Help with love

[TheCrownedOne]

I have to talk to someone, and this is the only place I can trust to give me honest feedback. I need
your help.

Not very long ago I met a girl online. I was browsing profiles one day and came across hers. She
had this blog posted, a sad one, but not one of those "get a grip and stop whining" sad ones. She
was talking about how she was hurting and had no one to turn to for help. So I wrote her. I took
her blog line by line and commented on each point, also inserting some contents from her profile.
It took me almost 4 hours to write, read, rewrite, read, rewrite, read, and send. I was
completely open and honest with her. She wrote back saying that it made her cry. She couldn't
believe it.
We continued to talk every day, sometimes several times a day but only through email. We had
the best conversations. Some were sweet and some humorous, but all were perfect. They were
to best part of my every day. Eventually we got around to flirting with the idea of talking on the
phone. She was playing hard to get but in the most adept way such that it only enticed me even
more. So finally, I stepped up and put myself on the line: "this is my number; I'm available any
time to talk to you."
So, she called...and made my world.
We talked for something like 45 minutes when she had to go to a party. She said she would call
me when they left. After a little over an hour she text messaged me saying how bored she was. I
went to my car and called her just as she was walking to hers. Perfect timing. We talked as she
drove home, then I drove home because my battery was dying. We didn't get off the phone for 3
and a half hours when she told me she was starving and had to eat something. She said she would
call me back, and she did
We stayed on the phone talking until the sun came up almost 5 hours later. We talked about
everything. She cried a few times, complimented me a million times on how sweet I was, and I
told her exactly what I thought of her. It was...magic.
I finally had to let her go at 6:44am so we could take a nap and go to church. We didn't talk again
until that night when she asked me when I was going to go see her. I forgot to mention that part.
She lives and goes to school 199 miles from me, but she comes home to her parents house almost
every weekend. Her parents live a hair under an hour from me. Se we decided we would meet
the weekend after next.
The other day I saw that she had posted a blog saying that she was terrified because she was falling
hard for me. She has had the worst luck with relationships. She has dated the worst of the worst,
so I suppose I may have come as a nice surprise, being a "nice guy" but with a twist. Anyway, she
doesn't call me one night like she said she would. I didn't think too much of it, but it did bum me
out. I messaged her asking what happened, and she said that she had called but I didn't answer. My
phone is crap and sometimes it won't ring or tell me I have a missed call. We didn't talk that night
because she had two tests the next day.
I came home from work last night to find this blog she posted:

For those of you I have been talking to a lot online (and this is to more than one person):

I am FLATTERED you would think so much of me as you do. It's wonderful having nice messages
after a stressful day. However, I do not know what's going on right now. Sometimes I find myself
wanting to be in a relationship, jumping at the chance to meet new people. Other times I just
don't. Until I am 100% ready for something, I don't want to do it. Take this as a fore-warning that
I may seem a little distant from here on out- I need to become happy with my life again before I
bring someone else in to share it. I've got school to worry about, along with lots of other things. I
prefer, right now, to keep it to only those things. I'm sorry if... no, that I HAVE misled you. I
mean no harm, and I mean to cause no pain. I thought I should let you know, and I hope we can
still talk and be friends like we have.

-Love Always-


I was devastated. I know you guys may not be able to sympathize with me here, but I'll be honest
and tell you that I am extremely tenderhearted. I mean, when I fall for someone, I really FALL
for someone. It's done - I'd do anything for them. She has my whole heart.
I sent her a message after I stopped crying. I asked if it was to me, even though I knew. She said it
wasn't just to me, and she would call me tomorrow (that's today) so we could talk about it.

So now is the part where I get embarrassingly honest and show everyone how crazy I am. Both I
and my best friend think that there is no one else, that she is only talking to me. My friend says
she can relate to her 100%, and she believes she was only trying to soften the blow to me.
I can't give up on this. I can't let it die before it has a chance to really live.
This is the crazy part. She has her classes posted, and she told me where she works. This is my
plan. If the call today doesn't go well, if she just runs away out of fear, then I'm - without telling
her - going to drive to her school and find her. I have to see her; I have no choice. Love compels
me to make an absolute ass out of myself.

Perhaps this comes from watching too many movies like Sleepless in Seattle, I don't know, or
maybe I am just plain crazy. What I know for certain is this - I am absolutely mad for this girl. I
think about her every second I'm awake. I've never been able to say that about anyone. I really do
think about her all day. She is the most adorable creature I have ever known, so driving 200 miles
to maybe have the sand kicked in my face sounds like a worthwhile endeavour to me.

