If you have kids/been divorced/in court/on probation, PLEASE READ! - AnabolicMinds.com - Page 3

If you have kids/been divorced/in court/on probation, PLEASE READ!

Page 3 of 3 First 123
  1. Board Sponsor
    crader's Avatar
    Stats
    5'3"  126 lbs.
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Age
    41
    Posts
    7,243
    Rep Power
    51545

    Reputation

    As far as the things you brought up about your ex, I wold let the attorney decide whats relevant.

    The courts offered mediation first. I was required to see the mediator whether I wanted to or not. Our case was deemed not appropriate for mediation. But ask your attorney. You can meet with your ex and her attorney in your attorneys office and hammer out an agreement.

  2. New Member
    evankyle's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    149
    Rep Power
    164

    Reputation

    You raise some good points. You need an experienced attorney. If you are not working you need a job to show you are being responsible. You will need the money for the child support.
  3. Banned
    MuscleGuyinNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    27
    Posts
    2,106
    Rep Power
    0

    Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by crader View Post
    As far as the things you brought up about your ex, I wold let the attorney decide whats relevant.

    The courts offered mediation first. I was required to see the mediator whether I wanted to or not. Our case was deemed not appropriate for mediation. But ask your attorney. You can meet with your ex and her attorney in your attorneys office and hammer out an agreement.
    But how would I go about getting my ex and her attorney to meet with my lawyer and I? Would there be a court order put out for that, or would my lawyer just contact my ex and explain to her that I want a mediation and how to go about it? I really hope that her and I can settle this through mediation. My ex doesn't like the attention she gets in court. She hates being there, but it's not like it's a 'walk in the park' for me either. I've actually been the one charged in court. She hasn't experienced that. Not yet, at least.

    Thanks again for all the help. I really do appreciate it.
    •   
       

  4. Banned
    MuscleGuyinNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    27
    Posts
    2,106
    Rep Power
    0

    Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by evankyle View Post
    You raise some good points. You need an experienced attorney. If you are not working you need a job to show you are being responsible. You will need the money for the child support.
    I will be requesting a court order against myself, ordering that I pay child support. My ex, nor her family, have been intending on dragging me into court for child support. But I'm asking for a court order against myself, so that I can prove to everybody that I wanna help take care of my son and be in his life. I'm not trying to avoid the subject at all. Some people have accused me of doing so, but that's simply not true. Why would I not wanna support my own child? Seriously.
  5. Board Sponsor
    crader's Avatar
    Stats
    5'3"  126 lbs.
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Age
    41
    Posts
    7,243
    Rep Power
    51545

    Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleGuyinNY View Post
    I will be requesting a court order against myself, ordering that I pay child support. My ex, nor her family, have been intending on dragging me into court for child support. But I'm asking for a court order against myself, so that I can prove to everybody that I wanna help take care of my son and be in his life. I'm not trying to avoid the subject at all. Some people have accused me of doing so, but that's simply not true. Why would I not wanna support my own child? Seriously.
    Okay, you do not need a court order against yourself. You need a job first and the the child support enforcement agency has a state worksheet that will determine the amount you owe. This can be done out of court and in your attorneys office, they take care of the rest.

    As far as the lawyer mediation. There are not court orders for this either. Its totally up to your ex whether she wants to work it out, out of court. If she does then its over. You have your lawyer call hers and set up a date and time to meet. You try to come to an agreement, this may take several meetings. But the sooner you agree the less your lawyers cost I dropped the support my ex owed me by $300 a month to keep it out of court. Does it hurt me now, hell yes! But I still ended up with a $3000 retainer and $2000 more to the lawyer by the time it was over.

    So anyway, you can agree on an amount for support. The lawyers will do a child support worksheet so she knows what the state would have you pay. You both need to provide a months pay checks. You can agree on an amount, visitation etc..have the lawyers draw it up and you two sign it, present it to the judge and its done!! But it means court if she does not agree to work it out in the office.
  6. Banned
    MuscleGuyinNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    27
    Posts
    2,106
    Rep Power
    0

    Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by crader View Post
    Okay, you do not need a court order against yourself. You need a job first and the the child support enforcement agency has a state worksheet that will determine the amount you owe. This can be done out of court and in your attorneys office, they take care of the rest.

    As far as the lawyer mediation. There are not court orders for this either. Its totally up to your ex whether she wants to work it out, out of court. If she does then its over. You have your lawyer call hers and set up a date and time to meet. You try to come to an agreement, this may take several meetings. But the sooner you agree the less your lawyers cost I dropped the support my ex owed me by $300 a month to keep it out of court. Does it hurt me now, hell yes! But I still ended up with a $3000 retainer and $2000 more to the lawyer by the time it was over.

