Calories Burned Having Sex - AnabolicMinds.com

Calories Burned Having Sex

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    Calories Burned Having Sex


    Calories we burn whilst having sex!
    "If you like exercise, you will like this site,
    If you loathe to exercise, you will love this site!"



    The Act of Insertion

    If the man is ready (same vice-versa).........1/4 calories
    If the woman is not (same vice-versa).........274 calories



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    Satisfying Partner (organ size)
    Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a Shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.

    Normal size............22 calories
    Oversize.................15 calories
    Tremendous............8 calories
    Teensy-weensy.......163 calories



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    Positions
    Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)..........20 calories
    Woman on top, man on bottom........................ .................25 calories
    Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities,
    this position affords a better view of the clock.
    From the rear (Mysterious variation).................... ..........40 1/2 calories
    Standing
    Both partners of equal height........................ ..............18 calories
    Woman 1 foot taller than a man........................... .......90 calories
    The man will have to make several rigorous leaps into the air
    in order to achieve even minimal satisfaction
    While in traction...................... .............................. .........124 calories
    (very useful during ski season)



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Locations
    On a bar stool....................20 calories
    Rear of a Honda Civic......38 calories
    In a phone booth
    Standing...................... .14 calories
    lying down...................274 calories
    On an airliner
    Aisle seat....................24 calories
    Middle seat.................42 calories
    Window seat...............30 calories
    In the lavatory.............100 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
    Bouncing...................... ..7 calories
    Sliding around................9 calories
    Serious Skidding............12 calories
    Full cartwheel................20 calories
    Whiplash...................... ..27 calories
    Knee burn.......................6 calories
    Chafed elbows...............5 calories
    Chafed nose...................11 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Sex Related Noises
    Short gasps (per gasp)......................... ............3 calories
    Wheezing...................... .............................. .....5 calories
    Squeals....................... .............................. .......4 calories
    Ecstatic moaning....................... .......................11 calories
    Low growling...................... ............................8 calories
    Squishing..................... .............................. ......10 calories
    Shouting...................... .............................. .......16 calories
    Screaming..................... .............................. .....18 calories
    Urgent begging....................... ..........................22 calories
    Any short speech giving partner directions......25 calories
    "Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more"
    are common examples


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Approaching Orgasm
    Letting go............................ .............................. 5 1/2 calories
    Controlling yourself...................... ...................79 calories
    Digging nails in your partners back back.........11 calories
    Trembling..................... .............................. .....15 calories
    Shaking....................... .............................. .......20 calories
    Shuddering.................... .............................. ....25 calories
    Trying to keep eyes open.......................... ......33 calories


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    Orgasm
    Real............27 calories
    Faked.........160 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Orgasmic Intensity Scale
    Expression didnt change...............1/2 calorie
    Face turned purple........................ 15 calories
    Orchestra swelled....................... ..6 calories
    Magical explosions.................... ...10 calories
    Blazing Sheets........................ .......25 calories
    Earth moved......................... .........30 calories
    Vesuvius erupted....................... ....47 calories
    You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Pulling Out
    After orgasm........................ ...........1/4 calorie
    A few moments before orgasm.......500 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Multiple Orgasms
    For woman
    2......14 calories
    5......30 calories
    8......47 calories
    Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship and ride a Moped.
    For Men
    2......21 calories
    3......39 calories
    4......57 calories
    For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Special Orgasms
    Clitoral...............15 calories
    Vaginal...............21 calories
    Penile.................21 calories
    Scrotile..............15 calories
    Rectal................25 calories
    Oral...................30 calories
    (can also occur during an especially good meal)


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Premature Ejaculation*
    During insertion..................... ........2 calories
    During intercourse................... ......5 calories
    approx.. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion,
    which ever comes first
    During foreplay...................... .......3 calories
    Immature ejaculation................... ..4 calories
    similar to premature ejaculation except male
    acts childish and throws a tantrum

    *Often caused by an inability to do things right.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
    Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the footy on the tv.

    For Woman
    Frustration................... .......................8 calories
    Anger......................... ........................15 calories
    Violent mood swing......................... ..20 calories
    Suppressing rage.......................... ......25 calories
    Not suppressing anger........................6 5 calories
    in extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks,
    and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.