I hope a few of you here are romantics like me, and hopefully some are a little crazy like
me too. I guess what I'm asking you guys for is prayer - that this doesn't explode all over me - and
advice. If anyone has anything to share, please don't hesistate. If nothing else, thank you for
listening to me.

 

[CDB]

There's a fine line between romance and psychosis, CO. Also a fine line between what a woman might see as romantic and what she might see as stalking. I can empathize, but I would advise against going. Keep contact up, make sure she knows you're still around, but otherwise do as she asks. Either she's telling the truth or she isn't. If she is, she needs to get her own **** together. If she isn't, while it might be painful to hear it, it probably means she doesn't see anything happening with you in the end, for whatever reasons. Going there is a mistake at this point.

 

[doggzj]

Honestly, just let her have her time and let her see where she is in life. If you guys are ment to be together it will fall into place in time.

In the mean time, you shouldn't let yourself fall in love with someone so fast. I am also a romantic, so I sympatize here. It's hard sometimes but the more you control your emotions the better it is when you truely do find the one.

goodluck

 

[CROWLER]

I am VERY sorry you feel so bad. Your pain is VERY evident.

You said "This is the crazy part. She has her classes posted, and she told me where she works. This is my
plan. If the call today doesn't go well, if she just runs away out of fear, then I'm - without telling
her - going to drive to her school and find her. I have to see her; I have no choice. Love compels
me to make an absolute ass out of myself."

You REALLY are crossing the line to becoming a stalker. I am NOT kidding you really are on the way of becoming a stalker with this thinking. This is VERY serious and not good.

You have invested much too much time, effort and most importantly emotion into this person. The first contact you had with her while sounding romantic is NOT healthy. You replied line by line taking 4 hours for a person you do not even know. This again is NOT healthy. Why would you invest all this time in a person you do not even know? Because you are lonely and wanted to help. Believe me I KNOW where you are coming from but that just isn't right.

You need to move on now. In reality you never did have a true relationship and have to admit that to yourself. Stop this before it goes too far and you find yourself trying to explain to the police and a judge why you are going to see a person who does NOT want you to.

Don't stress over whether or not there is someone else. Bottom line is she doesn't want to see you. My advice to you and a number of friends/relatives who meet online is you HAVE to go see the person on an actual date before investing all that time and emotion.

BTW I have had VERY good luck with online dating services. BUT you find someone you are interested in and after a COUPLE (2 or 3) emails you call and set up a place and time to meet. You do NOT write endless emails and make endless number of phone calls and PLEASE do not be as stupid as a friend of mine who actually sent a girl roses after a week of emails and a couple phone calls. Of course this relationship did not turn into anything.

I will admitt that 1 in 100,000 will but hey just go play the lottery if you think you are that lucky.

Best of luck bro. Just do yourself a BIG favor. Say outloud this girl is not interested in me, that doesn't make her a bad person it just means she is missing out on meeting a GREAT guy. Then go register at an online dating service. Put up a pic that doesn't look as good as you really do in real life. Don't try to make yourself sound perfect. This way when you meet there is no disappointment on her part and she thinks WOW he is even better than his profile. My brother puts up pics from 10 years ago and then wonders why when he meets the woman they are not interested. Don't make the same mistake.

Be honest what you are looking for. If you really want a women who is college educated than say that. If you want a women who has never had children and never wants children then say that.

One of the HUGE problems with relationships is people get into them and have NO idea what the other persons wants in life or what they do not want.

The problem with many people on those dating sites is they are not honest with themselves so how are they going to be honest with the person they are looking for. I was honest, I said where I wanted the person to be from, what nationality, what I was willing to give to a realationship and even more importantly what I was NOT willing to do in a relationship. This way when someone responds if they don't meet your requirements you can just tell them that you are not intersted and not even waste a date with them.

Hang in there and get over he NOW bro.

CROWLER

 

[BingeAndPurge]

Nice guys and young girls, damnit if it doesn't turn out the same way 90% of the time. I feel for ya and know how difficult the impulse to drive there is to feign off, but don't do it. Your common sense tells you not to go, but your infatuation demands it. You know what the right ansewer is or you would not be asking "the only place I can trust to give me honest feedback."

Whatever you decide, good luck.

