If you have kids/been divorced/in court/on probation, PLEASE READ!

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Read up on clomid! Peter North style loads are for real!

Is it a fertility drug or something? lol

How would I go about obtaining this? Would I need a prescription, or no? Or perhaps just Google?

You've sparked my interest, Myth.

 

[evankyle]

Hm, I didn't know that. I should get a recorder then. It'd help me out in the longrun, especially if my ex or anyone in her family insists on making any wild and crazy accusations.

Now, I'm worried about my ex leaving our son with her mother. I do believe my ex is much smarter (we've talked about it several times before) than to leave him with her mother. Her mother has a nasty past with CPS. She used to abuse my ex while she was growing up and still continues to. She abused her ex-husband, too. Oh, and let's not forget about her assaulting me. She also recently tried making accusations towards my mother at work (they both work at the hospital) and my mother almost lost her job. My ex's mother gets a kick out of all this. I already heard a rumor that she supposively said that she wasn't gonna have much to do with her grandson. Most likely because he's partly mine. I wouldn't put it past her, to hurt him just to hurt him, or to even try setting me up and calling the cops on me. I'm worried about him being abused. I'm extremely worried about this. I understand that while he's in my ex's custody, she can parent him how she wants and the same goes for me. But, what if I feel my ex's mother is a threat to him and my ex leaves him with her while she's at school or work? Am I allowed to call Social Services and for a police escort, and go pick up my son? Afterall, I have more rights to my son than his grandmother.

you are asking some good questions here. I think you should get legal advice on this. If you feel your mother in law is a danger to your son I would report this to your lawyer and ask his advice as soon as possible.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

you are asking some good questions here. I think you should get legal advice on this. If you feel your mother in law is a danger to your son I would report this to your lawyer and ask his advice as soon as possible.

I just have to wait until I have the money in order to pay for my attorneys. The criminal lawyer is more expensive, of course, but it's well worth it. I'm not gonna expect pro-bono attorneys and public defenders to fight my case. That's just asking for trouble. I've learned my lesson from being in court the first few times. They only can do so much, but when you hire an attorney, you're paying them to do absolutely whatever they can. They'll do anything for you.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Clomid is only showing up as being a fertility drug for women... :blink:

 

[crader]

Children are very curious and will ask a lot of questions. Even some we don't feel comfortable answering. I'm not talking about telling him as a toddler or a teen. Someday, when he's all grown up, he may wanna know why and how his mother and I 'didn't get along.' I'm not gonna make something up and lie to him. My ex loves to lie. She lies to everybody. I don't. I can be blunt and brutally honest. I can be critical, but I usually try being constructive about it. I'm just one of those people. I'm especially not gonna hide anything from my son. If he doesn't ask, then I won't tell. I'd never say horrible things just to have it out for my ex, though. She made a mistake. She'll regret it, if she isn't already. I've moved on. She'll just have to accept that. I'm wanting to maintain a friendship with my ex, as we've gone through so much. If not for each other, then for our son. He deserves to have both of us in his life. He deserves to be surrounded by love. He doesn't deserve to face any consequences from this situation. He did nothing wrong. I just hope that he knows and feels that his daddy wanted to be there this whole time. Babies and children are much more intelligent than we think.

That is fine as long as you to are willing to admit being wrong. I think that 15 is to young to make smart relationship decisions. Maturity comes with age and experience. As well if she is being abused she is looking to "fix" her life through someone else. If her parents are abusing her then she is likely even less mature mentally.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

That is fine as long as you to are willing to admit being wrong. I think that 15 is to young to make smart relationship decisions. Maturity comes with age and experience. As well if she is being abused she is looking to "fix" her life through someone else. If her parents are abusing her then she is likely even less mature mentally.

Everybody has a different way of parenting. I'm not going to talk about such things with my child until he's much older. Possibly in high school, maybe even college. I'm not just gonna be like, "Your mother cheated, that's why." I'm just gonna explain that she was young, most likely confused, didn't know what she wanted, made a mistake, and I decided that her and I should just be friends. Something along those lines.

My ex's father has had sole custody over her for years. Her mother has always had issues and still does. Her mother always gives her and her father a hard time. Her mother didn't have the best life growing up, so that could possibly contribute to why she is the way she is. She's just very spiteful, rude, and downright mean. She always knew better than to hit my ex in front of me because I would've gone crazy. I'm against child abuse and I won't even be spanking my child. I don't believe in it.

My ex's mother now tells people that she's 'afraid' of me. Well, hm. I'd be afraid of somebody who I falsely accused and put into jail, too.

 

[getupforletdo]

Damn man you are a trooper.......all i can say is keep on keeping on.........and i do believe that if you get in front of the judge and make it clear you find her mother a threat to your, your ex's, and your child's continued health, the judge will make it clear the child is not to stay with her. he can require there be others around when she see her grandson, if she chooses to see him. ill talk to my sister a bit more about all this.......she is currently finishing up law school and is very knowledgeable about these kind of cases

 

[crader]

You can get your lawyer to go in and file a temporary visitation schedule that will enable you to see your son while the court stuff is going on.

You can pull police reports and get statements from family , people who know the exs mom, etc to write documents for you stating her violence.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

You can get your lawyer to go in and file a temporary visitation schedule that will enable you to see your son while the court stuff is going on.

