My Gym Rules
- 09-11-2008, 02:10 PM
My Gym Rules
Remember when all gyms used to be hardcore...
1. Loud guttural noises are mandatory on the last rep of the last set...
2. Music must be aggressive and loud, by order of management.
3. Females must overgo a visual inspection in order to be able to wear spandex. :chick:
4. Females must overgo a visual inspection in order to able to forgo wearing spandex. (Male members will not be permitted to wear spandex)
5. Members to administer physical punishment to anyone using the squatting cage for curls, failure to do so will result in physical punishment..
6. No whining...
7. Those who take offence to loud aggressive behavior are encouraged to shut the fug up and mine there own business. Failure to comply will result in physical punishment.
8. Equipment must be shared, using the equipment as a place to rest in between sets is not permitted should a conflict ensue priority will go to the one expending the most effort or in the case of spandex wearing females upon the fullmess of her posterior.
9. Stay the fug out of my way.
10. No Whinning!!
11. Conversations that do not encorporate the involvement of spandex wearing female members (inspected) in extracuricular activity are to be kept to a minimum.
12. Weights will be stored in an orderly fashion to permit easy access, don't mix up the fuggin weights.
13. Male members reserve the right to carefully observe spandex wearing females (inspected) particularly when using the leg curl which will be placed in the center of the weight room at all times.
14. All members must squat unless they provide a note from their doctor.
15. Pornography is allowed in the cardio room...Mind and Muscle Board Representative I am not a physician and any advice is solely based on personal experience with various products
- 09-11-2008, 02:51 PM
- 09-11-2008, 03:22 PM
haha nice set of rules i like some of them.
09-11-2008, 03:35 PM
The biggest rule of the gym I go to is:
Sweating is optional, but a Towel is mandatory.
What the Heck? It should be the opposite, IMO. If you are going to the gym to work out, you go to gym to sweat your friggin' a$$ off! It should not be an option. It should be mandatory. Screw the towel!
09-11-2008, 04:10 PM
16. No bringing big bags of stupid gear onto the floor to put in everyone's way
17. No bringing in your own ghetto blaster and playing 50 Cent while gym already has its own music
18. Deodorant is a must. No one wants to smell your skank azz.
19. No lingering in the lockerroom in underwear, or nothing, or doing exercise of any kind in the steam or locker room. Period.
Last edited by stormecho; 09-11-2008 at 04:11 PM. Reason: Wrong number sequence
09-11-2008, 04:18 PM
20. No FLIP FLOPS!!
09-11-2008, 04:22 PM
I still curl in the squat rack... As long as the weight is moving and i'm not leaning on the equipment, kiss my ass, i'll use it how I see fit.
09-11-2008, 04:23 PM
09-11-2008, 07:44 PM
09-12-2008, 12:08 PM
Mind and Muscle Board Representative I am not a physician and any advice is solely based on personal experience with various products
09-14-2008, 09:09 AM
Come to train, not to talk. It's just a madder of time before they open up coffee stands and put some up a freakin' couch. Seriously, some guys literally go to the gym to talk.
Here's another from Mark Rippetoe... if your gym doesn't allow chalk, it's time to find a new gym
09-14-2008, 09:26 AM
what if i feel the need to throw a 45lb plate or other sized weight across the gym??? .....felt like that today.
09-14-2008, 09:53 AM
Would you believe this...my gym has Pizza Mondays. Imagine that? You're sweating your ass off on the elliptical or whatever, and in comes delivery boy with 15 pizzas. Lays them out on a table, and all these fat guys and women come over and start snarfing them down.
What's next? Heroine Fridays at Betty Ford? And no, no chalk allowed there either. It's Planet Fitness, and I"m quitting. Looking to actually open my own gym. It seems all the places are going the soft route lately, no grunting, no dumbbells over 70 lbs....WTF??
09-14-2008, 09:54 AM
Oh, and PistonPump....more power to ya. 45's make great frisbees. Best when caught between teeth.
09-14-2008, 09:58 AM
09-14-2008, 11:41 AM
I actually saw this dumb woman talking on her bluetooth while working out....seriously??
09-14-2008, 12:47 PM
09-14-2008, 01:06 PM
I don't curl in the squat rack if there's anyone needing it for squatting. Just like I don't use the bench on the flat bench for other exercises if someone wants to bench. I just have issues with people that think a piece of equipment is off limits unless you're doing a specfic lift.
