Douchebags at the gym...
- 08-23-2010, 08:43 PM
- 09-08-2010, 03:40 AM
There's an asian guy at my gym now who is obviously juiced (He's 5'8" and walks around at ~230lbs and whenever he wears a singlet all the acne on his back makes his skin look like the surface of the moon), has no idea what he's doing and has his 3 or 4 not-big hangers on who all cheer for him when he lifts anything and likes to walk around like he's all alpha and leave his weights around for other people to pick up after him.
So beyond the obvious the first douchey thing he did to show up on the radar is come over and ask me in pidgeon english if the db rows I was doing were to hit triceps (WTF). I give him the eyebrow raise and shake my head, do the right thing and tell him it's a lat exercise, he looks confused and wanders off.
Then I go into the changeroom and he's having a pose-off with himself in the mirror (Tackle out - always bad for your man-brand) as his little crew of gaylords stand and stare and cheer. I throw my bag down and they all stop and look at me and I say, "Put some ****in' pants on you gaylord, this isn't "that" kind of gym!" and thankfully he obliges.
Then next time I'm in the gym doing squats one of the chicks I know comes over and complains that he's left ~1,400 lbs of plates racked up on the 45 deg leg press machine. Now I'd already told him off about leaving his **** lying around so I go over and tell him to take the plates off the machine, he looks and his 'friends', then back at me and smiles, and attempts to walk by, I put my hand on his chest, shake my head and point at the machine and get about 2" away from his nose and say, "I'm not asking, I'm not suggesting... ****ing clean it up." and he suddenly looks like a kicked dog and tells his disciples to do it. Since then all I gotta do is squint at him and he unracks all his ****.
So in short, he's still a douchebag, but at least he knows his role.
09-08-2010, 08:49 AM
09-08-2010, 01:23 PM
09-10-2010, 03:27 PM
09-10-2010, 11:38 PM
I love these threads and I've seen iterations of most the types described in here from time to time. I stay away from the trendy gyms with high douche quotient and lift at a local YMCA, they have decent equipment and not very busy even in the afternoon 5 to 6:30PM time I never wait for a bench or rack. There are about 3 or 4 of us serious guys who are regulars and most of the DBs are what I call 'grazers' they come in and aimlessly do this or that. They are the ones that provide the most entertainment.
We have do have some douche contenders though not previously described here:
Chatty Chet: His prime directive is to derail someone's workout by droning on about highschool or college sports. His prey is typically highschool aged 'grazer' that is too nice or doesn't realize the bear trap he is in before its too late. If he gets his hooks into a kid I will usually try to rescue him by asking for a spot only to pull him aside and inform him about Chet because I'm just that awesome. Chatty Chet hasn't said anything directly to me in about 3 years though. He may think I'm the DB but F'it, I'm there to workout.
Cloudkill: This 'kid' is about 6' 230lb pasty marshmallow that camps the dumbbell rack and has a 10' radius odor of hot garbage. Without fail this kid is foul every time. I literally hold my breath to retrieve or replace dumbbells when Cloudkill is rockin his 25lb presses.
ZPITY Club: ZPITY is an acronym for Zero Progress in Two Years. These gals have had the same 'trainer' for over 2 years and the only physical change I've seen in these two is that one of them dyed their hair some time back. Complete god damn waste of time and money. My only real gripe with this group is that they take up two of everything when they are 'working out' and by 'working out' I mean talking about their kids, pets or something they ate that they know is bad for them.
'Grazer' in a wife beater: These are my favorite because they are extra small dudes in double extra large wife beaters. They are usually younger guys and they usually travel in packs. They are the ones that go straight to the bench press and do what could be mistaken as a rep of 225lbs with an assist from their friends. Its pretty awesome to see 2 guys struggle to pull the weight off the 3rd guy who is under the bar. Or they go curl 10lb dumbells while snarling in the mirror only to flex or high five their possy in victorious celebration after a set of dog**** looking reps.