 

[Apowerz6]

CO, I have always admired your posts, but in LOVE, I must say this, step away, and let her find her self, when we are infatued, we see what we want, and you my brother need to take heed in what she has said. No matter what you do, it will not be enough if she is not secure within her self. CO you cannot save her, no matter how hard it seems and you want to help her, you have to leave Life changing help in the hands of GOD. life has taught me many things, and i have learned that God will put people in your life to help you, but also he will give you what you want, but will you be ready to accept it, and when i say accept it its the good bad and ugly... your quote says love unconditionally, but can you love in all the ways except EROS (no fornicating young man :lol:?)

 

[DmitryWI]

It doesn't mean she's blowing you off, but she might be scared you coming on too strong too fast. Going to see her will make it worse. Give her some time and space.
I'm praying for you. Call me if you need to talk, you know I'm here for you.

 

[Grassroots082]

Thoughts are with you CO. I have confidence that you will make the right decision.

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

oh crowned.....im so sorry... you are such such a sweet guy . im sorry that you are hurting so much. i admire that you are such an open and honest person. as crowler mentioned, DONT....i repeat...DO NOT come and find her.

honestly, there seems to be a connection with you two. its not everyday where you meet someone that you can talk to for hours with, and when you find that person, its amazing....but there is often more than one person in the world that you can find that with.

the only thing that i did not like about her is how she didnt have the decency to call and really talk to you like you deserve. how she kind of broke it off was like emailing someone a "goodbye" letter. she will make public posts about something so private..... it disturbs me that this goodbye letter is addressed to "more than one" person.

i give her credit in that she is honest with you and seems quite genuine. it is true what she said, about how knowing what she wants and yada yada... you shouldnt start a relationship unless you BOTH truly know yourselves (which i think most do not until a late age) .i would say tread carefully. as someone earlier mentioned, if its meant to be, than its meant to be. be careful with your heart. you are so sweet, i hate seeing nice people get hurt so badly

 

[TheCrownedOne]

I appreciate the responses fellas. A few thoughts:

WRT stalking:
I know you guys are right. Even as I wrote about going there to see her, I knew I wouldn't. I knew not only because I don't think it will be necessary, but also because I know in my heart as many of you do that it won't solve this. This is neither the time nor the place for such recourse. No worries, I'm not going to "cross the line," but sometimes it is difficult to know where the line is. I know better.

I have a new plan. When I talk to her I am going to reassure her that nothing was ever implied but friendship. That's all I really wanted, and I told her that at the start. All I really want is to get to know her better and be her friend. I think she'll be fine with that.

TO CROWLER,
I don't know where you get the idea that she isn't into me or doesn't like me. You've no idea what we've said to one another. Second, I don't know why you can't see the merit in taking 4 hours to help someone in need. That sounds like a problem on your end. Maybe you and I are on very different wavelengths, but I see nothing wrong with doing whatever I can to help someone. And I doubt very seriously that Christ would disagree.

EDIT:
I thought I was finished, CROWLER, but I have more to say. None of this is as hostile as it sounds, so I apologize for the tone. I think you should take a step back and consider your place in this world. Consider what has been done for you and has been given to you. I could give you thousands of reasons for you to reconsider your attitude toward helping others, but I only need one. Jesus Christ died for me and He died for you. He didn't have to, nor was He asked, He did it out of love. He doesn't want us to suffer in hell, so He did ALL that He could to save us. I think that if I offer any more base a sacrifice upon the alter of my life, then I am doing Him a terrible disservice. What kind of man would I be to stand before God and say,
"I know you sent your only Son to suffer and die for me, but I didn't feel like helping anyone. I was too busy caring for myself"?
I don't know if you realize it or not, but that's what you've implied with your post. Jesus Christ is as real to me as the computer I'm typing on, and I love Him far more than I could ever express. I should be so lucky as to be given the opportunity to give of my time and my heart for someone, anyone, in this world. Like the old song goes, "Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe." I should like to change it to "All to Him I GLADLY owe." I thank God every day that He blesses me with the responsibility and opportunity to be magnanimous to those people He cared anough to give His life and pride for.
You may not understand it, but I'd be willing to give my life for you CROWLER. I don't have to know you to love you. I'm sorry that you couldn't understand where my heart was speaking from, but I hope this will elucidate things.

 

[DmitryWI]

TO CROWLER,
I don't know where you get the idea that she isn't into me or doesn't like me. You've no idea what we've said to one another. Second, I don't know why you can't see the merit in taking 4 hours to help someone in need. That sounds like a problem on your end. Maybe you and I are on very different wavelengths, but I see nothing wrong with doing whatever I can to help someone. And I doubt very seriously that Christ would disagree.