09-14-2008, 07:28 PM
09-15-2008, 07:14 AM
It gets a little frustrating. Large groups of munchkins all watching, milling about not having a clue what there doing. ..
Incidently if the gym doesn't allow chalk, I would just laugh in there face and walk out... damn what is this world coming to when they disallow such an important thing as chalk.
Mind and Muscle Board Representative I am not a physician and any advice is solely based on personal experience with various products
09-15-2008, 08:48 AM
I'm loving some of these rules!
There is some young guy, possibly in high school, and he's as scrawny as can be, but grunts, growls, and curses at the top of his lungs when he's hardly lifting much weight. Everyone stops and stares at him, and several people feel like just walking up and punching him out.
09-15-2008, 09:24 AM
Aw man, you got to give it up for a guy who puts out though. Some guys do "make noise" for attention, which is pathetic, but letting out some motivation often brings up your intensity. I train in my garage currently, but I'm constantly yelling to raise my intensity before a lift(or during). Otherwise you'd be holding back! An ideal gym, in my opinion, would have the music loud enough to serve as a decent blanket to cover the occasional bout of intensity. In a way it also inspires me when I see someone giving it their all and holding no regards to what they look like.
09-15-2008, 09:38 AM
09-15-2008, 12:12 PM
things i hate about my gym seem to be the same as the one everyone hates about their own gyms
im nto a fan of the people who grunt and curse so loud that i hear it over my ipod when im standing on the other side of the gym i find it very distracting a little grunt is ok but when it sounds like your squeezing a watermelon out of your pee hole thats a whole different story
09-15-2008, 12:17 PM
not sure if this has been said but a rule i would add would be no cell phones...i ****ing go ape **** when jackasses sit there do one set then get on their phone for 15mins between sets ...it especially pisses me off when their in the way...which the usually are
09-15-2008, 12:37 PM
09-15-2008, 01:03 PM
21) Rule: Quit taking PH's and your workout routines is chest/bi....chest/bi....bi/tri....chest. (I swear, i dont think anyone squats heavy anymore). If i see someone squatting heaving, i have to look twice to make sure. Lifting has become a joke...period
09-15-2008, 01:09 PM
09-15-2008, 01:29 PM
funny thing is the little guys are also the ones who leave plates on the bar/machines this erks the **** out of me. like the one time a saw a pretty good size guy load up the sled with as many plates as possible and then when he was done he just got up and walked off for some reason i felt compelled to say as he walked by "you can put all that weight on but you cant pu the plates back where they belong" he took a double take (im in decent shape but not huge and cut by any means) and he walked back and took the plates off and put them in the proper storage area
that and the people who dont put the DB's back in the rite slot annoy the hell out of me if you can lift the weight you should be able to put the weight back where it belongs so the next person doesnt have to clean up after you
09-15-2008, 01:35 PM
09-15-2008, 01:38 PM
09-15-2008, 01:50 PM
what I hate is when people put the plates in the wrong places and they do it all the time, how hard is it 45's at the bottom 35's next highest etc...no the have to bury the 25's under a ton of 45's ...
09-15-2008, 02:05 PM
09-15-2008, 02:07 PM
If everyone strickly observed RULE 9 the world would be a better place
09-15-2008, 02:43 PM
If you read the news paper while on the Leg Extension or any other piece of weight room equipment, you will be euthanized on the spot and appropriately disposed of.
Bro's I **** you not, today in the heat of battle as I prepared to mount the leg extension to finish my workout, an old timer was on there reading the G. Damn news paper. I was absolutely speachless (and that's not like me). I gave up and left the facility. After a quick trip to the S,hit house, as I was leaving he was still at it.
Also, I was laughing my arse off at the earlier comment about old dudes who just insist on prancing around the locker room without their cloths. I'm an old(er) dude - 39- myself but it would mmake me decidedly uncomfortable to shave at the sink without clothing of some sort -even a towel for christ sake. They should also be immediately euthanized,.