These guys are a surefire bet to do something knuckleheadish. More than once I've seen them lose control of a bar and watch as the plates slide slow motion off one side the fling back up to watch the other side crash. Once they did it while attempting a squat in the rack. They dropped plates off once side and the bar flung up only to pivot and crash into a mirror.
09-11-2010, 12:32 AM
simple! The guy in the gym that no matter what amount of weight he moves(usually tries to go as heavy as possible with an uber sh!ty form) makes the same EXACT faces as Frank does in the Animal videos.
The guy that asks a question and then one ups everything you say.
The guy that b!tches about not having a six pack even though he has a "2%" BF.
The guy that see some one bigger than him and goes "man I would never wanna be that big, that's just too much"
The guy that thinks that he has a FLAWLESS diet and b!tches about his gains, while drinking a soda!
The GIRLS that come to the gym move weights for total of 10 minutes but talk and flirt to evey fukking guy for an hour.
The TAPOUT guy!!!!! With the TAPOUT shirt, TAPOUT hat, TAPOUT PANTS, and TAPOUT...that shadow fights for 10 fukking minutes after every god damn set!!!!
09-11-2010, 06:50 PM
I was just talking to my wife about this last night because of our neighbors driving me bat **** crazy! If you ask me a question i will answer it, if i dont ask you the same question back it means I dont EFFIN care so STFU!!
Yeah i had a bad day today.
09-11-2010, 11:55 PM
They guy that thinks he know everything, and he doesn't.
The guy that thinks every guy bigger than him is on roids.
The guy that just seats there and stares at other people for 2 hours.
The guy that looks like his doing decline on a flat bench press
09-13-2010, 01:16 AM
I love when I hit the gym after work and the "late" night crowd comes in, the guys who bring there girls in, the girls sit with skin tight clothes ( and no its not attractive) and sip there dunkin donuts whatever, keep looking at me as I am running or biking, One night I can feel it coming...........I figure already been assaulted at work, I'm not afraid....lol going to be a interesting week
RIP Ryan, :(
09-13-2010, 02:52 AM
I hate when people ask "Can u really do that?" or even worse "Are u going to do that?" No dumbass I just loaded up all this weight to look at it. Because obviously the most fun part of lifting is loading the weights. Its not so bad when u can tell their mind has just been fuccked by the weight but when they say it like they dont think u can thats what really pisses me off.
I almost want to lift during peak hours on Monday so some dumbass can ask me if Im really going to lift that(deadlift).
09-13-2010, 06:42 AM
Juicers who wear sweatshirts or hoodies working out to hide their back acne when it's like 38 celcius outside because they want to harp on about being natural are another pretty special brand of douchebag.
TAPOUT guy! Good call I have two of those at my gym and they spent more time homoerotically high-fiving one another and slapping each other on the ass to celebrate their pissy 120lb cable rows than they do lifting anything.
Another particular guy who pissed me off yesterday is the dildo who showers at the gym but wants to walk all the way back to his locker before towelling himself off. I walked into the change room and it looked like New Orleans post Katrina minus the looters and dead animals.
09-13-2010, 06:47 AM
Oh! And the guy who wants to get on gear and does the ***gy sideways glances and tries to befriend any guy bigger than him so he can ask about what "supplements" they use (With the nudge nudge wink wink).
They make me laugh too.
09-13-2010, 12:53 PM
I hate people who insist on trying to start a conversation with you despite the fact that you are wearing headphones. One reason I listen to my ipod is so I don't have to kill 10 minutes explaining my arm workout and another 10 pretending to listed to theirs. My problem is also that despite the all the hate, I'm too nice a guy and if someone engages me and is friendly I'll talk to them no matter how much I don't want to. But if you can hear Judas Priest booming out of my ear buds and I'm staring dead forward after a set, I don't want to talk!
