Bachelor Parties and Strip Clubs.

[RenegadeRows]

So my friend of many years is getting married in November (I'm an usher). His best man calls me to tell me about the Bachelor Party. He's renting a hotel, going to a stripclub/bar hopping, than back to the hotel for the night. I declined to attend.

I caught slack from the best man. He says "It's about Steve. It's his last night beinig single, it would mean alot to him."

I explained to him that, not only do I NOT DRINK, but I don't enjoy the strip-club environment. Call me a prude or whatever, but I just don't. Trying to be a better Christian and going to a stripclub, well, you get the idea. Not to mention my girlfriend would be QUITE pissed.

So the next day the best man contacts me. I thought he was going to give me more grief, but it turns out hes questioning planning the stripclub. It turns out the bride-to-be is pissed about it too. He does not want to step on her toes. It would not be good to start off a life-together with a serious fight.
----

Anybody have experiences like this??? I think it's kind of stupid to go to a stripclub for your bachelor party anyways. I mean, your getting married because you want to be with no one except your wife, then to go out somewhere like a stripclub. I think its tradition and cliche, not to mention could cause problems later on in life if your girl isn't down with it. I don't want to let my boy down, but putting my own relationship at risk for a night I wouldn't even enjoy is quite silly.

 

[Ziricote]

When my brother got married there wasn't a 'bachelor' party or anything really, frankly if there was I wouldn't have turned up for it. Besides, paying girls to dance for you is like paying to look at a super-car, nice to look at but not as much fun as driving it.

Keep the money you'd spend on strippers and spend it on the wife when she gets mad in future is what I'd do.

 

[Robboe]

Strip-joints for bachelor parties is so cliché.

Tell him to come up with a FULL day (or weekend) of full activities. I suggest:

Saturday morning: Paintballing
Saturday afternoon: Go-Karting
Saturday night: Bar Crawl till the early hours

Sunday morning: Buy beer and jump on any train to the nearest big city to you (drink during the journey)
Sunday afternoon: Find random mischief to get upto in said city, including drinking and lunch
Sunday night: while getting bachelor palatic-drunk, strip him naked and tie him to a street light about 20 minutes before the last train is due. Everyone goes home and leaves him to get back on his own.

 

[anabolicrhino]

This would really depend on what you are trying to support.
If your friend enjoys strippers and considers this party to be his last experience with this type of entertainment, then I'd be all in!!!

If you are concerned that an experience that is in direct conflict with your personal beliefs would be harmful to the universe, then by all means find something that is more supportive of your lifestyle and I am sure your "friend" will understand.

If this is about respecting the wishes of his future wife, then kiss your friend good bye and move on with your life, because once "they" start calling the shots it all over baby!!!

 

[CDB]

I'm torn on the subject to be honest. For one, I'm not that big of a fan of strip clubs, but the well run ones are quite nice I have to admit. Ones where the girls aren't too aggressive to get you to dance, you get a nice lounge atmosphere with a bunch of half naked/fully naked hot chicks walking around. It's nice. On the other hand the good ones are expensive as hell too, and in the end Ziricote is right, it's always look don't touch unless you're in the really shady places.

Relevant question though for your friend is what the hell is she doing for her bachelorette party? I don't think I'm out of line pointing out that a lot of women have some serious double standards these days. In the end it IS about your friend who is getting married. If he wants a strip club, he should go. If he wants to go kayaking, that should be the party. And if he's your friend and the night interferes with your beliefs beg time, he should ****ing understand that. Presumably he's your friend because you are who you are, so **** it.

Do what's right for you, hope to God your friend didn't just surrender his balls for the rest of his life. Makes a bad marriage in my opinion.

 

[Sunder]

I can respect your decision not to partake based on your Christian values - as long as you've stayed by these values before while being friends with him. (If you've always avoided situations like this, then he'll understand. If this is a recent, sudden change, well...)

It's been a few years since I've been to a strip club, but I've always enjoyed them. Once you're married, the rules totally change. Just like you can never go back to the glory days of high school or (in my case) university, you can never go back to the days before you were first married. This is your last chance to embrace a memory, and I don't see a problem with doing it.

It should be, however, whatever the groom truly wants. If he's not into it, then it should be something else. But if you know the groom wants/enjoys a strip club - this is the only time the best man can "attempt" to overrule the bride-to-be and get away with it. (This is also the reason why the best man plans the party and NOT the groom). Once he's married, his balls are cut and in the pockets of his wife. (If she says no, it usually means he can't do it).

