Hen do Anxiety - strippers and nude models with my GF

[Toff]

k, so I suffer anxiety most of the time, over little things but this one is driving me crazy. My Fiance' is going to a mates Hen do
She's staying away, I trust her, and thats fine, what I dont like are the activities, they're having:

a) A TWO hour drawing session of naked men, full monty
b) Going to an Adonis male strip club/show afterwards for more huge dongs waving in their faces

Now, last time she saw any naked man was over 6 years ago other than me, strip clubs have never been on the agenda,( I even backed out of going to one out of respect) and now its a whole weekend for her of c*ck! She's pressurised to go as its her second closest mate,so she's going.. I just need some way to deal with it as my mind is going crazy.

Am I irrational and need to see a shrink?
The idea of her examining a mans body in detail close up makes me feel sick, while the 'show' i can probably get over with as it will be the odd flash. The drawing is literally an artist who will wander round with his c*ck out, serving drinks in between drawings, giving tips and drawing advice then go into another full frontal pose - Ive seen the Pinterest pictures!
Dont get me wrong shes had plenty of relationships, but never 'examined' a man up close and not while being 6 years into a relationship with me! She was going to make her excuses and arrive late but now shes made a B-Line for the minibus instead, so it seems she now WANTS to go.

Part of me wants to go spend two hours ogling a naked lady and then go to strip club myself just to feel we're even - but without telling her, Id feel its cheating.

either way, the anxiety is ruining my week right now, I feel terrible.

 

[Ricky10]

I don't think you are being completely irrational, nor do you need to see a shrink strictly based on this. So it seems as though you do not like her looking at these men with presumably larger units than yourself because it makes you feel like less of a man or less attractive? That is only natural to feel that way but it is not much different than us going to a club and absorbing a spectacle of huge Boobies. If it bothers you that much though...I think you should just bring it up as it sounds like she is not all that into it anyway..

I have never heard of anything like this draw nudes while drinking event. When did people start doing this...haha? I do live in Maine though..things are a bit on the conservative side here..

 

[Aleksandar37]

You need to talk to her and make it clear what your concerns are, but in the end, the choice to go is up to her. I would also explore a bit more why you are upset about this? I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't be, just why you personally are. Are you worried she is going to do something more? Is it because of religious reasons? Are you just jealous that you aren't going to see female strippers (going doesn't make it even)? Really clear your mind and think about why you are upset before you speak with her so that you can be clear.

As for the art thing. A popular activity, at least here in the US, is for groups to go and have an evening of painting with wine. It sounds like this idea might have grown out of something like that. I've attended several figure drawing classes and let me assure you they're not sexy. Blunt talk, the dude isn't going to be hard for two hours. They'll be staring at his shriveled up package and will notice all of his flaws over that time. I'm sure at first there will be giggling and that typical thing, but it's really not an erotic experience at all.

Hope this helps.

 

[BennyMagoo79]

k, so I suffer anxiety most of the time, over little things but this one is driving me crazy. My Fiance' is going to a mates Hen do
She's staying away, I trust her, and thats fine, what I dont like are the activities, they're having:

a) A TWO hour drawing session of naked men, full monty
b) Going to an Adonis male strip club/show afterwards for more huge dongs waving in their faces

Now, last time she saw any naked man was over 6 years ago other than me, strip clubs have never been on the agenda,( I even backed out of going to one out of respect) and now its a whole weekend for her of c*ck! She's pressurised to go as its her second closest mate,so she's going.. I just need some way to deal with it as my mind is going crazy.

Am I irrational and need to see a shrink?
The idea of her examining a mans body in detail close up makes me feel sick, while the 'show' i can probably get over with as it will be the odd flash. The drawing is literally an artist who will wander round with his c*ck out, serving drinks in between drawings, giving tips and drawing advice then go into another full frontal pose - Ive seen the Pinterest pictures!
Dont get me wrong shes had plenty of relationships, but never 'examined' a man up close and not while being 6 years into a relationship with me! She was going to make her excuses and arrive late but now shes made a B-Line for the minibus instead, so it seems she now WANTS to go.

