[nightshift]

Some of you may recall a few months ago I posted about my wife and I having some problems. She has many health issues and recently had hip replacement surgery. She told me she was going to move out to "clear her head". Things calmed down for awhile and seemed to be stabilizing. Apparently I was mistaken. Today she told me she wants a divorce. Said she was tired of sacrificing things she wants and accused me of purposely spending extra money on the kids(braces) to keep her from getting stuff (botox, boob job, cruises, etc...) I make a pretty decent living and we live a comfortable life.
There is a long history of depression in her family, although no one will admit it. She has been on and off anti-depressants since I met her. Her doctor recently prescribed Cymbalta, but she refuses to take it or any other meds for her depression.
We have been married for 18 years and the thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach. But the words that were directed at me were so hurtful and angry, I can't get them out of my head. She left earlier to today and I have no idea if she is coming back. Where do I go from here?

[ozarkaBRAND]

Do her a favor and get her back; make her see the light. She's obviously not thinking clearly, esp with the depression thing.

[DmitryWI]

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you still want to be with her?

[Cellardude]

Originally Posted by nightshift

Some of you may recall a few months ago I posted about my wife and I having some problems. She has many health issues and recently had hip replacement surgery. She told me she was going to move out to "clear her head". Things calmed down for awhile and seemed to be stabilizing. Apparently I was mistaken. Today she told me she wants a divorce. Said she was tired of sacrificing things she wants and accused me of purposely spending extra money on the kids(braces) to keep her from getting stuff (botox, boob job, cruises, etc...) I make a pretty decent living and we live a comfortable life.
There is a long history of depression in her family, although no one will admit it. She has been on and off anti-depressants since I met her. Her doctor recently prescribed Cymbalta, but she refuses to take it or any other meds for her depression.
We have been married for 18 years and the thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach. But the words that were directed at me were so hurtful and angry, I can't get them out of my head. She left earlier to today and I have no idea if she is coming back. Where do I go from here?

whats wrong with getting the kids braces? Im 19 and I got braces on and off just recently. My parents spent some good money on them (the clear ones to keep myself from looking like an embarrassment) but I appreciate it as hell as it makes me look more confident. Its kinda wrong in my opinion to think of yourself over your kids. If it were me I think I would have done the same thing in your situation. Most caring and right minded parents usually would place a very high priority on their children over themselves.

I just find it a bit selfish though as to think of ones own priority and wants over those of your kids. I think If I got into an IVY league, my parents would have probably sold the house and car just so I could attend school. I would do the same.

(good call on the braces though! Im sure your kid appreciates it when they get them off. I speak from personal experience )

[slow-mun]

Originally Posted by nightshift

Some of you may recall a few months ago I posted about my wife and I having some problems. She has many health issues and recently had hip replacement surgery. She told me she was going to move out to "clear her head". Things calmed down for awhile and seemed to be stabilizing. Apparently I was mistaken. Today she told me she wants a divorce. Said she was tired of sacrificing things she wants and accused me of purposely spending extra money on the kids(braces) to keep her from getting stuff (botox, boob job, cruises, etc...) I make a pretty decent living and we live a comfortable life.
There is a long history of depression in her family, although no one will admit it. She has been on and off anti-depressants since I met her. Her doctor recently prescribed Cymbalta, but she refuses to take it or any other meds for her depression.
We have been married for 18 years and the thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach. But the words that were directed at me were so hurtful and angry, I can't get them out of my head. She left earlier to today and I have no idea if she is coming back. Where do I go from here?

Document everything(and record if possible after reading the next line), check with state laws for tape recording and its admission as evidence, and make sure you are letting your kids know what is going on at all times. I don't care if you absolutely want to work things out, b/c it may very well be too late at this point. Protect your children and your livelihood before going any further.

[Cellardude]

Originally Posted by slow-mun

Document everything(and record if possible after reading the next line), check with state laws for tape recording and its admission as evidence, and make sure you are letting your kids know what is going on at all times. I don't care if you absolutely want to work things out, b/c it may very well be too late at this point. Protect your children and your livelihood before going any further.

what happens if no evidence is presented? just curious as to why this would be a issue/big deal?

