My wife is hurting my nutrition efforts
- 02-27-2004, 10:07 AM
My wife is hurting my nutrition efforts
She cannot settle for reasonably healthy foods and it is hurting my fatloss efforts.
It is causing me to overeat on junk food so my protien is just added calories. When she gets hungry i feel guilty if i dont pull in and get something. If i say i dont want it, she says, "well then i dont want it either" and gets all pissy. So i get pissed and pul in to the fast food joint mad as hell. We buy some junk food and gobble it down before we get home. Now i am really mad, but i go home and get on my protien shake.
2 hrs later, i hear from the living room, a commercial comes on, she says, "im Hungry"
Well, i say, What do you want? She says, "we dont have anything good here"
I say **** it then, lets go get something, what do you want? She says "Pizza"
I say, lets just eat at home, She gets pissed and sits all crabby until i say "OKOK, lets eat something, What do you want" with a little attitude. But due to the pressure i give in to the cravings , which i feel would have been left alone if she would just get herself something out of the kitchen.
We both work at home so it is like this all day. She seems to think we cant eat seperate meals. I offered to have dinner with her if she would eat on her own for the rest of the day.
She says NO WAY. When she is hungry she tries to make me hungry by bringing up all the junk food we could have until i pick something and say "**** it, lets eat and maybe you will shut up for awhile."
if i dont eat it, she pushes her plate away and wont eat it either. Usually because i am mad that i am not eating consistently and she recognizes my attitude and it makes us both pissed off and fat.
Not only does it **** with my fatloss, but it is ****ing with my attitude about working out. Because i am kinda standing still while killing myself in the gym.
I Love my wife, But she is driving me crazy.
Is this grounds for seperation? It seems like she does not care about what i am trying to do, and that is something i need to consider.
I call her my wife, but the wedding is not for a few months. i just may leave her ass for this reason alone.
To top it all off, Her ****ing sister and brother in law try to be so perfect all the time with the tanning and gym memberships. She tells me all the time, how that ****ing brother in law is going to the gym and her sister is losing weight, and then she says, "lets get pizza."
Im sick of it.
Sorry for the rant.
- 02-27-2004, 10:27 AM
I feel for you Bro, I cook myself dinner and if possible it overlaps what everyone else is eating. Often though they just won't eat the fresh vegetables and whole grains/complex carbs I eat. I have to make brown rice for myself and rice-a-roni for them. The good thing is that I cook 2-3 servings for myself and have leftovers, that saves me from cooking two meals every night. You can't force someone to change their eating. It is my personal belief that something in a diet high in saturated fats and refined carbs supresses dopamine in the brain. In order for your body to get it's "dopamine reward" you have to consume more food, sooner. In effect, eating those things is "addictive".
- 02-27-2004, 10:33 AM
02-27-2004, 11:02 AM
My wife also eats crap a lot too. Candy all the time, popcorn in front of the tv, etc. She gets a little moody at times when i refuse pizza or popcorn, but she gets over it. She knows better than to offer me junk, I never take it. If ever she insists on ordering pizza, I order her a small pizza & get 2 grilled chicken sandwiches for me. I'll go with her when she "just has to" get ice cream, but I'll eat a protein bar. She undertands it, its been 3 years of marriage & 4 years together before that. She snacks on junk, & says its a compromise for having to eat healthy meals all the time. Thats fine with me since she cooks most of the time.
It sounds like your wife is the problem in this scenario, but she views your lifestyle as the problem. I'd explain to her how you feel & that her attitide is detrimental to your well-being. Whether or not she likes it, you are who you are & she'll have to accept that. If your wife can't at least try to be supportive, than you'll have to deal with that problem.
02-27-2004, 11:03 AM
i dont see the big deal - i will go out and get my wife and kids pizza - come home and cook up some eggs and not eat the pizza. Fast food - get the griiled chicken sandwiches and toss the buns.
02-27-2004, 12:20 PM
I don't see you two having a healthy relationship down the road. She needs to understand that YOU HAVE GOALS. It has nothing to do with her, its a personal thing that you're striving for. If you're going to spend your life with this woman, you two need to be on the same page. I'm sure she has personal goals and things she wants out of life. How would she like it if you were getting in the way of things that made her happy? The truth is that most women will never understand or appreciate bodybuilding, and thats fine...but if you guys want to make it work, she has to want for you to be happy.
