My wife is hurting my nutrition efforts
02-27-2004 09:07 AM
My wife is hurting my nutrition efforts
She cannot settle for reasonably healthy foods and it is hurting my fatloss efforts.
It is causing me to overeat on junk food so my protien is just added calories. When she gets hungry i feel guilty if i dont pull in and get something. If i say i dont want it, she says, "well then i dont want it either" and gets all pissy. So i get pissed and pul in to the fast food joint mad as hell. We buy some junk food and gobble it down before we get home. Now i am really mad, but i go home and get on my protien shake.
2 hrs later, i hear from the living room, a commercial comes on, she says, "im Hungry"
Well, i say, What do you want? She says, "we dont have anything good here"
I say **** it then, lets go get something, what do you want? She says "Pizza"
I say, lets just eat at home, She gets pissed and sits all crabby until i say "OKOK, lets eat something, What do you want" with a little attitude. But due to the pressure i give in to the cravings , which i feel would have been left alone if she would just get herself something out of the kitchen.
We both work at home so it is like this all day. She seems to think we cant eat seperate meals. I offered to have dinner with her if she would eat on her own for the rest of the day.
She says NO WAY. When she is hungry she tries to make me hungry by bringing up all the junk food we could have until i pick something and say "**** it, lets eat and maybe you will shut up for awhile."
if i dont eat it, she pushes her plate away and wont eat it either. Usually because i am mad that i am not eating consistently and she recognizes my attitude and it makes us both pissed off and fat.
Not only does it **** with my fatloss, but it is ****ing with my attitude about working out. Because i am kinda standing still while killing myself in the gym.
I Love my wife, But she is driving me crazy.
Is this grounds for seperation? It seems like she does not care about what i am trying to do, and that is something i need to consider.
I call her my wife, but the wedding is not for a few months. i just may leave her ass for this reason alone.
To top it all off, Her ****ing sister and brother in law try to be so perfect all the time with the tanning and gym memberships. She tells me all the time, how that ****ing brother in law is going to the gym and her sister is losing weight, and then she says, "lets get pizza."
Im sick of it.
Sorry for the rant.
02-27-2004 09:27 AM
I feel for you Bro, I cook myself dinner and if possible it overlaps what everyone else is eating. Often though they just won't eat the fresh vegetables and whole grains/complex carbs I eat. I have to make brown rice for myself and rice-a-roni for them. The good thing is that I cook 2-3 servings for myself and have leftovers, that saves me from cooking two meals every night. You can't force someone to change their eating. It is my personal belief that something in a diet high in saturated fats and refined carbs supresses dopamine in the brain. In order for your body to get it's "dopamine reward" you have to consume more food, sooner. In effect, eating those things is "addictive".
02-27-2004 09:33 AM
02-27-2004 10:02 AM
My wife also eats crap a lot too. Candy all the time, popcorn in front of the tv, etc. She gets a little moody at times when i refuse pizza or popcorn, but she gets over it. She knows better than to offer me junk, I never take it. If ever she insists on ordering pizza, I order her a small pizza & get 2 grilled chicken sandwiches for me. I'll go with her when she "just has to" get ice cream, but I'll eat a protein bar. She undertands it, its been 3 years of marriage & 4 years together before that. She snacks on junk, & says its a compromise for having to eat healthy meals all the time. Thats fine with me since she cooks most of the time.
It sounds like your wife is the problem in this scenario, but she views your lifestyle as the problem. I'd explain to her how you feel & that her attitide is detrimental to your well-being. Whether or not she likes it, you are who you are & she'll have to accept that. If your wife can't at least try to be supportive, than you'll have to deal with that problem.
02-27-2004 10:03 AM
i dont see the big deal - i will go out and get my wife and kids pizza - come home and cook up some eggs and not eat the pizza. Fast food - get the griiled chicken sandwiches and toss the buns.
02-27-2004 11:20 AM
I don't see you two having a healthy relationship down the road. She needs to understand that YOU HAVE GOALS. It has nothing to do with her, its a personal thing that you're striving for. If you're going to spend your life with this woman, you two need to be on the same page. I'm sure she has personal goals and things she wants out of life. How would she like it if you were getting in the way of things that made her happy? The truth is that most women will never understand or appreciate bodybuilding, and thats fine...but if you guys want to make it work, she has to want for you to be happy.
