Need a little help/Motivation

[slipondajimmy]

Hey everyone,

I have had way to many ups and downs to recap over the last several years diets failed, getting in a gym failed, pretty much everything. As fat would have it about a 1 1/2 ago I got fed up with my weight and gave it another go. No plan just armed with what I read here over the years and being tired of being 5-7 and 220lbs. At my lowest I got to 154 and have stayed at 160 for some time.

So armed with a new sense of accomplishment I figured now the gym would be no issue. Well I was wrong. In all honestly I am lost as I was years ago. I have had so many people tell me do this, do that, dont to this dont do that, and now im just confused. The goal was to put together a program and do it. So far I have not been able to put a program together, and a new (maybe old problem ) has came up thats not really like me.

For whatever reason when I do get fired up to give it a shot I get to the gym if I see more then one or two people inside I cant bring myself to go in. When I do go in, if anyone comes in I anxiety sets in and I have to leave. I have talked to a few people and of course I am told just go in and stay in. After all they all have the same goal as you. Well if it was that easy for me I would not be typing this.

I can understand that lack of knowledge is one of my hangups. I want to do an all machine workout (for now) but cant seem to get something together. And even if I did get something together, anxiety would set in and I would not do it anyway. I go to a 24hr place, but in not going to go every hour on the hour and see when nobody is around.

Any ideas about how I might be able to overcome the anxiety, and if that could be accomplished what would be the best workout to try.

Im running out of ideas here.

Thanks

 

[Sean1332]

This is blunt, but stop caring what others think. I had the exact same feeling myself. It sucked. Guess what though: nobody in that gym is paying any attention to you. They don't care if you're there or not. Same as you shouldn't care if they're there or not.

If you don't have friends to go in with, a private gym, a home gym, but you still want to go to the gym, it might be time to suck up the anxiety and go in there.

Have a plan of exactly what you're going to so there. Do those exact things. Don't side track. Don't look at anyone. Just get in and push past it.

 

[slipondajimmy]

Yeah i get it. Guess some things are easier for others. It is about my 3rd week now and it has not gotten any better. I get that nobody is paying attention, and my business keeps me in crowds of 1000s a month so it is not about the people in general. I have tried to get people to go with me, and they flake out. A personal trainer is not an option for me right now if i have this hang up.

I go in and between not knowing what to do, and the other stuff its not helping.

 

[T-Bone]

You've been here since 04, have you had this problem that long?. Sean1332, the people in the gym are definitely paying attention. Or at least some of them. Recently I've had a problem with a guy trying to "coach" me with his unsolicited advice. It never fails, every time he sees me he tries to tell me I'm doing whatever he thinks is "wrong". So I understand where Slipondajimmy is coming from. People are just really annoying, especially if you talk to them. If you have the money Slip, put together a home gym. Unsolicited advice is the worst kind of advice. You are asking for advice here so that's why I'm giving it.

 

[Sean1332]

I've chose to accept that no one cares that I was there. It made me easier to not give a damn. I understand where the OP is coming from. I do hate those guys that give unsolicited advice. They need to stfu.

 

[PaulBlack]

Well, this is not uncommon for lots of guys/gals IMO.
I have had a much harder problem overcoming emotional or esteem issues thru my life, than physical ones.
A few things that you might wanna add to your daily routine...
-Treat the person you see "in the mirror every morning", with the utmost respect and understand YOU are as important or as good as anyone else (muscles do not make the man actually)
-Maybe try and set one small daily/weekly goal (say going into the gym and doing one or two compound exercises for 3-5 sets of 8-10 reps that day and then perhaps go home)
And as Sean said, NOT caring what OTHERS are thinking or doing.)
If you keep things very simple at first and until you get more and more comfortable with just going to the gym, you will not feel so overwhelmed to just get in, do the said work and get out.


I will let you in on another little secret about some of us too, is that the bigger and stronger some of us are, the more insecure we are.
I need my gorilla suit to face the world sometimes, so take it a day at a time (what was the movie with Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus?) I used to take baby steps in some facets of my life, honestly.

 

[slipondajimmy]

You've been here since 04, have you had this problem that long?. Sean1332, the people in the gym are definitely paying attention. Or at least some of them. Recently I've had a problem with a guy trying to "coach" me with his unsolicited advice. It never fails, every time he sees me he tries to tell me I'm doing whatever he thinks is "wrong". So I understand where Slipondajimmy is coming from. People are just really annoying, especially if you talk to them. If you have the money Slip, put together a home gym. Unsolicited advice is the worst kind of advice. You are asking for advice here so that's why I'm giving it.

Believe it or not, Yes. The weight was a problem for years. I have that in check . I ride bikes about 20-30 miles a day so I would assume I have cardio in check. The gym was always an issue even back to HS days. I laugh a little because like I said my business puts me in front of thousands of people a week, I have no problem speaking in public, and no problem with crowds (other then they suck most of the time hahaha)

And its funny about the coach part, and I am not surprised.

