Men's Fraternity: The Quest for Authentic Manhood

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    It's my pleasure.

  2. Quote Originally Posted by B5150 View Post
    It's my pleasure.
    I am very gald you are doing this. I sent an excerpt to someone who is struggling with an Overly Bonded with Mother Wound.

    The timing was perfect.

  3. Subbed, thanks B!

  4. Yeah, I've said it before,.. but this thread is what it's all about. So many people have the wrong perception of what it takes to be a man,.. a real man. This here, is the answer!!!
    Think training's hard,. try losing!

  5. This is a very interesting thing, when I get time to read it all it looks promising. I know your Wise guy B, and this looks like it could help people. As much as I have grown, my past still hold a couple knifes in my back and a few thorns in my side. Then again I have accepted that they will never go away unless I kill a man....

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    Here is Your Manhood Plan material.

    It was mentioned in Session 3: The First Step to Authentic Manhood: Looking Back

    Here is the link to Your Manhood Plan Social Group Discussion
    Attached Files Attached Files
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    Due to the lack of participation I will no longer facilitate the Men's Fraternity Social Group.

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    Biblical Definition of Manhood

    Transcripts 17 and 18

  9. Great stuff B! I'm reading the first doc and feeling convicted to be a better man already. We should all take this responsibility seriously as men.
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    I'm glad you like it.

    IMO, it is the literal and practical interpretation and definition of Christ-likeness and true masculinity.
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    "Lastly, to be a courageous leader, every man’s got to master to one obstacle in his life. If you’re going to be a leader, there’s an obstacle you’ve got to overcome. Everybody look up at me. This is Enemy No. 1 of men. It’s your feelings. Write it down. Feelings.

    Not too long ago a book came out called EQ. Now a lot of times, we know what IQ means, but we don’t know what EQ means. IQ is how we measure our intelligence, and oftentimes, it’s the measure of success in the academic community, or entrance into a college or university. But in this book EQ, it actually said that a person’s emotional quotient, or emotional stability is the greater predictor of success. And you know what? I’m in my 50s now, and I’ve worked with a lot of people in all kinds of arenas, and that is exactly my observation of life. I wouldn’t have called it “EQ” but there are many, many smart people – much smarter than I am and much smarter than a lot of people that they work around - who are limited, not because of their intelligence, but because of their emotions. They’re emotionally unstable. And the greatest predictor of success in the workplace and in life is how you master your emotions.

    Did you know it says the same thing in Proverbs 25:28?

    “Like a city that is broken into and without walls, so is a man
    who has no control over his spirit.”

    A man who bows to his feelings can never be a real man. Now, I’m not saying that you don’t feel. I’m not saying that real men need to suppress their feelings. Feelings are part of life. But greater than feelings is a sense of calling and my calling calls me above those things at times. In fact, at times I have to turn and put my face into the full gale force winds of feeling, and say ‘I’m not going to give in to you. I’m going to do what’s right.’

    A man has to have that kind of control over his feelings if he’s going to be an authentic man. You know, Jesus Christ in one of His very first tests - as He was starting the mission He was called to do - the very first thing that God does to prepare Him for that mission is send Him out in the wilderness for 40 days, without food. During that time, He becomes intensely hungry and tired, so all of His feelings are calling Him to satisfy His basic desires. At that point, He’s tempted by satan. So the enemy comes in at that point of weakened condition and he says, ‘hey! You can turn these stones into bread. Why don’t You do that?’ Now that sounds like a simple request, but listen – after 40 days without food, it is so easy to go, ‘Yeah! I need to do that. I’m hungry. I deserve to eat. I’m starving!’ And yet, part of His mission was to wait on God. So Jesus said, “man can’t live by bread alone. He lives by the will of God.”

    Then the enemy tempts Him and says -- because Jesus knows that part of His mission is to accomplish this work to reclaim a lost world – and Satan says to Him, ‘I’ll give You the world! All You have to do is bow down and worship me. We can end this thing right now and You can be comforted, I can encourage You. You can satisfy all these desires that are not being met for You in this moment. You can have it all!”

    Jesus shows His authentic manhood by standing in the face of satan’s temptation and telling him; “No, I’ll wait.” Guys, I tell you that because your greatest enemy the rest of your life to accepting your responsibilities, to leading courageously, to rejecting passivity, to turning off the TV and to getting up and investing yourself in a direct way with your family, is going to be to say “no” to a feeling. “No” to a feeling.

