I provided the "other man" with a copy of the answer. The other man was asked if this was OK, and he agreed.

And then his barrage of lies started (the likes of which you can't imagine). But his claims - even if they had been true (they weren't) - did not meet the standards established by the state. The all of the sudden the other man asked to have the TRO dismissed.

Thanks be to God. The truth was known. At least, so far.
 
The favor of God is a wonderful thing. Keep making wise decisions and watch the Lord bless you. He will handle it all. You do what you can, and He'll do what you can't.
 
Beau said:
OK Brothers - here is an update to a prior comment I made ("Also, her buddy filed a retraining order against me, and it is all lies. I said or did nothing like what he claims - fortunately I had a witness."

I went to the court today for the hearing. God was watching over me. I'll explain. I was served the TRO last Friday at about 4:00. I had to file an "answer" and include a statement from my witness, and proof of service. Because I was so late receiving the TRO, I did everything over the weekend and had it mailed Monday AM. When I showed up to court, the judge said the plaintiff hadn't had time to receive the answer, so we would either have the claim heard w/o my answer (no way) or continue a week later. I opted to continue - my information was both factual and key to refuting his drummed up statements. Then, I found out my witness couldn't make it back to court next week.

I asked the judge if I could address the court. I explained what had happened to the judge and asked if he would be willing to hear the case if I provided the "other man" with a copy of the answer. The other man was asked if this was OK, and he agreed.

And then his barrage of lies started (the likes of which you can't imagine). But his claims - even if they had been true (they weren't) - did not meet the standards established by the state. The all of the sudden the other man asked to have the TRO dismissed.

Thanks be to God. The truth was known. At least, so far.
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Amen
 
There was a good deal of pastoral involvement in this, before I found out the facts. For example, in a phone call a few week's ago one of the pastors made statements like “they had been watching (woman) and (man)” believing there was “a strong possibility that (she) and (he) might be having an affair or inappropriate relationship”. The male pastor admitted things very condeming of the way both of the pastors handled things. Baasically, they did nothing about it, except to send them on a trip together - "supervised", of course.

I just went to a meeting with the Sr. Pastor (the guy's wife). She recanted all of the damning comments (she said "I don't know where those statements came from"), and they have allowed both of the people involved to resign voluntarily (even though my wife's lover admitted to the sexual affair prior to resigning).

I'll be escalating this as far as I need to. This is a cover up.
 
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