hellllloooo ladies (i could use some help)

[12STEP]

i am currently trying to drop 48 pounds. not a lofty goal i lost 60 last year anyway my diets and exercise regimens can be for the most part a lil bit extreme. anyway my girlfriends always complaining about shes too fat ,and really shes right she about 2 pounds heavier than me (243) her bf ratio about 48% anyway i love her to death she is beautifull and yes i tell her that and mean it everyday ,but her weight is starting to kill our relationship. all she ever wants to do is sit around and watch t.v. she also has a job in whitch she sits at a desk all day. now we have a gym membership she actually signed up for it without my prompting, but getting her there is like pulling teeth from a 3month old. did i mention long distance relationship i only see her 3 days a week. my question is how in the hell can i get her motivated. i have tried going to the gym with her but all she does is complain i told her i would help her with her diet but i cant be there to feed her. also she should have been a lawyer because she can turn anything against me. i could say honey the red shirt looks good on you, oh and the blue one dosent so your saying i am fat is that what it is you dont love me anymore cause i am fat. no the blue one looked okay just not as good as the red oh cause the red matches my eyes(has to wear contacts even though they bother her eyes) lemme guess you want me to wear my glasses so i can look like that **** little ***** down at work. you get my point. were do i go from here? how do i motivate her? what has worked for you? how do i come off looking like a jerk? how can i train her (i am guessing that women need to train a little bit differently)
any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Fujitsu]

This is a tough one my friend. I think people struggle to find motivation when they feel like their situation is hopeless. A lot of times, when someone tries to lose weight, they overdo it. They spend too much time on a treadmill and they diet way too hard. They try to lose all the weight they have accumulated over the past ten years in a matter of weeks. This just isn’t going to happen.

Given your recent success you probably already know this principal, but just in case….In order for a 250 lb person to maintain his/her weight, he or she would need to consume 3750 calories a day. Instead of trying to cut this in half (a lot of people think they must consume less than 2000 calories to loose weight), just take off 500 calories a day. This makes dieting much easier, and one is far less likely to binge eat after a few days. I would even say your girlfriend does not even need to go to the gym. I think every time you see her, the first thing you two should do is go for a 30 minute walk. Use that time to talk about your day and catch up. This is still good exercise that should be much easier than going to a gym. All of this should result in a loss of a 1-2 lb a week. It’s not dramatic or real exciting, but over the course of a year that is 50 lbs! Of course, as time goes on, calories will need to continue to get lower (body weight x 15 – 500 = calories for weight loss). Diligently keeping track of calories is key, along with patience.

If she could just see a little bit of success and realize that it does not have to be a miserable experience, it might help with motivation. And with your positive reinforcement, her attitude might change!

 

[drksun]

im kinda in the opposite situation, its hard for me to gain much weight, i was 190 about 4yr ago (freshman in hs) and i was around 155 my junior year, and im slowly building up, its been 2 years of hard work and in the past few months im really noticing changes, but its something that takes time, its a like commitment imo, your not going to reach your goals if you don't want it enough, its something that nobody but your self can make you do. On the other hand someone sometimes has to give your a push, i train this baseball player 3 times a week for speed and agility, i push him so hard, hes always in so much pain when i work him out, i push him to his limits, and it really pays off, a lot of is mental and if someone doesn't push you, you will never reach that peak.

 

[crader]

Wow that is a tough one. If she wants it then I guess she will go! I go for me and always have, I enjoy my time mo st of the time. Results are the biggest motivater.

Maybe you could make it into a competition, ask her if she wants to compete in a weightloss contest, tell her your having problems motivating yourself and you need her help? whoever loses the most weight is the winner of a surprise gift after say 4 weeks? That should be enough time for some results and that might be enough to excite her. Especially since she thinks she is helping you?