(not a smart ass question, I really dont know!)

[slow-mun]

Originally Posted by Cellardude

what happens if no evidence is presented? just curious as to why this would be a issue/big deal?

(not a smart ass question, I really dont know!)

Some states require consent to be tape recorded or videotaped. If there is no consent then the evidence is inadmissible. This does not apply to security cameras or law enforcement.

[nightshift]

I do not want to go through a divorce, but I realize that we may have reached a breaking point. Personally, I have always tried to find a solution to life's problems rather than run away from them. Unfortunately my wife is a runner who chooses to treat her depression by self medicating.
My kids are aware of what is going on, especially my 14 year old daughter. The 10 year old has many questions, but I think is afraid to ask.
My belief is that it is in my family's best interest to work this out . Convincing my wife of that is the wild card right now. We have been through a lot in 18 years. I hope there will be at least 18 more.

[slow-mun]

Originally Posted by nightshift

I do not want to go through a divorce, but I realize that we may have reached a breaking point. Personally, I have always tried to find a solution to life's problems rather than run away from them. Unfortunately my wife is a runner who chooses to treat her depression by self medicating.
My kids are aware of what is going on, especially my 14 year old daughter. The 10 year old has many questions, but I think is afraid to ask.
My belief is that it is in my family's best interest to work this out . Convincing my wife of that is the wild card right now. We have been through a lot in 18 years. I hope there will be at least 18 more.

You seem to be very unhappy and I truly wish you the best. If you have a family friend or relative that you normally confide in, then I would seek them out for advice. I still stand by my initial recommendation to have things in order if things go bust. The best thing for your family is for you to remain strong during this time. Good luck to you.

[Cellardude]

Originally Posted by slow-mun

Some states require consent to be tape recorded or videotaped. If there is no consent then the evidence is inadmissible. This does not apply to security cameras or law enforcement.

what is the evidence for? I know certian states (cali) I belive as long as you feel you two arent "right" for each other you can get a divorce, but certian states require proof.

Also if a divorce is to occur, would evidence help show the other party to be an unfit parent of some kind? I would assume evidence is used in this case to find unfit parenting perhaps and determine ultimately how the money should be split?

[Cellardude]

Originally Posted by nightshift

I do not want to go through a divorce, but I realize that we may have reached a breaking point. Personally, I have always tried to find a solution to life's problems rather than run away from them. Unfortunately my wife is a runner who chooses to treat her depression by self medicating.
My kids are aware of what is going on, especially my 14 year old daughter. The 10 year old has many questions, but I think is afraid to ask.
My belief is that it is in my family's best interest to work this out . Convincing my wife of that is the wild card right now. We have been through a lot in 18 years. I hope there will be at least 18 more.

good luck nightshift! hope all goes well.

[nightshift]

Thanks for the advise and recommendation. You are right. I am very unhappy and feel as though there is a huge weight upon me. Honestly, this board is my only outlet. I am a very private person when it comes to my personal life. I appreciate you all listening.

[Jayhawkk]

I would say make your kids your number one priority in your decisions. Convincing your wife to come home when she truely doesn't want to will make for an unhappy household. Sometimes people grow apart... The sad thing is that it is usually just one of the two that want to end things. Let her come to her own senses.

[T-Bone]

Fight for her. 18 years of life together is too much to lose. If she has depression/mental disorders she may not know what she is doing when she tells you she wants a divorce. I'm guessing its something in her head that is blown out of proportion. In other words it makes sense to her because of the mental problems. Maybe if you can convince her to take her medication or at least go seek some professional help.

Good luck.

[Reaper329]

Originally Posted by Jayhawkk

I would say make your kids your number one priority in your decisions. Convincing your wife to come home when she truely doesn't want to will make for an unhappy household. Sometimes people grow apart... The sad thing is that it is usually just one of the two that want to end things. Let her come to her own senses.

couldnt agree more. if you push it she will rsent you for trying to control her, even though you are not.

at the end of the day the kids are the most important and they need to be at the forefront of your thoughts and decision making.

good luck