02-27-2004, 12:27 PM
Sounds like you need a good mistress
02-27-2004, 12:55 PM
bump... altho I dont have kids, my wife understands that I have personal goals that involved a specific lifestyle... which excludes a lot of things she and I enjoy... she will either have to understand that.. and compromise that you can only enjoy them on a cheat meal.. or... you know.. then you have some real issues...Originally Posted by goldylight
I recommend sitting her down and having a conversation about your specific goals... she may say she loves you how you are.. and she probably does... but YOU are the one that has to live in your body.. and I truely believe that you cannot love anyone else.. until you truely love yourself... inside.. and out...
02-27-2004, 01:10 PM
Strap on a set and take control of your life.Originally Posted by Sir Foxx
Having said that and thinking about my marriage, I'll offer some advice.
In a marriage, you hope that your spouse will support you in obtaining your goals. Unfortunately, sometimes your goals are not important to her. What's in it for her? You need to find a way to make her realize that what you want is good for her too. If that doesn't work, then she is a selfish bitch and only thinks of herself and the sooner you kick her to the curb, the better off you'll be.
02-27-2004, 01:49 PM
Good advice so far, but I'm going to assume that you have already discussed the healthy lifestyle you are trying to live and it hasn't helped. My advice is to just let her get pissy. Don't give into her and eat junk whenever she wants to. Has she ever once thought how selfish she is being in all of this? It seems to me your wife has some issues in her life and eating that way helps her cope with them. Even if it is for a few minutes. It's sad really. I wish you luck.
02-27-2004, 02:51 PM
- 5'7" 191 lbs.
- Join Date
- Oct 2002
- Rep Power
- Lv. Percent
dude that is my girlfriend to the T man...she has been getting better but the whole getting pissy about fast food is right on...and it sux
same **** here..she will want to hit McDonalds..I will say i don't want anything and she says forget it and gives me an attitude..its like wtf...
my advice is like what has been stated....
stop giving in and I think she will stop going..or at least asking you to go..thast what i did...normally i would be like fine and go..just as you have..now im like ok..and just don't go....
and of course when you don't go and offer to make something they are suddenly not hungry..and nothing in the house is good enough...
I have thought about this at length myself..while i am not in the same position as you about to get married..my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 yrs with a little break in between for a few months
I always sit there and think "am I settling"...thinking that why should i force myself to do the things i don't want to do..and why can't this girl "compromise"....thats what gets me..women always talking about compromising but when it comes to them..they want no part in that...what is that?...My gf finally started going to the gym with me and has become a little more health saavy...but still not to my liking but it is a start...
I say both of you go to a nutritionist...or something and have a professional say something...i think girls tend to listen to anyone other then their significant other..about anything that matters...
like i tell my gf to lift weights..she says no..i tell her to eat a certain way..she says its not all about food...... a trainer (even though i used to be one) says something and it becomes something to consider..
you just can't win
02-27-2004, 03:20 PM
Sadly, I have the opposite problem.
When dieting, *I* am the one who wants that stuff but I stay away as best I can, however, the odd time when I happen to meniton I'd love a pizza or an ice cream my girl is like yeah... ok.. you definitely deserve it.
Instead of telling me no - remember your goals, hard work, etc.. she lets me give in to the pressure whereas if I was alone... I'd just slam a shake or something instead.
She doesn't initiate the problem but she does nothing to prevent it either!
Danm women!!! heh
02-27-2004, 05:44 PM
Give her the control for your shock collar and I bet she'll help you out.Originally Posted by houseman
02-27-2004, 10:47 PM
your "wife" sounds like should is taking the passive aggresive approach to resovling conflict.
This means, instead of stating honestly how she feels, she pretends to be flexible and then does suddle things to imply that she is unhappy.
Also, it sounds like you are not communicating your needs assertively to her.
You need to explain to her clearly that when she pressures you to eat certain foods it makes you upset because it interferes with your fitness goals, in a non-confrontational or non-threatening manner.
If she insists on pressuring you to eat foods you don't want to eat after you have clearly and politely explained how you feel and you are still considering leaving her over something as simple as not being able to agree on your right to eat the foods you want, then you should definately reconsider getting married until you can work out your communication difficulties because your relationship may not be able to handle the complications of marriage.
