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How to: break off an engagement

I am really glad reaper talked about this situation. I would have probably ended up in the same situation except with her mom...
 
thanks man, dude in all honesty it sucks. for me it is bad because I also share a child, and my 4 year old is going to possibly be stuck in the middle. If I ever get married again (big if, and highly doubtful) if she is too close to her parents I am outta there
 
kwyckemynd00 said:
But father's aren't always right. Fathers don't always know what's best for their "grown" children. And, although a father has a right to express frustration that the husband doesn't live up their their standards, what right does he have to intervene in the marriage? What about the daughters standards?

The last part you said though, I agree 100%. Its human (unfortunately) to blame others for mistakes. But of course I'm not implying anything of reaper, just a generic statement. We have no idea what has happened in these peoples marriages, what they have and haven't done, etc.
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I never said right or wrong I said a good father.

Also of note I don't believe he ever mentioned intervened or any detail. Just a general and broad statement which is likely as in as much error as my broad statement.

A daughter quite often develops a standard based on the model that she has demonstrated to her by her father (or in some cases an other man of influence). So if the model is poor so with the standard be. In some cases, even many cases they can develop their own standard, be it lower or higher. But their is certainly a barometer to standard in their reference.
 
Reaper329 said:
that is actually not the case in this instance. He has been involved in our marriage and relationship for the entire 10 years of its existence. It is in fact my fault for letting the marriage go this long considering the issue. In fact, when we were moving to PA from NY 5 years ago, he told her she was not allowed to go, all the while she was 25 years old. She went a long with his wishes till I packed and got ready to leave. Then she came with me. However, she has never forgiven that.

While I agree with your statement, in this instance it is inappropriate. I also have a duaghter, and I will teach her (most likely as a single father) what is right and wrong and what a true man is. However, what my father in law did was enable my wife to feel that a true man will
  1. never make you work
  2. will make high 6 figures
  3. will let you shop every weekend
  4. will allow for your parents to control everything

There is much more to this situtation that you are unaware of.
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My statement may have been inacurate but not inapropriate. You made a very general statement that is specific to your your circumstances. You left out the significant details to qualify your opinion in your situation. Still does not make it rule of thumb by any means.

Those are not good father traits.
 
Reaper329 said:
While I agree with your statement, in this instance it is inappropriate. I also have a duaghter, and I will teach her (most likely as a single father) what is right and wrong and what a true man is. However, what my father in law did was enable my wife to feel that a true man will
  1. never make you work
  2. will make high 6 figures
  3. will let you shop every weekend
  4. will allow for your parents to control everything

There is much more to this situtation that you are unaware of.
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Not to be off topic here, and in no sense is this meant to be "insensitive", but I bet before you married her there were quite a few people telling you that you were in for it, huh? Because, it sounds like her dad spoiled her rotten (which means "for life").

Whatever happens, just work toward happiness. IMHO if you two are incompatible its better you found out today than tomorrow, ya know?
 
B5150 said:
Also of note I don't believe he ever mentioned intervened or any detail. Just a general and broad statement which is likely as in as much error as my broad statement.
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I didn't read him explicitly state "her father intervenes in our marriage", but he implied it very heavily when he said they were having problems relating to her being a daddy's girl.
 
Reaper329 said:
thanks man, dude in all honesty it sucks. for me it is bad because I also share a child, and my 4 year old is going to possibly be stuck in the middle. If I ever get married again (big if, and highly doubtful) if she is too close to her parents I am outta there
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Nothing wrong wiht being "close" to the parents, but its when the kids are too highly influenced by their parents that its a problem.
 
kwyckemynd00 said:
I didn't read him explicitly state "her father intervenes in our marriage", but he implied it very heavily when he said they were having problems relating to her being a daddy's girl.
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But is it the father's fault that it has effected the marriage or the daughter's?

Ultimately we are in agreement. Yes, the father may indeed be out of line for speaking his mind in a derogatory way toward the son-in-law but it is ultimately her failure to cleave to her husband.

My daughter knows and heeds my 'wisdom'. Whether or not she speaks it out loud she has demonstrated it by her own 'awareness' on matters of her relationships. In her case she is very strong willed and would likely do the opposite of my wishes if I tried to impose my will in her life or relationships.

My father-in-law has his opinions, expresses them, and in some cases my wife may be in agreement with his views. But she knows where her commitment lies and she knows she is my girl now, not his.

Right or wrong no one comes between me and my wife's happiness...but me ;)
 
B5150 said:
But is it the father's fault that it has effected the marriage or the daughter's?
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In that instance it would be the daughters, of course. But he also shouldn't be let off the hook.