    Men have to live above feelings many, many times every day in order to be an authentic man. Ralph Waldo Emerson made this statement: “Nothing can bring a man peace but the triumph of principles.” And I want you to know nothing can bring a man the deepest satisfactions of his masculinity more than the triumph of truth in his life. Doing something to satisfy a feeling certainly will not do it. It’s kind of like candy – it tastes good for a moment, but in a just a short period of time it leaves you empty and starved – not truly satisfied. All this is a part of manhood. The first Adam abandoned his post of leadership; the second Adam chose to lead courageously."
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    "First of all, Genesis tells us that men were created by God to be social and spiritual leaders. If there’s one thing that Genesis shouts to us – although it does it in subtle ways – it tells us that at the core of masculinity is a unique and special kind of leadership. We’re not finished with all that that is yet, but it has very implicit social and spiritual dimensions attached to it. Genesis warns us in different ways – that we can go out in life and accomplish a lot, and we can be a lot and we can do a lot – but if we fail to incorporate these social and spiritual dimensions of leadership into our masculinity, our manhood will always feel incomplete to ourselves, and we will fall short with others.

    Genesis tells us that these two dimensions – the social and the spiritual dimensions – are absolutely critical in a man feeling good about himself throughout his life. When men abandon this leadership, for whatever reason, when the pursuit of this leadership is somehow taken away from them – you need to know that chaos always ensues.

    When men do not accept the leadership that Genesis presents, or when a society (a society like ours, by the way) ceases to teach young men this social and spiritual dimension of leadership that we’ve seen in the book of Genesis – or even worse, when a society begins to demean this kind of leadership and say it shouldn’t be a part of a man’s life – then it doesn’t take long before that society quickly becomes troubled. When men cease to embrace the things that we’ve been talking about is that society begins to be “dumbed-down”. Men begin to act like boys on a consistent basis. They shun the things that make them men. They ignore them; they no longer embrace them. They’re no longer honored among their society, they no longer reach up high for their masculinity. They begin to act like boys. In the process, women are forced to do what men won’t do.

    You know, what’s interesting – there’s a unique passage in the Scripture that speaks to a moment in the life of the nation of Israel. When, because of their rebellion, they turned away from God. They didn’t feel like they needed God anymore and they decided to go their own independent way. So God brings a judgment through the prophet Isaiah and he says to the nation: “Because you’ve ignored Me, because you don’t think you need My instruction, My understanding, I’m going to take real men away from you.” Then, as the prophet Isaiah pronounces this judgment, he begins to describe what that society will look like without real men. I want to read it to you on the screen. Here’s what he says:

    “For behold, the Lord God of hosts is going to remove the mighty
    man and the warrior, the judge, and the prophet, the diviner, and
    the elder, the captain of the 50; and the honorable man.”

    So the real men are gone, basically from that society. And here’s what the society begins to look like:

    “And I will make mere lads (that is, boys) their leaders, and capricious
    children will rule over them, and the people will be oppressed, each one
    by another; each one by his neighbor. The youth will storm against the
    elder and the inferior against the honorable. And when a man lays hold
    of his brother in his father’s house saying, ‘you have a cloak; you shall be
    our ruler; and these ruins need to be under your charge.’ He will protest
    on that day saying, ‘I’m not going to be your healer.’” (in other words
    everybody is saying, ‘somebody, take responsibility for this!’ And
    everybody’s saying ‘It’s not my problem; I’m not going to take charge of
    that.’) “For Jerusalem has stumbled and Judah has fallen. The expression of their faces bear witness against them and they display their sin in this society
    like Sodom. They do not even conceal it. Woe to them, for they have
    brought evil on themselves, O, my people!”

  13. that is a well written piece
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    A Man and His Wife

    Transcripts 19 & 20
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    B: thank you for posting these.. I always enjoy when I get a new notification on this thread and new stuff to read.. it is appreciated.
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    These principles transcend and are a must read for any man seeking to be an Authentic Man!
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    Servant Leader

    Transcript 21

    For Rosie!
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    Exclamation Transcript 22 Preview!


    22. Fathers and Sons

    We are coming from marriage, where we’ve been the last three weeks, to parenting – to that great and noble ambition of parenting – how to raise healthy sons and healthy daughters. Today I want to start by giving you 3 models of parenting.