:thumbsup:

 

[jonny21]

I can't give up on this. I can't let it die before it has a chance to really live.
This is the crazy part. She has her classes posted, and she told me where she works. This is my
plan. If the call today doesn't go well, if she just runs away out of fear, then I'm - without telling
her - going to drive to her school and find her. I have to see her; I have no choice. Love compels
me to make an absolute ass out of myself.

It sounds like you are a bit mixed up about what love is. Obsession, compulsion & fear are usually what compels you to do things against the wishes of the ones you "love". If it was really love you would treat her with respect, compassion & understanding and adhere to her wishes. Love is of God so therefore have faith. If it is supposed to happen, it will. Might not be in your time but definitely in His.

I have read previous posts of yours and know you have a belief in the Divine. Take a leap of faith and back off a bit and trust His plan.

 

[refrieddreams]

Wow...

Ok man, the thing I see most, is inmaturity on her end. Where does she have classes posted? I can not believe girls do this. I understand if she told you when her classes are, but to make them public knowledge on the net is F****** nuts.

That being said bro, I would suggest you lay back a bit. I would not go see her, make her want you.

Where did you meet her? Myspace?

My quick similar story, I met this girl we had an insane connection, when I kissed her I could see into her soul, it was really wierd but cool. She, after a few weeks said she needed "time to her self" I took it as the opposite of you and assumed it was another dude, and that's ok.

Well just this week, after word gets around I am seeing someone else she wants me back...(big surprise)...

Moral of the story? Give her her space, you sold yourself to her, just hope that she will get her head out of her ass and see what she is missing.

DO NOT JUST GIVE IN TO WHATEVER SHE WANTS!! She will see that as a weakness in you and take advantage of it, (unintentionaly)...

Good luck man!

 

[Alpha-male]

Hi Crowned, I kind of agree with mostly everyone. Trust me I know how you feel but I think the best thing to do right now is to just have patience and see how things play out without making any fast half-thought out moves. You should let her know that you want to be her friend and will be there for her, but you should let her come to you when she is ready. Don't try to force yourself on her. I know you already like her, and if she likes you she will come to you. So basically all you gotta do now is just sit back and be patient and see how everything goes. Exercise your faith by knowing that if you guys will get together, nothing is going to stop it and God will bring you guys together. Good luck.

 

[TheCrownedOne]

UPDATE:
As I anticipated, she didn't call. So I waited until 12 to send her this message, which she has read.


Dear Friend,

It is 2:06pm. I am writing this with the hope that I won't need to send it to you. I am writing this with the hope that we have spoken and all is well between us. Nevertheless, I am compelled to speak to you, even if you aren't listening.

Your blog knocked the wind out of me. I suspected that something was amiss with us, but I could not have guessed the severity. What happened to my friend? What happened to the girl I talked to until the sun rose? What did I do? You know you can be 100% open and honest with me. Hold nothing back: tell me exactly what you want to.
I know I am to blame for your fears, thus, I humbly ask for your forgiveness. I came on far too strong and far too fast, as I told you I have a lamentable tendency to do. I could not make myself get off the phone with you that night. I had so much to say, and the voice of reason within me was mute - or perhaps I was deaf to his cries. Whatever the case, I regret to admit that I have given you a false impression. I said in the beginning that I had no hidden agenda, no ulterior motives. I only wanted, and still want, to be your friend and to help you. It seems that I should have been clear. I should have told you outright that I never had any intentions of making you mine, nor was I attempting to lead you to commit to me in any way - I only wished to see where things could go. If the road were to have lead to "something," then I would have become a jubilare, and you would know what it means to be loved. It seems that now your heart has turned due to my lack of hesitance and all too incautious vehemence. I am ebullient and such is my recompense; I have been made a fool.
My wasted, rapacious heart saw things differently. It took the inch you gave and went a mile. It took your, "I think I'm falling" and spun it into "she's crazy about you and hooked for sure!" I am so sorry for that. I am so sorry I got far too ahead of myself. I am sorry I frightened you. I can only surmise that some of this may have been influenced by my message to your friend Ashton or perhaps the text message I sent the other afternoon. I never saw error in what I asked her or in what I sent you, but looking at it now with new eyes, I opine that I may have made a mistake. Much to my unfathomable chagrin, it seems by your blog that I was only one of your many suitors. O God that I had known. O that He would have told me. I was only one of many...I am devastatingly embarrassed, I am fatally mortified, and I have only my own foolish heart to blame.