You can pull police reports and get statements from family , people who know the exs mom, etc to write documents for you stating her violence.

My ex and her father have told me before, that they won't keep my son away from me, even when I was supposively getting ordered to court for child support. That hasn't happened, though. I'm hoping, even if I take her to go for paternity testing and joint custody, that they'll still allow me to go pick him up and drop him off. It'd be very selfish of them to not let me see him, only because I brought her to court. Some people in her family just don't want me having rights, so that'd be the only reason they'd try fighting this. They don't want me having any rights, but there I'll be, fighting for my rights.

I'll talk to my family lawyer about pulling up any possible records about my ex's mother. I doubt I'll be able to get statements from friends or family members of hers. They wouldn't give me statements that would help me get what my ex's mother doesn't want.

All I know is, if my ex and her father go to court and try fighting my attempt to get just joint custody, then they truly are selfish and possessive people. It'll be out in the open. It'll be clear.

I won't be surprised if my ex and/or her mother get charged with perjury. They constantly lie. I've heard that this judge in family court has a nack for people who lie and talk shiit. He'll be able to tell if my ex is lying, kissing his ass, sucking up, etc. That'll be interesting to see. Her and her family need to hear my rights be established, by the judge himself, or else they won't believe what anybody says. They think they know it all, so they go by what they think they know. This will be a wakeup call for their family, especially my ex. I know she'll eventually hold this against me. She's the kind of person who would say something like, "You think you're such a big man by taking me to court?" She'd just throw things in my face, be rude, etc., even if I'm willing to maintain a friendship with her. She doesn't understand, I must do this for our son and myself. I have rights and I want them protected.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Damn man you are a trooper.......all i can say is keep on keeping on.........and i do believe that if you get in front of the judge and make it clear you find her mother a threat to your, your ex's, and your child's continued health, the judge will make it clear the child is not to stay with her. he can require there be others around when she see her grandson, if she chooses to see him. ill talk to my sister a bit more about all this.......she is currently finishing up law school and is very knowledgeable about these kind of cases

Talk to your sister and get back to me! Thanks for your support!

 

[crader]

My ex and her father have told me before, that they won't keep my son away from me, even when I was supposively getting ordered to court for child support. That hasn't happened, though. I'm hoping, even if I take her to go for paternity testing and joint custody, that they'll still allow me to go pick him up and drop him off. It'd be very selfish of them to not let me see him, only because I brought her to court. Some people in her family just don't want me having rights, so that'd be the only reason they'd try fighting this. They don't want me having any rights, but there I'll be, fighting for my rights.

Well actually its for your benefit to get temp visitation papers. Then if she refuses your right to see him its on record. It keeps either party from running with the baby and sets up a pattern of proving that you have showed up on time and dropped him off on time , clean , fed etc..Its for use in court as well.

You can get statements from your friends or people who have witnessed the behavior as well.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Well actually its for your benefit to get temp visitation papers. Then if she refuses your right to see him its on record. It keeps either party from running with the baby and sets up a pattern of proving that you have showed up on time and dropped him off on time , clean , fed etc..Its for use in court as well.

You can get statements from your friends or people who have witnessed the behavior as well.

On the day that I bring my ex in to court, do I request these temporary visitation papers from the judge? If she ends up being late dropping my son off or picking him up, then what happens? I'll always be sure to be on time, picking him up and dropping him off. I wanna make sure that I make this procedure run as smoothly as possible and as easy for my son as possible.

These papers will eventually lead up to me getting joint custody, so long as I prove myself to be a fit father, correct?

I have a few friends and family members who have either witnessed or heard about my ex's mother's crazy behavior. Hopefully there will be some kind of records to pull up.

 

[crader]

On the day that I bring my ex in to court, do I request these temporary visitation papers from the judge? If she ends up being late dropping my son off or picking him up, then what happens? I'll always be sure to be on time, picking him up and dropping him off. I wanna make sure that I make this procedure run as smoothly as possible and as easy for my son as possible.

These papers will eventually lead up to me getting joint custody, so long as I prove myself to be a fit father, correct?

I have a few friends and family members who have either witnessed or heard about my ex's mother's crazy behavior. Hopefully there will be some kind of records to pull up.

My lawyers submitted the papers for temp visitation without me being there. Call them and tell them you want it done.

I know with my ex if he does not show up on time I can deny him his visitation. It also shows contempt for the court order and will result in her losing credibility with the judge.

My lawyer had people hand write statements on my exs behavior to give to the judge, it showed patterns, but it had to be things they actually witnessed. Can't be things they heard about.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

My lawyers submitted the papers for temp visitation without me being there. Call them and tell them you want it done.

I know with my ex if he does not show up on time I can deny him his visitation. It also shows contempt for the court order and will result in her losing credibility with the judge.

My lawyer had people hand write statements on my exs behavior to give to the judge, it showed patterns, but it had to be things they actually witnessed. Can't be things they heard about.

Some of my family members have seen my ex hit me and all, but I'm not sure if I should mention that or if it'd matter.

So, if I get temporary visitation papers and my ex fails to show up on time, whether she's picking my son up or dropping him off, then she can get in trouble for that? There'd be nothing that I could deny her.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Keep the advice coming, ladies and gents! I really appreciate all of the support you've shown me so far. It really does mean an awful lot. I know my son would thank you, too, if only he could speak at being a few weeks old.

