Think about what you've just said:
"she attacks me when I bring this stuff up! I tell her I will do what she needs me to do if she puts in the same effort and she acts like thats a negitive thing, I think she actually is just fine with how things are and would live the rest of her life like this!"
And this is the person who you will "leave it in her hands" to fix?
Is it just me, or is that the worst possible thing you could do? She will fail, using your criteria.
I am not trying to be a d!ck, but I do not think you can fix this, nor do I think she can - you need someone who "does this".
If you had cancer what would you do? Would you leave cancer in her hands to fix? Would you leave cancer in your hands to fix?
I hope not. You would go to an oncologist.
You do have a cancer; in your marriage.
And, I read that you have children. Once that is the case, the "if we don't have sex, I'll divorce you" essentially becomes a last resort; unless, of course, you look forward to some other man raising your child and your paying child support until the child is 18. And that is the least of it, your child will suffer.
As to fixing it yourself, you might want to remember what Albert Einstein said: "Insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.