    For Men
    Cursing....................... .......................10 calories
    Apologising................... ....................3 calories
    Snivelling.................... ......................5 calories
    Pleading for mercy......................... ...8 calories
    Begging for another chance...............15 calories

    Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 sec's of sex.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
    The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:

    Swooning...................... ...6 calories
    Palpitations.................. ....10 calories
    Shortness of breath..........5 calories
    Perspiring.................... ....8 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
    A less-than-sunny desposition........1 calorie


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Recovering
    Un-entwining..................... .......................3 calories
    Regaining motor control of pevis.............7 calories
    After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist
    to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk ( put one foot
    in front of the other), which will seriously impair your chances of going
    to the bathroom or getting a juice.
    Standing up............................ ...................9 calories
    Getting some juice......................... ...........11 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
    After intercourse............18 calories
    Classic behavior for shiftless men who believe they've done their job
    and are now entitled to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.
    During intercourse.........32 calories
    Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.
    During foreplay.............12 calories
    Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Trying Again
    If the woman is ready...........5 calories
    If the man is not....................156 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dreaming
    Regular dream.................2 calories
    Wet Dream......................16 calories
    Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
    Add 20 calories if your partner notices
    Wet Trance......................20 calories
    Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Group Sex
    Introducing yourself.....................3 calories
    Overcoming shyness....................8 calories
    Swapping partners
    Willingly..................... ............4 calories
    Unwillingly................... ..........62 calories
    Jealousy...................... ................16 calories
    Partner having more fun than you are
    Mixed doubles....................... .....26 calories
    Being nice to everyone...............100 calories
    Anger......................... .................10 calories
    You suddenly realise that you're wanted for you body and not your mind.
    Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.
    Finding your clothes....................5 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Masturbation
    For pleasure only.......................... .........6 calories
    For exercise, too........................... .........10 calories
    For relief from tension....................... ....12 calories
    To pass the time.......................... ...........7 calories
    To avoid overeating.................... ...........16 calories
    To get in touch with inner self...............10 calories
    To get in touch with outter self..............10 1/4 calories
    To avoid insanity...................... ............24 calories
    To avoid spending money on a date......9 calories

    In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping and binge's, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.

    Using
    Your hand(s):
    Regular way........................... ...........11 calories
    Your finger(s)..................... ..............9 calories
    Tweezers...................... ........................2 calories
    An inflatable doll.......................... .......24 calories
    Any fruit or vegetable..................... .....19 calories
    except watermelon or a sprig of parsley
    A vibrator:
    Hand-operated...................... ...........12 calories
    Windup........................ ....................9 calories
    Electric...................... ......................5 calories
    Anything not mentioned here.................50 calories
    In a pornographic movie theater
    Purchasing the ticket........................ .2 1/2 calories
    Finding isolated seat.........................7 8 calories
    Adjusting raincoat...................... .......3 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Typical Sex-Related Fears
    Partner hates me for what I did........................... .4 calories
    Partner hates me for what I didnt do....................8 calories
    Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual.......10 calories
    Climaxing too soon.......................... ...................5 calories
    Climaxing too late.......................... .....................6 calories
    Not climaxing..................... .............................. ...20 calories
    Partner thinks of me as a sex object.....................9 calories
    Partner doesnt think of me as a sex object...........47 calories
    Partner will neglect to administer last rites
    should I not recover from orgasm......................88 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Personal Fears
    Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm....6 calories
    Stretch marks that look like a plowed field........................8 calories
    Penis envy.......................... .............................. .................72 calories
    Body odor of a disgruntled yak........................... ...............25 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Getting Caught
    By partner's spouse.........60 calories
    By your spouse................60 1/2 calories
    Trying to explain.............165 calories
    Stuttering.................... .....28 calories
    Throwing-up...................40 calories

    Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Almost Getting Caught
    Trying to remain calm.......................... .100 calories
    Fright (includes trembling)...................6 6 calories
    Leaping out of bed........................... .....25 calories
    Getting dressed in one large motion.....300 calories
    Thanking partner quickly......................2 calories
    Jumping out of window........................ 15 calories
    add 5 calories if window wasnt open
    Landing....................... .........................1 calorie
    Running very fast.......................... .......50 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Now go and find your partner
    and lose those calories
    and have FUN!

    SO WHICH CATEGORY DO YOU COME UNDER?

  2. Advanced Member
    Lifeguard's Avatar
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    OH ****!!!!!...absolutley OUTSTANDING FIND!!!!

    *copied, pasted and saved*


    LG.
  3. Banned
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    Now go find the "Masterbation & Burning Calories" for LG...

