TrIpDoG's MeGa-SuPeR GiVeAwAy

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  1. This is probably my favorite joke of all time.

    A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an
    after-work cocktail when an exceptionally
    gorgeous young woman entered. She was so
    striking that the man could not take his
    eyes away from her. The young woman noticed
    his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
    toward him.

    Before he could offer his apologies for
    being so rude, the young woman said
    to him, 'I'll do anything, absolutely
    anything, that you want me to do, no
    matter what it is, for $100 on one
    condition.'

    Flabbergasted, the man asked what the
    condition was.

    The young woman replied, 'You have to tell
    me what you want me to do in just three
    words.'

    The man considered her proposition for a
    moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket &
    slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he
    pressed into the young woman's hand.

    He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly,
    meaningfully said, 'Paint my house.'


  2. YouTube video's aren't allowed so I guess I'm disqualified. But I couldn't hold back, lol. WATCH !

    YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.
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  3. Quote Originally Posted by OCCFan023 View Post
    This is probably my favorite joke of all time.

    A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an
    after-work cocktail when an exceptionally
    gorgeous young woman entered. She was so
    striking that the man could not take his
    eyes away from her. The young woman noticed
    his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
    toward him.

    Before he could offer his apologies for
    being so rude, the young woman said
    to him, 'I'll do anything, absolutely
    anything, that you want me to do, no
    matter what it is, for $100 on one
    condition.'

    Flabbergasted, the man asked what the
    condition was.

    The young woman replied, 'You have to tell
    me what you want me to do in just three
    words.'

    The man considered her proposition for a
    moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket &
    slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he
    pressed into the young woman's hand.

    He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly,
    meaningfully said, 'Paint my house.'

    Ahh crap, I was just about to post the shorter version (this doesn't count):
    A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
  4. Mine for Today


    A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

  5. I thought this would be appropriate for this type of forum. :hot:
    Attached Images Attached Images  
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  6. Quote Originally Posted by kotter716 View Post
    I thought this would be appropriate for this type of forum. :hot:
    AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
    Legendary


  7. Here's a joke about my home state of WEST VIRGINIA and the difference between your friends and my FRIENDS. FRIENDS: Will wait patiently with you in the long line to the bathroom and hold the stall door shut. WV FRIENDS: Will shine a spotlight on you while your drunk a$$ is taking a piss in the bushes. ---------------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs ----MY WV FRIENDS: Call your parents drunk as hell and tell them about the fugly chick you tried to pick up ----------------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home. WV FRIENDS: Know some wild **** will happen, and set up rally points. -----------------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. WV FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that **** was fun " -------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Cry with you. WV FRIENDS: laugh at you -----------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. WV FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place. --------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone. WV FRIENDS: Will crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team. -----------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. WV FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. -----------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. WV FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. -------------------------------------------------- YOUR FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. WV FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" -----------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar. WV FRIENDS: Will buck up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out. --------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come. WV FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night. --------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. WV FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You better drink the rest of that ****, you know we don't waste. That's alcohol abuse!!!" ------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week. WV Friends: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long. (*No ****!*) ---------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore". WV FRIENDS: Will say "okay, just one more..." and then 2 minutes later "okay, just one more!". ------------------------------------------------- YOUR FRIENDS: Will talk **** to the person who talks **** about you. WV FRIENDS: Will knock them the **** out!! ----------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will ignore this WV FRIENDS: Will re-post this to ALL of their KICKASS friends!! Hero

  8. Quote Originally Posted by AaronTech View Post
    Ahh crap, I was just about to post the shorter version (this doesn't count):
    A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
    I use the shorter version in person when a random opportunity to bust out a general joke. Good stuff.

  9. Quote Originally Posted by kotter716 View Post
    I thought this would be appropriate for this type of forum. :hot:
    AHahahahaha thats great.
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2
  10. Unbreakable
    David Dunn's Avatar

    Quote Originally Posted by Trauma1 View Post
    This is all in good fun yankee fans, so don't go all postal now.
    That looks like Joey Buttaffuco(sp) up to the right of Posada

  11. Why did the Banana go out with a prune?

    He couldn't find a date.
    Muscle Pharm Rep

  12. Quote Originally Posted by B5150 View Post
    That looks like Joey Buttaffuco(sp) up to the right of Posada
    Lol - It sure does.

    "How you doin?"

    How about the rays and sox brawl. I'm sure yankee fans hate the rays in the same fashion. At least we can agree on that.

    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
    Legendary


  13. enjoy trip
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  14. Confucius Say ....

    "It good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl."

