Gym Jerkoffs

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  1. Gym Jerkoffs


    I'd like to start a thread about the biggest jerkoffs we see in the gym. Tell your gym jerkoff stories. here's mine:

    I have seen plenty of jerkoffs in my day, but this guy I currently see a few times a week is tops on my list. He's about 6', 160-170lbs, mid 30s, and not muscular whatsoever, pretty frail. The guy comes in about twice a week, & every time its the exact same workout.

    He first goes to the BB bench press, wearing construction gloves. I have seen him bench 135, he stalled after about 5-6 reps. He normally will not even warm up, but load up 225 on the bar. Now I know from seeing him that 225 is waaay over 1RM. He will lift the bar up & hold it with arms fully extended while sort of raising his shoulder blades off the bench so bar the moves about 2", but his elbows never bend. He'll grunt & do 6-8 reps like that. Then he will put 275 on & get a few reps in the same way. I am not exaggerating, the guys elbows are locked the whole time for 3-4 sets.

    Not done yet, he heads to the smith machine. He sets the bar to the highest level & loads up 2 plates per side. No warmup again, he gets under it & holds it over his head like he's gonna shoulder press it. He will then use the exact same range of motion he did on the bench, with elbows locked. he uses his hips & legs to get a little 1" thrust going too. A few more sets like this follow. On to his 3rd & final exercise, preacher curls. Of course no warmup, he loads 35s on the EZ bar. He keeps the bar on the ground as it would be too heavy to lift up from the preacher. He will use all his might & momentum to heave the bar over the preacher & set his elbows on top. Then he will allow the weight to drop maybe 3 inches. The guy will grunt & trun red in the face while he pumps 8-10 reps while going from 12:00 to not even 10:00. Now all the weight on a preacher is inthe bottom half of the movement. The top half is only about 1/3 of the weight. 3-4 sets like that & he's done until the next time. He will then strut around with imaginary lat syndrome a bit on his way out. Whenever I can, I like to do whatever exercise he's doing with much more weight & lift it slow & correctly just to make him look like the butt**** he is.

    The dip**** asked me for a spot with 275 on the bench once, & I told him " no way, I know for a fact you can't lift that & you're gonna hurt yourself". He gave me a look & did it anyway w/o a spot. He must just want to appear strong, I can think of no other reason for this nonsense. I doubt anyone is impressed as I hear people laughing every time. I will only laugh when he gets hurt. I always tell young guys that lift with bad form, "would you rather look strong or be strong?, then lift correctly."


  2. LOL that's one of the worst gym stories I've heard.
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  3. Hey don't knock my secret weight exercises. How do think Ronnie got to be so big.

  4. At the gym I go to there is this strange old guy that walks around the free weight area and gawks at everyone. Tues I was working legs and he came over to the cable machine and acted like he was working out so he could watch all of us. I noticed that he only had 1 plate (5lbs) on the thing and he was going to town with it....lol. Anyhow, when I finished up I told some bro's bye and headed for the locker room. Our locker room has a front door and a back door. Aparently he came in through the back door and seemed to be waiting on me. I say that because as soon as I came in he walked around the corner to a locker right in front of me. He had no reason to be around the corner because there is nothing there. I started changing (I had on shorts with compression shorts under them) and he started changing too. My gaydar was going off the hook so I didn't bother changing the compression shorts. I just put my pants on right over them...lol.

    So I leave the locker room and go to the rest room to wash my hands and the guy follows me in there with just a pair of shorts on. As I'm washing my hands, he gets a handfull of lotion and goes in one of the stalls. The last thing I heard before I hit the door was his shorts hit the floor! I don't want to think about what he was doing with that handfull of lotion.

  5. ohh grosss , what a gay guy
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  6. damn....


    I think I would switch gyms ASAP candle!!!!!!!!!!! That is f'ed up.