This is where I let go. This is where I risk losing what great, mysterious thing we had growing between us so you can do what is necessary. I could not ask for more than to be your friend. I truly meant what I said Saturday night when I told you that you think far too little of yourself. I don't think you realize what a wonderful thing it would be if you would allow me to continue to be your friend. Of course, I understand if I have caused too much damage. I understand if I have ruined things. All that I ask, all that I very humbly behest, is that you give this a chance. I don't know the future, I don't know what will happen if you do, but I do know who I am, who I will continue to be, and what I have to offer you without agenda: Honesty, Integrity, Compassion, Communication, Understanding, Friendship, and Unconditional Love. If those sound like things you would rather live without from me, then so be it. You've only to say the word, and I will no longer be a part of your life. Some have told me to act disinterested and aloof or you will capitalize on my courtesy, but giving you the chance to kick sand in my face is something I don't mind. I am no loser, but I suppose I can care for people too much, especially those that are unabashedly kind to me as you have been. Besides, I don't think you are one to do something like that.

I am not asking you to love me: I never did; I am not asking you to be my girlfriend: I never did; I am not asking you to let me write you poetry and prose: I never did; I am not asking you to turn your life upside down for me: I never did. All that I am asking for is a chance, a chance to show you how great and special someone can treat you, a chance to show you your true value, a chance to be your best friend, and a chance to make you smile just once more.
I know you need time. I will wait.


Until then I remain,
Faithfully Yours,

Stephen


Now, I wait. I won't send messages, I won't call, I won't do anything...but wait.

Thanks again for listening to this old fool.

 

[DmitryWI]

Wow, brother, it's beautiful. She's going to be so dumb if she'll turn her back on you.

 

[refrieddreams]

Or, she may run! That was pretty strong man. How old is she?

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Crownded one...bud....dude....

Okay...you're obviously a very nice guy--and that's great! HOWEVER, girls don't meet nice guys often. So, even though they say that they want a nice guy, they really are bound to find super nice guy "weird". They'll think "something's wrong with him (you)".

Unfortunately, this kind of stuff is going to happen when you act like 'that'.

Most guys have been there / done that, and they'll all tell you the same thing. DOESN'T WORK!

If this letter does happen to work, consider yourself lucky and give her a freggin' ring (not literally, hahaa)!! But, really don't let her go.

However, unfortunately I don't think its going to work. So, for future reference, be polite, but don't be 'warm'. When girls feel the cold shoulder and see it on a polite face, they think they're not wanted and they come back for more. Why? I don't know...its insane. I hate it, I never wanted to deal with it...heck, I'm like you at heart. That's how I'd think. Just doesn't work unfortunately. Well, not at this point anyway. Maybe after you've been together for some time you can write that kind of stuff / say that kind of stuff.

Best of luck.

 

[DmitryWI]

Totally agreed with you, Kwyck, but it’s not for Stephen to act that way. It means he’ll have to pretend something he is not. And if this one will run, somebody else won’t

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Crownded one...bud....dude....

Okay...you're obviously a very nice guy--and that's great! HOWEVER, girls don't meet nice guys often. So, even though they say that they want a nice guy, they really are bound to find super nice guy "weird". They'll think "something's wrong with him (you)".

Unfortunately, this kind of stuff is going to happen when you act like 'that'.

Most guys have been there / done that, and they'll all tell you the same thing. DOESN'T WORK!

If this letter does happen to work, consider yourself lucky and give her a freggin' ring (not literally, hahaa)!! But, really don't let her go.

However, unfortunately I don't think its going to work. So, for future reference, be polite, but don't be 'warm'. When girls feel the cold shoulder and see it on a polite face, they think they're not wanted and they come back for more. Why? I don't know...its insane. I hate it, I never wanted to deal with it...heck, I'm like you at heart. That's how I'd think. Just doesn't work unfortunately. Well, not at this point anyway. Maybe after you've been together for some time you can write that kind of stuff / say that kind of stuff.

Best of luck.

I know, you're right. They think they know what they want until they get it. It pisses me off to no end that we have to play these games. I'm interested but can't act interested or she'll think I'm too interested and then she won't be interested so I'm supposed to act aloof, and I'll get her. That is bullshit. All this is bullshit. People won't allow each other to be open and honest, but if we can't be honest then what's the point? Makes you want to just say to hell with it and give up. Maybe that old saying is true - "sometimes the only way to win is not to play."

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Or, she may run! That was pretty strong man. How old is she?

She'll be 19 in April. I know, I know.

 

[custom]

Crownded one...bud....dude....

Okay...you're obviously a very nice guy--and that's great! HOWEVER, girls don't meet nice guys often. So, even though they say that they want a nice guy, they really are bound to find super nice guy "weird". They'll think "something's wrong with him (you)".