 

[crader]

Keep the advice coming, ladies and gents! I really appreciate all of the support you've shown me so far. It really does mean an awful lot. I know my son would thank you, too, if only he could speak at being a few weeks old.

Is she breastfeeding? If she is it will also change the courts views on your visitaton. Any time either party disobeys court times there can be repercussions. Although the temp orders will probably state you have to pick him up and drop him off.

But if she isnt there when you go to pick him up you can call the police.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Is she breastfeeding? If she is it will also change the courts views on your visitaton. Any time either party disobeys court times there can be repercussions. Although the temp orders will probably state you have to pick him up and drop him off.

She decided during the pregnancy that she wasn't going to breastfeed. She tried it a few times in the hospital, with the help of some nurses. We decided, before his birth, that we would stick to a pediatrician's recommendation for formulas. Only because she decided not to breastfeed.

How would this change my visitation rights? Until joint legal custody could be established, and if she and I were able to remain friends, she'd still wanna come visit me at home, want me to go there, and take me out with them to do things. She seems to be two-faced sometimes. But from what I've heard, her friends state that she claims to really miss me and want me around.

But if she isnt there when you go to pick him up you can call the police.

What if she's not at her house, but her father is? I could still call the police? That sounds like something she'd do. What if I were to call the police because she wasn't home? What would I tell them?

You seem to know an awful lot about these kinds of situations and have lived through quite a bit of it with your own children. I really appreciate the advice you've given me. It means so much. Thank you.

 

[evankyle]

How would this change my visitation rights? /QUOTE]

if she was breastfeeding you would not be able to take the baby away from her as babies do not eat on a certain schedule but on demand. Since she is not breastfeeding this is not an issue.

How many month is the baby.

Do you have things set up at home to properly take care of the baby? This is not a small task.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

How would this change my visitation rights? /QUOTE]

if she was breastfeeding you would not be able to take the baby away from her as babies do not eat on a certain schedule but on demand. Since she is not breastfeeding this is not an issue.

How many month is the baby.

Do you have things set up at home to properly take care of the baby? This is not a small task.

I have plenty to take care of my son, so that's not an issue.

I know that my visitation schedule would be difficult, if she were to be breastfeeding, but she isn't. Even if she were, I've seen her breasts plenty of times before. She wouldn't mind me going there and she wouldn't mind coming over to my place. It's weird how she can be so mean at times, but at other times, be so easy to get along with and always wants to be around me. I spoil her and treat her so well, though, which she probably misses. I treat her too well.

Our son is only a couple of weeks old right now. He'll be a month old on the 19th and I have yet to be able to see him. It disgusts me.

 

[evankyle]

I have plenty to take care of my son, so that's not an issue.

I know that my visitation schedule would be difficult, if she were to be breastfeeding, but she isn't. Even if she were, I've seen her breasts plenty of times before. She wouldn't mind me going there and she wouldn't mind coming over to my place. It's weird how she can be so mean at times, but at other times, be so easy to get along with and always wants to be around me. I spoil her and treat her so well, though, which she probably misses. I treat her too well.

Our son is only a couple of weeks old right now. He'll be a month old on the 19th and I have yet to be able to see him. It disgusts me.

Make sure you have the pediatricians phone number just in case. Have a thermometer in case the baby feels warm. Do you have a special car seat for the baby.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Make sure you have the pediatricians phone number just in case. Have a thermometer in case the baby feels warm. Do you have a special car seat for the baby.

I have everything situated, trust me. I may only be 20 years old, but I've always wanted children. Not so soon, of course, but I'm well prepared. My ex is, too.

 

[evankyle]

I have everything situated, trust me. I may only be 20 years old, but I've always wanted children. Not so soon, of course, but I'm well prepared. My ex is, too.

Ok. From experience I am just trying to help for the sake of the baby. Children are great. I am a proud father. I hope you will get to see your son soon.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Ok. From experience I am just trying to help for the sake of the baby. Children are great. I am a proud father. I hope you will get to see your son soon.

I'm excited. Besides being an older brother and graduating from a private high school, fathering a child, by far, is my greatest accomplishment in life. I miss him and wanna be with him so bad. I never had a solid father figure in my life. No one who'd wanna wrestle, go to sports games, watch games on tv, toss the football around, be there for me to talk to, etc. I know I will be the greatest father for my son. I will strive to do whatever it takes. I'm sure it'll get hard at times, but my son will hold me together. I know all my problems will fade away when I look into those little eyes of his. I've seen pictures, and I can't help but smile and cry at the same time. He's just so beautiful. He looks exactly like me when I was a baby. It's so cute. I've already begun to prove that, no matter what happens between his mother and I, I'll always be here for him.

 

[crader]

She decided during the pregnancy that she wasn't going to breastfeed. She tried it a few times in the hospital, with the help of some nurses. We decided, before his birth, that we would stick to a pediatrician's recommendation for formulas. Only because she decided not to breastfeed.

How would this change my visitation rights? Until joint legal custody could be established, and if she and I were able to remain friends, she'd still wanna come visit me at home, want me to go there, and take me out with them to do things. She seems to be two-faced sometimes. But from what I've heard, her friends state that she claims to really miss me and want me around.



What if she's not at her house, but her father is? I could still call the police? That sounds like something she'd do. What if I were to call the police because she wasn't home? What would I tell them?