 

[LilPsychotic]

i am currently trying to drop 48 pounds. not a lofty goal i lost 60 last year anyway my diets and exercise regimens can be for the most part a lil bit extreme. anyway my girlfriends always complaining about shes too fat ,and really shes right she about 2 pounds heavier than me (243) her bf ratio about 48% anyway i love her to death she is beautifull and yes i tell her that and mean it everyday ,but her weight is starting to kill our relationship. all she ever wants to do is sit around and watch t.v. she also has a job in whitch she sits at a desk all day. now we have a gym membership she actually signed up for it without my prompting, but getting her there is like pulling teeth from a 3month old. did i mention long distance relationship i only see her 3 days a week. my question is how in the hell can i get her motivated. i have tried going to the gym with her but all she does is complain i told her i would help her with her diet but i cant be there to feed her. also she should have been a lawyer because she can turn anything against me. i could say honey the red shirt looks good on you, oh and the blue one dosent so your saying i am fat is that what it is you dont love me anymore cause i am fat. no the blue one looked okay just not as good as the red oh cause the red matches my eyes(has to wear contacts even though they bother her eyes) lemme guess you want me to wear my glasses so i can look like that **** little ***** down at work. you get my point. were do i go from here? how do i motivate her? what has worked for you? how do i come off looking like a jerk? how can i train her (i am guessing that women need to train a little bit differently)
any help would be greatly appreciated.

I'm not a woman, but I had to check this post. From the title of your post, I thought you were trying to pick up chicks straight internet predator style.lol. Anyways yeah Im in the same boat. My gf (now baby mamma) just has no intrest in working out, and I'm a gym junkie. She's not morbidly obese or anything, but she just shows no intrest in my lifestyle. Occasionally she'll get the great idea to start a workout regimine or diet, and it usually lasts for about a total of 4 hours. Anyway, I've noticed that trying to convince her to go with me to the gym usually starts a fight. So I'm hoping that after she has our child she will have a desire to fit into her pre-pregnancy wardrobe. Then maybe I can get her to the gym. Other than that, just hope and pray that somehow she'll get the desire to be in shape. I mean it is very unhealthy to be very overweight, and its a risk factor for many PREVENTABLE illnesses and conditions, so you can maybe get some literature on that subject and leave it laying around. One thing that I do is I cook all the meals that we eat together, and I eat generally pretty clean, so thats one thing you could do. Aside from that, just set an example. Thats the best way to influence someone elses decisions, because you cant force them (unfortunately). At least in my life experience, that usually produces the opposite effect that I intended. Anyway, good luck with the diet, lifestyle, and girlfriend.

 

[12STEP]

thanks for the replies. lil psycho i feel you man i have really lost my temper with her a couple of times when i really needed to go to the gym. its not just that its unhealthy for her but she keeps dragging me down too (i know i am letting it happen) everytime i start a low cal cycle shes always wanting to go out and eat (shes not the best cook)she even goes to the extremes of having her mom cook a very tasty big meal then her mom will lay a guilt trip on me. she trys to keep pointing out my recent failures keeping my diet straight and i keep reminding her that i was 20lbs lighter when we met. her weight wouldnt bother me 1/2 as bad if it werent for the fact that she is always tired it has really killed off alot of the fun we used to have.

 

[NateWA]

I dont know if she would be into this but you could try doing more active things with her for fun. going for a leisurely walk or for a bike ride. If she starts to like these sorts of things there really are a lot of fun and active things you can do together. I would try it as a first step and if she started to see some results from living a more active lifestyle she might feel like she is in control of her situation (and see it pay off) and have more motivation for going to a gym. I don't know if you've tried that but It might be better than just trying to drag her to the gym. Just emphasize it as you guys having fun together. it could transition into more as time goes on.

 

[crader]

Hmmm tired all the time? Has she had her thyroid checked or iron levels? Does she take stims or high levels of caffeine to stay awake? If so I might get her on Reset AD to give her adrenal support. That would be the first step, get her energy levels back up.

First check her blood levels to make sure there is nothing medical out of whack, in the meantime get her on reset ad by palo alto.

 

[crader]

I dont know if she would be into this but you could try doing more active things with her for fun. going for a leisurely walk or for a bike ride. If she starts to like these sorts of things there really are a lot of fun and active things you can do together. I would try it as a first step and if she started to see some results from living a more active lifestyle she might feel like she is in control of her situation (and see it pay off) and have more motivation for going to a gym. I don't know if you've tried that but It might be better than just trying to drag her to the gym. Just emphasize it as you guys having fun together. it could transition into more as time goes on.