Truth is, for me, if I have to fork over X amont of money for some wedding ceremony thing (that I truly do not believe in, and would only be for the bride's benefit) - all that time, effort and sacrifice of having to go along with her plans - I would want 1 night for myself - 1 night where I can veto any of her demands. If she truly loves me, then she'll want me to be happy.

I personally think most weddings today are cliched, commercialized, and have little meaning behind them. I would want something totally different, and not "have" to do it the "normal" way just because society says that's how we do it. I would be marrying someone very special, and we would have a unique relationship together - so if it's so special and unique, why would we start it off the same way as everyone else's? If the "tradition" card is pulled, it also gets pulled for the bachelor party.

I'm not saying I would need a strip party bachelor party (although I think I would like that). I truthfully don't think about it much. I would however, have a problem with someone (including the fiance) telling me what I "can" and "cannot" do that night though.

Some girls dream of their wedding day all their life, some guys dream of their bachelor party...
...and then there's some of us that dream of something altogether different, but that's another thread.

 

[Jayhawkk]

Never was one to do the strip-club thing and it had nothing to do with religious beliefs. I was also never a drinker either but that just meant I got free sodas because I was the DD.

As far as your situation I like the paint ball and go-kart idea

 

[RenegadeRows]

Good posts guys. Thanks.

Your right about it being the grooms night...if thats what he wants to do than he should.

I know a guy who chartered a fishing trip for his bachelor party...he gave me the advice, "It's not worth it. You'll have problems down the road, she'll always remember it. Think of the long term effects, and getting married is definately 'long term'"

Well, I just hope it doesn't hurt him and his wife's relationship at all. Me personally, I won't be attending the bachelor party, so I hope he understands.

 

[Jayhawkk]

Some will and some won't unfortunately. People who do not see your point of view or understand why you are doing what you are doing, can sometimes think it's directed at them.

It's hit or miss but i've found that those understand are the ones you end up keeping as long term friends.

 

[RenegadeRows]

It's hit or miss but i've found that those understand are the ones you end up keeping as long term friends.

Great advice Jay.

 

[flytrapcan]

If I was marrying a lady who would allow one night to impact our relationship, there would be pause for concern. Trust?

Having said that my best bachelor party experiences always started with Paint-Ball, then a big BBQ and a night of drinking for those who liked to indulge.

 

[RenegadeRows]

If I was marrying a lady who would allow one night to impact our relationship, there would be pause for concern. Trust?

I disagree. It's not really a question of trust imo. They can trust you but be uncomfortable with the reasons why your going to a strip club ... that is ... to lust over other women, other than the one your about to marry. It seems backwards to me. Personally, I wouldn't want to know the woman I'm marrying wants to do something like that. But everybodys relationships are different.

 

[rampage jackson]

I'm totally with you E. Guile. I feel the same way. I won't pretend to be a boy scout here, but I do feel that it's disrespectful to the girl I love to go get rubbed on by some strippers...just my opinion. I do know that I'd probably get pissed if that went down with her.

 

[Beau]

I have seen enourmous damage result of bachelor parties with strippers. I won't elaborate, although thankfully none of it resulted from my party (very tame - and many, many years ago).

I've seen people subsequently passed over for promotions due to the behavior witnessed by his boss at a bachelor party. I've seen the absolute devastation on a bride-to-be's face by what she saw when the bachelorette party attendees crashed the bachelor party (there isn't too much anyone can say to explain why the bride-to-be is looking at a shaven "ham-stack" sitting on her fiance's lap). I've seen things ger way out of hand (literally and physically); when the bachelor's and stripper's involvement went much farther than expected. Eventually people sober up, but the damage is still done.

It your bride-to-be was phyisal with some guy on the night of her "party", how would you feel?

Basic math: A really drunk groom-to-be and one or more naked girls (usually) = nothing good in the long term (and frequently some disception to the bride-to-be, that can always hang over your head).

Yes, I am a Christian. However, much of what I've witnessed was when I was more of a "God is my airbag" Christian - you know, one I sought only when I needed to get out of a jam.

I've learned a lot since then.

 

[RSX-S]

Strip-joints for bachelor parties is so cliché.

