Anabolic Log™: The most anabolic, molecularly-compounded log ever produced by science!
Sourcing and processing the raw materials took over 157 years and spanned 4 generations of Nobel prize winning bionic scientists (obviously a project ahead of its time). Private funding for the project exceeded 575 million dollars drawing interest from such prestigious contributors as Bill Gates, Eddie Bauer, and Prince. The culmination of this multi-faceted effort results in:
- 60% increase in lean muscle tissue
- 42% increase in resting metabolism compared to controls
- Upregulating clearance of muscle fatigue toxins
- Massive gains within first day of use
- Insane colon cleansing high fiber content
- Resting hGH levels increased 78% leading to profound life extension
- High tetra-amido macrocyclic ligand activator content (TAML's)
How the most anabolic, molecularly-compounded log ever produced by science works:
The main active compound in Anabolic Log™ is a chemical scientifically known as evotimberolanine™. Here is a picture of the active chemical evotimberolanine™ found in Anabolic Log™:
As you can plainly see, the anabolic nature of the chemical is profound. At oxygen bond 13 and hydrogen bond 7, we discover that the chemicals anabolic nature stems not only from extreme affinity for the androgen receptor, but also by high antagonism of said receptor.
- Increased NF-(kappa)B transcription
- MyoD transciption surpassing the best myostatin inhibitors
- Fox01, Fox03, and Fox04 upregulation increasing glucose disposal and immune response beyond anything ever seen
It upregulates thyroid and leptin sensitivity as well as increasing lipolytic enzymes by 400%. It has thermogenic capabilities comparable to the notorious and ever famous synthetic chemical uncoupler known as DNP but without any of the life threatening side effects. The TAML's are remarkable at destroying fatigue toxins by accelerating the cleansing reactions with hydrogen peroxide. It is also in clinical testing for use as a cure in the treatment of 32 serious diseases including Lupus and Diabetes.
I began supplementing with Anabolic Log™ and Chunky Monkey™ several weeks ago.
I must say, the effects out perform even the most high dose testosterone enanthate/dianabol stack. Within five minutes I gained 35 pounds and my bench went up by 2 reps and 10 pounds. I lost 7% bodyfat and won the lottery. My girlfriend left me... but I found a hotter one who immaculately conceived the son of God. And I got a new boat.
I give this supplement a 4/5 stars. I would've given it 5 stars, but it only comes in chocolate flavor.
Thanks to the new Anabolic Log™ I am now able to compete in full contact origami. I have become a dynamic figure of my time, often seen base-jumping and crushing ice. I'm now known to remodel train stations during lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I wooed women with sensuous and godlike guitar playing. Suddenly, I can pilot Segways™ up severe inclines with daunting speed and cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in 18.5 minutes. I've become an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Brazil. I have come to enjoy bluegrass cello, and am the subject of numerous documentaries. I now can participate in suburban hang gliding.
Now an abstract artist, I'm a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Specialists worldwide swoon over my newly created original line of evening-wear. Because of Anabolic Log™, my floral arrangements have earned me fame in worldwide botany magazines. Children trust me.
I can now hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with incredible accuracy and read Paradise Lost, Moby ****, and Gone with the Wind in one day while still having time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I have recently performed several covert operations with the Spanish Inquisition. While on vacation in Florida I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small laundromat. The laws of physics no longer apply to me.
Years ago, I had discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down (though it doesn't matter because I have found Log™). I've made extraordinary four course meals using only rice and a toaster oven because Anabolic Log™ increased my IQ by 300 points. I recently won bullfights in San Juan and cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka. I also played Hamlet and performed open-heart surgery while speaking telepathetically with aliens.
...all thanks to the new chocolate Anabolic Log™.