Ultimately we are in agreement. Yes, the father may indeed be out of line for speaking his mind in a derogatory way toward the son-in-law but it is ultimately her failure to cleave to her husband.
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Agreed.

My father-in-law has his opinions, expresses them, and in some cases my wife may be in agreement with his views. But she knows where her commitment lies and she knows she is my girl now, not his.

Right or wrong no one comes between me and my wife's happiness...but me ;)
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And that's the way it should be, fo shizzo.
 
Allow for me to explain to you my situation and I Agree TOTALLY with Squeaks on this one. The spoiled girls that are miserable will make your life miserable. I was in Iraq engaged and my girl broke it off through an email. So Okay I took it. But I noticed I felt free. Then I started to think about how miserable she made me feel when all she did was chatter on about her new cell phone that she got or some new stupid jeans or some new this or that that her mommy and daddy bought for her. It got old and it drove me to insanity. Not once did she ever EVER ask "hey honey how are you doing? are you doing fine??? getting blown up in iraq?" not a ****ing thing. We got attacked whilst I was calling her on the phone to say "i'm still alive" she heard the ****ing bombs go off and YET she still said "okay baby call me back" what a spoiled *****. Anywho, It is better that you end it. I ask you this, was your girl friend ever molested as a child? and does she have a father in the home? I find that women who have no father figure cannot judge who they should marry because they have no guide to go from and therefore become what I ran into. I of course had the double whammy molester and no daddy. not to mention a mother who tried to make up for her daughter being molested so she spoiled her her entire life. New cars new clothes new everything. Now that I am done with her I feel Ten Times better.
 
gotripped said:
Anywho, It is better that you end it. I ask you this, was your girl friend ever molested as a child? and does she have a father in the home? I find that women who have no father figure cannot judge who they should marry because they have no guide to go from and therefore become what I ran into.
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Yeah, that could have an effect too. Her dad is a lazyass when he is at home (moet of the time he is at work) and pretty much lets his wife run his life. Also, her last boyfriend almost raped her and she was a virgin before me. All these factors add up to MAXIMUM CLING. BTW she called me tonight. I was on the phone with another girl and I didnt answer... :)
 
kwyckemynd00 said:
Not to be off topic here, and in no sense is this meant to be "insensitive", but I bet before you married her there were quite a few people telling you that you were in for it, huh? Because, it sounds like her dad spoiled her rotten (which means "for life").

Whatever happens, just work toward happiness. IMHO if you two are incompatible its better you found out today than tomorrow, ya know?
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agreed. We have started therapy, and the therapist had some interesting things to say in regard to the family. It was nice to hear my wife acknowledge that I was never what he wanted for her. I came from a blue collar family, and was not the nice little Long Island Jewish boy that he wanted for her. The first thing that the therapist said to her was that the father was too involved and too important at this point in her life. Something needed to be done. The therapist did say that I need to learn to deal with him better however.
 
B5150 said:
But is it the father's fault that it has effected the marriage or the daughter's?

Ultimately we are in agreement. Yes, the father may indeed be out of line for speaking his mind in a derogatory way toward the son-in-law but it is ultimately her failure to cleave to her husband.

My daughter knows and heeds my 'wisdom'. Whether or not she speaks it out loud she has demonstrated it by her own 'awareness' on matters of her relationships. In her case she is very strong willed and would likely do the opposite of my wishes if I tried to impose my will in her life or relationships.

My father-in-law has his opinions, expresses them, and in some cases my wife may be in agreement with his views. But she knows where her commitment lies and she knows she is my girl now, not his.

Right or wrong no one comes between me and my wife's happiness...but me ;)
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this should be true, but not all women are in agreement and will take their "daddys" words and lvoe over their husbands
 
Reaper329 said:
agreed. We have started therapy, and the therapist had some interesting things to say in regard to the family.
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Good to hear.
It was nice to hear my wife acknowledge that I was never what he wanted for her. I came from a blue collar family, and was not the nice little Long Island Jewish boy that he wanted for her.
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This explained the situation alot more :lol:

The first thing that the therapist said to her was that the father was too involved and too important at this point in her life. Something needed to be done. The therapist did say that I need to learn to deal with him better however.
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The therapist only said that b/c they know its not nice to just rag on one side :P

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you guys are working on keeping it together. Hopefully it all works out for your family, that would definitely be the best case scenario.
 
kwyckemynd00 said:
Good to hear.
This explained the situation alot more :lol:


The therapist only said that b/c they know its not nice to just rag on one side :P

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you guys are working on keeping it together. Hopefully it all works out for your family, that would definitely be the best case scenario.
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I told my wife that I am willing to try, however I will still speak with my attorney just to protect myself. My father in law has a lot of $ and will most certainly be looking to throw some into this against me.
 