  15. Day two of poo...for you? (I rhyme all the time)
    ------------------------

    Ghost Poopie
    The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

    Clean Poopie
    The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

    Wet Poopie
    The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

    Second Wave Poopie
    The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

    Turtle Poopie
    The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

    Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie
    The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

    Lincoln Log Poopie
    The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

    Gas-sy Poopie
    The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

    Drinker Poopie
    The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

    Corn Poopie
    (Self explanatory)

    Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie
    The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

    Spinal Tap Poopie
    That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

    Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
    The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.

    Liquid Poopie
    The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl.

    Mexican Poopie
    The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

    Upper Class Poopie
    The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

    The Suprise Poopie
    You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

    The Dangling Poopie
    This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

    Fisherman's Bobber Poopie
    You are in a public restroom with two people waiting on your stall, you poopie and flush two times, but several golfball pieces are still floating above the water line.

    ha-cha-cha...
    "I am legally blind and if I can Squat,deadlift and over all get myself to the gym then anyone can get their a$$ in gear and get strong!!" - malleus25
    WHITE WHALE!

  16. Tripp I'm not if for the contest but check this **** out this should make you laugh, not the story, but weight till you get to the pictures! Poor guy.

    Steroids Effecting my genitals....wtf!!!
  17. Talking Just for you SilentBob!


    Quote Originally Posted by SilentBob187 View Post
    Day two of poo...for you? (I rhyme all the time)
    ------------------------

    Ghost Poopie
    The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

    Clean Poopie
    The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

    Wet Poopie
    The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

    Second Wave Poopie
    The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

    Turtle Poopie
    The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

    Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie
    The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

    Lincoln Log Poopie
    The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

    Gas-sy Poopie
    The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

    Drinker Poopie
    The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

    Corn Poopie
    (Self explanatory)

    Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie
    The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

    Spinal Tap Poopie
    That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

    Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
    The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.

    Liquid Poopie
    The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl.

    Mexican Poopie
    The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

    Upper Class Poopie
    The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

    The Suprise Poopie
    You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

    The Dangling Poopie
    This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

    Fisherman's Bobber Poopie
    You are in a public restroom with two people waiting on your stall, you poopie and flush two times, but several golfball pieces are still floating above the water line.

    ha-cha-cha...
    Goes along perfectly with the Dump Jokes.

    Enjoy...

    "Never trust a b*tch because b*tches be crazy, now get out there and go crush some P***Y!" - Jerry Stiller.

  18. A woman takes her young daughter to the zoo. They walk up to the monkeys and the little girl notices two of them mating. The little girl curiously asks her mom what they're doing. The mom hesitantly says, "um, well, they're baking cake."
    "Oh, ok." the little girl says.

    They later walk over to where the lions are. The little girl notices one of the lions on top of another, and again she asks her mom what they're doing. The mom says more confidently this time, "well, they're baking a cake too sweety."

    The next morning the little girl wakes up and walks out to the kitchen where her mom is cooking breakfast. The little girl asks, "Mommy, were you and daddy baking a cake on the couch last night?"

    Extremely embarrassed and nervous, the mom replies, "uh, yeah sweety. we were."

    The little girls says, "I know, cause I licked up some of the left over frosting."



  19. had me teary eyed..freaking possum bahahahahah

  20. AHHAHAHAHAHA!

    propho, nicely played sir.
    "I am legally blind and if I can Squat,deadlift and over all get myself to the gym then anyone can get their a$$ in gear and get strong!!" - malleus25
    WHITE WHALE!

  21. thanks, i love these kind of threads =) Can't remember anything else that really stuck out in my mind..

  22. NEWS FLASH:

    THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR A SUSPECT, HE'S DESCRIBED AS SEXY,FUNNY AND GREAT IN BED!!

    YOUR UGLY ASS IS SAFE,BUT WHERE THE HELL SHOULD I HIDE?

  23. Quote Originally Posted by JOHNJESSICA20 View Post
    NEWS FLASH:

    THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR A SUSPECT, HE'S DESCRIBED AS SEXY,FUNNY AND GREAT IN BED!!

    YOUR UGLY ASS IS SAFE,BUT WHERE THE HELL SHOULD I HIDE?
    good one
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  24. Quote Originally Posted by propho View Post
    whaaaaaaaaaaaaat
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  25. For your viewing pleasure:
    Steroids Effecting my genitals....wtf!!!

    Why go anywhere else when all the humour you could ever need falls right into your lap in the glorious land of Anabolic Minds?

  26. Dan these are for just the sake of being freaking hillarious.






    AHAHAHAHAHAHA



    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
    Legendary


  27. Last one there's a penis pump...

    PORKCHOP sandwitches....aaaaaaaaaahahah ahahahahaha
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2
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