Coming out of a 9 year relationship

goingtogrow

New member
Just looking for some advice. My partner has left me for another man after 9 years. I began my relationship at the age of 17 had two children with her and I'm now 26.

Basically the last 3 years I didn't show her any attention! I will admit I was selfish. All I did was come home from work and do nothing, romantic or help. I was never violent or did drugs etc. I guess she just got bored.

Anyway, I have given her the house and car because of the kids but at the same time I was made redundant from my job.

Her new partner is really well off and is treating her well! To be honest I feel like utter ****! I feel so down and depressed. I constantly feel sad and have this horrible sick feeling In my chest.

I'm looking for a new job at the moment, but apart from that all I have is the gym and that Only lasts an hour of my day.

Just looking for advice off anyone who's been in this position, how did you make yourself feel better and what did you do to cope!

I just feel so **** :(
 
I have no advice but I'm sorry that happened...at least you know why it happened and are taking responsibility for it. That is admirable. I don't want to say what I think id do in that situation, since I don't have that experience and don't wanna fill your head with bad advice...wish you the best man.
 
my previous relationship was 7 years, she left because of the same circumstance, no kids with her though and not married, stayed single for one year and met my wife off of myspace almost 6 years ago and now have a 6 month old boy, literally the night we met she moved in the next day and we've been together every day since....
 
It's not advice, moreso drawing from experience. Keep yourself busy (if you can) rather than locking yourself away. Time's a healer. Not saying things are gonna get better in one week, it'll take a long time; but you never know what might pop up.
 
goingtogrow said:
Just looking for some advice. My partner has left me for another man after 9 years. I began my relationship at the age of 17 had two children with her and I'm now 26.

Basically the last 3 years I didn't show her any attention! I will admit I was selfish. All I did was come home from work and do nothing, romantic or help. I was never violent or did drugs etc. I guess she just got bored.

Anyway, I have given her the house and car because of the kids but at the same time I was made redundant from my job.

Her new partner is really well off and is treating her well! To be honest I feel like utter ****! I feel so down and depressed. I constantly feel sad and have this horrible sick feeling In my chest.

I'm looking for a new job at the moment, but apart from that all I have is the gym and that Only lasts an hour of my day.

Just looking for advice off anyone who's been in this position, how did you make yourself feel better and what did you do to cope!

I just feel so **** :(
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use this as a learning experience on becoming a better person and learn from the mistakes.def take some time to morn and then pick yourself up and get back in the game.
 
I agree, keep yourself busy. Enjoy the club scene, go out with old friends, make new friends, and play the field. Hook ups can make you feel a lot better about yourself.
 
She didn't get bored IMO. Girls rarely tell the truth when it comes to that. Or the whole truth at least.
I am betting there was a different reason and she used that as her scapegoat. It was bound to happen.

Now is the time to assess your short term goals. Health wise, gym, finance, education? Whatever it may be. Find yourself a few hobbies and stick with them. Love creates the same chemical release in the brain as addictive drugs do. It is not uncommon to see people newly out of a relationship acting/feeling like they just quit a drug. Personal wellness all around would be a nice replacement addiction. You'd be surprised at how big a chunk of your day diet, lifting, and supplementation can take up.
Maybe you can join a club or something (not a vigilante biker club!).
Good luck.
 
Check out a couple books like The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman to learn how to have a healthy marriage. Another is called Personality Plus, don't remember the author. It tells about the 4 prominent personality traits and how to have relationships with people that have differing personalities.

Use the time to learn how to have a better relationship next time, or potentially renew the one with her since she is the mother of your kids. Good marriages actually take work, they don't just happen. Anytime someone tells you differently, I would find different advice.

My life being a case study. I started dating a chick that began as a fling. It kept going for a while and I bought a house about 18 months in to it. She moved in with her daughter. I kept trying to do a lot of single guy things that she didn't care for. All of my friends said dump her, kick her out, move on. For some reason I couldn't do it. She loved me, but I couldn't say I loved her for a while. We fought all the time. My friends said she can't change you, which is correct. But I needed to change. We lived together for a couple years, and met some folks that had good relationships and marriages. We started hanging around people that treated others with respect and non judgement. We gave our lives over to Jesus Christ on Oct. 31, 2004, and got married on March 26, 2005. We both read those books along with others. We stopped hanging around people that weren't uplifting and were just negative. Our marriage has been better than the 3.5 years prior, because we learned how to have a better relationship. I can say I definitely love her now more than ever. I thank God everyday that he put people in my life to be a good example to follow.

You can't change her, and she can't change you. But if you don't change you, you will be replaying this scene over again down the road. Ask someone who has been divorced several times. In fact my wife was divorced twice before. But she decided she wanted a better marriage this time and put in time and effort to do it.
 
i always recommend therapy, if only just to work on yourself so that when you get into a new relationship you'll be ready. keep your head up!!
 
Just remember that everything happens for a reason, so there's not much point in getting down about it. You already completed the hard part, and that's self acceptance and realization of what went wrong. Don't beat yourself up. Just take things day at a time. It's probably best not to sit around and let yourself dwell on the past. Try to stay active to keep your mind active. Good Luck
 
Thanks for the replys. I dunno I still feel down but not as bad now. I guess time is a healer. Sometimes I really really bad so I just get up
And do something or go somewhere. I just hope I find someone else one day. I'll never repeat the same mistakes again.

Thanks for the kind words and support guys
 
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