Agreed, but to do that first get her energy up Then do the active thing, go for the walks, by the beach coastline if your lucky enough Paintball if she likes a little fun competition, ice skate, ski, or the likes if its cold. But yeah like Nate says use it as a way to spend time with her. Plan a get away every now and then at a cabin, then you can sneak the hike in the woods in between in cabin massages or pictures. Good post Nate:goodpost:

 

[EasyEJL]

its not just that its unhealthy for her but she keeps dragging me down too (i know i am letting it happen) everytime i start a low cal cycle shes always wanting to go out and eat (shes not the best cook)she even goes to the extremes of having her mom cook a very tasty big meal then her mom will lay a guilt trip on me.

I quoted that specific piece of your reply, because its all a piece of how you look at things. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to go out to eat. Its about the choices you make both in where you go, as well as what you eat. Take a look at this book

and his info. Share it with her. http://pictureperfectweightloss.com/

so much of ALL things in life is about the choices you make. This is a perfect example.

your choice of a single egg roll OR 3 ribs OR a little bit of cripsy noodles OR all of a bowl of soup, broccoli, brown rice, shrimp and a fortune cookie.

the "demos" of whats in the book start here

http://pictureperfectweightloss.com/d1.html

I'll add this one as well


Just fyi, I was 245 jan 17 07, reached 196 in august, gained a little on purpose (more of it was fat than I wanted but oh well), and i'm back at 196 again now, leaner than when I was at 196 before.

 

[SatireWolf]

I quoted that specific piece of your reply, because its all a piece of how you look at things. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to go out to eat. Its about the choices you make both in where you go, as well as what you eat. Take a look at this book

and his info. Share it with her. http://pictureperfectweightloss.com/

so much of ALL things in life is about the choices you make. This is a perfect example.

your choice of a single egg roll OR 3 ribs OR a little bit of cripsy noodles OR all of a bowl of soup, broccoli, brown rice, shrimp and a fortune cookie.

the "demos" of whats in the book start here

http://pictureperfectweightloss.com/d1.html

I'll add this one as well


Just fyi, I was 245 jan 17 07, reached 196 in august, gained a little on purpose (more of it was fat than I wanted but oh well), and i'm back at 196 again now, leaner than when I was at 196 before.

ZOMG, yum Somebody stole our rep points!

Oh yeah, howdy Easy. Nice post.

 

[EasyEJL]

ZOMG, yum Somebody stole our rep points!

Oh yeah, howdy Easy. Nice post.

The ole clubhouse got closed down for sanitary reasons, but we opened a new one

http://anabolicminds.com/forum/general-chat/75884-while-boss-away-272.html

 

[12STEP]

thanks again for the replys she is not on anything at the moment. she also dosent drink alot of energy drinks or coffee her drink of choice is sweet tea. i tried to get her to take thermo cuts and then tried to get her to try thermo gen. she kinda tried to take one then she just kinda gave up.she didnt have any water evidently thermo gen 2 taste like <"@#. i havent given up on her yet i have some zenalean i think if i can get her to try it and stack it with some hoodia i might be able to get some results who knows.

 

[EasyEJL]

Howbout just added fiber? It makes you feel more full, without adding calorie content. Could even add just psyllium husks to stuff that is liquid.

At 50% bf, supplements alone won't really change anything for her.

 

[LilPsychotic]

thanks again for the replys she is not on anything at the moment. she also dosent drink alot of energy drinks or coffee her drink of choice is sweet tea. i tried to get her to take thermo cuts and then tried to get her to try thermo gen. she kinda tried to take one then she just kinda gave up.she didnt have any water evidently thermo gen 2 taste like <"@#. i havent given up on her yet i have some zenalean i think if i can get her to try it and stack it with some hoodia i might be able to get some results who knows.

Get her off the sweet tea, stat! All those sugary carbs could definately result in a carb crash. Try to get her to eat more protein, and drink straight water, or at least suggest that sugary carbs definitley contribute to fatigue. Chr*st, it sounds like we are dating the same woman. My GF is a straight carbo addict, then she wonders why she's tired all the time. She can sleep for 12 hours straight, get up for a few hours, and then take a nap! I try to promote a higher protein diet for her, and try to make the most balanced meals w/ moderate~low GI carbs for her to eat, because if I leave it up to her she would be living off of soft serve vanilla ice cream.

 

[EasyEJL]

Get her off the sweet tea, stat! All those sugary carbs could definately result in a carb crash. Try to get her to eat more protein, and drink straight water, or at least suggest that sugary carbs definitley contribute to fatigue. Chr*st, it sounds like we are dating the same woman. My GF is a straight carbo addict, then she wonders why she's tired all the time. She can sleep for 12 hours straight, get up for a few hours, and then take a nap! I try to promote a higher protein diet for her, and try to make the most balanced meals w/ moderate~low GI carbs for her to eat, because if I leave it up to her she would be living off of soft serve vanilla ice cream.

