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What did it take for you too "grow up?"

chrisishere

New member
Being that im 20, i still feel like im 17, i feel unprepared, and below everyone else. This might sound like a rant but i dont understand how something hasnt clicked in me. I graduated highschool at 17 and started college, i moved into the dorms, back then i was 5'6 135lb, the average person there was 6 foot plus, and weighed close too 170-230, it was also more of a sports college, so everyone was a genetic freak, confident, chiseled jaw. I wasnt even average height (most being 5'8) for the chicks, so you can guess how many times i got laid my entire time there.

I was heavily involved on campus too make up for it, president of organizations, i got my weight up too 165, but still none of it helped. I was always the little short dude. It's not completely about that, i have no confidence, probably from being outclassed, did i mention most if not all kids their were 2-3 years older than me?

I feel like if i dont figure out how too change this it will destroy my life, i know how much environment affects ones psyche. Now everytime i meet someone all i hear is them saying "how ****ing short and small". It sucks cause i know im worth more than that.

My only thing i can think of is starting mma or boxing, whenever confronted by anyone their my fight or flight would just spaz out, i couldnt convince myself too throw a punch even if they slapped me. How can i finally "get it"?
 
People "click" at different times. It happened to me twice; once at 22 and another time at 31. Don't rush yourself and let it be organic. Some people don't grow up til they are much older. You are still young, don't be so hard on yourself by comparing yourself to others. Enjoy the ride and believe in yourself.... :)
 
chrisishere said:
Being that im 20, i still feel like im 17, i feel unprepared, and below everyone else. This might sound like a rant but i dont understand how something hasnt clicked in me. I graduated highschool at 17 and started college, i moved into the dorms, back then i was 5'6 135lb, the average person there was 6 foot plus, and weighed close too 170-230, it was also more of a sports college, so everyone was a genetic freak, confident, chiseled jaw. I wasnt even average height (most being 5'8) for the chicks, so you can guess how many times i got laid my entire time there.

I was heavily involved on campus too make up for it, president of organizations, i got my weight up too 165, but still none of it helped. I was always the little short dude. It's not completely about that, i have no confidence, probably from being outclassed, did i mention most if not all kids their were 2-3 years older than me?

I feel like if i dont figure out how too change this it will destroy my life, i know how much environment affects ones psyche. Now everytime i meet someone all i hear is them saying "how ****ing short and small". It sucks cause i know im worth more than that.

My only thing i can think of is starting mma or boxing, whenever confronted by anyone their my fight or flight would just spaz out, i couldnt convince myself too throw a punch even if they slapped me. How can i finally "get it"?
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Throwing in my 2 cents:
Your idea to start with martial arts is on point. It will give you the confidence you need. Boxing would be a good choice, considering your weight and height.
Cheers, HG
 
I know many Bros that are shorter than you that pull some of the hottest tail around. The thing about these short dudes that pull tail is that they are shredded and cocky.


Practice your game, go on dates, get shredded, and be funny!
 
allbrawn said:
I know many Bros that are shorter than you that pull some of the hottest tail around. The thing about these short dudes that pull tail is that they are shredded and cocky.


Practice your game, go on dates, get shredded, and be funny!
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Yup, a guy I dated was 2 inches shorter than me (5'4) but he was the cockiest sob I knew.
 
Comes with responsibility IMO

Moving out
Full time job
Long term relationship
Buy a house
Marriage
Kids

Etc
 
Driven2lift said:
Comes with responsibility IMO

Moving out
Full time job
Long term relationship
Buy a house
Marriage
Kids

Etc
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Agree. I would even add part time job in high school.

Once I got a job my Junior year of high school, that was it. I was living at home, but responsible for all of my own purchases including food, clothes, etc.
 
When I cut the tether from M&P at age 18. I moved out on my own. Could not wait to leave home and I went from comfortable middle class to poor in an instant. FInding enough to eat was rough. Crappy living conditions. etc.etc. Grew up very fast. But it was fun. Benefit of being so young is considerable optimism, ignorance and energy make one able to shrug off any difficult situation. We had no venue to complain as there is now. You just did what needed to be done.
 
Well responsibility sounds right, next semester I'll be a full time student, job, so of course I'll he paying for it all. Let's see how this goes.
 
