If you have kids/been divorced/in court/on probation, PLEASE READ!
02-05-2008 02:32 AM
Im truly sorry to hear this man, thats a very unfortunate and complicated situation you've ended up in.. Young girls like that are just so immature (emotionally/mentally) and Im sure that played a part in igniting this situation.. But it is very apparent that you are doing everything you can in, what I view to be, the most appropriate and sincere path of action available..
As a side note, when you said that this other guy was calling and harrassing you for a couple months, you can actually have a restraining order placed on him as long as you can show that he is continually harassing you. I had one placed on one girl's insane ex-boyfriend, he violated it, and he ended up having to go through the legal system with probation, etc. I know it's a little late now but I'm not sure if you knew that was possible..
In any case, I hope your able to gain joint custody and eventually resolve things with your ex -- I'm sure when your son is old enough to understand the situation (if you decide its appropriate to tell him down the road) he'll know how much his dad cared about being there for him.. its great to see such responsibility as its fast becoming a rarity!..
Good Luck NY
This site is relevant to my interests.
02-05-2008 02:50 AM
I know people that are in jail, on parole, and people who just wanna fight. A lot of my close friends, almost like brothers to me, have been very disappointed about this situation, as my family as well. My family tried doing what they could to help my ex feel comfortable around them and they really wanted to accept her, but she crossed the line. My family can't believe the torment that she has put me through. My friends, on the other hand, still rant about wanting to severely hurt this other guy. They don't want me getting into anymore trouble and want me to be here for my son, so they're always willing to pay him a visit and kick his ass. I've decided to let things cool down for a bit. I needed to lay low. Getting arrested 3 times in 1 week is no walk in the park. I'm a high believer in Karma and I will get justice someday. All of this will come right back around and bite everyone on the ass. Until that time comes, I need to worry about my son and I. I like the idea of break-up sex, especially how rough it could get, but I'm currently dating someone new. We're not serious and official yet, but she devotes herself entirely to me and I do the same for her. I couldn't ever do anything to hurt her, at least on purpose. I've play mind games with her before, the same games that she always used to play with me. I think she's receiving the best punishment right now: being without me. She'll see me working full-time, getting a new condo, have a new car, happy with my new girlfriend, my new girlfriend and I taking my son out to do things, etc. This will eat away at my ex's conscience and it'll drive her crazy. It'll be hard on her, but I'm glad. I've cried and hurt way too much. I'm not gonna allow for anyone or anything to screw up what I have right now. I'm the happiest that I've ever been, which will make my ex miserable. I tried giving her everything. I would usually spoil her rotten, especially with my attention. She always came before my family and friends, even my job, which will never happen again. I've learned many lessons.
Originally Posted by TheMyth
02-05-2008 03:07 AM
I should've known what I was getting myself into when my ex and I had become friends, and began liking one another. I just never expected her to do such a thing to me. We were such great friends. We ended up going out. We ended up falling in love and went through a lot. We even created a life together. Fathering a child was, by far, my greatest and proudest accomplishment in life. Even way beyond graduating from a private high school. My current girlfriend is 17, but very mature. She looks like she's about 19. She looks older and acts older. I was very surprised and impressed. I'm also very lucky. She's been there for me ever since early October. We've been dating for a little over a month now. She's anxious to meet my son and help me take care of him while he's in my custody. She has accepted the situation and is sticking by my side, no matter what. She's not fond of my ex at all, but they're eventually gonna end up meeting. My girlfriend really wants to kick my ex's ass, but it wouldn't be worth it. My ex probably already wants to go after my new girlfriend, but that just wouldn't happen. My ex would end up losing. She's also the mother of my child, so I don't want her getting hurt either. I don't want anything bad to happen to either one of them.