Sunday night: while getting bachelor palatic-drunk, strip him naked and tie him to a street light about 20 minutes before the last train is due. Everyone goes home and leaves him to get back on his own.

Bwhahahah!! That is hillarious! I almost fell out of my chair after I read that.

Think the wife would be pissed about a strip club, imagine if she had to come pick him up and he's butt naked. LMFAO!! Then she would be pissed!

 

[jmh80]

I bet no one could have predicted this - but I've never been to a strip club.

 

[Beau]

I bet no one could have predicted this - but I've never been to a strip club.

I may get bashed for this, but here goes: I've been a couple of times - to me, it wasn't unlike going to a circus side show. You are going there to see what you normally might not, or at least see it in an ambience you normally would not (lack of ambience, actually).

The few times I've been, I've come away conflicted. Basically, if the girl was skanky - well, I could explain it to myself; after all - she works in a strip club. But if the girl was georgious, then I wondered why "someone like that" was working here? The answer? Because creeps like me were paying the cover charge, and drinking $10 soft drinks.

Was is it a thrill? For me - I say no way. I felt like I needed to scour myself with an industrial cleaner. I felt pretty sleazy.

It has been 10 years or so since I last went; and that was on a bachelor party (not mine). While I certainly wasn't damaged by it, neither did I benefit from it.

The real risk is for those who mentally compare the stripper's body vs that of your wife (or girlfriend, etc.). Rarely can your "other" compare favorably on a purely physical level (remeber, you are looking at strippers - and I doubt many people would be willing to pay to look at out of shape/saggy/unshapely naked women).

BTW - yes, I told my wife before I went. I would rather have her displeased with me, than to lie.

 

[TINYTOAD]

If there were some way you could support your friend, and not break your own rules, do it.

If you've got a friend, who is doing something that you completely don't approve of, you're in a tough spot. What I've found, is that if I just be myself, and have my friends accept me for who I am, these are my true friends. Friends that would shun you for not doing things that are beyond your comfort level, are not your friends.

I guess I hate to admit this, but I still have friends that do drugs. I'm okay with it. They offer, I'll say no, and they're still cool with it. They're still my friends. It's the ones that bad mouth you, because you don't approve of their actions, or don't participate, that are not your friends.

Stick to your values. True friends will respect this, and they'll respect you as well.

-TT

Good posts guys. Thanks.

Your right about it being the grooms night...if thats what he wants to do than he should.

I know a guy who chartered a fishing trip for his bachelor party...he gave me the advice, "It's not worth it. You'll have problems down the road, she'll always remember it. Think of the long term effects, and getting married is definately 'long term'"

Well, I just hope it doesn't hurt him and his wife's relationship at all. Me personally, I won't be attending the bachelor party, so I hope he understands.

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

i see why you dont want to go. im with jayhawk in that i believe that a good friend should be understanding. i wouldnt expect all of my friends to go to my bachelorette party (due to some strict boyfriends, husbands etc...) and thats fine.

as mentioned before, im a tolerant fiance. if my man wants to go once and a while he can. my only rules for him is, dont drink heavily,dont do stupid crap and dont spend too much money if any on those girls....id rather have him spend those "tips" on me. but other than that hes free to go as he pleases. it honestly doesnt bother me at all

 

[danTman2]

****, i'd go

 

[Robboe]

Bwhahahah!! That is hillarious! I almost fell out of my chair after I read that.

Think the wife would be pissed about a strip club, imagine if she had to come pick him up and he's butt naked. LMFAO!! Then she would be pissed!

Haha. This really is the type of **** bachelor parties get up to over here. And probably there too?

Just a few weeks ago we stripped a mate naked and cuffed his hands behind his back in a busy drinking district.

There are loads of occurences of men being stripped naked and covered with blankets on trains while they're drunk as crap and left to go to the Shetland's or somewhere crazy like that.

 

[toughchick401]

I actually helped plan my best guy friends bachlor party, knowing the wife to be would be pissed if he went to a strip club.....he had a weekend of fun, paintball, sparring the next day, and the final day a huge breakfast and golf.....they both ended up happy, and no one was hurt.....

Me personally, i dont care, course I am single.....LOL maybe that's why

 

[Sunder]

There are loads of occurences of men being stripped naked and covered with blankets on trains while they're drunk as crap and left to go to the Shetland's or somewhere crazy like that.

See, now that's something that I just don't understand. Do guys actually do this and still call themselves true friends? Anybody that did that to me would end up in the hospital or worse. That's not fun - it's just violating.

