Ok, in all seriousness, the way I found mine was to lie on the floor on my left side, leaning slightly forward, with my left leg dead straight and my right leg bent at about 90 degrees. You can move your knee up or down and feel for the muscle that's doing the work. It's just below the belt between the pelvis and the tailbone. You should be able to feel the front edge of the muscle where it runs along the pelvic bone. Back yourself towards your tailbone about 3 inches from that.
I pin this with a 1/2" 28g but my body fat is very low and I never really get fat in that area anyway. Just put a lot of pressure to bury it deep! Same as delts. I don't mess with quads anymore.