    So anyway, you can agree on an amount for support. The lawyers will do a child support worksheet so she knows what the state would have you pay. You both need to provide a months pay checks. You can agree on an amount, visitation etc..have the lawyers draw it up and you two sign it, present it to the judge and its done!! But it means court if she does not agree to work it out in the office.
    The OFP is supposed to be getting dropped as soon as I get a job. I'll work out some arrangements with my attorney. I will not be bringing this up to my ex. The court business. I'll just wait until my lawyer contacts her and see what she says to me. I'll suggestion mediation. I think the both of us would really enjoy being able to work this out, outside of the courtroom.

    Would I have to get a court order for a paternity test, even before going about a mediation?
  7. Board Sponsor
    crader's Avatar
    Stats
    5'3"  126 lbs.
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Age
    41
    Posts
    7,243
    Rep Power
    51545

    Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleGuyinNY View Post
    The OFP is supposed to be getting dropped as soon as I get a job. I'll work out some arrangements with my attorney. I will not be bringing this up to my ex. The court business. I'll just wait until my lawyer contacts her and see what she says to me. I'll suggestion mediation. I think the both of us would really enjoy being able to work this out, outside of the courtroom.

    Would I have to get a court order for a paternity test, even before going about a mediation?
    If you have doubts about the paternity you can get a test. I think thats close to $400 a piece.
  8. Banned
    MuscleGuyinNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    27
    Posts
    2,106
    Rep Power
    0

    Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by crader View Post
    If you have doubts about the paternity you can get a test. I think thats close to $400 a piece.
    I could do my own paternity test for much cheaper, but I'd much rather leave the procedure up to the professionals. I don't have any doubts that my son is mine. He looks just like me. Everyone says it, even my ex. But, in order to go about taking any kind of legal action, paternity would need to be established.

    I really need help insurance. I'm almost positive that Empire would pay for at least half of the paternity test. That's better than nothing.
  9. Banned
    MuscleGuyinNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    27
    Posts
    2,106
    Rep Power
    0

    Reputation

    So, since getting a job is quite important and very relevant to my situation, I have a question:

    *This only applies to those of you who've either been on probation, or know a little something about probation.

    I'm halfway to becoming a NYS licensed security officer. As some of you know, I'm also on the list to go into Corrections when I turn 21 in August.

    Say I get an opportunity to work for a company involved in security or law enforcement, but the position I apply/get hired for, requires me to carry a firearm. Now, probation constantly preaches about how you must get a job. They sometimes end up not liking the jobs you get opportunities to work for, but shouldn't that be tough luck for them? Why should I give up an opportunity, just because they have a problem with it? I never used a weapon against the guy who I fought with. One of my terms of probation is: No ownership or possession of a firearm. Well, if my job requires it, then I obviously have to do what my job tells me to do. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna be taking the gun outside of the workplace. It stays at work. I'll be working around others. Who would I go to in order to discuss this? My PO? The probation supervisor? The judge who dealt with my case?

    Thanks for any further feedback, people. Either on the custody situation, or the job situation.
  10. Advanced Member
    BingeAndPurge's Avatar
    Stats
    6'3"  250 lbs.
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Age
    36
    Posts
    748
    Rep Power
    525

    Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleGuyinNY View Post
    So, since getting a job is quite important and very relevant to my situation, I have a question:

    *This only applies to those of you who've either been on probation, or know a little something about probation.

    I'm halfway to becoming a NYS licensed security officer. As some of you know, I'm also on the list to go into Corrections when I turn 21 in August.

    Say I get an opportunity to work for a company involved in security or law enforcement, but the position I apply/get hired for, requires me to carry a firearm. Now, probation constantly preaches about how you must get a job. They sometimes end up not liking the jobs you get opportunities to work for, but shouldn't that be tough luck for them? Why should I give up an opportunity, just because they have a problem with it? I never used a weapon against the guy who I fought with. One of my terms of probation is: No ownership or possession of a firearm. Well, if my job requires it, then I obviously have to do what my job tells me to do. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna be taking the gun outside of the workplace. It stays at work. I'll be working around others. Who would I go to in order to discuss this? My PO? The probation supervisor? The judge who dealt with my case?

    Thanks for any further feedback, people. Either on the custody situation, or the job situation.

    I honestly doubt you can get a carry permit while on probation. I also doubt you'll be able to pass any kind of background check needed for corporate security or corrections for a few years. Probation places you under court supervision and any type of violent-related crime pretty much screws your chances at a clearence. Part of my background is military and security and I've been where you're at. Even applying to colleges is a long process now because of things like VA Tech. Luckily you're still pretty young and people will take that into account after a few years of staying out of trouble, but these are questions you should be asking your lawyer about. No offense to you or anyone on here giving you advice, but your lawyers should be the first people you turn to, not us. They'll be able to tell you what you have to disclose on an application and what you don't.
  11. Diamond Member
    T-Bone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    15,845
    Rep Power
    4334554

    Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleGuyinNY View Post
    I'm gonna try my hardest to get this to make as much sense as possible. I'm trying to make a very long story, very short. I guess what I can do is just give you the main points, or highlights. A lot of the people here are very generous, courtious, and knowledgable. I sometimes feel like some of you are friends, or maybe even family, because of talking together so much, giving each other advice, etc.