You seem to know an awful lot about these kinds of situations and have lived through quite a bit of it with your own children. I really appreciate the advice you've given me. It means so much. Thank you.

If she were breastfeeding then you would lose overnight visits. Temp visitation gives you weekend time with your son alone, overnight! Say Fri-Sun. So since he is bottle fed no big deal.

The only way you could call the police is if she hid the baby from you on your court appt days. So say you get temp Fri-Sun night and you are ordered to pick him up at 6pm on Fri. If the baby is not ready and waiting on you then you can call them.

You need to stock up on formula, diapers, a carseat, and a crib or bassinet( will get you through until he is old enough to roll over) etc..

You need to call your lawyer now and get the temp visitation rights in order. The longer that you maintain a relatinship with your son the better. These rights exclude the mother from being around you and grant you time alone with your son.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

If she were breastfeeding then you would lose overnight visits. Temp visitation gives you weekend time with your son alone, overnight! Say Fri-Sun. So since he is bottle fed no big deal.

The only way you could call the police is if she hid the baby from you on your court appt days. So say you get temp Fri-Sun night and you are ordered to pick him up at 6pm on Fri. If the baby is not ready and waiting on you then you can call them.

So, if I were scheduled to pick him up from my ex's at 6pm on Friday, and he wasn't ready to leave when I got there, then I could call the cops on my ex? What would I tell the police? What would they do? What would happen?

You need to stock up on formula, diapers, a carseat, and a crib or bassinet( will get you through until he is old enough to roll over) etc..

I'm prepared and stocked up. The only thing missing now is my son.

You need to call your lawyer now and get the temp visitation rights in order. The longer that you maintain a relatinship with your son the better. These rights exclude the mother from being around you and grant you time alone with your son.

I've never been one to 'have it out' for my ex. I still love her and care about her to some degree, but her and her family have put me through way too much. She won't expect this coming from me, but it's coming. I'm hoping that it'll open her eyes a bit. I'd start to feel bad if I saw her break down in court, but I'd have to keep in mind that this is my ex, who put me in jail. She's put me through so much. "The best revenge is success," and I can't let her get away with trying to keep my son from me.

What if she got served with the court order and her father decided to get a lawyer? I understand that our son will have a 'guardian' in court, who'll act as his lawyer, but I'd be kinda confused if my ex were to show up with a lawyer, as if she felt she needed to defend and justify her actions of trying to keep my son from me. What would I do in that case? Would my lawyers fight that? Would the judge realize that she was going beyond the line? Her father has been a corrections officer for over 13 years. Without a doubt, he'd pony up the money for some very bogus reasons.

 

[crader]

If you were supposed to pick him up at 6pm and she was not there and you called it would be contempt. Temp visitation is a court order. It would be up to the judge.

She should have a lawyer. As everything needs to be legal. You could do mediation and both parties with their lawyers would come to an acceptable visitation, child support, etc.. and the judge would just sign off on it.

Or she could fight the visitation to say supervised and say you are unfit to care for him on your own, violent etc..

Or the judge could choose standard every other weekend and Wed night alternating holidays, standard child support based on jobs for both parties..etc..

It is not screwing her over. The sooner the two of you learn to parent him the better. She should not be there all the time when you have him, as you two are not together anymore. It would be just like divorced parents. You can share say birthday parties and things like that. But its unhealthy for him to grow up thinking you two are going to get back together, he should grow up seeing you on your time and the rest of the time her.

I fought joint custody as well. My ex has Every weekend but the 2nd of every month. I have full custody(all that means is that I have the say in schools, drs, etc..) He gets the kids whenever he wants them. We do altenating holidays. Say he had them Christmas eve, I get them Christmas day and next year its opposite.

 

[crader]

The judge will expect you both to prove yourself, as this is a baby's life. You should both show a willingness to work together for the best of the child.

It will be hard and scary for her to turn the baby over to you. Its every mothers fear that someone is trying to take their kids away.

Assure the judge that she can call to check on him if she misses him.

Maybe sit down and think about what visitation time you do want.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

The judge will expect you both to prove yourself, as this is a baby's life. You should both show a willingness to work together for the best of the child.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I'd like to work this situation out with her, outside of the courtroom, but I can't. I need my name on the birth certificate and I need my fatherly rights protected.

It will be hard and scary for her to turn the baby over to you. Its every mothers fear that someone is trying to take their kids away.

Assure the judge that she can call to check on him if she misses him.

She shouldn't be scared to let me see my own son. She should know better. She knows that I've always wanted children. We've gone on so many babysitting gigs together. I have a younger brother and sister of my own. She's seen how great I am with children, especially babies. I would never take our son away from her and she should know that. I've even told her that. I couldn't imagine being without him and I wouldn't expect her to have to imagine that either. I will allow for her to call me and check up on him. I have no problem with that. I just don't want her interrogating me. She always finds the right things to say, which end up making me feel like crap and she asks me about who I'm with, what I'm doing, where I am, etc. If I refuse to tell her, or tell her to mind her own business, then she gets all bent out of shape and will say things to upset me. I have a feeling that she'll occasionally use our son to control and manipulate me, just to try and get her way.

Maybe sit down and think about what visitation time you do want.

