Thank you guys for posting and helping out. It really is good to have the support. I wasn't sure why I haven't had the thread in my user CP, but I figured I'd just come back and manually search for it.
I know what you're saying about the GABA-A agonism being sufficiently replaced by GABA-B agonism. At this point, my life was becoming agony while on the meds. I feel like my soul wants to break free. For some odd reason, CVS and Walgreens have both said that they've had stocking issues with Librium generics AND non-generics. I said that I could drive to the next county and pick it up, but I took it as a sign from the universe that it wasn't meant to be. I'm doing this alone and I do all I can to keep a positive outlook.
Inside my head it feels like Hercules (Librium) vs. Perseus (baclofen) with the help of an army of l-theanine, 5-htp, taurine, pregnenolone (can enhance GABAergic transmission), and some herbs like ashwagandha. I am taking Carbatrol at 300mg/2x per day as well and that's probably helping a lot. My doctor Rx'ed me 150mg of Librium at one point and I didn't realize that it was making me so fatigued that I was getting depressed. I have been down to 40mg/day and titrated down rapidly due to a few factors and I would rather suffer than take another benzo or psychotropic again.
To be honest, I'd be better if I were at home and had my medicine, but I just ran out and am at my girlfriend's and ran out this morning. I'm stuck without anything until I get home and I have had Librium out of my system after such a low dose for 48 hours +. I could give into the suffering and admit defeat and say that I honestly feel like dog crap, but I keep putting mind/matter and try to think in a very positive manner. I must admit that the slightest bit of anxiety makes me feel like I could collapse and physically I'm a very strong and fit person, especially for being 29 years old. I have the option of taking a Klonopin if things get really bad, but I am just looking on the bright side of things and that I will come out victorious. Death would be a release, but that is not an option.
I'm out of Librium, but can my army hold the fort down while the rest of my brain has the chance to restore order and democracy? Or will this end up like Iraq and when it's all done, there is nothing left but ruin and rubble? It's a war that I signed up for in taking these meds and now I'm responsible for getting out.
In the end, I will make it out on top. I do get good vibes from the support of you guys. Thank you and God bless you.