    So, anyways, to the point of this thread;

    - Summer 2006, my ex and I begin dating. I'm 19 going on 20. I'm told by my ex's best friend that she's 16 going on 17, but come to find out, she was only 15. Our parents were both very concerned about the age difference, but they eventually ended up accepting the situation. Things started with us as friends, but then progressed.

    - April 2007, my ex and I find out that she's pregnant with my child. I told her that I would support her either way, no matter what she chose to do. She chose to continue with the pregnancy.

    - June 2007, I begin seeing and hearing interesting messages via IM and text, and on her voicemail. I confront her since it was a male individual. She tells me that he's just a friend. I don't say "I love you" to girls that I'm friends with and I don't bash my friend's boyfriends/girlfriends, but whatever. Moving on...

    - July 2007, my ex's new friend somehow finds out my information (cell phone number and screen name - I eventually find out that my ex supplied him with my information.) He insists on harrassing me, talking shiit, and making threats (Let me mention here that, he's 5'4'' and 110 lbs, and I'm 5'8'' and 205 lbs.) My ex eventually joins in by listening in on the calls and trying to say whatever she can to make me jealous, aka piss me off. I begin working 12-hour shifts at a local manufacturing plant, with full benefits and making $13/hr to start.

    - August 2007, I find out that my ex and this guy (Come to find out, she met him on Myspace [go figure] and he's 16, but going on 17 at some point.) My ex calls me up late one night, crying, telling me that she had something to confess to me. She tells me that she ended up cheating on me with this kid. Her excuse was, "You weren't there. You were at work. I couldn't wait until you got home." God forbid, I'm working long hours to save up money for her, our son, and myself.

    - August 2007 (Mid-August), my ex insists on making plans with me to 'work shiit out.' We agree to meet at her mother's place (her parents are seperated.) I go there and, to my surprise, she arrives with this guy. I begin to confront them. She tells me to go home and we'll talk it over later. The guy, well... he Forrest Gump's his ass like there's no tomorrow. I chased after him, beat him to the ground, but only until my ex's mother came out, screaming, biting me, pulling my hair, scratching me, etc. She threatens to call the police. Three people pry me off the guy. I leave and surrender to the police. I could've gotten charged with Trespass 1st, Stalking 4th, and Assault 3rd. For some reason, the Stalking 4th charge stuck, but everything else was dropped. I spent a night in city jail and go to court the following morning. An OFP (Order For Protection) is issued in my ex's favor, but it's only temporary (2 weeks.) I was living with my father and this whole situation was stressful on him, as he's an older guy. I get kicked out and a close friend's family takes me in for 2-3 weeks. My ex and I are officially broken up.

    - September 2007, 13 nights into the 14, my ex tracks me down at a friend's house. She comes crying to me, wanting to talk things over, once again. I knew that I was gonna get caught if I went and had court the following morning. I did the stupidest thing ever and went with her. An off-duty cop must've seen us together and reported it. I surrendered to the police and got charged with Criminal Contempt 2nd. I almost got charged with Endangering The Welfare Of A Child, but that charge was dismissed a couple of months later, which I'm getting to. The following morning I go to court. I'm taken into custody and face up to 3 months in jail. The OFP is extended for 2-3 months, even though my ex and the DA had spoken on several occasions about getting it dropped. I was in custody for about an hour, then bailed out $500 cash/$1000 bond.

    - November 2007, the Stalking 4th charge is dropped. The Endangering charge is dismissed. I plead guilty to Criminal Contempt 2nd and am sentenced to 3 years of probation. The 2-3 month OFP is extended until November 08, 2012! I enter probation and VIP (Violence Intervention Program), which lasts for 32 weeks.

    - December 2007, I'm borderline depressed. I struggle with everything. I get shot down my several jobs due to my new criminal record and probation.

    - January 2008, my son is born. I'm unable to see his birth, or even in general, due to the OFP that my ex still has against me. More employers continue to shoot me down because of my record and probation. Now that my son's here, I begin to struggle even more. All I want is to be with him.

    - February 2008, so far, I've already been shot down by one or two employers. They won't say why, but I'm used to this by now. I know exactly why: criminal record and probation.