02-27-2004 11:27 AM
Sounds like you need a good mistress
02-27-2004 11:55 AM
bump... altho I dont have kids, my wife understands that I have personal goals that involved a specific lifestyle... which excludes a lot of things she and I enjoy... she will either have to understand that.. and compromise that you can only enjoy them on a cheat meal.. or... you know.. then you have some real issues...
Originally Posted by goldylight
I recommend sitting her down and having a conversation about your specific goals... she may say she loves you how you are.. and she probably does... but YOU are the one that has to live in your body.. and I truely believe that you cannot love anyone else.. until you truely love yourself... inside.. and out...
02-27-2004 12:10 PM
Strap on a set and take control of your life.
Originally Posted by Sir Foxx
Having said that and thinking about my marriage, I'll offer some advice.
In a marriage, you hope that your spouse will support you in obtaining your goals. Unfortunately, sometimes your goals are not important to her. What's in it for her? You need to find a way to make her realize that what you want is good for her too. If that doesn't work, then she is a selfish bitch and only thinks of herself and the sooner you kick her to the curb, the better off you'll be.
02-27-2004 12:49 PM
Good advice so far, but I'm going to assume that you have already discussed the healthy lifestyle you are trying to live and it hasn't helped. My advice is to just let her get pissy. Don't give into her and eat junk whenever she wants to. Has she ever once thought how selfish she is being in all of this? It seems to me your wife has some issues in her life and eating that way helps her cope with them. Even if it is for a few minutes. It's sad really. I wish you luck.
02-27-2004 01:51 PM
The True Warrior is one who conquers oneself
dude that is my girlfriend to the T man...she has been getting better but the whole getting pissy about fast food is right on...and it sux
same **** here..she will want to hit McDonalds..I will say i don't want anything and she says forget it and gives me an attitude..its like wtf...
my advice is like what has been stated....
stop giving in and I think she will stop going..or at least asking you to go..thast what i did...normally i would be like fine and go..just as you have..now im like ok..and just don't go....
and of course when you don't go and offer to make something they are suddenly not hungry..and nothing in the house is good enough...
I have thought about this at length myself..while i am not in the same position as you about to get married..my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 yrs with a little break in between for a few months
I always sit there and think "am I settling"...thinking that why should i force myself to do the things i don't want to do..and why can't this girl "compromise"....thats what gets me..women always talking about compromising but when it comes to them..they want no part in that...what is that?...My gf finally started going to the gym with me and has become a little more health saavy...but still not to my liking but it is a start...
I say both of you go to a nutritionist...or something and have a professional say something...i think girls tend to listen to anyone other then their significant other..about anything that matters...
like i tell my gf to lift weights..she says no..i tell her to eat a certain way..she says its not all about food...... a trainer (even though i used to be one) says something and it becomes something to consider..
you just can't win
02-27-2004 02:20 PM
Sadly, I have the opposite problem.
When dieting, *I* am the one who wants that stuff but I stay away as best I can, however, the odd time when I happen to meniton I'd love a pizza or an ice cream my girl is like yeah... ok.. you definitely deserve it.
Instead of telling me no - remember your goals, hard work, etc.. she lets me give in to the pressure whereas if I was alone... I'd just slam a shake or something instead.
She doesn't initiate the problem but she does nothing to prevent it either!
Danm women!!! heh
02-27-2004 04:44 PM
Give her the control for your shock collar and I bet she'll help you out.
Originally Posted by houseman
02-27-2004 09:47 PM
your "wife" sounds like should is taking the passive aggresive approach to resovling conflict.
This means, instead of stating honestly how she feels, she pretends to be flexible and then does suddle things to imply that she is unhappy.
Also, it sounds like you are not communicating your needs assertively to her.
You need to explain to her clearly that when she pressures you to eat certain foods it makes you upset because it interferes with your fitness goals, in a non-confrontational or non-threatening manner.