I'd like to see him as much as possible. Until joint or sole custody is established, I'd only be able to see him at certain times? I'd like for my ex and I occasionally to go out and do things with him, with all of us together. Her and I can be civil and get along. I'm just concerned about not seeing him as much as I'd like to. Even with temporary visitation rights, I wish I could just stop by her house and see him for a few minutes. I'd let her do the same while he was with me.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

If you were supposed to pick him up at 6pm and she was not there and you called it would be contempt. Temp visitation is a court order. It would be up to the judge.

So, does this mean she'd get arrested? I'm hoping the police would give her an appearance ticket. I know that the judge wouldn't be too happy. They frown down upon contempt. I've learned from experience, unfortunately. I've heard that the judge would have little hope in her, if she were to disobey his orders.

What if that were to happen several times? Would I just keep on calling the cops every time?

She should have a lawyer. As everything needs to be legal. You could do mediation and both parties with their lawyers would come to an acceptable visitation, child support, etc.. and the judge would just sign off on it.

Or she could fight the visitation to say supervised and say you are unfit to care for him on your own, violent etc..

I'd much rather do a mediation. How would I go about requesting that? Her and I should be able to come to an agreement, just between the two of us and our attorneys. I like that idea the best. We wouldn't have the pressure on us from others in the court, our families, the judge, etc. We could come to some sort of an agreement and the judge would just sign off on it.

I'm willing to fork up what money I have to. I'm not allowing for my son to be taken away from me. I'll pay my family lawyer to do whatever she has to do. I doubt my ex would fight the visitation, but if she did so, it'd only be a scare tactic. It'd be her way of getting what she wanted: me out of my son's life.

From what I've heard, this particular judge is a firm believer in both parents being involved in the child's life. He doesn't believe in keep the child from either parent. So, I'm hoping that, as a father himself, he can try and see things from my point of view.

How could I prove her to be unfit? I know that she'll begin going out again, to drink and party. She also has 2 more years of high school to finish. Well, 1 1/2 years to be exact. Something like that. She has gotten several tickets for speeding, but that's because she's always in a rush. She's gotten into about 2-3 car accidents, but minor fender benders. She has abused me, hit her mother, and her father. Her father pays no attention to what she does. She can go out with whoever, for all hours of the night. All she has to do is call her father and check in. She also cheated on me, meanwhile she was pregnant with my son. Should I mention this, or just avoid the subject?

I'm on probation and in VIP, so there's no way that I could be out, partying, drinking, getting into trouble, or anything. I've been having a lot of progress, so that should definitely help me. I'm hoping it will. I'll have my PO there, as well as the facilitator from my VIP group.

Or the judge could choose standard every other weekend and Wed night alternating holidays, standard child support based on jobs for both parties..etc..

This is what I'm hoping for, but through mediation. We would take turns having custody of him, every other holiday. We'd share our time with him. She could have him for half of the time and I could have him the other half of the time. I could go visit him at her house and she could come visit him at m house. It'd make things so much easier. She'll see.

It is not screwing her over. The sooner the two of you learn to parent him the better. She should not be there all the time when you have him, as you two are not together anymore. It would be just like divorced parents. You can share say birthday parties and things like that. But its unhealthy for him to grow up thinking you two are going to get back together, he should grow up seeing you on your time and the rest of the time her.

I fought joint custody as well. My ex has Every weekend but the 2nd of every month. I have full custody(all that means is that I have the say in schools, drs, etc..) He gets the kids whenever he wants them. We do altenating holidays. Say he had them Christmas eve, I get them Christmas day and next year its opposite.

We'll be together on his birthday and sometimes during family events. Occasionally, someone in her family will invite me to a family cookout during the summer. I'd go, visit a little bit, and spend time with my son, then leave. I wouldn't stay the whole time. We won't be spending much of our time together. She'll want time for her friends and I'll want time for my girlfriend. I'd just like to take him out to do things, as a family, and for him to see and growing up knowing, I'll be here for him no matter what. I'll always be here.

I'm asking for joint legal custody, so that she can't be the only one to make decisions about his health, education, religion, etc. I believe her and I should both have say in that. If she doesn't agree with me or I don't agree with her, then we'll try to compromise and come to some agreement. Something that works for both of us, but most importantly, him. She'll most likely get physical (residential) custody for quite some time. But for now, all I ask for is the joint custody, so that I can make decisions, too. She seems to think that the world revolves around her, she can do whatever she wants, and that she has all the say in what goes on.

 

[Chad]

that is FCUKED UP!!!
im very sorry to hear about your situation bro.
if you really really need a job ASAP i would think about joining the military. it isn`t that bad and once you`ve put your time in and get out ( or stay in if you like it a lot ) then that bad record of yours wont look as bad.

i had a dui and was having probs getting a good job. i joined the Marines and now that im out they still see the dui but they see the Marines and over look the dui. i have a very good job now.
i know you`re on probation but i`ve heard about a lot of guys get off early if they join the military.
just something to think about

good luck on whatever you choose.

 

[crader]

As far as the things you brought up about your ex, I wold let the attorney decide whats relevant.

The courts offered mediation first. I was required to see the mediator whether I wanted to or not. Our case was deemed not appropriate for mediation. But ask your attorney. You can meet with your ex and her attorney in your attorneys office and hammer out an agreement.

 

[evankyle]

You raise some good points. You need an experienced attorney. If you are not working you need a job to show you are being responsible. You will need the money for the child support.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

As far as the things you brought up about your ex, I wold let the attorney decide whats relevant.