    1. On your outlines, I want you to look at the Absent Parent. Unfortunately, the absent parent is epidemic today. 40% of the American kids today, don’t have a mom or a dad at home. The epidemic is even worse when they are there physically, but are absent socially and emotionally. There are huge numbers of children who are being raised up in homes where either a parent is not there due to abandonment or divorce, or where the parents are there – but they aren’t there. Do you know what I mean by that? They are there – but aren’t.

    Many times today you may have two parents who are career-driven. In the 50s and 60s, the women used to complain about the career-driven husband. Unfortunately, when you got to the 80s and 90s – rather than the excess of the career-drive in the man being corrected –women joined the work force too. As we move into the 21st Century, I think a lot of young children will grow up not only suffering from the Absent Father Wound, but will also suffer from the Absent Mother Wound as they become adults. Mom just wasn’t there. That’s one style of parenting: the Absent Parent.

    2. On the other hand, there are some healthy things happening in our country today, and that’s what I call the Engaged Parent. Engaged Parenting, which I think represents the healthy new resurgence of parental involvement in children’s lives is occurring right now in our country. It’s good seeing moms and dads realize the importance of being close to their children, involved in their schoolwork, involved in their social relationships, attending their games – just being an overall part of their lives, which gives weight to a child’s life growing up. That’s such a healthy thing, and it’s so encouraging to see so many children having more of time and more attention from mom and dad.

    They figured out that a kid just can’t raise his or herself. They need that closeness, they need time and attention to grow up healthy and whole.

    3. I think there’s a third kind of parenting, and quite frankly, I think the third type is the best type. I’m going to call it Strategic Parenting. It’s a style of parenting that not only engages a son or daughter with time and attention, but also equips a son or daughter with the most important issues of life. So that when the go out in life, they go out confident about life.

    This week and next week I want to address some specific ways a dad can be strategic with his son, and then next week, strategic with his daughter. As you know, throughout Men’s Fraternity we have made one important point over and over again – and that is Dad, for a child, is destiny. Dad is destiny. His presence or lack of it has no rival when it comes to shaping the formative beginnings of a child’s life. For a son, dad is –and dad always will be – a powerful reality in a child’s life.

  19. even being irreligious, i have been appreciating these as they come out
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    Fathers and Sons

    Transcript 22
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    Transcript 23 Preview!


    23. Fathers and Daughters

    The relationship between a dad and his sons is so critical in their formative years. A son needs his dad, he needs to be close to his dad, he needs to feel his dad and he needs to be initiated by his dad. But this close relationship is not just important for sons only.

    So what we want to do this morning is to give equal time to dads and daughters, because that relationship is just as critical and just as formative. In fact, there are many who would say today that it’s harder to be a woman than it is to be a man....

    ...So what I want to do is begin this session this morning, giving you an overview – I mean we spent all year talking about men, and we’re going to cram the world of women into one session. I want to give you an overview of some of the immense challenges for women today, and how they affect daughters. We are going to look at 3 challenges for our daughters in the 21st Century and what I call the “Introduction of the New Womanhood.” These statements will give you a better feel the texture of a woman’s world today.

    Here’s the first statement or the first challenge:
    1. There is for young women growing up today the challenge of a new, supreme pursuit. And what is that new, supreme pursuit? The word I want to use today is ‘supreme pursuit’ – that’s key. The new, supreme pursuit is from home to career. Let’s face it: a profound change has occurred among women in the last 40 years. Life for a little girl today in our country has been turned upside down. It’s unlike anything women have experienced in our country since the birth of our country. In fact, against a host of what I call ‘more maternal instincts,’ a young girl growing up today, from the time she enters grade school, till the time she finishes the university, she’s bombarded with images and slogans, and told directly by the heroes that she sees portrayed on the screen – or in the classroom- or in the workplace – about what a woman should be and how a woman should be honored. She’s told over and over and over again that a career is everything. That’s become the new, supreme pursuit. It’s the ultimate adventure for a young woman. It’s the self-fulfilling goal that every woman should have for herself.

    Now, that has redefined how a little girl thinks of herself as she is growing up today. It redefines how she interacts with young men growing up; what her aspirations and her pursuits and her priorities are, because she’s told of this pursuit all her life. Now, please hear me out and don’t jump way down the line by saying ‘this guy’s talking about women can’t work; they need to be in the home – barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen…’ and all that other extreme rhetoric. I’m not talking about that. I just want you to feel the challenges of a young girl today, because having those kinds of images over her life, has changed the way she thinks about herself and the way she thinks about her life. In fact, we even have a holiday now in light of this new, supreme pursuit. It’s called “Take Your Daughter to Work” day.