Originally Posted by Red Dog
I know that I could've gotten the guy for harrassment, but he could've reported me to the cops for violating the OFP. He knew that her and I were constantly talking on the phone and online. Even that could end up putting me into the slammer. He wanted to be with my ex so bad, so he was willing to do whatever it took to keep me as far out of the picture as humanly possible. He knew that I had it out for him and I'm sure that he knows that I still do, but it's not as bad as before. He's not much older than her, so he's technically still a boy. He's not a man at all. He's a homewrecker. Look at what he's done to me! A man doesn't do shiit like that. He's immature. All he wanted was to get into my ex's pants. As naive as she was, not to mention how much of a nymph she was, she ended up giving him exactly what he wanted. I think it's funny how he 'magically' has a condom in his pocket on the second day of them meeting and hanging out. Duh.
I ended up trying to get my ex's mother for assault, but the police turned me away. So, I doubt they would've done anything about this guy. Once this OFP between my ex and I is dropped, I'm gonna go about getting an OFP against my ex's mother and even this guy. I've heard that he's out of the picture and my ex kicked him to the curb. He supposively was purposely trying to get attached to my son and began trying to control my ex, and my ex also told him that she didn't love him and wanted to get back together with me, so he couldn't handle that. I'll be pressing charges and filing OFPs, out the ass. I'm not even kidding. Everyone else was able to play their games, so now it's time to play games my way. I've also spoken with the editor of our local newspaper. It's a widely distributed paper. He couldn't believe how badly the legal system has treated me. So much corruption and bad police work is involved. He's actually gonna help me write an article to be printed in the newspaper, but he, along with several others, has suggested that I wait until I'm off probation before having the article printed. I can't mention any names, of course, but even so, I may end up embarrassing and pissing off the wrong person, be it the city judge or the police officers whom I've encountered. That could end up causing more trouble for myself. Once I'm off probation, I'm officially a free man all over again.
I've mentioned that to my ex before actually, about someday telling my son about what happened. She expects me to lie to our son. No way in hell am I gonna do that. One day, when he's much older of course, I will explain to him why his mother and I are no longer together. He's gonna wanna know. My ex accuses me of wanting to do such a thing, only to make her look bad and to turn our son against her. It's not that at all. She was pregnant, with him (my son), and cheated on me by having sex with someone else. With my son inside the womb. It's about being honest and not hiding anything from our son. It has nothing to do with purposely trying to make her look bad. She should've thought about possible long-term consequences before doing what she did. I'm gonna prove to my son that I'm always gonna be here for him, no matter what happens between his mother and I. I'll always love her and care about her to some degree. She's the mother of my first child. That's something that nobody could ever take away from either one of us. I don't hate her, though I've said I did, and I never will. I've just lost all trust in her. I highly disike her, but will respect her, only because she's my son's mother.
02-05-2008 03:09 AM
All of this advice and support really does mean a lot to me. I want to thank you guys. A couple of you seem to be offering constructive criticism, but you're not going out on a limb and judging me. You're offering advice. "Tough love," I guess you could call it. I just really do appreciate this. I knew that I could trust all of you. I was kind of concerned about starting such a thread, but I'm now glad that I did. I have a lot of support. So, thank you!
02-05-2008 04:08 AM
"The best revenge is success"................that was the title of a recentish thread. Its so true. Look it up.
02-05-2008 04:28 AM
After all of the bullshiit went down and I got sentenced to probation, my first step was to prove that I could stay out of trouble. To show that probation is a better option for me than jail. This Saturday, I will have been on probation for 3 months so far. I continue to stay drug and alcohol-free, though it sometimes seems to be a struggle. I miss a drink and Mr. Green once in a while, but what matters to me is being free, with my son, and living my life. Drugs, drinking, and my ex aren't worth going to jail for. My son needs me.