09-13-2010, 01:10 PM
09-14-2010, 12:56 AM
Agreed people that talk to me, or try.... Lately i show up with a HUGE hoodie on and my ear phones in, and people still try to talk to me..... I give up..tonight someone tried to talk to me, and I held up my hand.. "Listen I have had a bad day/worse night and the answer is no, no and hell no"..... and I walked away......
RIP Ryan, :(
09-14-2010, 11:16 AM
I'm not the strongest guy in the world, at the moment I do standing dumbell curls with the 40lbs, the 45lbs, and the 50lbs on a good day (though those end up looking pretty bad, form-wise). Lately, there's been a group of guys who will be using larger weights (say 80's) on in the same area to do chest, but for some reason they feel the need to rest their dumbells on top of the lighter weights that I'm using for curls.
It's f'ing annoying to have to move their crap out of the way, I know it makes it easier for them to pick up but it's inconsiderate as hell.
09-14-2010, 12:01 PM
the person who fills up their entire water bottle at the fountain when there is a line behind them.
the kid who tries to be hard who talks to everyone and gives u dirty looks. but then later comes up to u asking what your routine is because he wants to look exactly like you.
the people who come day in and day out for years and still look the exact same way as they did when they started
09-16-2010, 12:35 AM
Went to the gym tonight with my friend from work ( just a co worker) a guy, good shape, good looking, we get there and some chick was there, following us around, checking my friend out, giving me some nasty looks, finally dumb a** walks over to us as we were about to leave s.."hey girl, how you doin?" I looked at her like she had 5 heads, looked at him, rolled my eyes and said simply.... " I don't know you, for gods sake his name is ____ just say hello"... damn people that act like it's second grade...
RIP Ryan, :(
09-16-2010, 01:26 AM
At least she asked "how" you're doing. I had a chick I didn't know ask me last night, "Hey, "what" you doin'?" and I gave her the same look you gave this girl and said, "Uh... Working out..." to which she goes, "Nice." then I go, "I'm gonna go get some water" and she goes, "Sweet, come say hi to me soon!" Riiiiiiiiiiight.
The question is, was she cute & did he give her his number?
Otherwise, epic fail!
09-16-2010, 11:53 PM
09-16-2010, 11:59 PM
09-28-2010, 11:51 AM
Here's my list of Top10 offenders:
10) People who take dumbbells out of the free-weights area and leave them around the gym
9) People who take up a bench for 30 or more minutes during peek-time when all their exercises can just as easily be done standing up
8) People who who use bars (any kind) and spend 5 minutes resting between sets and don't allow you to add or remove any in between their sets
7) People who work-out in groups of 3 or more and line up 6 different sets of dumbbells and claim "we're using them" when there are another 20 people wanting to use them
6) Guys who parade around shirtless or naked in the changing room texting on their phone >10 minutes EVERY SINGLE time
5) People who sweat like f****ng pigs and think it's cool to let their sweat drip all over the equipment, benches, floor etc and actually try to use as many different benches as possible while doing so
4) People who use one bench to lift, and A COMPLETELY IDENTICAL one to rest, taking up 2 at any given time
3) Grunters! Now I know some people do lift masses of weight and are justified in vocalising, but doing bicep curls with the 16kg and screaming like you've been anally raped by walrus is just ridiculous
2) Idiots who sing the songs they listen to on their MP3!!! My god is that off-putting
And finally, the top spot for most annoying bastards in the gym goes to...
1) The so-so fit guy who looks at you smugly while you're doing bicep curls and immediately picks up more weight than you, stands RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, and proceeds to show what a complete bad-ass he is by doing the same exercise, ONLY COMPLETELY WRONG by flailing his hands, weaving his back in-and-out and using a pendulum-motion to complete EVERY SINGLE REP
09-28-2010, 01:01 PM
How about the guys who grab dumbbells, but refuse to step back more than a foot from the rack? Also the groups of people who work out together and insist on doing the same exercises...all at the same time? There were a trio in there today, all doing dumbbell shrugs, all right in front of the rack. Then continued to stand in the exact spot while they rested.