    Did you know all that began in the 60s with a book by Betty Friedan. It’s a landmark book called The Feminine Mystique. In the book, she calls homemakers ‘parasites.’ Not long after that, Germaine Greer in her bestselling book in 1970 The Female Eunuch called motherhood ‘a handicap,’ and called pregnancy an ‘illness.’ All through the 60s, 70s and 80s, there was this call – not necessarily as extreme as in those books – but a call nonetheless to get out of the home – and into the workplace, ‘where you belong’ because it should be your supreme pursuit in life.

    What sounded radical in the 60s and 70s, in a milder tone, is now the value system of mainstream America for your daughter. It’s true whether you’ve got a 5-year-old at home or whether you’re like me and you’ve got a 25-year-old in the workplace, it’s the new, supreme pursuit. I experienced this new value system last Fall, when I was watching my son play football in a small Arkansas town. The game was an away game, so we had driven to this small Arkansas community and that’s about as traditional values as you can come in a small Arkansas town.

    It was homecoming for this team that we were playing. I remember, during the half-time ceremonies, they brought the homecoming court out and they introduced each of the girls. As they introduced each of the girls, they talked about the activities that the girl had accomplished in high school, as they often times do. Then with each girl being introduced by her dad, they spoke of their future aspirations – of each of these court members. I found it fascinating as they introduced girl after girl, they said, ‘and Betty aspires to be a doctor..’ or a veterinarian; or a therapist or a social worker, or a lawyer, and on and on it went until the court was finally completely introduced. I thought how odd it would have sounded – how strange it would have been – even there, for them to have introduced a young lady and talked about her activities and then said, ‘and Betty aspires to be a homemaker.’ The world has changed.

    There are new realities for a young girl growing up in America today. The supreme pursuit of a career is pressed over her throughout her life and it’s a great challenge to how you and I raise our daughters. How we raise them to think about themselves and to think about their priorities in light of the new realities that we live in.

    2. Secondly is the challenge of what I call ‘the decline of traditional feminine values.’ You ask, ‘what is that?” Well, I’ll let actress Sharon Stone tell us. She probably says this in a small way, and captures it better than anyone. I’m quoting her now:

    “As I see it, the choice today is between being feminine or equal.
    And I choose equal.”

    That’s the new reality for your daughter today. One generation ago, if you asked someone to define feminine, you would have heard words like ‘soft,’ ‘virtuous,’ ‘responsive,’ ‘nurturing,’. (can I just put a little aside in here?) I believe for modern men in the 21st Century, those words still sound good. But if you asked someone to define feminine in the 21st Century, you hear the words ‘equal,’ ‘assertive,’ ‘sexy,’ ’independent.’ Those are the new feminine values.

    Young women today are excelling at competing with men, but they’re also finding with that competition, more and more difficulty in finding intimate relationships with men. The home itself and homemaking itself, are more and more foreign terms. For 200 years in the life of America, if you had put Titus 2 on the screen it would have made perfect sense. But I want you to feel how strange Titus 2 sounds right now. Look at the words there:

    “Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, teaching
    what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their
    husbands, and to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at
    home, kind, that the word of God may not be dishonored.”

    Now that sounds foreign because – now look at the screen for just a moment, guys - what mothers are teaching that today? What dads are emphasizing that today? It sounds foreign, and the reason it sounds foreign is because it is. Which then leads us to the natural conclusion of the third challenge, because this third challenge is the outgrowth of the first two and that is

    3. There is going to be the challenge of the rise of the Absent Mom. Despite all the sociological data we have today that says how important, how absolutely critical it is, for young children to have a mom at home. Yet young moms continue flood into the workplace and with the enthusiastic encouragement of their young husbands. It is so short-sighted.

    Sixty-seven percent (67%) of all mothers today with children under 4 – the very years when kids need mom most – 67% of all the mothers in America are back into the workplace and yet, those children are the very ones whose lives are most moldable and most shapeable at those years. And yet, mom is gone.