Unfortunately, this kind of stuff is going to happen when you act like 'that'.

Most guys have been there / done that, and they'll all tell you the same thing. DOESN'T WORK!

If this letter does happen to work, consider yourself lucky and give her a freggin' ring (not literally, hahaa)!! But, really don't let her go.

However, unfortunately I don't think its going to work. So, for future reference, be polite, but don't be 'warm'. When girls feel the cold shoulder and see it on a polite face, they think they're not wanted and they come back for more. Why? I don't know...its insane. I hate it, I never wanted to deal with it...heck, I'm like you at heart. That's how I'd think. Just doesn't work unfortunately. Well, not at this point anyway. Maybe after you've been together for some time you can write that kind of stuff / say that kind of stuff.

Best of luck.

I tend to agree to a large extent. I mean how many chicks say they want a "nice guy"? And then how many of them dump his sorry arse and go out with some jerk?

I may just have to develop a product to correct the illogocal brain chemistry of females.

 

[refrieddreams]

I may just have to develop a product to correct the illogocal brain chemistry of females.

I am in for a few kilos!!

I bet if we could just lower E levels a bit, and crank up the T level a smidgen, and throw in some Yohimbine for good measure it may work...

 

[DmitryWI]

Oh, I didn't think about her age... Yea, it might work for someone my age, at 19, as much as I hate to say it, it's either what Kwyck said or forgetaboutit. You might want to try to date older women, you'll have great success.

 

[refrieddreams]

She'll be 19 in April. I know, I know.

YOU KNOW YOU KNOW!!!!

Please bro, do not give your heart to an 18 year old. She will roll over you in 2 years guarenteed...especially if she is in school...

 

[DmitryWI]

I tend to agree to a large extent. I mean how many chicks say they want a "nice guy"? And then how many of them dump his sorry arse and go out with some jerk?

I may just have to develop a product to correct the illogocal brain chemistry of females.

It's a lot easier to become a jerk, than correct female's brain LOL (if there is something to correct):blink:

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Come on guys, you can't generalize people that way. Whatever happened to the one-in-a-million people out there? So she's young...okay. While one should err on the side of caution with a young lady, that doesn't merit just giving up. You guys have to have more hope than that.

 

[TheUnlikelyToad]

Stephen, please.

Just slow down a bit ok?

I've been in your shoes before... in HS and some of my first year of college. All because I lacked confidence and was insecure about my body.

It's just too much too fast.

 

[TheCrownedOne]

It seems to some extent this is the life a Nice Guy can expect:

1. Care about some people a great deal more than they care about you.
2. Get shitted on.
3. Wait your entire life for one person to maybe, perhaps, hopefully, finally come along and love you like you love them.

Or, let's look at the Asshole's life:
1. Don't give a damn about anyone but yourself.
2. Have people throw themselves at you, madly in love.
3. Pick a couple, satisfy yourself, ditch.
4. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Am I right here?

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Stephen, please.

Just slow down a bit ok?

I've been in your shoes before... in HS and some of my first year of college. All because I lacked confidence and was insecure about my body.

It's just too much too fast.

See, that's what I said. Love can be like a rollercoaster. You know it's going to be rough, you know it's going to go fast, and you know it's going to have a lot of twists and turns. Some people think they're ready, then they get on the ride and want off two seconds after it starts. Why is everyone in the world so afraid all the damn time?

 

[TheUnlikelyToad]

See, that's what I said. Love can be like a rollercoaster. You know it's going to be rough, you know it's going to go fast, and you know it's going to have a lot of twists and turns. Some people think they're ready, then they get on the ride and want off two seconds after it starts. Why is everyone in the world so afraid all the damn time?

Because when its to good to be true, it usually is...

usually

Dude, I don't blame her.

You are just blind right now by your own ankst.

 

[refrieddreams]

See, that's what I said. Love can be like a rollercoaster.

=========================
"I personally think that your mom is right, and her roller coaster anaolgy is perfect!"

"Yeah well if she's so smart why is she sitting in the neighbors car?!?" - Steve Martin in Parenthood
===========================

You don't need to be an asshole, just do not move so fast and throw yourself at her.

What ever happened to the timeless art of seduction?

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Blind to what?

Somebody who's been around long enough should tell me if this is all life has to offer. It would help a great deal to know now.

 

[TheCrownedOne]

=========================
"I personally think that your mom is right, and her roller coaster anaolgy is perfect!"