Part of me wants to go spend two hours ogling a naked lady and then go to strip club myself just to feel we're even - but without telling her, Id feel its cheating.

either way, the anxiety is ruining my week right now, I feel terrible.

You are suffering from a common insecurity which arises from an almost subconcious fear of sexual rejection. Pretty much every dude (me included) who ever loved a woman experienced this at some point.

The best way for you to mitigate your suffering is to recognise that these activities are just a rite of passage, and that any attempt you make to control the situation will only make it worse. Embrace the fear - it is a key element of love - extend your faith and trust the woman you are about to marry. You'll be right.

 

[dillface02241]

If you feel the way you are feeling, then she makes you feel like that for a reason, or you have always been insecure. I encourage my wife (and she's pretty hot and 10 yrs younger than i am) to go to strip clubs and even give her a free pass when she goes to California. I know she would never do anything with anyone else so I don't care what she does and just want her to have fun. My thing is definitely nothing to brag about but it works and works for us so why would I care if she's seeing bigger stuff? Bottom line, if she knows you feel this way and is still going...perhaps you should think about moving on to something better.

 

[rugger48]

Hopefully she doesn't want to flush 6 years down the toilet. Let her have her fun, she comes home it might be to your benefit.

 

[Toff]

Thanks guys, and thanks for the clarification - I am now thinking more like yourselves on a new day, new perspective.

I just couldnt shift the mood I was in, that she now wanted to go to this thing that previously she tried to back out of.

Long story short, the strip club turns out to be a slightly more 'tame' affair, no touching etc unless on stage, even then limited, I trust she'll do the right thing.

The other thing about the art class, i thought if it was me, i would just see a naked women in front of me, nothing more... its not like shes bending in different positions, hes not going to be throbbing hard for hours, and so what anyway - she comes home to me.

LAst night we went online, bouht $200 of bedroom toys and before clicking order actually went like rabbits on the kitchen floor.

That - the strippers/artisists/models - WONT be getting... whereas, I am.


Mentally scarred from a Catholic upbringing? Probably. Living a sheltered life in the countryside where strippers and the like dont exist? Likely. I would say I care TOO much, and hit a wall of obsession/control which I dont want to be as that **** pushes women away faster than a 85 year old in a swimsuit.

I know she likes strippers as shes dated some. She also dated a pornstar, so for any bloke you're going to have things int he back of your mind as weve all seen videos.... What us men dont realise is thats not the be all and end all, there's a complexity to relationships in a womens mind we'll never understand fully as men, which covers security, happiness, and overall safety and care, whereas we just see the physical side.

One thing - keeps me motivated to go to the gym and be HER Adonis at home!

 

[kisaj]

You need to talk to her and make it clear what your concerns are, but in the end, the choice to go is up to her. I would also explore a bit more why you are upset about this? I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't be, just why you personally are. Are you worried she is going to do something more? Is it because of religious reasons? Are you just jealous that you aren't going to see female strippers (going doesn't make it even)? Really clear your mind and think about why you are upset before you speak with her so that you can be clear.

As for the art thing. A popular activity, at least here in the US, is for groups to go and have an evening of painting with wine. It sounds like this idea might have grown out of something like that. I've attended several figure drawing classes and let me assure you they're not sexy. Blunt talk, the dude isn't going to be hard for two hours. They'll be staring at his shriveled up package and will notice all of his flaws over that time. I'm sure at first there will be giggling and that typical thing, but it's really not an erotic experience at all.

Hope this helps.

Agree with this.

But I will add that it sounds like a pretty immature weekend used as an excuse to look at cocks by her friend. If anyone needs to have a concern it is her friends fiance as this plan sounds pretty stupid. Most women don't actually crave to just spend a weekend looking at men's junk and would rather go out with their friends doing other things. My wife has multiple circles of friends ranging from the ones that would love to go rock climbing and surfing on a trip to the ones that would love to just go drink wine all day long and not one of them would ever have a plan like the one being proposed.

Your concerns are pretty normal, but you know your lady and need to trust her, and part of that is expressing your feelings about this.

 

[MidwestBeast]

Good advice in here. And to each his/her own.