You never seem to hear girls stripping their friends naked and tying them up in a public place. Double standard? Something tells me that if anyone did that to a girl, there would be legal charges laid.

But different strokes for different folks I guess. Maybe there are some guys out there that like to be naked in front of their friends? Maybe I'm missing out on the homo-erotic boat?

I'd have no problems with any of my friends that didn't want to go to a strip club for my bachelor party. Of course, I seem to have more female friends than male, and I think I'd want ALL my friends to attend something together, so it may be out...(with some friends. Certain other girls would be a blast to go there with...I'd probably get on stage too, but I digress...)... But I'd probably prefer going to a club or party and being the center of attention for one last night.

But I would have a huge problem with any guy that attempted to strip me naked, tie me up in public, or vandalized my car, tattoos, etc - I highly do not recommend this. I don't think I have any friends like that anyway.

BTW - I would not be against my fiance going to a male strip club either. I doubt she'd want to go, but I would never say no. I think one of the major reasons why marriages don't last anymore is that spouses don't like the feeling of being controlled. If she wants to go, she goes. If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't go. I won't be the one telling her what she can and cannot do in her life. I should have a good idea of whether or not I'd like the things she does BEFORE I propose to her.

 

[CDB]

Never got the jealousy angle on strip clubs, for men or women. I mean it's not like they're going there for a relationship, and trusting someone doesn't preclude the fact that they still notice good looking people. To me that's just common sense, being committed doesn't mean being sexually dead. Everybody just has different limits I guess. My gf going to a strip club wouldn't phase me. If she was going regularly and it seemed to impact the relationship then I'd be concerned. Still, I think a healthy interest in other women/men keeps you sharp, keeps you interested and keeps the relationship feeling better overall. Too many restrictions or rules and you start to feel like someone's prisoner, not their lover.

 

[Desert Rat]

Wow. Reading threads like these really make me value the relationship I have with my wife. We have an INCREDIBLE degree of trust, despite dalliances on both our parts early in the relationship (dating phase).
Now, my wife likes to go to strip clubs on occasion. I find it a much better time when she goes with me because A.) I don't have to lie to her about where I was and why I smell like perfume and cocoa butter, and B.) other women turn her on. More often than not, she buys me lap dances. There's also no issue about comparing the dancers' bodies to hers. Yes, she's a bit overweight, but the profoundity of our relationship makes that an utter non-issue.

Different "strokes" for different folks I guess...

 

[Robboe]

See, now that's something that I just don't understand. Do guys actually do this and still call themselves true friends? Anybody that did that to me would end up in the hospital or worse. That's not fun - it's just violating.

You never seem to hear girls stripping their friends naked and tying them up in a public place. Double standard? Something tells me that if anyone did that to a girl, there would be legal charges laid.

But different strokes for different folks I guess. Maybe there are some guys out there that like to be naked in front of their friends? Maybe I'm missing out on the homo-erotic boat?

Hmmm..That is kinda the point. They DON'T want to be naked in public or hand-cuffed to a street light.

Which is why people do it.

 

[Desert Rat]

We do the same **** in the Army. It's called hazing. It just shows you really care!

 

[Sunder]

Hmmm..That is kinda the point. They DON'T want to be naked in public or hand-cuffed to a street light.

Which is why people do it.

Well that is kinda my point - they don't want to do it.

Just because I know some people wouldn't want to be raped doesn't make it a good enough reason to do it. There are some people that like hazing, and there can be a time and place for it. But there are some people that do not like it, and will seek immediate and aggresive justice.

Again, is it just as funny when somebody strips a girl naked and cuffs her to a street light (especially when she doesn't want to)?

I have no moral problems with going to a strip club, but I would have a moral problem causing unwanted physical or emotional harm to someone.

 

[RenegadeRows]

 

[CDB]

I have no moral problems with going to a strip club, but I would have a moral problem causing unwanted physical or emotional harm to someone.

Sort of with you, sort of not. One, I don't want to cause unwanted harm as you don't. But two, I think a good hazing, especially when younger, helps people to out things into perspective so they don't flip out at every perceived infringement on their sense of taste and propriety, as way too many people seem to do these days. Hazing teaches teaches humility and perspective on some levels.

