Well a little update, the issue seems to be she is just does not feel attractive because of the wieght gain over the years, and does not know why I would even want to have sex with her at this point! But then why do nothing to get back into shape, she has said this before but does nothing about it!!! After 2 days of going at each other about this... she says she wants me to write her up a weight loose and workout plan! So I will do this and will help her, I hope she sticks to doing this because I basicaly told her were not going to make it like this!
So, she "wants me to write her up a weight loose and workout plan" and yet you know - after two years of experience that she will not pursue and follow this plan (otherwise she would have taken these steps already herself), and that is the magic solution?
I can see that you will come up with a plan (thinking she will lose weight and you will have more and better sexual relations, after all that is what she said), and she will probably not follow it.
My ex-wife said the same thing - it never went anywhere. For example, she asked me probably 20 times to put a supplement plan together for her and buy the supplements for her. I did (each of the 20 times); after all - this would lead to more and better sexual relations, right? Isn't that what she said?.
SHE NEVER TOOK THE SUPPLEMENTS. THERE WAS ALWAYS AN EXCUSE.
This is the magic solution?
No way.
I wonder how all of the other women with body issues (close to 100%, I assume) but who have a healthy libido seem to do it?
You backed her into a corner by forcing the issue, so she put the responsibility back on you.
Look, I've heard all of these types of excuses before.
I have heard every excuse from she doesn't feel sexy because of her small breasts, to she thought "all I wanted her for was for sex", to her admitting she was "sexually selfish", and "now understand that men actually need sex" etc. Each discussion lead to a new promise; one that was never fulfilled - and that she made no attempts to fulfill.
This went on for 27 years.
27 years. And, of course, I wanted to believe it would work "this time"?
If you have ever seen the Charlie Brown cartoon strip/cartoons, then you might know that the character "Lucy" always promises to hold the football for Charlie Brown, so he can run up and kick the football. Each time she promises not to pull the ball away, but each time she pulls the ball away - on purpose. Each time she pulls the ball away, he goes flying into the air and crashes to the ground. And each time she promises to never pull the ball away again.
You see, Charlie Brown also hopes and trusts that it will be different "this time".
We did the Charlie/Lucy thing for 27 years. I'll leave it up to you to determine if the Charlie/Lucy situation applies to you.
I continue to strongly urge that the two of you will continue the same dance until you resent her so tremendously that you eventually can't stand her and will sabotage the relationship.
I suppose that is an option; but it isn't one I am optimistic about.
Did you ask her to go to counseling?