The courts offered mediation first. I was required to see the mediator whether I wanted to or not. Our case was deemed not appropriate for mediation. But ask your attorney. You can meet with your ex and her attorney in your attorneys office and hammer out an agreement.

But how would I go about getting my ex and her attorney to meet with my lawyer and I? Would there be a court order put out for that, or would my lawyer just contact my ex and explain to her that I want a mediation and how to go about it? I really hope that her and I can settle this through mediation. My ex doesn't like the attention she gets in court. She hates being there, but it's not like it's a 'walk in the park' for me either. I've actually been the one charged in court. She hasn't experienced that. Not yet, at least.

Thanks again for all the help. I really do appreciate it.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

You raise some good points. You need an experienced attorney. If you are not working you need a job to show you are being responsible. You will need the money for the child support.

I will be requesting a court order against myself, ordering that I pay child support. My ex, nor her family, have been intending on dragging me into court for child support. But I'm asking for a court order against myself, so that I can prove to everybody that I wanna help take care of my son and be in his life. I'm not trying to avoid the subject at all. Some people have accused me of doing so, but that's simply not true. Why would I not wanna support my own child? Seriously.

 

[crader]

I will be requesting a court order against myself, ordering that I pay child support. My ex, nor her family, have been intending on dragging me into court for child support. But I'm asking for a court order against myself, so that I can prove to everybody that I wanna help take care of my son and be in his life. I'm not trying to avoid the subject at all. Some people have accused me of doing so, but that's simply not true. Why would I not wanna support my own child? Seriously.

Okay, you do not need a court order against yourself. You need a job first and the the child support enforcement agency has a state worksheet that will determine the amount you owe. This can be done out of court and in your attorneys office, they take care of the rest.

As far as the lawyer mediation. There are not court orders for this either. Its totally up to your ex whether she wants to work it out, out of court. If she does then its over. You have your lawyer call hers and set up a date and time to meet. You try to come to an agreement, this may take several meetings. But the sooner you agree the less your lawyers cost I dropped the support my ex owed me by $300 a month to keep it out of court. Does it hurt me now, hell yes! But I still ended up with a $3000 retainer and $2000 more to the lawyer by the time it was over.

So anyway, you can agree on an amount for support. The lawyers will do a child support worksheet so she knows what the state would have you pay. You both need to provide a months pay checks. You can agree on an amount, visitation etc..have the lawyers draw it up and you two sign it, present it to the judge and its done!! But it means court if she does not agree to work it out in the office.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Okay, you do not need a court order against yourself. You need a job first and the the child support enforcement agency has a state worksheet that will determine the amount you owe. This can be done out of court and in your attorneys office, they take care of the rest.

As far as the lawyer mediation. There are not court orders for this either. Its totally up to your ex whether she wants to work it out, out of court. If she does then its over. You have your lawyer call hers and set up a date and time to meet. You try to come to an agreement, this may take several meetings. But the sooner you agree the less your lawyers cost I dropped the support my ex owed me by $300 a month to keep it out of court. Does it hurt me now, hell yes! But I still ended up with a $3000 retainer and $2000 more to the lawyer by the time it was over.

So anyway, you can agree on an amount for support. The lawyers will do a child support worksheet so she knows what the state would have you pay. You both need to provide a months pay checks. You can agree on an amount, visitation etc..have the lawyers draw it up and you two sign it, present it to the judge and its done!! But it means court if she does not agree to work it out in the office.

The OFP is supposed to be getting dropped as soon as I get a job. I'll work out some arrangements with my attorney. I will not be bringing this up to my ex. The court business. I'll just wait until my lawyer contacts her and see what she says to me. I'll suggestion mediation. I think the both of us would really enjoy being able to work this out, outside of the courtroom.

Would I have to get a court order for a paternity test, even before going about a mediation?

 

[crader]

The OFP is supposed to be getting dropped as soon as I get a job. I'll work out some arrangements with my attorney. I will not be bringing this up to my ex. The court business. I'll just wait until my lawyer contacts her and see what she says to me. I'll suggestion mediation. I think the both of us would really enjoy being able to work this out, outside of the courtroom.

Would I have to get a court order for a paternity test, even before going about a mediation?

If you have doubts about the paternity you can get a test. I think thats close to $400 a piece.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

If you have doubts about the paternity you can get a test. I think thats close to $400 a piece.

I could do my own paternity test for much cheaper, but I'd much rather leave the procedure up to the professionals. I don't have any doubts that my son is mine. He looks just like me. Everyone says it, even my ex. But, in order to go about taking any kind of legal action, paternity would need to be established.

I really need help insurance. I'm almost positive that Empire would pay for at least half of the paternity test. That's better than nothing.

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

So, since getting a job is quite important and very relevant to my situation, I have a question:

*This only applies to those of you who've either been on probation, or know a little something about probation.

I'm halfway to becoming a NYS licensed security officer. As some of you know, I'm also on the list to go into Corrections when I turn 21 in August.

Say I get an opportunity to work for a company involved in security or law enforcement, but the position I apply/get hired for, requires me to carry a firearm. Now, probation constantly preaches about how you must get a job. They sometimes end up not liking the jobs you get opportunities to work for, but shouldn't that be tough luck for them? Why should I give up an opportunity, just because they have a problem with it? I never used a weapon against the guy who I fought with. One of my terms of probation is: No ownership or possession of a firearm. Well, if my job requires it, then I obviously have to do what my job tells me to do. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna be taking the gun outside of the workplace. It stays at work. I'll be working around others. Who would I go to in order to discuss this? My PO? The probation supervisor? The judge who dealt with my case?

