Share Your Favourite Jokes...

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  1. Share Your Favourite Jokes...


    A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep, he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés, the young man realized he could not hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped. "Spot!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, that was lying at the young man's feet. Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply.
    "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one. "Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he sh1ts on you!"
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  2. What do you call a Melmacian that fell in a pond?
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  3. this is wrong but i laughed my ass off when i heard it..



    Q- What's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics??









































    A- Not being retarded.....
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2
  4. Here's another...


    A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to the old Italian woman in the elevator with her and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
    Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No 5, $150 an ounce!"
    About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns, bends over, and farts. "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound".
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  5. Quote Originally Posted by T-Bone;
    What do you call a Melmacian that fell in a pond?
    Would you like to reveal the answer?
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  6. Quote Originally Posted by Gixxer82;
    nycste?
    The ball is now fully in your court, ncyste...
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  7. Talking Are my testicles black?


    A man is in the hospital recoving from an operation and has been moved from ICU to a standard room. Although he still has the IV and Oxygen, his recovery is progressing fine and he is looking forward to going home in a few days if all looks good to the doctors.

    The attending nurse comes into his room and is checking the equipment and his vitals and through his oxygen mask he asks, "are my testicles black?"

    The nurse is a bit flabergasted by the question and says, "Sir, I am only here to check on your IV and bloodpressure, you will have to ask your doctor that question"

    He repeats himself, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

    Forcefully she retorts, "Sir that is not part of my duties"

    When he asks her again, "are my tesiticles black?" , she senses his urgency and being empathetic to his situation, she lifts his gown grabs him by the sack, looks, and replies, "no, they look fine to me".

    He removes his mask and spouts, "Honey, I appreciate the extra attention, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

  8. Quote Originally Posted by lategainer View Post
    A man is in the hospital recoving from an operation and has been moved from ICU to a standard room. Although he still has the IV and Oxygen, his recovery is progressing fine and he is looking forward to going home in a few days if all looks good to the doctors.

    The attending nurse comes into his room and is checking the equipment and his vitals and through his oxygen mask he asks, "are my testicles black?"

    The nurse is a bit flabergasted by the question and says, "Sir, I am only here to check on your IV and bloodpressure, you will have to ask your doctor that question"

    He repeats himself, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

    Forcefully she retorts, "Sir that is not part of my duties"

    When he asks her again, "are my tesiticles black?" , she senses his urgency and being empathetic to his situation, she lifts his gown grabs him by the sack, looks, and replies, "no, they look fine to me".

    He removes his mask and spouts, "Honey, I appreciate the extra attention, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"
    lmao, i like tripdogs joke better.

    jokes that make fun of people always get me laughing. carlos mencia was hilarious. same **** for russell peters

  9. Three nuns die and they're at the Pearly Gates with St. Peter. St. Peter says " Not so fast, you must prove that you know the word of the lord so I'm gonna give you each 1 question and you can some in if you answer it "

    The nuns are scared and mumbling amongst each other because they didn't expect this. One nun finally gets the nerve and she goes up for the first question.

    St. Peter asks the 1st nun " Who is the first man God put on earth ? " The nun feels relieved and says " Adam ".

    The second nun is now at ease and awaits for her question. St. Peters asks her " Who is the first woman God put on earth ? " The nun gets excited and says " Eve ! ".

    The third nun is all confident until St. Peter asks her " What's the first thing Eve said to Adam ? " The nun is scared and doesn't know what to say so she looks at St. Peter and says " Oh my God, that's a hard one " St. Peter opens the gate and lets her in because that's the first thing Eve said to Adam.

  10. Q: What's worse than a male-chauvinist pig?

    A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

  11. Quote Originally Posted by Gixxer82 View Post
    nycste?
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  12. A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, "Here's a great sale on tires!"
    His wife replied, "What do you want tires for? You don't have a car." To that, the man said, "I don't complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?"
    Product Educator | USPowders
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  13. A hippie gets on the bus and spots a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her "Can we have sex?"

    "NO," she replies, "I'm married to God."

    She stands up, and gets off at the next stop. The bus driver, who overheard turns to the hippie and says "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"

    "Yeah?" says the hippie.

    "Yeah!" says the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

    The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

    "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face.

    "Have sex with me."

    The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

    'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

    "Ha-ha," he cries "I am the hippie!"