09-28-2010, 01:45 PM
Luckily my current gym is void of such dimwits. The entire gym (and I DO mean the ENTIRE gym) has wall-to-wall mirrors, so people prefer to side-step to the right or left so they can get a full-on view and side-view of themselves doing the exercises in a completely wrong way.
09-29-2010, 07:11 PM
The one on here that is abbundant on any military post you go is THE TAPOUT GUY!!! But it's also "Army Combatives" and "such-n-such's MMA Gym". Yes, I do MMA....and some combatives...but there's no damn way I'm advertising that at an Army Gym!!! It's like an invite for these assclowns to come up to you and tell you about a match they had that last 2 minutes...but it takes then 20 minutes to tell the story!!! The tell stories more than they work out! I listen to them as they stand in the free weight area talking about a match they just had that would put Ivan Drako vs Rocky to shame!!!I sitting thinking "Hey guy...you're a cook in the Army. And a fat retarded one at that. Last time you fought it was over someone stealing your cupcakes. Stop making it seem like you actually get paid for MMA....Oh great here comes the 'Back In Iraq' stories....Let's get the popcorn ready so we can listen to the Iron Chef...."
IN 27 YEARS I'VE NEVER GONE 0-4 IN WILDCARD WEEKEND!!!
until now. yup I put money on every game too. excuse me while i go drink myself smart.
10-01-2010, 07:42 PM
Being in a room full of huge sweaty men working out? Rob a bank...all your dreams will come true in prison!!!Sounds like some surreal dream world I can only hope to experience for myself one day
Little story: I was on a Personal Security Detail for a Commanding General while in Iraq (the second time) He was really excited because the way the budget fell apparently the post got a TON of money to renivate the on-post gym (back in the states). We were excited to see it when we got back, because naturally we had been hitting the Gym in Baghdad for the last year. So it just so happened myself and few other members from the PSD and the General's staff all went to the gym to check it out a few weeks after we got back.
What we saw shocked us! (no, I couldn't show it...but 2 stars of fury speaks louder than my rank could). The General heads for the weight room and looks around "Sooooo.....where the hell did our money go?!?!? It looks the same..." Just then the gym director catches up with him and escorts him to the brand new state of the art Cardio Room! With new treadmills, bike, stair masters, etc. Most had little tvs on them for each person. If that wasn't enough they had TVs wall to wall that you could watch. The General yells "ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME?!?!?" (POINTS TO THE PEOPLE RUNNING/WALKING/BIKING) "THESE *******S CAN GO OUTSIDE AND RUN DAMNIT!!!!! THERE'S NOT TOO MANY OTHER WAY LIFT WEIGHTS!!!! YEA LET'S GO BENCHPRESS ****ING ROCKS OUTSIDE!!!" He walks to just about everyone on a treadmill or bike "YOU CAN GO OUTSIDE!" Next person "BUY A BIKE AND GO OUT SIDE!!!" And on and on and on....yes we couldn't help but to laugh. He said what we wanted to...easily the best thing I've ever seen an officer do. And yes the **** was fixed REALLY quick :-)
IN 27 YEARS I'VE NEVER GONE 0-4 IN WILDCARD WEEKEND!!!
until now. yup I put money on every game too. excuse me while i go drink myself smart.
10-01-2010, 07:52 PM
Thats the kinda sh1t I like to hear about. I never understood y people need such fancy cardio machines.
10-02-2010, 03:35 PM
Dude there is nothing better than out side jog I refuse to fo cardio in gym its silly, only during rough times at cuttin phases
10-02-2010, 07:58 PM
I won't lie living in Washington State i run on treadmills often since its usually down pouring outside in the winter time. But i don't need a fancy treadmill to do it.