Thanks for any further feedback, people. Either on the custody situation, or the job situation.

 

[BingeAndPurge]

So, since getting a job is quite important and very relevant to my situation, I have a question:

*This only applies to those of you who've either been on probation, or know a little something about probation.

I'm halfway to becoming a NYS licensed security officer. As some of you know, I'm also on the list to go into Corrections when I turn 21 in August.

Say I get an opportunity to work for a company involved in security or law enforcement, but the position I apply/get hired for, requires me to carry a firearm. Now, probation constantly preaches about how you must get a job. They sometimes end up not liking the jobs you get opportunities to work for, but shouldn't that be tough luck for them? Why should I give up an opportunity, just because they have a problem with it? I never used a weapon against the guy who I fought with. One of my terms of probation is: No ownership or possession of a firearm. Well, if my job requires it, then I obviously have to do what my job tells me to do. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna be taking the gun outside of the workplace. It stays at work. I'll be working around others. Who would I go to in order to discuss this? My PO? The probation supervisor? The judge who dealt with my case?

Thanks for any further feedback, people. Either on the custody situation, or the job situation.

I honestly doubt you can get a carry permit while on probation. I also doubt you'll be able to pass any kind of background check needed for corporate security or corrections for a few years. Probation places you under court supervision and any type of violent-related crime pretty much screws your chances at a clearence. Part of my background is military and security and I've been where you're at. Even applying to colleges is a long process now because of things like VA Tech. Luckily you're still pretty young and people will take that into account after a few years of staying out of trouble, but these are questions you should be asking your lawyer about. No offense to you or anyone on here giving you advice, but your lawyers should be the first people you turn to, not us. They'll be able to tell you what you have to disclose on an application and what you don't.

 

[T-Bone]

I'm gonna try my hardest to get this to make as much sense as possible. I'm trying to make a very long story, very short. I guess what I can do is just give you the main points, or highlights. A lot of the people here are very generous, courtious, and knowledgable. I sometimes feel like some of you are friends, or maybe even family, because of talking together so much, giving each other advice, etc.

So, anyways, to the point of this thread;

- Summer 2006, my ex and I begin dating. I'm 19 going on 20. I'm told by my ex's best friend that she's 16 going on 17, but come to find out, she was only 15. Our parents were both very concerned about the age difference, but they eventually ended up accepting the situation. Things started with us as friends, but then progressed.

- April 2007, my ex and I find out that she's pregnant with my child. I told her that I would support her either way, no matter what she chose to do. She chose to continue with the pregnancy.

- June 2007, I begin seeing and hearing interesting messages via IM and text, and on her voicemail. I confront her since it was a male individual. She tells me that he's just a friend. I don't say "I love you" to girls that I'm friends with and I don't bash my friend's boyfriends/girlfriends, but whatever. Moving on...

- July 2007, my ex's new friend somehow finds out my information (cell phone number and screen name - I eventually find out that my ex supplied him with my information.) He insists on harrassing me, talking shiit, and making threats (Let me mention here that, he's 5'4'' and 110 lbs, and I'm 5'8'' and 205 lbs.) My ex eventually joins in by listening in on the calls and trying to say whatever she can to make me jealous, aka piss me off. I begin working 12-hour shifts at a local manufacturing plant, with full benefits and making $13/hr to start.

- August 2007, I find out that my ex and this guy (Come to find out, she met him on Myspace [go figure] and he's 16, but going on 17 at some point.) My ex calls me up late one night, crying, telling me that she had something to confess to me. She tells me that she ended up cheating on me with this kid. Her excuse was, "You weren't there. You were at work. I couldn't wait until you got home." God forbid, I'm working long hours to save up money for her, our son, and myself.

- August 2007 (Mid-August), my ex insists on making plans with me to 'work shiit out.' We agree to meet at her mother's place (her parents are seperated.) I go there and, to my surprise, she arrives with this guy. I begin to confront them. She tells me to go home and we'll talk it over later. The guy, well... he Forrest Gump's his ass like there's no tomorrow. I chased after him, beat him to the ground, but only until my ex's mother came out, screaming, biting me, pulling my hair, scratching me, etc. She threatens to call the police. Three people pry me off the guy. I leave and surrender to the police. I could've gotten charged with Trespass 1st, Stalking 4th, and Assault 3rd. For some reason, the Stalking 4th charge stuck, but everything else was dropped. I spent a night in city jail and go to court the following morning. An OFP (Order For Protection) is issued in my ex's favor, but it's only temporary (2 weeks.) I was living with my father and this whole situation was stressful on him, as he's an older guy. I get kicked out and a close friend's family takes me in for 2-3 weeks. My ex and I are officially broken up.

- September 2007, 13 nights into the 14, my ex tracks me down at a friend's house. She comes crying to me, wanting to talk things over, once again. I knew that I was gonna get caught if I went and had court the following morning. I did the stupidest thing ever and went with her. An off-duty cop must've seen us together and reported it. I surrendered to the police and got charged with Criminal Contempt 2nd. I almost got charged with Endangering The Welfare Of A Child, but that charge was dismissed a couple of months later, which I'm getting to. The following morning I go to court. I'm taken into custody and face up to 3 months in jail. The OFP is extended for 2-3 months, even though my ex and the DA had spoken on several occasions about getting it dropped. I was in custody for about an hour, then bailed out $500 cash/$1000 bond.