    •   
       

  4. Registered User
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    Here`s Part 2 for you LG


    Calories we burn whilst having sex!
    Part 2


    Over Coming The First Move

    According to psychologists, the anxiety produced by the prospect of making the first move, for either sex, is directly proportional to one's fear of asking a delicatessen waiter for a clean glass.

    If you are shy........................... .............................. ...........................15 calories
    If you have a morbid fear of success....................... .........................22 calories
    If you are an anxious person with a large inferiority complex..........45 calories
    If you sell cars.......................... .............................. ..........................2 calories
    If you beg........................... .............................. .............................. ...25 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Overcoming Resistance
    Passive....................... .............................. .......1 1/2 calories
    Passive resistance indicated if partner, while trembling, utters "don't" in a low, meek voice.
    "Please dot stop" indicates extremely passive resistance.
    Active........................ .............................. .......62 calories
    Seducing partner (only applies to venal partners)
    If you are rich.......................... ...................5 calories
    If you are poor.......................... .................164 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Body Contact and Initial Touching
    Fumbling...................... .............................. .............................. .........4 calories
    Casually rummaging around........................ .............................. ........7 calories
    Gentle rubbing....................... .............................. .............................1 0 calories
    Serious Fondling...................... .............................. ..........................14 calories
    Involved massaging..................... .............................. .......................17 calories
    Caressing..................... .............................. .............................. .........19 calories
    Petting
    Above the waist under loose-fitting garment such as sweater......21 calories
    Below the waist under tight ski pants......................... ..................46 calories
    (stop if the waistband cuts off your circulation)
    Squeezing (any part of body except entire head)......................... ...................15 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Kissing
    Gentle........................ .............................. ..10 calories
    Heavy......................... .............................. .17 calories
    Passionate.................... .............................2 6 calories
    Actually sucking blood......................... ....41 calories
    Recovering shape of nose.........................1 1 calories
    French Kissing
    With mouth open.......................... .........18 calories
    With mouth closed........................ ........239 calories
    Tongue strain........................ ................65 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Removing Clothes
    With partner's consent....................... .............................. ....................12 calories
    Without partner's consent....................... .............................. ...............187 calories
    In Winter (Calories count is for removal of typical winter clothes)...................... ....25 calories
    In summer........................ .............................. .............................. .......3 calories
    Removing socks by violently shaking feet.......................... ................418 calories
    (Very impractical and seldom works, but for those interested in high weight loss, its essential)
    Unhooking bra
    Using two calm hands......................... .............................. ..............7 calories
    Using one trembling hand.......................... .............................. ........96 calories
    (The record here for incompetence is two and half hours and a badly mutilated index finger)
    Any attempt to remove pantyhose without first removing slacks..........375 calories
    (Add another 100 calories if you are actually successful)



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Arousal and Stimulation (advance)
    Blowing in partner's ear
    Using mouth......................... ................9 calories
    Using bellows....................... ..............14 calories
    Using blow dryer (low settings)...............2 calories
    Nibbling on partner's earlobe.................8 calories
    Lust.......................... .............................. ..15 calories
    Talking dirty......................... ...................8 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Weight Loss Bonus
    Striptease.................... .............................. 55 calories
    Belly dancing....................... .....................100 calories
    Actually dancing with partner's belly.......165 calories
    If you are even marginally graceful, stripping to music presents an excellent opportunity to lose weight while arousing your appreciative and leering partner. You must be careful, however, not to ruin the erotic mood by attempting something unsuitable and that might cause you to look foolish. Overweight people would do well to avoid body movements that require excessive swinging and swaying, or leaping.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Embarrassment
    Holes in underwear
    If your rich.......................... ........................2 calories
    If your poor.......................... .......................20 calories
    Excessive hair in unusual places
    Pubic hair extends longer than average.......25 calories
    Hair around nipple
    For man........................... .........................1/2 calorie
    For woman......................... ......................88 calories
    Cellulites.................... .............................. ......12 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Disappointment
    Partner Looked better with clothes on............................ .........10 calories
    Partner looks better with your glasses off........................... .....10 calories
    Partner's body resembles a tubercular chicken....................... .12 calories
    Partner wears corrective underwear..................... ..................15 calories
    Partner's sweater turns out to be hair on his/her chest.............20 calories
    Partner turns out to be of the wrong sex........................... .......100 calories
    You don't mind.......................... .............................. ............1/4 calorie
    Inventing complicated but believable excuse for leaving.....5 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Teasing
    Licking partner all over
    but being careful to avoid all sexually sensitive areas......................... ...............20 calories
    Constantly resisting frustrated partner
    who is desperately trying to push your head toward sexually sensitive areas.....35 calories

    NOTE: Overdoing this procedure will cause your partner to become peevish and attempt to direct your tongue to sensitive areas by grasping and pulling on it, not caring whether your head goes along.