"Yeah well if she's so smart why is she sitting in the neighbors car?!?" - Steve Martin in Parenthood
===========================

You don't need to be an asshole, just do not move so fast and throw yourself at her.

What ever happened to the timeless art of seduction?

Unfortunately, I am less than adept at initial seduction. I get good though, as time goes on.

 

[Apowerz6]

It seems to some extent this is the life a Nice Guy can expect:

1. Care about some people a great deal more than they care about you.
2. Get shitted on.
3. Wait your entire life for one person to maybe, perhaps, hopefully, finally come along and love you like you love them.

Or, let's look at the Asshole's life:
1. Don't give a damn about anyone but yourself.
2. Have people throw themselves at you, madly in love.
3. Pick a couple, satisfy yourself, ditch.
4. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Am I right here?

Bro its crazy...

I have been both, and let me tell you it sucks to be them, its when you find that perfect synergey adding them together is when you have happiness.
I mean hell my wife is still looking for the nice guy she had dated, and once i got steam rolled by her, the asshole came out, and i moved on for a year. Realized I still loved her, and came back, and guess what works my friend? the combo of both, when i am too nice no respect, when I am Quadaffi she is appaled... So you have to find yourself and know who you are, and how you will react, and know that being too nice in this world will get you too heavens door, but in the process God will have to heal your wounds a lot more than to you looking to him and letting him guide you to the right person, and the way they need to be loved.

 

[TheUnlikelyToad]

You have feelings involved, therefore you are failing to see tha bigger picture here.

Again, it's a lot at once... allow her to digest some of it before she pegs you as psycho.

 

[custom]

It sounds like you are a bit mixed up about what love is. Obsession, compulsion & fear are usually what compels you to do things against the wishes of the ones you "love". If it was really love you would treat her with respect, compassion & understanding and adhere to her wishes. Love is of God so therefore have faith. If it is supposed to happen, it will. Might not be in your time but definitely in His.

I have read previous posts of yours and know you have a belief in the Divine. Take a leap of faith and back off a bit and trust His plan.

That is great advice.

 

[refrieddreams]

Apowerz with good points as usual...

Just take it slow, I have been screwd big time in the past year. That sucks, and that was after 7 years together, 5 being married. Now being the single guy is kinda nice. There are plenty of fish, too bad they are all whacked and psycho...

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Like I said in the letter, I am waiting, and that's all. I know I have to wait, but it's tough.

I wonder if some of you are under the mistaken impression that this is nearly one-sided. I wonder if some of you are thinking that it's me that's calling, writing, etc. I've called her once, and that was only after I read that blog that I posted here. I wrote her first, she replied, and so it went until she called me. Every time we talked on the phone it was her that called, and not because I didn't but because she wanted to and beat me to it. It was her that first told me that she clicked Home every two seconds to see if she had a new message from me. It was her that said FIRST that she was falling for me. It was her that changed the song on her profile to "I only want to be with you" by Hootie. That last one may seem silly, but I read into things like that.

I hope I haven't mislead anyone into thinking that I haven't left her alone, because I have. I've just been suffering in silence.

 

[Iron Warrior]

TCO, have patience my friend. Don't go into the mentality that this is the only woman out there for you. Forgive me if this sound ignorant, but are you sure you're in love ? I just don't understand how people can fall in love without ever meeting each other ? I would forget about this girl because it sounds as if she doesn't even know what she wants herself. Again, be patient. You will find someone who you click with eventually. I also don't think it's good to be nice guy, it never worked out for me, you have to find the fine line between being a jerk and a nice guy because some women will throw you out the door like last week's garbage and that SUCKS BIG TIME

 

[The Experiment]

Maybe I'm a cynical asshole but that letter did more harm than good. Life isn't a Hollywood movie. Its extremely rare that a girl positively responds to long messages. It freaks them out and I have to admit, if a girl wrote a long ass letter, I probably wouldn't go out with her.

Her message was her way of letting you down. It reflects poorly on you to become so infatuated with someone with such limited contact. It speaks more about your self-worth, which I think is why girls don't like nice guys who act this way.

If she rejects your advances or doesn't respond, move on and forget about her. Please, for the sake of yourself, her, and society.

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Maybe I'm a cynical asshole but that letter did more harm than good. Life isn't a Hollywood movie. Its extremely rare that a girl positively responds to long messages. It freaks them out and I have to admit, if a girl wrote a long ass letter, I probably wouldn't go out with her.

Her message was her way of letting you down. It reflects poorly on you to become so infatuated with someone with such limited contact. It speaks more about your self-worth, which I think is why girls don't like nice guys who act this way.