    On the flip side of this subject....i remember one time when i got a bar stuck on my chest when doing incline bench press. i was a lot more fatigued than i thought and went for "one last set" and on the last rep i failed and couldnt get the bar back onto the rack. I had to set it on my chest and kinda do a little limbo-like move to roll it down toward my waist and then push it onto the floor. Thank god there werent many people around...but i'm sure i made the "jerk-off" list on a message board somewhere.

  7. There was this one guy that used to go to my gym with pink spandex and a flower sports bra.

  8. I've been waiting for this thread forever! I was doing OVT training, it was leg day. I was doing squats supersetted with lunges, with 120 second rest intervals. A guy was doing smith squats next to me with like half the weight, and I can see him eyeballing me out of the corner of my eye. Now when I work out, I have System of a Down blasting through earbuds, so I'm in my own world. This guy signals for me to take my earbuds out, "Hey man, what's in the bottle", as he points to my drink. I reply "Biotest Surge and some creatine." He then says, "Did you ever try NITRO TECH!!!???", like his ****ing eyes were gonna pop out of his head. I say, "It's just whey protein." And he goes, "Nah, man, it's WAAAYYYY better than whey protein." I just gave him a dirty look and put my earbuds back in and added a little intensity to my squat. I always catch this guy watching me workout too.

  9. i was in the gym one day a few years ago and this little guy walks in, he was about 5'6 and maybe about 140lbs. his hair was all desheveld, coke bottle glasses like youd wear in a shop. anyway he comes walking in and im already thinking oh boy here we go. he goes to the locker room and changes, he is the funny part. he walks out in a power lifting suit that the front goes all the way down past his belly button. not to mention wearing shop boots. well he walks over to the lat pulldown and i can see him lowering the pin way too far being that he is too short to even reach the dam thing.
    he stands up on the bench and grabs the bar and jumps off of the bench to try and get the thing down. all he did was hang there swinging in the air. everyone in the place was like what the F__K!!!!!!!!!!

    trust me at my gym there are plenty more where that came from..........

  10. Sounds like we need to get him and the guy from my gym together supersoldier...lol. F**kin homos!
  11. this guy is a tool


    there is a guy at my gym that actually wears thick 'thinsulate' snow gloves while he is working out. on top of that, he wears two monster 'blinging' watches on one arm that go almost up his wrist. I have to leave the workout room when he shows up because the sight is just too ridiculous.

  12. Almost forgot. My gym has basketball courts. So naturally there's two groups of people that go there, the people there to lift weights, and the people there to play basketball. One day I look up and see these two skinny ass beanpole basketball player looking dudes with their shirts off, staring at their arms in the mirror as they do tricep pressdowns. And they were screaming and **** too, as they pressed minimal weight with their toothpick arms. As if they were saying "Hey, look at me". I was pissed. I wanted to go over there and rip their heads off. Don't get me wrong, I would be all for lifting with my shirt off, if that was allowed and other people did too. But these *******s that don't even lift come into my gym, and totally disrespect the rules, and everyone in there. I definitely wasn't the only one pissed off.

  13. We have a guy I call captain dumbass... he's a mid 40 something grey-haired man with little glasses... always where scrubs in green to work out; and some powerlifting shirt...
    guy is my height and weighs all of 180 at the most; his bone structure is larger than mine but he doesnt have the musclar build of me (and i'm not a very big guy, so i hope you can get the picture here)...

    he does the same workout everyday
    he warms up with 135 on the bench which he presses just fine... then he loads on two more 45s to make it 225... and starts his work sets...
    he does 3 reps of 225 with the worst form i've ever seen...

    i've seen people bounce the weight off their chest; this guy does that; but he also thrusts his legs and stomach into it to and basically shoves the bar off using his legs... and he BARELY gets 3 reps...
    then he goes up to 245 and 250 with 1 or 2 reps a piece...
    and after each set he walks around the gym for no apparent reason; acts like he owns the gym or something...

    after that he pretty much leaves... he's been doing the same routine for 3 months

  14. I had hoped this thread would bring some good stories, keep em coming.

    I actually have many jerk-offs in my gym, as its a Ballys. It sucks to be a serious lifter & go there, but it only costs me $9 a month. I had been going to real gyms but got an offer in the mail for that deal since I joined when I was like 16. The place is near where I work, so I can go at lunch too.