Once you get better at communicating your needs in each other and meeting on a common ground than you can decide whether you are ready to take the next step.
02-27-2004, 11:37 PM
Seriously reconsidering marrying someone that is this unsupportive and manipulative.
02-28-2004, 01:56 AM
Just an idea
This is very childish but you may want to give it a try. I would turn things around on her. What I mean by that is start making her feel guilty for eating ****. Maybe print out some studies about how "fast-food leads to pre-mature heart disease in females" and lay that **** around the house for her to read. I don't know your gf, so only you know how she would react. Maybe the next time she is eating fast-food look her dead in the eye and say "pretty soon you're going to be as fat as a ****ing cow." Just an idea.......
02-28-2004, 07:44 AM
My wife can be the same way as well. But, since she can't cook, I do all the cooking. I also do the grocery shopping, which is a plus for me. So what I cook, is what she eats. If she doesn't like it, which is the norm, she has to do with out, or make her own. The nearest fastfood place is 15 miles from our house. There have been nights when she would just get so pissed because of what I'd be making, she would take off and come back with some Crap-in-the-Box or Taco Smell. She has been getting better though. My life change has gotten to the point where I don't even crave fastfood, even when they eat it in front of me.
My wife is supportive of my efforts, and does like the changes I have made with my body. Hell, she doesn't even bitch anymore when I make my supplement orders. Even though I do get carried away from time-to-time.
02-28-2004, 09:27 AM
Several good ideas have already been listed here. But since you both work at home, you definitely want to find some time to also be doing the food shopping so you can have some good alternatives to some of the junk if your wife is buying that.
Put your mind to finding some healthier tasting alternatives to some of the snack binging. For me, I always find myself wanting something like a bowl of cereal or even ice cream, something sweet-chocolatey around 8:00 - 9;00 at night. Instead of say a bowl of ice cream, sometimes I'll open a can of lite peaches and mix that in some vanilla yogurt. I know it's not necessarily ideal to eat but it's tasty, satisfying and clearly a healthier alternative.
Another alternative I like is in a blender: Skin and core an apple, skin an orange, throw in some grapes, maybe some strawberries, a glass of ice water and your favorite tasting protein powder. It actually tastes very good and will kill the sweet tooth craving.
Both of these are things my wife also likes the taste of. I know the fruit carbs late at night may not be the best thing to eat from a fat loss perspective but I'd put that well ahead of the junk food. At least you're getting the vitamins, minerals and micro nutrients of the fruit and the benefits that come from those.
The only other thing that was already mentioned here is the necessity to discuss this calmly during the day, that you have goals that include wanting to eat healthier. And not be trying to make your points while in the midst of a shouting match when cravings for junk are running high and tempers are short. Not always an easy thing to do, I know
Good luck bro!
02-28-2004, 12:41 PM
Discussions with my wife do not work. I have settled on the fact that she is content with being on her way to fatass status. I will continue to do my thing, and when the time comes, I'll be gone.
This certainly is not for everyone and I wish it wasn't that way for me. My wife was always very good looking and sexy, but she doesn't seem to care anymore. I even posted in the PH section about trying to boost her libido and hopefully get things back on track for us. I've tried to be patient now for several years but I think it's time to move on as much as I hate to say that. One thing for sure, it'll be much easier for me to find someone new than her. Unless there's a major demand for fatass, self-centered women with no sex drive.
02-28-2004, 12:45 PM
Sometimes I feel that my life is somewhat empty because I don't have a relationship with a woman, then I read a story like this or hear my friends talk about their latest huge fight with their gf and it makes me feel great to not have to deal with things like that. I ask my friends why they put up with so much BS and don't just kick the bitch to the curb, and they tell me I would understand if I had a girl in my life.... somehow I doubt it, I think they're just pussies, I couldn't live one day with someone treating me like that, I'd put my foot down hard no matter what the consequences
I guess that could be why I've never had a gf before.... lol
02-29-2004, 02:14 PM
Divorce man! Sounds like you too need some time apart, I mean seriously, sounds like you both spend too much time together. Go out with your friends, leave her alone for a while. If not put some life insurance on her and
02-29-2004, 04:36 PM
as much as I hate it, the only day my wife and I eat together is on my cheat day, other than that I cook all my meals separately, we never eat the same foods......ever. I have goals and she understands them, if she pulled that crap with me, it wouldn't fly. Let her get pissy, and not eat, maybe she'll lose some weight. When she is hungry she'll eat. Do what you got to do to attain your goals and don't let anything or one stand in your way
02-29-2004, 06:47 PM
Screw marriage, I wanna have kids, but not a wife. I'll work it out somehow, right? LOL, you should think how she's gonna look in the future, with all that eating under her belt. That thought would be enough to make me start packing....