 

[RenegadeRows]

Sort of with you, sort of not. One, I don't want to cause unwanted harm as you don't. But two, I think a good hazing, especially when younger, helps people to out things into perspective so they don't flip out at every perceived infringement on their sense of taste and propriety, as way too many people seem to do these days. Hazing teaches teaches humility and perspective on some levels.

Yeah, but theres a certain point that you shouldn't cross, remember Private Pile from FMJ? Some people can't take it, and it takes wisdom to know which ones can and cannot, and how much.

Just my .02

 

[B4n3 0n3]

Hey fvck that! If my so called homies did anything like that to me I would beat some ass. Stripping a dude naked miles from home is worse than they do you in the hood, in the hood they might take your shoes or in the winter take your coat but they don't strip you naked.

 

[Robboe]

Well that is kinda my point - they don't want to do it.

Just because I know some people wouldn't want to be raped doesn't make it a good enough reason to do it. There are some people that like hazing, and there can be a time and place for it. But there are some people that do not like it, and will seek immediate and aggresive justice.

Again, is it just as funny when somebody strips a girl naked and cuffs her to a street light (especially when she doesn't want to)?

I have no moral problems with going to a strip club, but I would have a moral problem causing unwanted physical or emotional harm to someone.

I never said anything about women. You're taking this out of context. Male and female behaviour is completely different for the most part. That is not the type of thing women do.

The lads who do it to their friends during the bachelor parties obviously know their friends well enough to know they can do it without the bachelor becoming destructive to them. If they think it'd cause problems they don't do it - hence why not every bachelor party ends up like that.

 

[ArnoldIsMyIdol]

I agree with Renegade Rows on this. I won't deny that a strip club is fun but I don't want to give my money out to a bunch of whores that aren't going to give me any poontang. Plus the drinks are too damn expensive. If I have lots of extra money I might go (I have been 3 times in my life--all in the last 2 years).

And if your in a relationship with someone it is just disrepectful.

 

[Sunder]

I never said anything about women. You're taking this out of context. Male and female behaviour is completely different for the most part. That is not the type of thing women do.

The lads who do it to their friends during the bachelor parties obviously know their friends well enough to know they can do it without the bachelor becoming destructive to them. If they think it'd cause problems they don't do it - hence why not every bachelor party ends up like that.

I never said you were saying this of women, so it's not an attack on you, and although I quoted something you said, my posts on this subject are not directly at you specifically. I agree that in general, male and female behaviour is completely different. One of my earlier posts asked why is it that "some" males still think this kind of behaviour is acceptable while "most" women would be appalled by it. There was a time not long ago that men thought that smacking their girl around was acceptable too - but that doesn't make it right. Times are changing. There is a reason why events like Columbine happend, and anti-bully programs at school are at an all-time high.

Wouldn't it be even funnier if we shoved a banana up his...hole or tea-bagged him? When is the line crossed?

In today's world of equality, I do not think it is out of context to ask the very same question, but switch out male/female.

How would you (and by "you", I mean everyone pro hazing) feel if that happened to your wife? You found her stripped naked to a pole in another city? If you feel that different rules should apply to men than to women, then what's your problem with forbidding girls to see strippers while you're allowed to have a lap dance?

It's true that I think most people would know their friends well enough if something like this is acceptable or not. I just personally find this behaviour irresponsible. Once you strip someone against their will, lock them to a post or send them on a train somewhere, you are legally responsible for their lives. If the bachelor ends up getting stabbed sometime in the night, guess who's going to jail? You locked them down, and were the last people to see him alive. But who thinks of that when you're drunk out of your mind and believe the rules are different because you're one of da boyz. I know some people that I would love to see this happen to, but I wouldn't never call them my "friend".

Personally, I'd much rather tell the fiance "I'm sorry I made your husband look at another girl who took off her shirt vs I'm sorry I was directly responsible for killing your husband - but that was a freak accident, and it really was funny at the time..."

FYI - I'm a fun/tolerable guy that gave and took a lot of "questionable" fun things when I lived in rez at University. The picture of the markered up guy was funny to me, and I wouldn't have a problem if that happened to me in the right context. Ironically, since I've been known to lose my clothes at a few hottub parties...and some other places, I feel stripping me against my will is crossing the line. I've jumped out of an airplane, but somebody pushing me out against my will is another story.

And now that I think about it, I may not be entirely against being stripped naked and handcuffed to a stripper's pole (female)...might be a good comprimise...