09-15-2008, 02:47 PM
09-15-2008, 02:50 PM
funniest thing i ever saw was someone knitting while riding a exercise bike
09-15-2008, 03:21 PM
i'd like a shirt that says
"put down the cell phone and LIFT, BIOTCH"
got a twenty something dude at my gym that weighs about 120 soaking wet that is ALWAYS on the bloody phone. I want to slap it out of his hand and hand him a 1000 calorie protein shake. drink up, skinny!
i think the older guys were so used to standing around naked in the barraks during the korean war that it just comes natural to them. plus they're gay
09-15-2008, 04:01 PM
cant stand the naked talking
what ever happen to the highscholl locker room rules
1. eyes above waist level at all times
2. spend as little time unclothed as possible
3. and conversation stops once the pants come off
4. eyes above waist level at all times
5. no bending, crouching, stretching while naked
6. eyes above waist level at all times
7. no physical contact when pants are off
09-15-2008, 04:49 PM
here is my list....
Rule #1 don’t stare at a dieting bodybuilder who is stuck on the treadmill. he doesn’t want to be there (he wants cake) and isn’t in the most friendly mood. even though you may only be appreciating the body that he developed, he will probably still bare harsh intentions toward you!
Rule #2 don’t stare at the fitness bunny on the treadmill either. if she cant kick your ass, her dieting boyfriend on the treadmill next to her probably can.
Rule #3 don’t talk to people in the middle of their set like so, " excuse me! yes you with 400 pounds on your back, do you have many sets left? id like to do my crunches right there"
Rule #4 if you can do an exercise in a space that doesn’t require any gear, do it. don’t do curls in the squat rack, leg raises on the bench press and don’t sit and talk on a bench when someone might need it.
Rule #5 like the above, dont stand two inches from the dumbbell rack to do your laterals, people need to get in and out of there to get at the weights.
Rule #6 don’t use half of the cable crossover to do one arm triceps pushdowns and the like. the crossover machine is for chest and requires both halves. use an independent single pulley somewhere else.
Rule #7 if you are able to have a conversation on your cell phone at the gym, you are not working out hard enough! instead, take your jelly ass to the donut shop where cell phone conversations are welcome.
Rule #8 the weights have homes. they like their homes. when they don’t go home, they get angry and do mean things. all the little dumbbells go together and all the big ones go together. so no 15s up by the 120s. the little plates have homes also. see there was this one time during a personal training session where i grabbed a 45 off the leg press. what i didnt see was that someone had put a 25 in front of it instead of on its own peg. Off came the 45 in my hands and down went the 25 on my foot. this is a great way to learn composure if your interested.
Rule #9 if a book or shirt is on a bench, someone is trying to save it because they are doing exercises back to back. these are called "super sets" and the guys that do them are usually super big. it sure is awkward to be sitting there picking your nose when bubba comes storming around the corner. its such an easy thing to wait a second to find out or to ask someone if they are done on the equipment.
Rule #9.5 (in regards to rule #9); but at the same time, don’t leave your stuff all over the gym like a dog marking his territory. just because you left your crap everywhere doesn’t entitle you to a private session with all the equipment. while its o.k. to use a couple of machines if its not peak hours, dont monopolize the gear.
Rule #10 watch out for i.l.s. invisible lat syndrome. this is where even though there is nothing under your shirt; it looks like your carrying around two beer kegs under each arm. people are laughing at you.
Rule #11 wipe your sweat off of the gear; no more needs to be said. actually yes it does, especially if im going to be putting my face in there on the lying hamstring curl. wipe it off!
Rule #12 change your gym clothes and don’t put them on after they have been fermenting in your locker for a week. strong in smell doesn’t count! and for the manly, there is a new invention called "deodorant". it runs a close second to something called the "shower". check it out.
Rule #13 it is right and proper to ask someone for a spot on an exercise so you don’t hurt yourself. the only thing to keep in mind is that your requests don’t interfere with someone else’s training pace or that you become a hindrance because you’re always using a weight that is too heavy for you.
like wise, don’t ask the personal trainer for a spot while he is in the middle of a session with someone else. at $50 an hour, your spot just cost someone $2.50.
Rule #14 dumbbell presses. if you bring your knees up on the last rep, you can put the dumbbells on your knees with your arms straight and ride them until youre in the upright position as you drop your knees. this way you wont have to drop them from four feet causing a thunderous boom that scares the crap out of everyone and bending the dumbbells so they look like 100-pound bananas.
Rule #15 ladies: no more pink thongs over black spandex, please! Don’t throw them away though because they may need extras if miami vice makes a come back.
Rule #16 gentelmen: if your going to shave, comb your hair, brush your teeth or whatever in front of the mirror, keep your cloths on. as comfortable as you may be with yourself, we dont need someone we dont know selling hot dogs in the locker room.
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