It's that time of the year again.
The leaves are starting to change. The Facebook statuses of your friends say "Sick"... looking for some kind of sympathy. Your bathing suit and tank tops are being replaced by hoodies and boots. And your looking to gain some mass. Well, you've come to the right place. The time for looking good at the pool is over, and it's time to bust your ass and make progress for next year's summer.
Don't you hate those signs that appear in late April outside of gyms, that say "Summer is only 3 weeks away!" Well I'm making one that says "Summer is only 8 months away. Get off your ass!" You know what Benjamin Franklin says, "Don't put off tomorrow what can be done today".
He also says "Beware of the young doctor and the old barber." And luckily for me, I have both! So let's begin.
Ok Renegade, what's our first step?
If there's one thing I've learned from training kung fu for 10+ years, it's THE MIND COMMANDS and THE BODY FOLLOWS. You have to WANT to get big, gain mass and be willing to really push the limits of your eating, lifting, and resting. Be RESOLVED. Have a PLAN. Tell yourself "This plate in front of me is standing in the way of my gains." Then devour it like a beast! This is no time for lollygagging. Summer WILL be here before you know it, and you need to show people what time it is. The only person who's gon' help you get big is YOU.
Alright, I'm ready to get big! BRING ON THE WEIGHTS!
Not so fast, bub. Let me look in your fridge. Where is the WHOLE MILK?!? and the STEAK!?! All I see in here is yogurt and lettuce, Sally! If your going to put your body through hell in the gym, you damn well better be ready to give it the fuel it needs. You don't put 87 octane into an F-22! Get with it.
I'm from the old school:
CHICKEN (of any kind, cooked however you like.)
EGGS (the whole egg, including the yellow part that's bad for you. LOL!)
STEAK (boosts testosterone while giving you great protein)
PASTA (carb up carb up CARB THE F*#% UP!)
RICE (more carbs)
POTATOS (plus a 6-pack equals a 7 course Irish meal)
WHOLE MILK (don't worry about the fat content)
PROTEIN SHAKES (I like Muscle Milk's, weight gainers and anything that has over 200 calories.)
The biggest mistake I've seen people make when trying to bulk is this: they don't CARB THE $%*@ UP! I've seen guys in the Army, in prison and in college all get either FAT or JACKED from eating lots of carbs. Ever wonder how guys in jail get so big? All they do is eat, lift and sleep. A good part of their diet consists of simple starches from the kitchen and Ramen noodles from commissary. I don't even want to know what's in those MRE's, but I know my buddy's overseas come back looking alot bigger. I ask them how they do it, and they tell me all they do is lift. Hmm, I'm seeing a trend here. The biggest misconception is with the high protein diet. Yes, you want high protein in your diet, but you want WAYYY HIGHER carbs and calories. I see these guys who lift hard and only increase their protein, not their overall calorie intake. They have good results if your goal is to look like Brad Pitt, but minimum mass gains to stand out from the rest of the beach goers.
1. If your hungry it's too late. Never go hungry, always stay full.
2. Get creative with your foods. Mix and match.
3. Keep your protein intake high.
4. Tupperware is your friend.
5. Wash your food down with whole milk or a protein shake.
Thanks for the tips RR! Now, what should I do in the gym?
Throw away those P90x tapes, for starters. They have you moving around too much. Adopt an old-school regiment. A mix of heavy deadlifts, high rep squats, bench press, chinups, rows, overhead press. Try not to move around if you don't have to. Walk slow.
As far as rep schemes, you can work all that out yourself. Stick to the compound movements. You don't see people gettin' SILVERBACKS from doing reverse bicep e-z curls. Nonsense! Stick with the movements that make you breathe heavy, and make you walk funny the next 2 days. I squat or deadlift twice a week, at least! HIT is cool, but I found volume works better for mass gains. That's just my experience.
I HAVE A SECRET FOR YOU!
There's no magical rep scheme, program or pill. It's just HARD WORK AND TIME! Go and lift some lumber and sandbags for all I care. If you put in the correct effort, it's the same thing! Machines, dumbells, barbells, kettlebells, jinglebells. It's all the same to me. As long as your busting your ass and feeding your body, it's the same.
Here are some good rest supplements:
Melatonin - Knocks me out real good.
ZMA - Boosts testosterone and helps me sleep.
Tryptophan - Or you could just eat a boatload of turkey.
You have to rest, and REST! Recover from your ball-breaking workout. Make sure to eat something before you sleep. Sumo wreslters eat big meals before taking naps, to keep their metabolism slow and their weight up. That's what worked for me for 4 years and it will work for you. Sure it ain't the healthiest thing in the world, but we're just doing it for the winter or BULK cycle.
Get AT LEAST 8 hours of sleep per 24 hours. I wake up hours before the sun comes up for work, so I have to take naps. So be it. Work your sleep in. But don't sleep on the job, I don't need to read your PM's about how your boss caught you like Costanza with a improvised desk-bed.
Thanks RR! I have my diet, training and rest down now. Is there anything else you want to say?
Yes, don't make excuses for yourself. If you want this badly enough you can take it. Don't take days off unless they are scheduled. Don't skip out on meals because your busy. It will be hard, but it will be worth it, if it is TRULY something you want for yourself.
Get off the couch, lift some heavy iron, hit the kitchen and get back on the couch.
Constantly breaking bread,