IMHO, he can't suddenly change from "nerdy" to "badass-cocky", it's not his nature.
To make him confident, martial arts ( a non-bullsh*- version) is a good way. It will give him character and shape his body.
If he has a caring family, he should be glad and there is nothing wrong with relying partly on them.

I left my home at the age of 16. With 18 joined the military and did martial arts since I was 14.
What shaped me most was martial arts and military, both gave me discipline and self confidence.
Never had a family to return to (alcoholic parents), it was survival what shaped me.
He has no need for survival and should not jump into icy waters as some are suggesting, IMHO.
 
My father was diagnosed as terminal when I was 19 and died when I was 20. I was a complete lazy screw up before he died. It was almost as if I got the phone call saying he passed that I grew up.
 
AE14 said:
My father was diagnosed as terminal when I was 19 and died when I was 20. I was a complete lazy screw up before he died. It was almost as if I got the phone call saying he passed that I grew up.
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I agree, special circumstances will make you grow up fast.
 
puccah8808 said:
People "click" at different times. It happened to me twice; once at 22 and another time at 31. Don't rush yourself and let it be organic. Some people don't grow up til they are much older. You are still young, don't be so hard on yourself by comparing yourself to others. Enjoy the ride and believe in yourself.... :)
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perfect advice man^^^

OP just give it time.
 
IMHO one of the biggest parts of “growing up” is finally realizing that it doesn’t matter what others think. More than 99% of the people that you encounter will only be seen once in your life. So there’s really no reason to worry or care if they’re impressed or not. You’ll slowly start to realize that the one of the most common things that gives people confidence is not worrying what others think. I know it sounds like a cliché grandfather thing to say, but it’s definitely one of the biggest things that I see holding people back.

Another thing to remember is that you don’t have to be better than anyone physically or in other areas in order to be confident and feel good about yourself. The people that rely on pointing out that they are amazing in one area tend to be overcompensating for the fact that they are self-conscious of other areas that they are lacking. The chiseled jaw genetic freaks don’t get any benefits from their genetics when they’re having a dinner conversation with someone. Dancing pec’s only get a laugh once or twice. :lmao:

Martial Arts is a fantastic idea, but not with the goal of learning methods to retaliate or proceed in a fight. It’s a great way to meet and grow with new people. And if you join a good group, not only will you gain confidence, but you’ll help build the confidence of others as well.
 
hokiebird said:
IMHO one of the biggest parts of “growing up” is finally realizing that it doesn’t matter what others think. More than 99% of the people that you encounter will only be seen once in your life. So there’s really no reason to worry or care if they’re impressed or not. You’ll slowly start to realize that the one of the most common things that gives people confidence is not worrying what others think. I know it sounds like a cliché grandfather thing to say, but it’s definitely one of the biggest things that I see holding people back.

Another thing to remember is that you don’t have to be better than anyone physically or in other areas in order to be confident and feel good about yourself. The people that rely on pointing out that they are amazing in one area tend to be overcompensating for the fact that they are self-conscious of other areas that they are lacking. The chiseled jaw genetic freaks don’t get any benefits from their genetics when they’re having a dinner conversation with someone. Dancing pec’s only get a laugh once or twice. :lmao:

Martial Arts is a fantastic idea, but not with the goal of learning methods to retaliate or proceed in a fight. It’s a great way to meet and grow with new people. And if you join a good group, not only will you gain confidence, but you’ll help build the confidence of others as well.
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You are right. But knowing that it doesn't matter what others think about you, is no help if you lack confidence.
It's like saying: "Don't be shy! " to a shy dude. It does not help him.
Confidence can be build to a certain degree. Exposing himself to a hard physical regime, with discipline, will help, I bet on it.
He said he is president of organizations, meaning he is proud on this aspect, now he needs to round it up and get "physical confident" too, IMHO.
 
I think I'm going too start MMA, not too retaliate, but it will help knowing I have a cool skill, it's a learning process and being amongst Older people didn't help, but it'd better than when I started. It just sucks sometimes, cause I workout regularly, smart as hell, involved on campus, but all alot of people see is some small guy, sucks.
 
hairygrandpa said:
I agree, special circumstances will make you grow up fast.
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my wife and I talk about it all the time. She comments on my "drive" all the time. I always express the same sentiment. My father died at 54 and never really made a name for himself. It is essential that I do it for him.