She came up here to where I work today. She wanted her charger for her phone. I gave it to her then she spent the next 15 minutes trying to flirt with me and trying to hit my nuts with her phone charger. I gave her a hug at one point and she tried to lick my neck and i was like...no and then she tried to kiss me and I said...no people who are broken up dont kiss.(oops) she said I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST TAKING A BREAK!!! I said well... taking a break is the same thing as breaking up except maybe sometime in the future we will re-evaluate our situation and see if we can make this work. She kept on flirting for like 5 more minutes and then finally gave up. She said "i guess there is something I need to give you. She went back to her car and got the engagement ring. She handed it to me and said "so what do you want to do with the wedding rings" I said I guess just keep them if you want. she cried for another 10 minutes in her car untill I finally told her I would see her around and left. A little later she called back and said "I didnt give the ring back because I was giving up, I just wanted you to have it so you could propose again if we get back together. I dont COMPLETELY hate you... I just want you to know that".... I had a cigarrette and ate my eggs and I am feeling about a 4 on a scale of 1-10 right now. I still dont regret what I did. I actually feel more firm in what I did than before. Seeing her like that really made me feel shi tty though.
 
Don't let her pull on your heart strings to much. When it gets tough like that, just remember it's the best decision for both of you in the long run. She'll start to understand it more later as days and weeks go by.

Cheer up...it's Friday!
 
CRUNCH said:
Don't let her pull on your heart strings to much. When it gets tough like that, just remember it's the best decision for both of you in the long run. She'll start to understand it more later as days and weeks go by.

Cheer up...it's Friday!
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Im gonna get HIGH cause its friday and I aint got **** to do!!! lol! I do have some weekend hookups coming up so... we will see how that goes. :)
 
brywal312 said:
She came up here to where I work today. She wanted her charger for her phone. I gave it to her then she spent the next 15 minutes trying to flirt with me and trying to hit my nuts with her phone charger. I gave her a hug at one point and she tried to lick my neck and i was like...no and then she tried to kiss me and I said...no people who are broken up dont kiss.(oops) she said I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST TAKING A BREAK!!! I said well... taking a break is the same thing as breaking up except maybe sometime in the future we will re-evaluate our situation and see if we can make this work. She kept on flirting for like 5 more minutes and then finally gave up. She said "i guess there is something I need to give you. She went back to her car and got the engagement ring. She handed it to me and said "so what do you want to do with the wedding rings" I said I guess just keep them if you want. she cried for another 10 minutes in her car untill I finally told her I would see her around and left. A little later she called back and said "I didnt give the ring back because I was giving up, I just wanted you to have it so you could propose again if we get back together. I dont COMPLETELY hate you... I just want you to know that".... I had a cigarrette and ate my eggs and I am feeling about a 4 on a scale of 1-10 right now. I still dont regret what I did. I actually feel more firm in what I did than before. Seeing her like that really made me feel shi tty though.
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it is very hard, but you are better to do it now.
 
Here is an odd twist. The therapist believes that my wife needs medication for severe depression. I have been doing research all day and think that as my wife went through some severe traumatic events, she seems to might be suffering from PTSD. 2 years ago she lost her mother to a horrible cancer, her father 1 month later was chasing 1 woman who didnt want him and is now getting remarried. There is much more he has done but I dont know if I should put it here. I am planning on going to our family doctor at the start of next week to talk to him about this. This would explain a lot fo her changes in personality
 
Reaper329 said:
Here is an odd twist. The therapist believes that my wife needs medication for severe depression. I have been doing research all day and think that as my wife went through some severe traumatic events, she seems to might be suffering from PTSD. 2 years ago she lost her mother to a horrible cancer, her father 1 month later was chasing 1 woman who didnt want him and is now getting remarried. There is much more he has done but I dont know if I should put it here. I am planning on going to our family doctor at the start of next week to talk to him about this. This would explain a lot fo her changes in personality
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Well, that is an odd (but hopeful) twist. That would make sense, she says she's miserable and doesn't know why. A lot of times people misconstrue their feelings and maybe her being miserable she just blamed on the marriage since she wasn't able to understand it or find a cause.

Hope the therapy continues to be helpful.
 
brywal: I think what you did was the right thing but you should re-evaluate the system you use for choosing women. Sex is important but it's not the end all be all of a relationship. You need someone who you can be happy with and allow you to be yourself.