Originally Posted by Australian made
I plan on getting a full-time job. I may work a part-time job on the side, but I definitely do intend on enrolling in college courses, whether it's physically attending or registering online. I'm at least doing something to further my education. I'm gonna begin saving up for a life insurance plan for my son, as well as his education, specifically college. I will also begin saving up for my own condo on the lake and a new vehicle, which may end up being a 2008 Cadillac Escalade. My girlfriend will be staying with me and helping me with my son a lot, which of course, means absolutely everything to me. I know she'll be terrific with my son and I know he'll fall right in love with her. My ex has claimed that she regrets what she did. Well, when she can see how happy and successful I can be without her, she'll really be regretting it. But I won't be doing anything to make her jealous or to put her on a guilt trip. I'll be going all of this for my son, myself, my girlfriend, and my family.
I don't know if you may be able to chime in on this, but someone else may. I'm planning on bringing the following people to court, on my behalf, but I'm not sure if it would make for a solid offense/defense in the courtroom, or if it'd look as if I was up to something or just trying to kiss a lot of us. I just figured that maybe it'll help me a lot;
- My family attorney
- My criminal attorney
- My probation officer
- My facilitator from VIP
- Any counselor that I may end up seeing, of my own free will and for my own benefit
- My boss
The attorneys would work their own magic, of course. But my PO could explain to the judge that I've stayed out of trouble, pay all my fees, always show up on time to check in, obtained and maintained employment, failed no drug and alcohol screenings, etc. My facilitator from my group could explain how much I've progressed throughout the course, how I always participate a lot in discussion, how I've learned to cope with my emotions, etc. If I end up seeing any counselor, only as an escape and to have someone to talk to about absolutely anything, then they could always chime in on something. Last, but not least, my boss could explain to the judge that I'm a hard worker, and that I'm always willing to work overtime, which is very true. I even go in on my days off sometimes. He could explain the pay and the benefits to the judge, to help further explain that I'm well suited to care for my son, purchase a place to live, and so on and so forth.
Would this really help make for a good, solid offense/defense, or does it seem as if I'm kissing too much ass? I just figured this would better my chances of the judge trying to charge me with Endangering and throwing my ass in jail. But, afterall, the judge realizes that the child needs both parents. If I didn't have a job and fcuked up on probation at all, or had any run-in's with the law, then maybe the judge would feel more apt to put me behind bars, but I've been avoiding anything involving partying, violence, alcohol, drugs, etc.
Did I mention that it's election year for our local legal figures? I just mention this because, from what I hear, this judge has been very generous towards a lot of fathers.
02-05-2008 04:59 AM
Lol yes tell him he has your vote if he keeps you out of trouble! Not sure about who to bring to court with you. It can't hurt to have support with you but i wouldn't know who or how many people to bring with you. Goodluck either way.
02-05-2008 05:08 AM
I think that, though he won't admit it, the fact that I'm a registered voter and a father, will probably help pursuade him a little bit. I definitely would vote for him if he ends up helping me out and keeps me out of trouble.
Originally Posted by Australian made
My family and girlfriend will definitely be there for support, and maybe a few of my close friends. I just figured my lawyers, facilitator, PO, and boss would be very legitimate sources, especially the lawyers and my PO. He'll take what they say for it's worth and more seriously than he would take what I'd say. But I am definitely gonna man up and tell him that I'm requesting to be court-ordered to pay child support. I'm putting it down as a term on my petition for court. I wanna do that and I'm thinking the judge may end up highly respecting that.
Thanks for your support.
02-05-2008 06:02 AM
it doesn't hurt to have a solid showing on your side
02-05-2008 07:55 AM
Wow bro, it's amazing that you've been able to deal with all of that and are still positive. I can't even imagine the stuff you've been through. You are a great father. There are many people in the world who wouldn't fight as hard as you are to be able to raise your son.
I can't believe your girl put you through all of this sh*t. At first I was comparing it to the disaster of my first relationship, but there is not way I can fully comprehend what all you've been through. I know you want your ex to be just as big a figure in your son's lift, but I hope he likes you more.
It took stones to let the board in on your troubles but I'm glad there's been such a strong showing of support for you.