    Anyway, here's another jerk-off I saw today & see often. This guy is probably mid 40s, I see him a few times a week. He never lifts, he just does this every time for 30 minutes or more:
    He will stand on the mats where people do sit-ups & stuff & turn on his walkman. He will then face the chainlink fence that separates the weight room from the machine area so everyone in there can see him. He closes his eyes, holds both hands in the air open with palms forward (like he's playing patty-cake) & starts doing what I can only describe as an Indian Rain Dance type of thing. He sort of skips in place while keeping his hands up & never opens his eyes. I've seen this 20+ times & every time I see people stop & watch him with blank stares. I guess it is cardio, but why pay for a gym to do that, & why look like a fool in public?

  15. I have a gym jerk in my gym. He's about 20 years old I say and his stats are somewhere around 6'1 240 25%bf. He comes in only ever does arms and he wears a regular Tshirt but he just gotta role up the sleeves. Now let me tell you he walks around the gym staring in every mirror flexing his fat and flabby arms and seems to love them because they have some size. Whenever I work out near him (which is god awful because he smells like a fuc$ing dumpster) he tries to compare his arm size which is probably around the same size. This fat stinky tub of horse shi# thinks he's got it. I'm so tempted to say "pal take it easy your a fat load, pull the sleeves down because ya got nothin, your arms are that size because 80% of them are fat not muscle.

    It just bothers the hell out of me that he struts around the gym like he owns the joint, his form on all the exercises is terrible, momentum is this kids only hope in getting the weight lifted. My bro's and I just shake our heads everytime we see him in there, I'm tempted to talk to him and set him straight and tell him how if he got down to a healthy bf% he would be a skinny bitch. I'm sure he wants to look good but the attitude just gotta go.

  16. Try working out in Sedona some time..Oi!

    My gym is really a foo foo racket club with some wieghts and machines. There is a small cadre of lifters but the majority of people there are old tourists, old tennis players or rich young brats.

    Most of the time I play some angry music through my headphones to block out the ambient stupidity that permeates the gym.

    The one time I forgot to replace the batteries on my walkman I get an ear full of "The hiiiillls are alive with the sound of Mussssiiiiicc!!" coming from some old broad on the treadmill. She had HER headphones on and was singing to the music as loud as she could.

    OK. I tried to stay focused because I was on cycle and had no spotter so concentration was key. I decided the smith press was going to have to do. The room got quiet for awhile and I forgot about the singing until in the middle of my second heavy set.."ooooff Muuuusiiiiiccc!!"

    Ack!! Sh?t! Faaaak! Concentration gone. Bar nearly on chest before I could lockout.

    Then I got mad.

    The bar bounced back up fast with me cursing it upwards. The singer continued to croon away, oblivious as always, to the people around her.

    Anger rising to a focused fury I pounded out the last of that set while growling, snorting and generally sounding pretty scarey for my 180 pounds.

    Call it anger management if you will. Use the annoying negative stimulus to power your workouts. It works for me. lol

  17. damn, I'm kinda worried....you guys arent located in ohio are you??? lol I do some of this stuff every once in a while lol

  18. good thread...when i have a few hours to spare ill add my own

  19. I have two sets of gym jerkoffs

    The first set is the Under Armour guys....these tools come in EVERYDAY with the same exact UA shirst on...size XXXXS, no joke, these kids are like 145-150 lbs soaking wet. They do have a real spilt but LOVE to check themselves out in the mirrors and flex through their extremely tight shirts...I dunno, it just pisses me off. One of them has been lifting for like a month and tries to lift like his partner who is a lot bigger than him. So all I see is this tool squirming around under these weights for like 3 reps every set then he gets up and checks himself out

