Can't Sleep: Rage and an Interesting Observation

[Beowulf]

So I stopped at the store on the way home tonight, and I'm finishing up my conversation with my wife before I run in, and as we sit there, this pathetic attempt at a human being comes walking up, sees my wife, and stares at us. We continue talking, b/c there are a lot of wackos around here, so I generally don't think much of it. He continues walking around the front of the car, staring. He looks wacked out on something. I would think heroin, based on the idiotic facial posture, but he wasn't really slouching.

I open the window and say, "Are you feeling all right? You're staring."

Him: What? (with angry stare)
Me: Are you feeling all right? You're staring, and you look like ****.
Him: Do I know you?
Me: Definitely not. That is why I'm wondering why you're staring.
Him: What?

"What" was all he could say for the remainder of the exchange. He was not very bright. **** like this pisses me off. He was attempting a middle school level confrontation for absolutely no reason. When I was in my late teens until around twenty, I would have flipped out and gone ape ****.

As I grew mentally, I clearly saw that the cons exponentially outweigh the pros in these situations. I would laugh off an idiot like this and go on about my day. But this is where it gets interesting.

I said f#%^ the store, and drove away from the what-saying simpleton. I would not only lose my job, but I would probably have to leave the field of education if the incident escalated (background checks). Strange thing is,
I was literally shaking with rage. My mind is filled with violent images (American History X style head stomping), to the point where I can't sleep. This has happened before, a few months ago, when two guys were about to fight right next to me and my wife. I bounced them from the bar to get them away from my wife, and this is where the interesting observation comes into play.

I think the reason that I am subject to these violent surges when there is a potential confrontation is out of an instinctual duty to protect my wife. She is very petite, and if someone ever hurt her I would have a hard time not killing him. I have no problem blowing off some jackass, and I don't fear for my own safety. But when my wife is in the picture, I feel all the old rage come storming in and dominating.

Sorry for the rant. I think it is my first, and hopefully the last. I like being a peaceful guy. It is far better than worrying about retribution and legal consequences.

BTW, my jaw hurts from clenching it for hours.

I really need to get to bed...

 

[idunk42]

Keep your head up bro, you should feel good about yourself for many reasons. One, that you didnt do anything that you would have regretted later on. Second, that you are an awesome husband. I understand what you mean about not wanting anything to happen to your wife. Now, Im not married myself, but I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years, and she is definitely the one that I will be spending the rest of my life with, and wouldnt want anything ever to happen to her. Its just a natural instinct that we men have in order to make sure that the ones that we love the most dont feel an ounce of pain. So smile bro, your a good man.

 

[Beowulf]

So smile bro, your a good man.

I can't b/c my jaw hurts. It is this temper thing. When I was a kid I sometimes had to be held down by multiple adults

I pretty much conquered it, but with **** like this, I just start seeing red and begin to lose sight of all the important things I've learned over the last 27 years.

I think they're coming back. Ranting really does help.

Thanks for the support, bro.

 

[Tighe]

At least you know that you can't act out on that rage, and you're expressing it in a positive way. I used to have a serious temper problem when I'd work on stuff (I'm a mechanic) as in throwing tools, and acting like a ******* in general. I realized I needed to chill out, and keep it under control. You've saved yourself a hell of alot of grief just by not pounding that guy, and talking it out here. You'll do your wife a hell of alot more good being at home with her than being stuck in prison.

 

[idunk42]

No prob bro. Even though you wouldnt think so, ranting out on a computer is almost as good letting it all out in person. Every little bit helps to get out what needs to get out in rational way.

Whenever you get upset like this, just think of your wife and how much she means to you..............knowing that she is more important than getting mad at duche bags with nothing better to do than to stir up trouble. Everyone has come into contact with these people sometime in their life. Its just better to let them be and go on about their miserable, pathetic lives.........because in the end, you have alot more to live for.

 

[Beowulf]

No prob bro. Even though you wouldnt think so, ranting out on a computer is almost as good letting it all out in person. Every little bit helps to get out what needs to get out in rational way.

Whenever you get upset like this, just think of your wife and how much she means to you..............knowing that she is more important than getting mad at duche bags with nothing better to do than to stir up trouble. Everyone has come into contact with these people sometime in their life. Its just better to let them be and go on about their miserable, pathetic lives.........because in the end, you have alot more to live for.

Funny thing is, I'd usually be the one saying this to a friend. Now I'm the one who needs it. I couldn't have said it better myself.

:cheers:

 

[Beowulf]

One thing I neglected to mention is that the guy was staring at my wife more than at me. He had a very angry look on his face, which suggests he is probably a blatant racist. My wife is Latina, and she has already encountered plenty of hostility here. Note: she came here legally, and she remains here legally. Fortunately, she has met many more good people than bad people.

 

[bioman]

Definitely the right thing to do, Beo. There's a line he could have crossed where you would have been justified to let loose on him, but it didn't get there.