If you love her more than anything, I can understand that, along with the wedding being planned and all, that can put you under some serious pressure. But when it comes down to it, will it last anyways? Thats what you have to ask yourself bro, sure you can go through all the official $hit, but is the actual definition of "marriage" gonna workout and fit into both of your lives? I'm sure if you can answer that, you'll have your answer...
02-29-2004, 08:14 PM
If you love her and want to stay with her for a life time you are going to have to accept the fact that she is going to be a bit 'pissy' about certain things. If its not food it will be something else, marriage is not going to make things any different and will not change a persons basic persona.
If you accept this idea then you are going to have to deal with it and can't use it as an excuse later on to get upset...you both knew what to expect from each other prior to getting married.
That being said you also need to shake off the 'feeling guilty' for not eating the junk she wants and try to deal with the fact she is not going to fully endorse your life style otherwise your goals will suffer. There is no guidline that two people need to have everything in common to be successful...my wife and I don't have the same political, diet, music, exercise, or hobbies, but we share the same core values, have common goals, and enjoy life.
My only suggestion on dealing with this is to try to keep enough of both types of food readily available so that it is easy to prep both meals when hunger strikes. I do most of the cooking and shopping because of my dietary needs and six meals a day and don't have a problem knocking her out a little grub to her liking while I'm prepping mine.
Best of luck and remember marriage is 'until death till you part' so always keep a shovel in the trunk!
03-01-2004, 05:21 PM
"Remember marriage is 'until death till you part' so always keep a shovel in the trunk!"
This would make a good sig. Also remember this if she is doing the cooking. You don't want to end up with tiger whiskers in your soup.
03-03-2004, 12:57 PM
It's my belief that a woman needs to have high standards! So... I won't have anything to do with any woman that will have anything to do with me. Solves that problem!
03-15-2004, 03:03 AM
Originally Posted by farmer
This one reminded me of my last relationship (around 5 yrs long). By the end of it all, she was getting overweight, was totally not concerned with me, and her sex drive was inexistant. Funny how the whole thing has made me upset for quite sometime, even though its almost a year after the fact. Anyway, wanted to say that I did crack up though when you wrote "One thing for sure, it'll be much easier for me to find someone new than her. Unless there's a major demand for fatass, self-centered women with no sex drive" hahahahahhaha
03-24-2004, 05:03 AM
How much does a women who eats pizza a few time per week weigh?
If she is not 250 lbs now she will be in a few years, mark my words.
03-25-2004, 04:40 PM
Don't get married. She's manipulating you cause she wants to be first in your life and control you. It's a game she's playing although she may not be aware of it. She will never change. If you're not happy now you will feel worse after the marriage. I have a friend who had a wife like that, a total control freek. He finally walked out one day and drove to Florida and never came back. Now he's remarried and claims to be really happy. Relationships require both persons to compromise. She's not doing her part now and probably never will. Either go to couciling now before the marriage or kiss your peace of mind good-by.
03-26-2004, 03:22 PM
Originally Posted by Jarconis
03-30-2004, 10:52 PM
I know what all of y'all are saying. My wife doesn't believe half the stuff I tell her about diet, exercise and health, but if she reads it in Cosmo it's gospel. I was probably a little over anxious when I first started working out and eating right. Always talking and obsessing over food and exercise. I realized I was bugging the sh#@ out of her, so I stopped talking about it. Now, she says she wants to eat better and workout. Of course, it is always next week, next week, next week. I figure I will guilt her into doing something. If I look better, she'll want to also. We'll see what happens. But I'm fighting against the "ladies" at work (mostly fatasses) who say in moderation sweets and crap are ok for you. Well, my moderation and theirs is on opposite ends of the spectrum.