I will say that I have never been to a strip club, nor will I ever. One of those things that I'm kind of proud to be able to announce (not to put down anyone who has ever gone, but at this point, 31 years in, it's fun to say especially when people want to pressure me into going even more because of that).

So it's totally up to her as far as what she wants to do, but I'd tell any one of my best friends if that was a part of their bachelor party or any other outing, I wouldn't be going. And while they may give me crap momentarily, none of my true friends would expect me to go.

But in general, it's just people out looking and nothing more (unless it was already an itch deep inside she wanted scratched anyway). I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I didn't trust 100%. So cheating isn't something I'm worried about (no scanning through phones, etc.). It wouldn't be a relationship to begin with for me if that was something I was worried about.

But your natural instinct is pretty much what anyone else's would be, so I wish you the best of luck in this.

 

[Toff]

*deep breath*
Anxiety is a weird thing. Today is the day and shes already finished her drawing session... sent me a photo of them all standing around the naked bloke...

i sat ont he floor for a while. Then got my sh*t together, Didnt help im home alone today.


So, next, the stripper show is coming up... must admit the 2 hour drawing sesh got to me more... dancers on a stage is something less 'personal'... then she hits the club until 4am. Dont really care about that as shes strong

I guess the anxiety comes from 7 year relationship, the only naked person shes seen is me... shes stood there, with a bloke with his wanger out... i take a bit of pride in me.. and dont want some guy getting the grstification today he waved his wanger at her.. she had to draw it.. dra around it whilst having a few more glances... f*cking brain is a d*ck sometimes.

Anyway, on with the night, just gotta handle something i cant control I guess.. its not about her, its me. It troubles me i dont know where it comes from.

Guess im a wet lettuce.

 

[Aleksandar37]

I've gone to nude figure drawing classes a lot with both men and women. It's not sexual or personal at all. You're looking at a subject and drawing it, not talking to them or learning the dreams and aspirations. You're letting your anxiety get the better of you, which I know isn't easy to control. She also should not be taking photographs of the class btw.

 

[Toff]

wow the brain is a powerful thing!

So she came home, showed me a tonne of pictures on her phone and shared from her mates, the strip club was tame, no nudity and the drawing whilst weird for her she avoided at all costs having to pose.

yes the bride to be had her hand very close to the guys dangly bit in one pose but they were all scared.. but really there was no touchingand zero from my girl


next time she goes out im going to have to follow the man code, leave it with her better judgement

feel a right nob head now!!


I now need to find the source of my anxiety...

 

[Toff]

Ive got to the bottom of it.

3 days later and removing Yohimbine I can think straight - the problem is not the girl, the event -its the WHATIF's! The SCENARIO and what COULD have happened was burning me up

Nothing hapenned, they were all shy, the strippers ended up not going full monty and my girl didnt get involved in any activitie posing with the nude guy

What COULD have happened was she went next door to anther strip show where guys were at full mast, blasting into the crowd (yes I know!) and what if she'd gone to a Hen drawing (another one i found in the area) where you draw on him, draw around his JUNK and hold it for a pose, blidnfold find the sausage, games where the bride has to get him off as fast as possible... and the rest of it!!! Literally NOT COOL stuff and the pics are on their site!

She, being a saint would have been there, been involved, been made part of a disgusting act that p*sses all over their marriage, even if not taking part, sexual acts would be occurring right in front of my fiance.

And that was it - WHAT COULD have happened - the stupid, naive immature prick who organised the event could have put my girl in a comprismising position, having to hide secrets and more. The organiser even went home early!!

Now I know that all, and what REALLY happened, i can rest at ease, nothing did happen, yes there was nudity but othing sexual or pervy, no man was getting off to my girls and the others...

As fr the other sites i googled... the poor now husbands!!! poor poor blokes.

 

[dds]

One thing - keeps me motivated to go to the gym and be HER Adonis at home!

This is the right way to think!!!!! I know im overweight and big by non-lifter standards but i make sure i look hot to my wife because shes the only one im trying to impress....keep up the good fight!

 

[Aleksandar37]

Glad it all worked out and you can relax now! Hopefully this builds up your trust in her for the next time she goes out with her friends.