    Next are these two guys who come in, one who is actually in decent shape and the other is just his friend who's starting out it looks like...anyway, these are the guys who wear the weight belts for anything and everything they do...squats to freaking lateral raises to dips. Anyway, the kids are going for the Animal Pack look with the goddamn winter hats and taped up wrists for no reason...They proceed to perform excercises with HORRIBLE form, the kind of form that has person trainers and serious lifters turning in their graves-with waaay too much weight as well...I dont know why but I just want to go ask they what they hell they think they are doing when I see them, cuz for some reason it bothers the hell outta me seeing these kids. Example - they load up a bar for shrugs with like 45s and bang out a warmup set. THEN proceed to bump the weight up to 315 for working sets, now their range of motion is about an inch, inch and a half tops, but they sure do grunt loud enough to make it effective

    On the other hand my training parter knows this pisses so when I need to get fired up he just calls me the under armour kid or something about them to piss me off....so I guess it works out

  20. I saw some idiot last week doing dumbell decline bench press, not only with the belt as tight as humanly possible, the guy also had lifting straps on. Not just hanging there, actually wrapped on the 50lb or so dumbells. Must have a pretty weak grip if you have difficulty holding weight for a bench press....

    Also recently saw some rail-thin foreign guy who didn't have a clue trying to squat with like 25s on each side. He had straps on for some dumb reason too, wrapped on the bar. Now he had much difficulty doing even 1 half-ass rep. If he had to dump the bar, his hands would be stuck to it & he'd go down with it. Now that would be a story.

  21. The strangest thing I ever saw in my gym... I used to work at 5:00 am, and there weren't all that many people. So this old man stands in the middle of the cable crossover area.

    Now this is kinda hard to explain so bear with me. He removed ALL weight from the stack. He then grabbed the handle and faced away from it, and then proceeded to move the handle in a kind of overhead throwing motion. I couldn't help but stop and stare as this guy did easily over a hundred reps, the whole time with a blank stare on his face. What the hell?

  22. Not jerkoffs but I did see one or two odd people in gyms I go to. One of them walks with a limp and is skinny and probably has a leg problem because he sometimes uses a cane to walk. He hangs his cane on the smith machine when he does shoulder presses and it was a little odd to me when I was new to see a cane hooked on the smith machine.

  23. One of the gyms I go to keeps all of the cable attachments in the office, and you have to go ask to use them. I ask this one guy "Hey man, can I have the single handle for the cable?" And he looks at me like I'm retarded, points to every other attachment, first the rope, then the srtaight bar, then a v-shaped attachment. Finally he points to the one I want, and I tell him "That's the one." He looks at me and says "Oh, you mean the 'D-RING'???", like I'm ****ing stupid. Skinny mother****er that's never touched a weight in his life, too. *******.

  24. lots of gym jerkoffs right now...
    its the new years resolutioners... kinda makes me wish i owned a gym; because the money is GOOD right now... ****in packed out; get people to sign a 1 year contract in all their zeal; then when they cancel in the 2nd month get your $300 early-end contract fee

  25. Quote Originally Posted by Bean
    lots of gym jerkoffs right now...
    its the new years resolutioners... kinda makes me wish i owned a gym; because the money is GOOD right now... ****in packed out; get people to sign a 1 year contract in all their zeal; then when they cancel in the 2nd month get your $300 early-end contract fee
    Ah yes, the New Year's resolutioners. A classic group of jerk-offs. This is my least favorite time of year for that reason. The 1st week of January, my gym was mobbed with new faces. This week, it's already back to normal. It usually takes a few weeks for them to fade away, but hey, I'm not complaining. The less people in there, the better- for me at least.

    Stay tuned for the pre Spring Break crowd coming soon...
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