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Stroking
    With
    Feather....................... ...........4 calories
    Hand.......................... ...........6 calories
    Tips of fingers......................7 calories
    Frankfurter................... .........15 calories
    Suede cat-o'-nine-tails..........22 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Oral Sex
    Cunnilingus................... ...........15 calories
    Nosebleed..................... ...........5 calories
    (can be caused by over-excited partner)
    Fellatio...................... ..............30 calories
    (Requires almost twice the effort of cunnilingus since it uses more muscles, especially those of the neck, hands and eyes)
    Attempting to Breathe..............14 calories
    (through a severely stuffed nose)
    Toe sucking....................... .......12 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Removing Hair
    From tongue.....................3 calories
    (A relatively simple operation involving thumb and index finger. Try to be discreet)
    From roof of mouth..........8 calories
    (Slightly more complicated. Finger and tip of tongue may be necessary)
    From soft palate...............14 calories
    (Very complicated, especially if it is sticking)
    From Uvula......................20 calories
    (If hair is wrapped around uvula, it is easily extractable with pliers or a vacuum cleaner. Partner may notice)
    From throat.......................2 3 calories
    (Unless there's a small mop handy, you're better off just swallowing the hair. Only 2 calories per strand, no matter what the colour.)


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Disposing of Hair
    Surreptitiously wiping it on sheet................1 calorie
    Wiping it on partner....................... ..............3 calories
    (A good idea, but the hair may come back to haunt you)
    Putting it back where it came from...............28 calories

    Note: We suggest hiding it underneath your arm until later



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Erection
    Achieving Erection
    For a normal healthy man...............2 1/4 calories
    For a normal healthy woman..........549 calories
    Sustaining Erection
    For a man........................... ............4 calories
    For a woman......................... .........163 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Putting on Condom
    With erection................1 1/4 calories
    Without erection...........300 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Inserting Diaphragm
    If woman who does it is
    Experienced................... ...........................6 calories
    Inexperienced................. ..........................73 calories
    If a man does it regardless of experience.....680 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Male Fantasies
    Sex slave to five insomniac starlets...................18 calories
    Sex with a Quaker named Melissa.....................14 calories
    Casual intercourse with a warm bugle...............9 calories
    Foreplay with a model......................... ..............15 calories
    "Love wrestling" with any woman.....................22 calories
    Making love with his female boss......................30 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Female Fantasies
    Wild intercourse with a jolly butcher.................20 calories
    Foreplay with a hallucinating accountant............17 calories
    Doing it in downtown Sheboygan..................... ..40 calories
    Getting ravished by a senator....................... ......9 calories
    Sex with a Latin dance instructor.................... ...23 calories
    Sex with a virile renegade...................... ...........25 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Bondage
    Binding partner with rope (the following knots are favorites)
    Sheepshank.................... ...........................7 calories
    Slipknot...................... .............................. 8 calories
    Half hitch......................... .........................9 calories
    Figure eight......................... ......................11 calories
    Square Knot.......................... ....................12 calories
    Binding partner with necktie
    Windsor Knot.......................... .................9 calories
    Half windsor....................... .....................4 1/2 calories
    For the awkward, I suggest
    Handcuffs..................... ............................3 calories
    Shackles...................... .............................6 calories
    Leg irons......................... .........................5 calories
    Whipping
    Using high quality whip (per stroke)............3 calories
    Using cat-o'-nine-tails......................... .....27 calories
    Thrashing partner with
    Shoelace...................... ............................2 calories
    Popsicle stick......................... .................2 calories
    Feather....................... .............................1 5 calories
    Spanking (per spank)........................ ..............5 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Bizarre Sex Practices
    Having partner jump on your face.......................... ...................70 calories
    Foreplay while scuba diving........................ ............................10 0 calories
    Sex on a vibrating bed........................... .............................. .....46 calories
    (Vibrating beds are usually found in motels frequented by people with back trouble. *smile* )