    "Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I am the bus driver!"

  14. This is an old one worthy of being recycled...

    Hillary Clinton is visiting a hospital as she learns more about the state of healthcare and pushes her idea for universal coverage. While walking with some of the Drs and hospital admin she looks into one of the rooms and sees a nurse going down on a male patient.

    Surprised, she asks the Drs what's going on.

    "Oh, that patient has a rare condition called "Spermusbacktemuptus" where if he does not ejaculate frequently, his sperm will get so backed up he'll die." said the Dr.

    Satisfied with this explanation, Mrs Clinton and the staff continue walking.

    After walking a few yards more down the hallway, Hillary then peers into a room and sees a man masturbating and in disgust asks "What kind of hospital are you running here?!!"

    "That patient also has spermusbacktemuptus, however he has no health insurance." the Dr replied.

  15. Alright....So there are 4 people on an airplane. There is the pilot, a boyscout, Martin Luther King Jr., and the Pope. Suddenly the plane starts to drastically loose altitude and they all realize that there is only 3 parachutes on board.

    The pilot says "I have a wife and kids, so I'm taking one" and jumps out.

    Martin Luther King says "I am the smartest and most well-known negro on this planet, so I'm taking one" and jumps out.

    So now there is one left, and the Pope tells the Boyscout "Son you take the last one I have had a long life, and yours is still ahead of you."

    The boyscout replies "Pope I wouldn't worry too much about it, we both have one. The smartest Negro on the planet just jumped out with my Back Pack..LOL"
    Armed to the teeth.

  16. Gixxer's momma's like a gun, two cocks and she's loaded!
    Armed to the teeth.

  17. Gixxer's mom is so hairy that he was born with rug burn.
    Armed to the teeth.

  18. Quote Originally Posted by T-Bone;
    What do you call a Melmacian that fell in a pond?
    What's the answer?
    Product Educator | USPowders
    Statements made by this online persona are the sole property of the owner, and do not necessarily reflect USPowders’ opinion as a whole.

  19. What has 10 teeth, a few hundred feet, and a combined IQ of 12?...





    The front row at the republican national convention.

  20. Quote Originally Posted by manifesto View Post
    Alright....So there are 4 people on an airplane. There is the pilot, a boyscout, Martin Luther King Jr., and the Pope. Suddenly the plane starts to drastically loose altitude and they all realize that there is only 3 parachutes on board.

    The pilot says "I have a wife and kids, so I'm taking one" and jumps out.

    Martin Luther King says "I am the smartest and most well-known negro on this planet, so I'm taking one" and jumps out.

    So now there is one left, and the Pope tells the Boyscout "Son you take the last one I have had a long life, and yours is still ahead of you."

    The boyscout replies "Pope I wouldn't worry too much about it, we both have one. The smartest Negro on the planet just jumped out with my Back Pack..LOL"
    i remember that one
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  21. Quote Originally Posted by freqfly;
    A hippie gets on the bus and spots a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her "Can we have sex?"

    "NO," she replies, "I'm married to God."

    She stands up, and gets off at the next stop. The bus driver, who overheard turns to the hippie and says "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"

    "Yeah?" says the hippie.

    "Yeah!" says the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

    The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

    "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face.

    "Have sex with me."

    The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

    'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

    "Ha-ha," he cries "I am the hippie!"

    "Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I am the bus driver!"
    Creative!
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  22. Quote Originally Posted by spatch View Post
    What has 10 teeth, a few hundred feet, and a combined IQ of 12?...





    The front row at the republican national convention.
    That's because they are the journalists!
    Recent log:http://anabolicminds.com/forum/supplement-reviews-logs/213350-lean-efx-refined.html

  23. Quote Originally Posted by bpmartyr View Post
    That's because they are the journalists!
    Yes, and breaking news in "The Daily Red Neck" - The civil war is over!

  24. Quote Originally Posted by T-Bone;
    What do you call a Melmacian that fell in a pond?
    Final call, T-Bone! What's the answer?
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    Statements made by this online persona are the sole property of the owner, and do not necessarily reflect USPowders’ opinion as a whole.

  25. A Beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While Doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?" "Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities." "That's right," said the doctor.He then began to fondle her Breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked. "Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor.Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?" "Yes," she said, "You're getting syphilis . . . . which is why I came here In the first place
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