    I'm trying my hardest to get back in with the US Postal Service, as I've done temporary work for them before, but I'm going for a permanent position this time. The pay and benefits are outstanding. Everyone there enjoyed working with me, so hopefully my story gives them a little more of incentive. I must have a job, so that I can have money, because I need a family lawyer and may need a criminal lawyer. I'm petitioning to have a Court Order put out against my ex, ordering her to show up to Family Court for a paternity test. My son is, without a doubt, mine. He looks exactly like me, but I can fight her for custody if he's not proven to be mine. I'm petitioning myself, so that I pay child support. It's the only right thing to do. I wanna be in my son's life, more than anything. I'm also petitioning to have a Court Order, ordering her to show up for court, so that I can get joint legal custody. But here's the thing; I tried filing these petitions a few weeks back, but the court clerk noticed my ex's birthdate and suggested that I get a lawyer before filing the petitions. She mentioned that the Family Court judge, though he's more concerned about our son being raised right, might bring up the age difference between my ex and I, and may question whether or not it's been dealt with in a criminal court. This scared the shiit out of me, of course. I've been through enough already. I'm the real victim here! So, would it be a good idea to hire a family lawyer and a criminal lawyer? I have lawyers lined up, but I just need to pay them. They're some of the best in my area. I'd just rather spend the money for a criminal attorney and have him there, just to be safe. Or, would this not be necessary? I've heard that the Family Court couldn't do anything to me because 1) he cares about the child and the child only 2) a charge was already pursued against me, but dropped and 3) I'm already serving a sentence and the judge can't infringe upon it.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry if this seemed like so much to read. I'm grateful for you taking your time to read this. This wasn't easy. I constantly have to discuss this, write about it, think about it, etc. It seems to help at times.


    Thought I would contribute somehow,


  12. Banned
    MuscleGuyinNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    27
    Posts
    2,106
    Rep Power
    0

    Reputation

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Bone View Post
    Thought I would contribute somehow,


    I really liked how it started. It sounded cute and sincere, especially with the baby talking, but then I just rocked out and laughed during the rest of the song.

    Nice addition to the thread!
  13. Banned
    MuscleGuyinNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    27
    Posts
    2,106
    Rep Power
    0

    Reputation

    Okay...

    So, come to find out, I will no longer need a criminal attorney. I can't be touched because of the age difference since I was already charged and convicted of another charge in the case.

    With that said, I'm gonna be going to family court soon and turning in my application for counsel, and the petitions for paternity and custody/visitation. An appointed lawyer in family court should be enough because all of them, including the judge, believe that the child should have both parents in his or her life. But if I'm dragging her into court, I'm concerned that her and her father will fork out big bucks to get a lawyer to try and fight my legal rights as the baby's father.

    So far, I feel the need to mention that my ex's mother is violent and has a violent past. I never hit my ex, but she had been physically abusive towards me for quite some time. She ended up cheating on me while pregnant with my child. That's clearly wrong, but she has the right to make her own decisions and what she feels is right for her, even though I may not always agree with what she does. The male individual and I got into a fight, which is why I got arrested. I'll make it clear to the judge about what happened between them, I'll claim that I acted in 'self-defense,' and mention that I tried going to the police department to file assault charges against my ex's mother and the other guy she was seeing, but the police turned me away. She still has 1 1/2 years of high school left and plans on going to college downstate. Her father and mother both work day shifts, but when she's home from school, she's able to do whatever she wants. Her and I got pregnant, didn't we? Her father doesn't keep the best tabs on her.

    Also, should I mention anything about when my ex came to me and I violated the OFP, and she told me that the judge and ADA said the OFP would be dropped once I started work, but was never dropped? She was seeing 2 other guys at one point, but then went back to the loser she cheated on me with. I know she's purposely holding up the OFP because she's jealous that I've moved on and she wants me to fight this guy again, but I refuse to. It's clear that I'm obviously trying to be replaced as my own son's father. Her parents, especially her mother, are encouraging her to behave this way.

    Her father was 17 when he got a 15 or 16 year old girl pregnant. The girl he was dating threatened to have an abortion, but then kept the baby. Her family pushed him out of his first child's life. After 20+ years, he has yet to have done anything at all for his child. Why? Because his high school sweetheart's family pushed him away. I'm at least trying to fight this and protect my rights. He never did anything. I just don't know how relevant this would be in family court. He's just the best example of a hypocrite.

    I do believe that, in my case and due to the circumstances, that maybe the family court judge can grant me relief and drop the OFP on his own.
  •   

      
     

Similar Forum Threads

  1. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 10-28-2006, 02:41 PM
  2. admins, Mat if you have time
    By Skye in forum Anabolics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-18-2006, 12:46 AM
  3. If you have shoulder problems
    By labrad in forum Exercise Science
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-28-2003, 11:56 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Log in
Log in