- November 2007, the Stalking 4th charge is dropped. The Endangering charge is dismissed. I plead guilty to Criminal Contempt 2nd and am sentenced to 3 years of probation. The 2-3 month OFP is extended until November 08, 2012! I enter probation and VIP (Violence Intervention Program), which lasts for 32 weeks.

- December 2007, I'm borderline depressed. I struggle with everything. I get shot down my several jobs due to my new criminal record and probation.

- January 2008, my son is born. I'm unable to see his birth, or even in general, due to the OFP that my ex still has against me. More employers continue to shoot me down because of my record and probation. Now that my son's here, I begin to struggle even more. All I want is to be with him.

- February 2008, so far, I've already been shot down by one or two employers. They won't say why, but I'm used to this by now. I know exactly why: criminal record and probation.



I'm trying my hardest to get back in with the US Postal Service, as I've done temporary work for them before, but I'm going for a permanent position this time. The pay and benefits are outstanding. Everyone there enjoyed working with me, so hopefully my story gives them a little more of incentive. I must have a job, so that I can have money, because I need a family lawyer and may need a criminal lawyer. I'm petitioning to have a Court Order put out against my ex, ordering her to show up to Family Court for a paternity test. My son is, without a doubt, mine. He looks exactly like me, but I can fight her for custody if he's not proven to be mine. I'm petitioning myself, so that I pay child support. It's the only right thing to do. I wanna be in my son's life, more than anything. I'm also petitioning to have a Court Order, ordering her to show up for court, so that I can get joint legal custody. But here's the thing; I tried filing these petitions a few weeks back, but the court clerk noticed my ex's birthdate and suggested that I get a lawyer before filing the petitions. She mentioned that the Family Court judge, though he's more concerned about our son being raised right, might bring up the age difference between my ex and I, and may question whether or not it's been dealt with in a criminal court. This scared the shiit out of me, of course. I've been through enough already. I'm the real victim here! So, would it be a good idea to hire a family lawyer and a criminal lawyer? I have lawyers lined up, but I just need to pay them. They're some of the best in my area. I'd just rather spend the money for a criminal attorney and have him there, just to be safe. Or, would this not be necessary? I've heard that the Family Court couldn't do anything to me because 1) he cares about the child and the child only 2) a charge was already pursued against me, but dropped and 3) I'm already serving a sentence and the judge can't infringe upon it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry if this seemed like so much to read. I'm grateful for you taking your time to read this. This wasn't easy. I constantly have to discuss this, write about it, think about it, etc. It seems to help at times.

Thought I would contribute somehow,

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Thought I would contribute somehow,

I really liked how it started. It sounded cute and sincere, especially with the baby talking, but then I just rocked out and laughed during the rest of the song.

Nice addition to the thread! :lol:

 

[MuscleGuyinNY]

Okay...

So, come to find out, I will no longer need a criminal attorney. I can't be touched because of the age difference since I was already charged and convicted of another charge in the case.

With that said, I'm gonna be going to family court soon and turning in my application for counsel, and the petitions for paternity and custody/visitation. An appointed lawyer in family court should be enough because all of them, including the judge, believe that the child should have both parents in his or her life. But if I'm dragging her into court, I'm concerned that her and her father will fork out big bucks to get a lawyer to try and fight my legal rights as the baby's father.

So far, I feel the need to mention that my ex's mother is violent and has a violent past. I never hit my ex, but she had been physically abusive towards me for quite some time. She ended up cheating on me while pregnant with my child. That's clearly wrong, but she has the right to make her own decisions and what she feels is right for her, even though I may not always agree with what she does. The male individual and I got into a fight, which is why I got arrested. I'll make it clear to the judge about what happened between them, I'll claim that I acted in 'self-defense,' and mention that I tried going to the police department to file assault charges against my ex's mother and the other guy she was seeing, but the police turned me away. She still has 1 1/2 years of high school left and plans on going to college downstate. Her father and mother both work day shifts, but when she's home from school, she's able to do whatever she wants. Her and I got pregnant, didn't we? Her father doesn't keep the best tabs on her.

Also, should I mention anything about when my ex came to me and I violated the OFP, and she told me that the judge and ADA said the OFP would be dropped once I started work, but was never dropped? She was seeing 2 other guys at one point, but then went back to the loser she cheated on me with. I know she's purposely holding up the OFP because she's jealous that I've moved on and she wants me to fight this guy again, but I refuse to. It's clear that I'm obviously trying to be replaced as my own son's father. Her parents, especially her mother, are encouraging her to behave this way.

Her father was 17 when he got a 15 or 16 year old girl pregnant. The girl he was dating threatened to have an abortion, but then kept the baby. Her family pushed him out of his first child's life. After 20+ years, he has yet to have done anything at all for his child. Why? Because his high school sweetheart's family pushed him away. I'm at least trying to fight this and protect my rights. He never did anything. I just don't know how relevant this would be in family court. He's just the best example of a hypocrite.

I do believe that, in my case and due to the circumstances, that maybe the family court judge can grant me relief and drop the OFP on his own.