If she insists on pressuring you to eat foods you don't want to eat after you have clearly and politely explained how you feel and you are still considering leaving her over something as simple as not being able to agree on your right to eat the foods you want, then you should definately reconsider getting married until you can work out your communication difficulties because your relationship may not be able to handle the complications of marriage.
Once you get better at communicating your needs in each other and meeting on a common ground than you can decide whether you are ready to take the next step.
02-27-2004 10:37 PM
Seriously reconsidering marrying someone that is this unsupportive and manipulative.
02-28-2004 12:56 AM
Just an idea
This is very childish but you may want to give it a try. I would turn things around on her. What I mean by that is start making her feel guilty for eating ****. Maybe print out some studies about how "fast-food leads to pre-mature heart disease in females" and lay that **** around the house for her to read. I don't know your gf, so only you know how she would react. Maybe the next time she is eating fast-food look her dead in the eye and say "pretty soon you're going to be as fat as a ****ing cow." Just an idea.......
02-28-2004 06:44 AM
My wife can be the same way as well. But, since she can't cook, I do all the cooking. I also do the grocery shopping, which is a plus for me. So what I cook, is what she eats. If she doesn't like it, which is the norm, she has to do with out, or make her own. The nearest fastfood place is 15 miles from our house. There have been nights when she would just get so pissed because of what I'd be making, she would take off and come back with some Crap-in-the-Box or Taco Smell. She has been getting better though. My life change has gotten to the point where I don't even crave fastfood, even when they eat it in front of me.
My wife is supportive of my efforts, and does like the changes I have made with my body. Hell, she doesn't even bitch anymore when I make my supplement orders. Even though I do get carried away from time-to-time.
02-28-2004 08:27 AM
Several good ideas have already been listed here. But since you both work at home, you definitely want to find some time to also be doing the food shopping so you can have some good alternatives to some of the junk if your wife is buying that.
Put your mind to finding some healthier tasting alternatives to some of the snack binging. For me, I always find myself wanting something like a bowl of cereal or even ice cream, something sweet-chocolatey around 8:00 - 9;00 at night. Instead of say a bowl of ice cream, sometimes I'll open a can of lite peaches and mix that in some vanilla yogurt. I know it's not necessarily ideal to eat but it's tasty, satisfying and clearly a healthier alternative.
Another alternative I like is in a blender: Skin and core an apple, skin an orange, throw in some grapes, maybe some strawberries, a glass of ice water and your favorite tasting protein powder. It actually tastes very good and will kill the sweet tooth craving.
Both of these are things my wife also likes the taste of. I know the fruit carbs late at night may not be the best thing to eat from a fat loss perspective but I'd put that well ahead of the junk food. At least you're getting the vitamins, minerals and micro nutrients of the fruit and the benefits that come from those.
The only other thing that was already mentioned here is the necessity to discuss this calmly during the day, that you have goals that include wanting to eat healthier. And not be trying to make your points while in the midst of a shouting match when cravings for junk are running high and tempers are short. Not always an easy thing to do, I know
Good luck bro!
02-28-2004 11:41 AM
Discussions with my wife do not work. I have settled on the fact that she is content with being on her way to fatass status. I will continue to do my thing, and when the time comes, I'll be gone.
This certainly is not for everyone and I wish it wasn't that way for me. My wife was always very good looking and sexy, but she doesn't seem to care anymore. I even posted in the PH section about trying to boost her libido and hopefully get things back on track for us. I've tried to be patient now for several years but I think it's time to move on as much as I hate to say that. One thing for sure, it'll be much easier for me to find someone new than her. Unless there's a major demand for fatass, self-centered women with no sex drive.
02-28-2004 11:45 AM
Sometimes I feel that my life is somewhat empty because I don't have a relationship with a woman, then I read a story like this or hear my friends talk about their latest huge fight with their gf and it makes me feel great to not have to deal with things like that. I ask my friends why they put up with so much BS and don't just kick the bitch to the curb, and they tell me I would understand if I had a girl in my life.... somehow I doubt it, I think they're just pussies, I couldn't live one day with someone treating me like that, I'd put my foot down hard no matter what the consequences
I guess that could be why I've never had a gf before.... lol
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