Beelzebub
Registered User
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So, anyway, there's this gigantic fat dude who weighs about 300lbs +. He's tried every routine known to man but he just can't seem to lose any weight, or if he does, he immediately gains it back and then some.
Anyway, his lazy ass is sitting there watching TV one day and he sees this commercial that says "guaranteed to lose however much weight you want to lose, or your money back." He figures, **** it, worse case scenario, I'll get my money back. So, he calls them up and the
company asks, "how much weight are you looking to lose?" He replies, "15lbs would be nice." Company replies, "hey, no problem, we can take care of that in one day, we'll be at your place in 45 minutes."
So, exactly 45 minutes goes by, and he gets a knock at the door. He opens it and standing there is a drop dead gorgeous blonde model, buck naked, except for a sign hung around her neck that says "if you can catch me, you can **** me." She takes off and after about 45-50 minutes of sprinting his ass off, he finally catches up with her, does his deed and that's that. He jumps on the scale the next day and it says exactly 15lbs lighter, no more, no less.
He's thinking to himself, "damn, this is a great program, I could get used to this real quick." So, he calls them back up the next week and says "this time I'm looking to lose 30lbs." Their reply, "no problem, we can take care of that in one day." 45 minutes later, he gets a knock at the door. He opens and there's this perfect 10 brunette wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes with the same exact sign, "if you can catch me, you can **** me." She takes off and this time it takes him about 2 hours to catch up with her. He's dead tired but he closes the deal anyway. Next day, he weighs in exactly 30lbs less.
A week goes by, now he's thinking to himself, "man, i just have to try this program one more time. but this time, i'm going for the gold, i want to lose 50lbs." so, once again, he calls the number up and tells them he wants to lose 50lbs. Their reply, "no problem, we can take care of that in one day." 45 minutes goes by and he gets a knock at the door and this time the guy is ready. I mean, he's decked out in full running gear ready for the chase. He opens the door and standing there is a 450lbs silverback gorilla, holding a sign that reads "if I catch you, I'm gonna **** you."
Anyway, his lazy ass is sitting there watching TV one day and he sees this commercial that says "guaranteed to lose however much weight you want to lose, or your money back." He figures, **** it, worse case scenario, I'll get my money back. So, he calls them up and the
company asks, "how much weight are you looking to lose?" He replies, "15lbs would be nice." Company replies, "hey, no problem, we can take care of that in one day, we'll be at your place in 45 minutes."
So, exactly 45 minutes goes by, and he gets a knock at the door. He opens it and standing there is a drop dead gorgeous blonde model, buck naked, except for a sign hung around her neck that says "if you can catch me, you can **** me." She takes off and after about 45-50 minutes of sprinting his ass off, he finally catches up with her, does his deed and that's that. He jumps on the scale the next day and it says exactly 15lbs lighter, no more, no less.
He's thinking to himself, "damn, this is a great program, I could get used to this real quick." So, he calls them back up the next week and says "this time I'm looking to lose 30lbs." Their reply, "no problem, we can take care of that in one day." 45 minutes later, he gets a knock at the door. He opens and there's this perfect 10 brunette wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes with the same exact sign, "if you can catch me, you can **** me." She takes off and this time it takes him about 2 hours to catch up with her. He's dead tired but he closes the deal anyway. Next day, he weighs in exactly 30lbs less.
A week goes by, now he's thinking to himself, "man, i just have to try this program one more time. but this time, i'm going for the gold, i want to lose 50lbs." so, once again, he calls the number up and tells them he wants to lose 50lbs. Their reply, "no problem, we can take care of that in one day." 45 minutes goes by and he gets a knock at the door and this time the guy is ready. I mean, he's decked out in full running gear ready for the chase. He opens the door and standing there is a 450lbs silverback gorilla, holding a sign that reads "if I catch you, I'm gonna **** you."