Quite true. Get her to try splenda maybe. it probably has the most sugarlike taste of the non sugar sweeteners.

 

[crader]

Quite true. Get her to try splenda maybe. it probably has the most sugarlike taste of the non sugar sweeteners.

Agreed I've given up most all sugar and use Splenda based sweetners.

 

[kjkriston]

God this is like reading my thoughts on a forum......My wife is tired all the time, exersizes for like a week and then doesnt see a change on the scale and then quits. I am away right now but her eating is def. going to change when I get home because I do all the cooking. I am also interested in checking out Leviathan...from what I've read its pretty amazing ****.

 

[12STEP]

thanks for the support is nice to find people who can sympathise. i was going to give up on her the other day we had our last fight about me going to her gym ( i have almost completed my home setup so i wont need her gym anymore) and then the next day my brother calls to tell me he loves my new equip and how his stack is working great hes 16 i just got him on hoodia and a mild fat burner she overhears the convo and is like its nice to see you give him anything he wants. i say how so she says you were supposed to give me the hoodia you had laying around i say wait grab my other bottle from the car and say here use this until i can bring you a full bottle so she will take it out of spite and spite will work just fine haha maybe i can finally make a little progress baby steps you know oh and i am feeling you on the sweet tea thing i will get on thatright away.

 

[crader]

thanks for the support is nice to find people who can sympathise. i was going to give up on her the other day we had our last fight about me going to her gym ( i have almost completed my home setup so i wont need her gym anymore) and then the next day my brother calls to tell me he loves my new equip and how his stack is working great hes 16 i just got him on hoodia and a mild fat burner she overhears the convo and is like its nice to see you give him anything he wants. i say how so she says you were supposed to give me the hoodia you had laying around i say wait grab my other bottle from the car and say here use this until i can bring you a full bottle so she will take it out of spite and spite will work just fine haha maybe i can finally make a little progress baby steps you know oh and i am feeling you on the sweet tea thing i will get on thatright away.

Why is she not working out at your home gym. As a shared thing. Order her some stuff for Christmas. Throw in the fun RPN gift basket thats bath related so it does not look like your only giving her weight loss sups

 

[12STEP]

she hasnt had a chance i just got it put together as for the rpn thing ill check it out

 

[bassgirl]

Here is my mini-story. I wasnt lucky enough to have a guy cheer me on, but this is how my thinking went.

1st gym I joined - I knew *zero* about how to get myself in shape, except burn calories. No one showed me how to use any of the equipment so all I knew how to use were the bikes. I biked and would only end up expending about 200 cals for about an hour's worth of time doing it. I felt like I was wasting my time. "all this just for 200 cals? thats not going to make any difference at all". So I quit. (this was back in 2004)

in 05, I got a desk job. Yep. But I made a point of having oatmeal every morning (this helps bunches), bringing my own lunch (under 500 cals), keeping diet sodas there, and having either my fave dried fruit or 100 cal packs as snacks. The snacks at around 11 and 3 helped get me through tough times without feeling ravenous the next meal. It was more of a "eat healthy" thing. After doing this for 9 months I dropped 35 lbs. NO exercising.

Then the weight loss stopped. I wanted more!! I knew it was gym time and knew that nothing was gonna change if I didnt do something different. Joined YMCA. Learned about resistance trainign. Am down 20 lbs on the year and still going. My walkman really helped!! When you're listening to music, you dont talk much or do anything else except move to the music.

For me it was discouraging not knowing why it wasnt working. Once I learned how to best use my energy and time at the gym, I felt better about everything. HTHS.

 

[EasyEJL]

Its definitely not easy. I'm down 49lbs from jan 07, but here is where I stalled last time. I purposefully bulked back in august, gaining 13lbs, about 6 fat, 7 muscle. Hadn't intended that much gain, or that much fat, but it was a good break from 7-8 months of really TOO low cal. I ended up in mid to late september at 209, and have dropped the 13lbs in the 12 weeks since. This time, i'm finishing the trip, either thru loosing the fat or gaining the muscle, but i'll see 10% bodyfat before I gain any more weight on purpose