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Additional Erotic Experiences
    Watch partner shave
    Face, legs or underarms..................... .............................. .....................4 calories
    Private areas......................... .............................. .............................. ....32 calories
    Roll around nude in a bakery window........................ .............................. 72 calories
    Lick a Porsche all over.......................... .............................. .....................100 calories
    Have sex on vinyl sheets........................ .............................. .....................18 calories
    Record your love cries and play then at your next Tupperware party........82 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Guilt
    From
    Masturbation.................. ............................10 calories
    Liking sex........................... ........................7 calories
    Loving sex........................... .......................20 calories
    Never wanting to stop.......................... ......30 calories
    Sex on your lunch hour.......................... .....3 calories
    And you put it on your expense report........20 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Aggravation
    Partner insists on cuddling dog during foreplay................14 calories
    Partner just visited bathroom for seventh time..................10 calories
    Partner is taking phone calls......................... ....................7 calories
    Partner is making phone calls......................... ..................40 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Interruptions and Distractions
    Somebody going Peek-A-Boo.................15 calories
    Noisy neighbours.................... ................7 calories
    Excessive moonlight..................... ..........1/4 calorie
    Telephone..................... .........................4 calories
    War........................... ............................70 calories
    Bed catches fire.......................... ..........15 calories
    Knock on door.......................... ............10 calories
    (Jehovah's Witness selling "The Watchtower")
    Resuming where you left off...............30 calories



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Fighting off Pets
    Tiny nervous dogs weighing less than 8 ounces.........3 calories
    Playful Saint Bernard....................... ..........................20 calories
    Jealous Doberman...................... .............................. ..92 calories
    Any enraged Mongrel....................... ..........................50 calories
    Cat........................... .............................. .....................6 calories
    Resentful Parakeet...................... .............................. ..2 1/2 calories


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hope you will be happy losing those calories now and I know your partner will be more than happy when you start putting these guidelines to work
  5. New Member
    DarCSA's Avatar
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    LMAO! Great find. That covers everything. Good work my man.
  6. Registered User
    Nelson's Avatar
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    There`s a few things which I`ve done which don`t appear in there.
    But lets leave it at that.
  7. Senior Member
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    Originally posted by Nelson
    There`s a few things which I`ve done which don`t appear in there.
    But lets leave it at that.
    yes, lets do that. (ha) what's the site? (ha) Sage
  8. New Member
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    LMAO. How many calories are burned if you fake an orgasm on an eliptcal machine ?
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  10. Registered User
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    More info


    It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.


    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:

    With her consent....................... 12 Calories

    Without her consent.................... 387 Calories


    OPENING HER BRA:

    With both hands........................ 8 Calories

    With one hand.......................... 22 Calories

    With your teeth........................ 85 Calories


    PUTTING ON A CONDOM:

    With an erection...................... . 6 Calories

    Without an erection.................... 315 Calories


    PRELIMINARIES:

    Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories

    Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 192 Calories


    POSITIONS:

    Missionary.................... ......... 112 Calories

    69 lying down.......................... 178 Calories

    69 standing up......................... 312 Calories

    Wheelbarrow................... ......... 386 Calories

    Doggy Style......................... ... 400 Calories

    Italian chandelier.................... . 972 Calories


    ORGASMING:

    Real.......................... ......... 112 Calories

    Fake.......................... ........ 315 Calories


    POST ORGASM:

    Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories

    Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories

    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories


    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:

    If you are:

    20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories

    30-39 years......................... ... 80 Calories

    40-49 years......................... ... 124 Calories

    50-59 years......................... ... 972 Calories

    60-69 years......................... ... 2916 Calories

    70 and over......................... Results are still pending


    DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:

    Calmly........................ ......... 32 Calories

    In a hurry......................... .... 98 Calories

    With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories

    With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories

    GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCEMENT...

    The government announced today that it is changing its emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while it's actually screwing you.


    Site Link:
    http://www.misseyd.com/mycustompage0003.htm
  11. Senior Member
    Biggs's Avatar
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    lol at the last part... pretty funny read man
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    Searching for something else and found this thread. Insane almost ten year old mega bump!
    EvoMuse Products Rep

    PM me with any questions!
  13. Sunz out, Gunz out...
    AaronJP1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geoforce
    Searching for something else and found this thread. Insane almost ten year old mega bump!
    Holy moly.
    Hardcore Purus Labs {Rep}
    Lift the fücking weight from the floor, or leave it on the ground. The thoughts are supposed to be daunting. The pain is meant to be tormenting.
    www.InsaneVeins.com
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