    Some, of course, have advocated Daycare as a clearly viable substitute, but I want to put up a quote from Dr. Burton White, the director of the Pre-School Project at Harvard University, about the daycare, just to give you a feel for what he says about daycare as a substitute. Here’s his quote:

    After more than 30 years of research on how children develop well,
    I would not think of putting an infant or toddler of my own into any
    substitute care program.

    It all depends on what you want, what you’re trying to produce, what your priorities are, and what your values are. We live in a world that we simply are sheep who follow the standard program. I called it earlier “Conventional Manhood.” But we’re not here to talk about conventional manhood. We’re here to talk about the quest for authentic manhood, and it will go a little bit against the grain, because it’s priorities and values are different. A dad needs to understand what pressures and issues his daughter and his wife are under, and decide what he really wants to see accomplished in his home with his wife.
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    Fathers and Daughters

    Transcript 23
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    Transcript 24 Preview (Final Transcript)


    24. A Man and His Life Journey

    3. Then there’s the season called Fall, between 40 and 65. The Fall Season can really be the most powerful and productive in a man’s life. It’s when he’s on center stage; it’s when he’s got a certain level of accomplishments; his resume is full; he has a lot of connections and he can do a lot of good with his life.

    In Patrick Morley’s book, The Seven Seasons of a Man’s Life, he mentions that a man, during these years, needs to be able to answer 10 questions, and if he can answer these 10 questions, he’s probably on the path to a highly successful life. This is what a man needs to be able to answer in this Fall Season of color.

    The 10 questions are these:

    a. Am I performing fulfilling work?
    b. Am I a good provider?
    c. Am I doing everything possible to help my children become responsible adults?
    d. Am I building a strong, loving marriage?
    e. Am I doing everything possible to introduce my family to faith in Christ?
    f. Am I investing in other people’s lives as a friend, counselor, accountability partner and mentor?
    g. Am I living a life of good deeds and making a contribution to my community?
    h. Am I living a life of integrity?
    i. Am I walking close to my Lord, Jesus Christ?
    j. Will I go to heaven when I die?

    Morley says that the man in this season of life who can answer ‘yes’ to all those 10 questions has laid a rich foundation and will even have a more powerful next season because of it.

    But you guys know there are a lot of men in this season – between 40 and 60 who, for one reason or another, unfinished business in the past; the suitcase that finally burst open; a troubled marriage that wasn’t corrected when it needed to be in those early years – and didn’t get the attention that it needed, or a son or daughter that you have wounded because you didn’t invest properly in their life – you know, the wheels can come off during this season and haunting questions can begin to stalk a man through his days. In fact, Bob Beale in his book, Weathering the Mid-Life Storm, pictures some of the questions that men start asking in this season of life if they hit the wall.

    Here are some of them:

    a. Am I stuck here for the rest of my life?
    b. Is this it how it feels to get old?
    c. Is anything worth it?
    d. Why can’t I understand myself?
    e. Will I ever get the promotion?
    f. Do I really even want it?
    g. Where’s all of my former confidence gone?
    h. When I’m old, will I become like my father?
    i. Why do I feel so very, very lonely – even when I have lots of friends?
    j. Why does God feel so distant, so uncaring, so silent?
    k. Are my kids ever going to get out of their troubles?
    l. Did I really marry the right person in the first place?

    That’s what happens in this season. It can be a season of tremendous success and confidence that is unleashing tremendous good for a man, or it can be another season of redress – where a guy enters whitewater and he knows time is running out. He has to address those kinds of questions that stalk him, or else he’ll brood his life away. The Fall of life is full of those flaming colors.
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    A Man and His Life Journey

    Transcript 24 (Final Transcript)
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    I will be leading this last session of The Men's Fraternity and concluding the study with a graduation ceremony and celebration. When I attended this study it was a tremendous study resource for my personal growth into maturity and Authentic Manhood. What was even greater was the growth I experienced leading the study myself.

    A real man is one who rejects social and spiritual passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects the greater reward; God’s reward.

  26. This need a Major bump, for new people to see.
  27. Unbreakable
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    Here you go fellas! The transcripts for the entire 24 weeks of The Quest for Authentic Manhood study.

    This page has the PowerPoint Presentations.

    This page has individual study session on video download.
    Attached Files Attached Files

  28. B, you should get a Nobel prize for running this stuff. I can't think of any man who would not be an improved person after reading, applying, and working on themselves in this fashion.
    Think training's hard,. try losing!


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