I too used to have a very, very, VERY bad temper as a teen and young man. Lots of confidence problems had me bottling up my discontent and it would spill forth as complete rage and hatred. I used to like the feeling because it provided the illusion of control. Growing older I have learned that control and power at it's very best is displayed through restraint. When you stay cool, you keep the situation where you want it rather than give in to an urge that takes away all your control and invites in physical and legal consequences.

I like to say that situations like yours were a test. You passed.

If someone did that to my wife..I'd definitely say something and I am very non-confrontational..to a fault possibly..but if someone starts it for real (ie gets physical), I am of course quite willing to show them the error of their ways :thumbsup:

 

[ArnoldIsMyIdol]

Let me tell you what I do to vent...Pop in Grand Theft Auto Vice City, and run around using the flamethrower setting people on fire. You feel alot better afterwards!

I had a traffic confrontation a few months ago. I was doing a SD cycle. Anytime I have used PH's it tends to set me on edge. It's just not worth it. But sometimes it can be hard to just let stuff go...

 

[diminuendo]

I find that the best exercise to control my rage is to imagine the scared little kid that grew up to be that whacko adult. I imagine that he probably grew up with few friends and not enough love from his abusive hypothetical parents. Sometimes I am still mad, but the homocidal fantasies are somewhat diminished.

 

[fbxdan]

You have all the right to be raged at that situation. That creep was staring at the woman you love. You handled the situation well and used your head.

Alot of times if I get raged at night over something, I look at old pictures of people I care about and think about the times we shared. That seems to help me more than anything. And this is coming from a person that has had some serious rage and anger problems that I still deal with. Hope that helps.

 

[Apowerz6]

Rage bro is something I deal with every day. Its good you did not kill them, AX style, because you would have gone away for a long time.
I am also glad you have your Rage under control, as for some myself included, I have yet to learn how to keep it under wraps. All in all you did the right thing, but never forget as a man your INSTINCT will always will be to protect your wife, and I know you will never let her down when and if the time came.

 

[somewhatgifted]

WOW im not the only one who spends hours, surveying a situation playing throught various scenarios. MAny of them resulting in the pure utter destruction of someone threating me and mine, a primal urge to punish the ignorant. Alas vigilante justice only works if you live in the sewers. In an instance like yours i would feel the same way, but who wants crack head blood on their hands, maybe he had a needle. You didnt do anyhting and it makes you mad cause it indirectly insults your man hood (how i feel anyway). You didnt attack him for various reasons and althought it would be interesting to teach him a lesson about why its rude to stare, this guy doesnt care bout himself so why should you care about him. You have lots to lose but he doesnt, i work with the disabled and find confrontations tempting but harldy act on them, like yourself why risk employment, family, health for a half dead scum bag. Maybe i lack class but i would enjoy verbally undressing him. Did your uncle touch you? is that why your a drug user and drain to society? Were you picked on? do you have a small penis? lol i love taking a not so mature approach to psycho analyse a crack head from a crack in the window then drive away. I have a good story about a crack head for another day.

 

[Beowulf]

Thanks for the positive feedback. Lots of love here :cheers:

I know I did the right thing, but it is so tempting to do the wrong thing.

 

[Mass_69]

I feel you every bit there. When that happens to me, I just think about a verse from (a more mature) Dr. Dre from The Watcher:

...if you really want to take it there, we can
Just remember that you're f*cking with a family man
I got a lot more to lose than you
Remember that when you want to come and fill these shoes
:djparty:

OK, I'm done now.

 

[OCCFan023]

I dont know if this assumption holds any water (as I dont know your wifes personality) but I would think your restraint shown tonight would really give your wife a sense of security and saftey at your side. She probably knew that you could have ripped his pathetic head off, but what would it have proved other than her seeing somebody she loves in a potentially dangerouse (god only knows what he has on him if hes walkin around whacked out of his mind on something)

LIke I said before I can only speak by assumption, but the strength you showed by not escalating a situation that didnt need to be shows your charater and devotion/protection to your wife 10X more than what you wanted to do. And if the situation ever does arrise (god forbide) she knows that youll be there to do whatever it takes.

 

[GRosk1234]

You know oddly enough, last night at Best Buy some guy was waiting outside of my car, I think he was looking for some cash. Then on the inside of the store, I walked down the CD aisle and went behind a guy to not get in his way, even said excuse me. Well he was taking up 60% of the aisle and I brushed up along the rack and the guy wants to start a scene and gives me hell for not walking in front of him. I was like WTF!!! I told the guy I'm just trying to get out of your way, sorry. Right on about the middle school confrontation. I had the same fit of rage go through my head as well.

Some people just want attention, they aren't happy unless they argue. Sorry, just had the same type of situation minus the wife.

 

[xxtruxx1]

I can't b/c my jaw hurts. It is this temper thing. When I was a kid I sometimes had to be held down by multiple adults

I pretty much conquered it, but with **** like this, I just start seeing red and begin to lose sight of all the important things I've learned over the last 27 years.

I think they're coming back. Ranting really does help.

