[strategicmove]

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep, he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés, the young man realized he could not hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped. "Spot!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, that was lying at the young man's feet. Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply.
"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one. "Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he sh1ts on you!"

[T-Bone]

What do you call a Melmacian that fell in a pond?

[TripDog]

this is wrong but i laughed my ass off when i heard it..



Q- What's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics??









































A- Not being retarded.....

[strategicmove]

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to the old Italian woman in the elevator with her and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns, bends over, and farts. "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound".

[strategicmove]

Originally Posted by T-Bone;

What do you call a Melmacian that fell in a pond?

Would you like to reveal the answer?

[Gixxer82]

Originally Posted by T-Bone

What do you call a Melmacian that fell in a pond?

nycste?

[strategicmove]

Originally Posted by Gixxer82;

nycste?

The ball is now fully in your court, ncyste...

[lategainer]

A man is in the hospital recoving from an operation and has been moved from ICU to a standard room. Although he still has the IV and Oxygen, his recovery is progressing fine and he is looking forward to going home in a few days if all looks good to the doctors.

The attending nurse comes into his room and is checking the equipment and his vitals and through his oxygen mask he asks, "are my testicles black?"

The nurse is a bit flabergasted by the question and says, "Sir, I am only here to check on your IV and bloodpressure, you will have to ask your doctor that question"

He repeats himself, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Forcefully she retorts, "Sir that is not part of my duties"

When he asks her again, "are my tesiticles black?" , she senses his urgency and being empathetic to his situation, she lifts his gown grabs him by the sack, looks, and replies, "no, they look fine to me".

He removes his mask and spouts, "Honey, I appreciate the extra attention, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

[Cellardude]

Originally Posted by lategainer

A man is in the hospital recoving from an operation and has been moved from ICU to a standard room. Although he still has the IV and Oxygen, his recovery is progressing fine and he is looking forward to going home in a few days if all looks good to the doctors.

The attending nurse comes into his room and is checking the equipment and his vitals and through his oxygen mask he asks, "are my testicles black?"

The nurse is a bit flabergasted by the question and says, "Sir, I am only here to check on your IV and bloodpressure, you will have to ask your doctor that question"

He repeats himself, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Forcefully she retorts, "Sir that is not part of my duties"

When he asks her again, "are my tesiticles black?" , she senses his urgency and being empathetic to his situation, she lifts his gown grabs him by the sack, looks, and replies, "no, they look fine to me".

He removes his mask and spouts, "Honey, I appreciate the extra attention, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

lmao, i like tripdogs joke better.

jokes that make fun of people always get me laughing. carlos mencia was hilarious. same **** for russell peters

[Iron Warrior]

Three nuns die and they're at the Pearly Gates with St. Peter. St. Peter says " Not so fast, you must prove that you know the word of the lord so I'm gonna give you each 1 question and you can some in if you answer it "

The nuns are scared and mumbling amongst each other because they didn't expect this. One nun finally gets the nerve and she goes up for the first question.

St. Peter asks the 1st nun " Who is the first man God put on earth ? " The nun feels relieved and says " Adam ".

The second nun is now at ease and awaits for her question. St. Peters asks her " Who is the first woman God put on earth ? " The nun gets excited and says " Eve ! ".

The third nun is all confident until St. Peter asks her " What's the first thing Eve said to Adam ? " The nun is scared and doesn't know what to say so she looks at St. Peter and says " Oh my God, that's a hard one " St. Peter opens the gate and lets her in because that's the first thing Eve said to Adam.

[Irish Cannon]

Q: What's worse than a male-chauvinist pig?

A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

[TripDog]

Originally Posted by Gixxer82

nycste?

[strategicmove]

A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, "Here's a great sale on tires!"
His wife replied, "What do you want tires for? You don't have a car." To that, the man said, "I don't complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?"