stxnas,
I agree with that idea 100%.
In furtherance of this, here is the world according to Beau:
1. I have to ensure and be responsible for my own happiness. The other person in the relationship has the same responsibility for themselves.
2. The idea if a "50/50" relationship NEVER works. I will always think I am giving more than 50%, and think that she is giving less than 50%. The same will be true of her. In my experience women do this to a far greater extent than men, but maybe that is jaded.
3. The idea of of "100/100" relationship is the ones that works. By this I mean, my motivation relative to my efforts toward the other person need to result from my desire to do nice things; and doing those nice things needs to be a sufficient reward in and of itself. If I give unconditionally (within boundaries), my gifts are truly gifts, not something done to barter for something else. For this to be true, we need to have a partner who buys into the same concept; meaning that I need to be important enough to her that she chooses to do things for me that she reasonably expects are those I like. In essence, I am responsible for myself, but choose to honor the other person by my acts.
4. The "100/100" concept only works so long as each person desires to meet their 100 contribution. And let there be no mistake, that 100% needs to be offered out of contribution, not obligation of commitment. Obligation and commitment bridge the tough times, when you don't "feel" like making your contribution. If one chooses not to fulfill their 100% role, then the whole thing falls apart.
5. As odd as this sounds, it is both self-centered (being responsible for my own happiness) and other-centered (as we opt to make contributions to benefit the other person).
The end.