Thanks for the support, bro.

Beo, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I'm a very passive guy, VERY PASSIVE. I let things slide a lot & usually just bottle things up. Sometimes, usually after a while of this behavior, I snap & when I do, oh boy. I think I get it from my dad. He's a mean son of a ***** too, but I totally experience what you're saying here. I like to call these things "rage episodes". What happens with me is that I get tunnel vision & everything around blurs except for 1 thing or person I focus on, I clench my jaw, lose sight of everything, mind goes blank, & emotion takes over. I'm usually pretty good about when I get in this attitude. I'll usually put my fist through a wall, mirror, door, car window, etc. I've managed to control this as much as possible & haven't done so in a long time, but when I do, it's ugly. Mind you, I've had this problem since I was a kid (about 6-7 or so). I actually have a pic of the last time I got really upset.

I haven't really found anything that works for me when I get in these moods. I've tried going to sleep, counting backwards, hitting pillows, etc. Nothing has worked so far. Anyways, good to know there are others like me.

 

[Rage (SoCal)]

Hey Wolf, that's what my saying in life is "I hate people.". I really do, there are so many ****s out there that if the world were mine, wouldn't be given the right to live but you know...we are no one to judge. You acted right in the situation and next time you can even drive away without saying anything saving yourself from some rage.

I also fantasizing about letting out rage on people and I know for a fact that one day I'll have the perfect oppurunity to do so. I really need to get into some sort of boxing or wrestling because nothing really satisfies that side of me.

Here's a perfect example of a similar situation:

On the way to the gym last Friday night so ****s in a car started talking trash to me for no apparent reason. I shook my head and just turned and was on my way to the gym. Well, these ****s follow me then cut me off and the passenger gets out and rushes my car. I initially tried to get away but no before he could put a dent in my car. This really pissed me off and seeing how I was imaging myself eating up this skinny POS, I tried to do my best. I through it in reverse and I'm not going to lie, I had strong intentions of hitting this fag. Well, he decides to pull a gun out and I have a couple seconds to think. Funny thing is, I was never scared but rather rational....I started to think about how upset my wife would be if anything happened to me or even if I beat the living **** out of someone. And oh yea, getting shot would suck too.

I tried and tried and tried, but it was no help and I had to think about it a lot before it could escape my thoughts. I still get pumped up when I think about it...but you know, it's **** like this that you have to brush off. Karma is a muther-****er and people will get theirs. So anyways, I drove off and made a police report.

I applaud you, you did the right thing.

 

[tattoopierced1]

You definatly did the right thing. I have a terribly awful temper, but I can control it. I just have to think to myself that it wouldnt be worth going to jail, losing my house, etc.. After my arm gets better, I've actually been thinking of doing something constructive with my anger and try joining the local MMA. Not saying I'd ever fight, but there is always that possibility, and I think it'd be kinda fun. I'm very proud to say though, that I've never let in to my aggression/anger even though it has come close many times, I've always been able to keep it in.

 

[Beowulf]

I haven't really found anything that works for me when I get in these moods. I've tried going to sleep, counting backwards, hitting pillows, etc. Nothing has worked so far. Anyways, good to know there are others like me.

Damn, you are twisted :twisted:

I think it depends on what you're angry about, but coming on here and ranting definitely calmed me down. I wouldn't say it was 100% catharsis, but I was able to sleep...after making about 50 posts in 1 night :blink:

 

[Beowulf]

You definatly did the right thing. I have a terribly awful temper, but I can control it.

This is were the interesting observation comes in; I've always been the same way as you (well, at least for the last 6-7 years). It is when my wife is involved that I become enraged, and I think it is out of an instinctual obligation to defend her. If I had been by myself, I could have laughed at that **** and driven away without concern. But when someone disrespects or potentially threatens my wife, my response is entirely opposite.

I also contemplate that I have everything to lose in this situation, and if I ended up with an A&B on my record, any school I apply to would see that, assume I had a problem, and not hire me. A friend of mine had to pay thousands in dental/medical bills for someone who heat beat down, and this is another cause for hesitation. Finally, as with Rage's experience, the scumbag could have a gun, a knife, or as someone pointed out, a dirty needle.

Just not worth it.

 

[RipdnTxs2]

I think we all go through this all the time, Bewolf I,m no sure if u have kids yet, but u have felt nothing in the way of rage when u have children, I have a son and a daughter and two days ago I picked them up from daycare and was on the way on when we came upon 3 guys about 15 years old, I,d say and they were walking down the street, but they were all most in the middle of the street instead of on the side, I,m sure everyone at some time has seen this, anyway I thought I will not move my car over for the these punks so I got very close to one of them as we went buy and one of these punk ass bastards yelled curse words at us, but what could I do with a 8 and a 4 year old in the car, the rage I felt was almost uncontrollable, but I have a responsibility to my family to make good decisions and protect them, this evidently is just a fact of life today with much, not all youth having no respect for themselves or anyone else, level heads always prevail, but damn it is tough.