You were asking about who all you should bring to represent you. I say the more the merrier. Anyone who isn't biased, like a PO or the VP facilitator would be great additions to your defense.
Good luck bro, you've got friends here.
"I am legally blind and if I can Squat,deadlift and over all get myself to the gym then anyone can get their a$$ in gear and get strong!!" - malleus25
02-05-2008 08:01 AM
Running with the Big Boys
You gotta control that temper, especially for your child. I know it can be hard to do, but you HAVE to for you son. You sound like a decent guy that made a bad decision and have somewhat of a temper.. your ex knew this. Do what you can for your son, but most importantly, let petty fighting to the wayside...there is no point in it.
02-05-2008 08:09 AM
Well, most people refuse to work at fastfood resturants because America has been way too kind to them thus far. McDonald's also has tuition reimbursement.
Not to be a ****, but I am offering a solution to your problem as it stands. If something else comes along better then that's great, but McDonald's does offer benefits to full-time workers.
Everyday that you do not work, you are losing out on what you could be making in that day. (Opportunity Cost....for all you econ. buffs).
02-05-2008 08:38 AM
Originally Posted by TheMyth
Thank you TheMyth. This is incredible and brought a tear to my eye
02-05-2008 10:18 AM
do your attorneys need to talk to each other. Have they done this.
Any job is better than no job.
No matter how angry you are you must stay out of trouble and follow the rules of your probation.
It is great that you are looking to pay child support. Is there a way that you can get visitation rights as well. The sooner you start to have interaction with your son the more your anger may go away and you will start developing a special bond with your son. Do not pick your son up at your ex's alone as you should go with another person to make sure no conflict occurs.
02-05-2008 10:39 AM
Running with the Big Boys
record everything. Go out and buy a small personal recorder and any interaction you have with any of them, record.
Originally Posted by evankyle
02-05-2008 11:29 AM
Running with the Big Boys
I must say I'm biased on this one.
But most important where you mention telling your son what has happened, I have 3 kids and am divorced. You have no right to burden your child with the sins of the mother. Your relationship failure has nothing to do with how she parents her son. Children deserve the right to love both parents without taking on your issues.
02-05-2008 11:32 AM
Running with the Big Boys
I agree with this! My ex took my kids from a babysitter and ran with them for almost 3 months. He would not let me talk to them or see them, all because he did not want to pay child support. My kids still have issues from this. But we get along now, the ex and I, at least for the kids sake.
Originally Posted by tattoopierced1
02-05-2008 12:15 PM
So true. "Mommy and Daddy didn't get along very well" is about all the kid needs to know.
Originally Posted by crader
02-05-2008 12:33 PM
Club Myth CEO
thanks man. I still think its the way to go. Megadose that clomid and bust that fatal nut Blow Job Betty style. You can't be held responsible if she willingly swallows!
Originally Posted by ReaperX
02-05-2008 01:11 PM
Children are very curious and will ask a lot of questions. Even some we don't feel comfortable answering. I'm not talking about telling him as a toddler or a teen. Someday, when he's all grown up, he may wanna know why and how his mother and I 'didn't get along.' I'm not gonna make something up and lie to him. My ex loves to lie. She lies to everybody. I don't. I can be blunt and brutally honest. I can be critical, but I usually try being constructive about it. I'm just one of those people. I'm especially not gonna hide anything from my son. If he doesn't ask, then I won't tell. I'd never say horrible things just to have it out for my ex, though. She made a mistake. She'll regret it, if she isn't already. I've moved on. She'll just have to accept that. I'm wanting to maintain a friendship with my ex, as we've gone through so much. If not for each other, then for our son. He deserves to have both of us in his life. He deserves to be surrounded by love. He doesn't deserve to face any consequences from this situation. He did nothing wrong. I just hope that he knows and feels that his daddy wanted to be there this whole time. Babies and children are much more intelligent than we think.
Originally Posted by crader
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