I also believe that the people you surround yourself with says a lot about you as a person, whether it's a girlfriend or just guy friends. These people are a reflection of you and you're a reflection of them in some way shape or form.
 
kwyckemynd00 said:
Well, that is an odd (but hopeful) twist. That would make sense, she says she's miserable and doesn't know why. A lot of times people misconstrue their feelings and maybe her being miserable she just blamed on the marriage since she wasn't able to understand it or find a cause.

Hope the therapy continues to be helpful.
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we are trying. after all these years together there is a lot of issues that are coming up. However, and I have said this to her, I hope that I am not the only one trying.

It is funny last night after our daughter went to bed we just hung out (which is nice). Of course the conversation turned to some of our issues, and I kept saying how she and I need to learn to forgive. As difficult as it is, eventually we need to learn to let things go and move frward.
 
getswole said:
I hope this was sarcasm,....Thats something only a women would say,your brainwashed:lol:
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It's not the ONLY part of a relationship, but is vitally important. The two most common reasons for divorce: money and sex.

If men could get by with handjobs and blowjobs, there be'd waaaaay less people on the planet. Guys need intercourse, period!
 
CRUNCH said:
It's not the ONLY part of a relationship, but is vitally important. The two most common reasons for divorce: money and sex.

If men could get by with handjobs and blowjobs, there be'd waaaaay less people on the planet. Guys need intercourse, period!
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Good point though,I guess if my wifes Pussey got blew off in vietnam we could still be friends!:)
 
CRUNCH said:
It's not the ONLY part of a relationship, but is vitally important. The two most common reasons for divorce: money and sex.

If men could get by with handjobs and blowjobs, there be'd waaaaay less people on the planet. Guys need intercourse, period!
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That's a really good point there. I think money is more prevalent for divorces though.
 
Theres 2 people I hate in this world,never met either...Dr.Phil,and Rosie O'donell....

I don't watch either,I think one full epsiode of either one of those B1tches and your mindframe would be back at a kindergarden level...All those years of school,straight out the window:nono: And Rosie O'donell is just a Fat B1tch,nuff' said...I not into all the access hollywood crap,but when Trump trash talks Rosie,I fvckin' Love it:thumbsup: She defines Fat,lazy,and ingnorant to a Tee.
Rosie should get on cycle,she already looks like a dude!You think finasteride and some nizoral would help Dr.Phil get his wig back,I THINK NOT!!!He should just go Bruce Willis style and shave that crappy dew off,who sports a horseshoe dew anyhow...lol...Fvck Dr Phil!!!

Wow I think this drol/dbol is kickin in,lol.
 
getswole said:
Were you smoking a joint and watching Dr.Phil when you came up with that;)
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Nah, but I am on PCT. I should be fvcking neg repped for making that retarded azz comment, go ahead and neg rep me if I was out of bounds. I'll go beat up some quadriplegics to show I can be a little heartless if that helps LOL.
 
Iron Warrior said:
Nah, but I am on post cycle therapy. I should be fvcking neg repped for making that retarded azz comment, go ahead and neg rep me if I was out of bounds. I'll go beat up some quadriplegics to show I can be a little heartless if that helps LOL.
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Fvck yeah,kick some retarted ass Iron.....Make sure and post some pics...
Start with Dr.Phil,He's needs a good old' street beatdown...
 
Just an update......I am back with her.... I am such a pvssy... BUT I AM NOT GETTING ENGAGED AGAIN!!! not until I get my master's degree. I am moving out of my parents house this weekend and will happily enjoy my freedom :):):) and my ability to inject without hiding in a closet...
 
If it works out, then it works out. There's nothing wrong with that. Even you good buddy you need time away occasionally.
 
gotripped said:
damn how do ya'll new guys get rep so damn quick.
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Spending WAAAY too much time on this forum... hehe. Most of my rep came from either things I said that made people laugh pretty hard or things that helped people out. Just keep an eye out for oportunities to be insightful or witty and people will take notice.
 
Wait, inject meaning put in.


Are we talking about da needle or da penis ?



p.s. If Im out on the road traveling then I am busy. If I am in the office I usually just stroke it in the cubicle.
 
nah, Ive got the truck for that ;) in a park....in broad daylight...lol. Ah the stories... yet another reason I love this girl. Most recent crazy one was in the back bedroom of a church parsonage...muahaha:twisted: :twisted: then she rubbed me off while I had her pressed against the wall of her grandma's front porch.
 
Where the hell was this thread in 1999 when I got married....:frustrate :frustrate :frustrate :frustrate :frustrate :frustrate
:frustrate :frustrate :frustrate :frustrate
 
Ohh god... I just came across this. Holy friggin crap I am so glad that I broke it off with that girl. I dated 25 more before I settled down and got married. I can't imagine how terrible my life would have been if I had stayed with that woman lmfao...
 
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