When my daughter asks about him dying so young, I always say the same thing "its not something you get over, you just get used to it"

He is the first reason I work so hard. With that said, have my daughter at 26 finished the growing up process :)
 
chrisishere said:
I think I'm going too start MMA, not too retaliate, but it will help knowing I have a cool skill, it's a learning process and being amongst Older people didn't help, but it'd better than when I started. It just sucks sometimes, cause I workout regularly, smart as hell, involved on campus, but all alot of people see is some small guy, sucks.
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Great ! Let us know how it goes for you. Believe me when I say: I've NEVER thought about someone "how small he is", I swear!
For many years I trained people of all sizes. Thinking about it, I remember at least two shorter guys with outstanding speed and ability's I always looked up to. One is now Vize German Champion Seniors in Shotokan Karate.
 
chrisishere said:
I think I'm going too start MMA, not too retaliate, but it will help knowing I have a cool skill, it's a learning process and being amongst Older people didn't help, but it'd better than when I started. It just sucks sometimes, cause I workout regularly, smart as hell, involved on campus, but all alot of people see is some small guy, sucks.
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I know a guy who trains at Team Alpha Male and he's a skinny little guy, and Lance Palmer is only 5'6.
 
I'm 29 and often feel like I'm 18 lol. Although it seems the only things that have made me mature the most drastically were pain. Emotional and physical pain. Pain makes you change believe me
 
I'm 47 and often feel like I'm 20.
This feeling suddenly stops, when my arthritic knee hurts, lol.
 
Second the recommendation on martial arts or boxing. It's funny, I've tried, with my son and 2 stepsons, to teach them about hard work and having life goals. When you are young and living off of someone else (parents) you "really" don't listen to advice or teaching. It's only when it's your turn to pay the bills that you "grow up".
 
Obviously you have some intelligence since you graduated early and are in college. So, my guess is you have low self esteem. As said above, why worry about what someone thinks of you. Show confidence. One way to gain confidence is look at people in their eyes. You make eye contact you automatically get a little confidence from it. I'd guess you can carry on a good conversation. Women prefer that over a lunk.
 
hairygrandpa said:
I agree, special circumstances will make you grow up fast.
Click to expand...

This is an important point. If upbringing failed to nail home good work ethics and drive, etc then it will take something to stimulate it.

OP you need to figure out what things are causing your lack of confidence before you know how to tackle it. As for hight strengthen upper body and practice better posture this'll give you an inch at the very least. Then buy some inch lifts to slip in your shoes you are now 5'8 so you can shut f#ck up about that :) what else is the issue?
 
I think my main thing is not knowing how too fight, mma lessons cost a **** ton. I feel like if i knew how too protect myself, i would be more comfortable in situations. I dont know what happened growing up but whenever im in an argument (minor nonsense ones) i expect all hell too break loose and the person too fly off the handle.
 
Lovely. Get into MMA then. And I assume since you on here you are also nutrition and supplement minded? You can't lose bro.
 
I got into Muay Thai and gained a ton of confidence along with some new friends. :) :win win:
 
Ah also I would recommend you look in Geoff Thompsons old work (DVDs and books) on fighting. That gets to the real nitty gritty of it because remember MMA is a sport and although it will greatly help you a real fight isn't quite the same it's a lot quicker and more violent. So check him out.
 
kenpoengineer said:
Second the recommendation on martial arts or boxing. It's funny, I've tried, with my son and 2 stepsons, to teach them about hard work and having life goals. When you are young and living off of someone else (parents) you "really" don't listen to advice or teaching. It's only when it's your turn to pay the bills that you "grow up".
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100% true !
 
In the late 80's -early 90's I worked as a bouncer for a discotheque. I got into "real" fights only 4 times in my life, even as a much hated doorman, guessing that is probable you will never have to fight, ever.
 
hairygrandpa said:
In the late 80's -early 90's I worked as a bouncer for a discotheque. I got into "real" fights only 4 times in my life, even as a much hated doorman, guessing that its probable you will never have to fight, ever.
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Meaning, being physically assaulted because of your height is highly unlikely.
Ah, giving someone a bitchslap doesn't count as "real" fight, just to clarify.
 
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