If she rejects your advances or doesn't respond, move on and forget about her. Please, for the sake of yourself, her, and society.

Society eh? I am an ebullient writer, I bloviate - what can I say. As I said, I am ebullient, and such is my recompense.

Oh well.

However, your cynicism is...useful

 

[TheCrownedOne]

And I think everyone is missing something. There is a commonality to this thread: each person has mentioned that one thing or another would be rare.

Rare
1. Not widely known; especially valued for its uncommonness.
2. Recurring only at long intervals.
3. Not widely distributed.
4. Marked by an uncommon quality; especially superlative or extreme of its kind.

Can anyone guess why this makes me smile? It's rare; it isn't impossible. That's the magic of love. True love is rare, but it DOES exist. Only Hope can unlock the trussing that binds True Love. It's similar to faith. Only blind hope makes love and faith worth it, and that's all there is here really...a fool's hope.

"Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."

 

[refrieddreams]

I will be looking out, and have the chess board waiting...

The problem bro, you are dealing with so many outside elements. Back when your Granparents got together chances are there was mutual love of God, country, each other. And they made a commitment and stuck to it.

These days, chicks, (and guys for that matter) have so many picking at hand, so many temptations, so many reasons to believe the grass is greener over there.

With sites like Myspace, which is a virtual P**** juke box these 'ladies' have a ton to choose from.

To do a humble check on my self every few weeks, I will do a "bowse" on my space for my ideal girl, within 5 mile of my zip. Then I will check the male box and un check the female box. Holy crap, I am just another asshole blending in with all these other assholes. It is different in AL, but in So cal...good GOD it's nuts. And to think I still hook up from it time to time is amazing...

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Dude, I'll be damned if I haven't done the same thing before. I think I got maybe 2 or 3 pages of girls and 15 or so pages of guys. Definitely a reality check

I just back from taking my bike for a spin. It gave me a chance to reflect on some of the things many of you have said along with things I've been trying to tell myself this entire time. I care for her, but I also care for myself. Perhaps I need to take a second look at exactly what I preach and how much I value myself. I've done myself and God a disservice.
I've decided. I've decided that I'm going to be open to her if she ever comes back around. If she doesn't...okay. But I'm not going to sit around and rot with this choler eating away at me. I've got better things to do. While I hope that things will work out between us, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. It isn't worth it. I'll keep an eye on it, but I'm moving along.

 

[refrieddreams]

Atta boy...

 

[JonesersRX7]

Dude, I'll be damned if I haven't done the same thing before. I think I got maybe 2 or 3 pages of girls and 15 or so pages of guys. Definitely a reality check

I just back from taking my bike for a spin. It gave me a chance to reflect on some of the things many of you have said along with things I've been trying to tell myself this entire time. I care for her, but I also care for myself. Perhaps I need to take a second look at exactly what I preach and how much I value myself. I've done myself and God a disservice.
I've decided. I've decided that I'm going to be open to her if she ever comes back around. If she doesn't...okay. But I'm not going to sit around and rot with this choler eating away at me. I've got better things to do. While I hope that things will work out between us, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. It isn't worth it. I'll keep an eye on it, but I'm moving along.

Just read the thread and won't comment on what's already been stated.

But I am glad to hear you say this. In a month after hanging around other people you will look back and think as a good LIVING experience and that's about it.. paths might cross in the future and you seem to be the type of person that keeps doors open no matter how long ago you passed through them, though this is good as it allows you to see where you came from. ;-)

 

[The Experiment]

Sometimes its actually good to look out for #1.

 

[CROWLER]

Dude, I'll be damned if I haven't done the same thing before. I think I got maybe 2 or 3 pages of girls and 15 or so pages of guys. Definitely a reality check

I just back from taking my bike for a spin. It gave me a chance to reflect on some of the things many of you have said along with things I've been trying to tell myself this entire time. I care for her, but I also care for myself. Perhaps I need to take a second look at exactly what I preach and how much I value myself. I've done myself and God a disservice.
I've decided. I've decided that I'm going to be open to her if she ever comes back around. If she doesn't...okay. But I'm not going to sit around and rot with this choler eating away at me. I've got better things to do. While I hope that things will work out between us, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. It isn't worth it. I'll keep an eye on it, but I'm moving along.

CROWLER

 

[statuz]

i think your trippin way to hard over this broad man, driving 200mi to show up at her classes without her permission when you've yet to meet her? Writing here those insane essays, man you are intense.