04-28-2004, 04:38 PM
Sounds like she might be thinking you think SHE ought to stay off the junk food when you choose to skip it.
04-29-2004, 03:34 AM
The saying 3 sides to every story usually applies to relationships. I guess I'll play devils advocate here. Here are some observations and suggestions.......
1. Seeing that you are engaged, I assume that you love you gf enough to spend the rest of your life with her. Are you seriously going to throw that away over food?
2. I think body building can some times border on obsessive compulsive. I have known people who are so obsessed with their body fat percentage that they never have one cheat meal ever. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in shape but just remember that is a whole world out there to experience. Missing a few work outs and having a few cheat meals here and there aren't going to kill you. Most of us aren't going to make a living as a pro bodybuilder.
3. From your first post you are blaming her for they way you are eating. That really isn't fair. There are other options as other people suggested such as getting a sub or something more healthy or just making your own dinner.
4. You both work at home you are constantly around each other. Sometimes in situations like this one of you will get of the others nerves. It might be a good idea for both of you to take some time for yourselves each day to get a break from each other.
My advice to you is don't throw away a relationship over an issue of what kind of food you eat. Do you want to end up being that creepy 50 year old guy at the gym hitting on the 20 year olds?
That being said sit down and talk to her about it. Just explain to her that you want to get in better shape for the summer and tell her you want to eat a little better than normal. Have the pizza once a week on a cheat day and take her out to a restaurant where you can both get what you want once a week or something.. Relationships are hard some times. You both need to compromise. Use this to set up a way to deal with disagreements in the future because I am sure a more serious issue other than nutrition will come up eventually.
06-24-2004, 10:08 PM
It turns out she is puking in the bathroom after meals. Evidently, this has gone on and off since she was a teenager. I caught her puking after a sandwich and she spilled her guts. No pun intended.
It turns out, she can eat whatever she wants because she purges anyway.
I have spent the last 2 weeks struggling with the issue. She is no longer discreet about it since she told me the truth. Or maybe i just know what she is doing now and it seems indiscreet.
She is only 23. She can gain weight easily and she has used the puking to trim down nicely. It seems she is getting rewarded for gagging herself.
What should i do?
She says this is due to her fathers actions when she was 15-16.
He would force her to stand on a scale everyday and if she did not lose any weight she would be grounded. She claims to have been grounded and locked in the bedroom after school for almost 2 years. He would call her fat names and treated her with disgust. She left home not long after her 16th birthday but i guess the scars remain.
What am i going to do?
I would like to go over and kick her fathers ass! Thats what i want to do! I can imagine the torn flesh ripping from his face as i punch downward on to his nose with intentions of removing it from his face.
What am i going to do?
06-24-2004, 10:37 PM
if you do indeed care about her convince her to get some professional help. counselor/psychiatrist
06-24-2004, 11:22 PM
Jesus, that's screwed up (about her dad)! Get her some help, man. Bulimia is bad enough, but that kind of abuse had to really mess with her head. I don't think anyone in their right mind would blame you for ****ing her dad up, but it just wouldn't help - it would probably only make everything worse. Do you guys have insurance coverage? Find out if the policy will cover some counseling. My father in-law was an abusive alcoholic and my wife has a host of emotional probs as a result. I feel for you.
Originally Posted by Yimen E.Cricket
06-24-2004, 11:26 PM
Damn dude, one of my close friends told me she was boleimic, and its sad as hell what she thinks of herself, cause she is really pretty. I dont know what to do, you should probably help to get her some help, cause this can be really bad for people.
06-25-2004, 02:34 AM
She obviously needs to get some help. What she is doing isn't healthy. In some cases girls have died from it. As if getting ulcers in their esophagus isn't bad enough. This would probably be a good time to back off cutting up because it's got to be reminding her of the issues with her father. Do anything you can to support her getting some help.What am i going to do?
06-26-2004, 12:17 PM
This is nothing to take lightly. These are symptoms of anorexic nervosa, or builemia. I'm no psychologist by any stretch but these are the symptoms Karen Carpenter exhibited. The daily throwing up of food is very unhealthy to the esohagus, throat, etc.
her father obviously has problems of his own but in the meantime, your girlfriend really needs to get some help.
Best of luck.
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