My intensions are to push my bodyweight up to 230. I'm probably not going to do it all in one shot. I always have a game plan and I know what I'm supposed to do. But I'm also aware of my impulsive behavior and falling victim to what I want to do, more than what I need to be doing

. Here's where I'm at now.....
Early December I had finished a stretch of a few months where I pretty much put a stop to all hypertrophy training. I was doing a lot of boxing and conditioning type work, I was still using weights but not any kind of structure, just using the weights for more conditioning and endurance. I was down to 184-186. Probably the best cardiovascular shape I had been in the past few years. Once I started lifting a little bit more, probably second week of December, I was pretty disappointed in how bad my strength was. Legs hadn't lost too much, but all my pressing strength was down . Insert the rebound and by early January I'm around 200 and starting this thread.
Started off great, strength skyrocketed, and actually I'm still making strength games right up until now, no problems there. But the scale weight wasn't budging despite eating 3500 to 3800 calories per day. I hit a high of 208 so far but I'm still bouncing between 200-205.
My metabolism is jacked up from all the cardio I was doing. I was eating 3000cal loosing weight at 190lbs at one point. One of the guys I was training with, same height, same weight, eating about the same amount of food as me everyday and he's chubby and gaining weight while I'm getting ripped lol. I think it's just finally starting to slow down as I'm just now noticing that for the past few days I've been maintaining my body weight on a little bit lower calories than I had been eating. Just making/taking notes, I keep them to see how trends are going.
In the mix of all this, just stressed out all the time, anxious and feeling lazy. Not feeling great as a whole and I get the seasonal depression pretty bad.
Took a little vacation and since I've been back I'm just cruising on autopilot. I actually haven't taken any gear in about 10 days (last pin 3 days before vacation) I'm dropping NPP just in case it's contributed to my anxiety, continue on with a random shot of testosterone here and there for the next few weeks and I'm gonna keep pushing my food. Maintaining 200-205lbs is my normal. So I'm not worried about anything here. But I'm going to continue on my way when some of my "supplies" show up, If I'm feeling solid then I'll push for another 10-15lbs and make assessments again. And hopefully not change my mind three times along the way
I'm waiting on more test, primo and HGH and I'm going to try to stick with just those on my next push.