The home gym would be great. Its not about the money, its about the space, or lack of I should say.

Maybe this thread can help out. Are there any machine only plans out there, maybe a really good app that can help me along? I know a big part of the issue is the lack of knowledge. I think I said earlier a personal trainer is not an option. Maybe I should explain. When I joined the gym a did a fitness consult. They were supposed to put together a workout plan. Well this 30 minutes consisted of instructor texting, talking to others, scribbling legs, chest, arms on a piece of paper then trying to sell me personal training. Not saying all are like that, but that left a bad taste in my mouth.

Thanks for all the help, suggestions, etc.

 

[HIT4ME]

I don't know your exact mental process, but PaulBlack and I apparently think very much alike, and a lot of people on here are giving some heartfelt advice.

What if you pick ONE exercise, plan on it, and go do it? So you say to yourself, I am just gonna show up, bang some plates on the bar and do 3 sets of bench presses and leave. It may help to know that people WILL notice you when you do this and they will wonder what the **** you are doing. Let them wonder. Mystery is awesome. People will talk about this guy who shows up, bangs out 3 sets of squats and leaves. And then, after you build some confidence and get familiar with each exercise, you can start pairing them up and adding to it. Don't try to climb the mountain all at once.

When you sit in your car, and you see a person or two in the gym, what EXACTLY happens? What do you feel in your body? What do you say to yourself? Who's voice is saying whatever it is you are saying? Is it yours? Is it someone else's voice? What do you imagine happening when you go in the gym? What is the thought process that is creating anxiety for you? Are you afraid someone will laugh at you? Are you afraid someone will say, "You're doing this all wrong!"?

 

[slipondajimmy]

I got two days in when nobody was there and i had no issues. Did what i set out to do and left. Went the 3rd day and 4-5 people walked in pretty much at once and instant anxiety kicked in and could not continue.

My thought process im not entirely sure of. I see people and freeze up. It is strange because i want to go. All day today i was like gonna go to the gym went there 20 minutes ago see a people, and think to myself try again tomorrow.

Hell if i know whats going on

 

[T-Bone]

I got two days in when nobody was there and i had no issues. Did what i set out to do and left. Went the 3rd day and 4-5 people walked in pretty much at once and instant anxiety kicked in and could not continue.

My thought process im not entirely sure of. I see people and freeze up. It is strange because i want to go. All day today i was like gonna go to the gym went there 20 minutes ago see a people, and think to myself try again tomorrow.

Hell if i know whats going on

There is no shame in seeing a psychologist for this. Seriously if it's controlling your life like this, why not get help?. Professional help, not internet help. Although people mean well, it could end in disaster. The only way I know how to help is to suggest you see a professional. Good luck and hope you get this straightened out.

 

[slipondajimmy]

Yeah i would consider that if it was beyond the gym. Im in an event based business and come face to face with 100s-1000s of people a weekend. Crowds and people do not bother me. That is why this is bothering me.

But thanks again for all the suggestions everyone

 

[nicksox15]

I would go talk to some one about this for sure. It's obviously been an issue for a while. My .02 though even if your thoughts are true and people are watching you (they aren't) who cares really. You don't know these people, and you shouldn't care to know them if they're staring. You're there to improve yourself for yourself, anyone that might be trying to stop that isn't worth a second thought. Just try to go in with tunnel vision and do your thing. The first few workouts will probably be really hard on your anxiety, but if you can get through a few you're well on your way! Best of luck man

 

[KrisL]

As a big scary dude, I get stared at. Some days I think it's hilarious, others I lift with my eyes closed - anxiety can happen to anyone, haha. Some people wear a hoodie with the hood up and headphones for the same reason horses wear blinders (what's more anxious than a horse?).

I seldom recommend it, but perhaps getting a lifting partner is the way to go. No need to get an expert - surely, you've got a friend who's always talking about "getting back to the gym" and never does. Shove them in your car and take them with you, even if you have to pay a guest fee - it beats paying for the gym and not lifting at all. Maybe it's a woman - they're sometimes the best parners. Not only do they typically have no idea what kind of weight a guy "should" be using so can't even begin to judge you, but if you're with a girl you're definitely not the one getting looked at.

You've already recognized a huge key to your issue - education. Read lifting blogs. Bas' Barbell, Lift Run Bang, Starting Strength, to name a few, have excellent posts and articles - and books! (They're these paper stacks full of knowledge drawings that nobody uses anymore) To be blunt, a forum can't spoonfeed you everything you need. The Google's got it all, brotha. You get out what you put in. Go learn!

If all else fails, maybe just get Dune's Litany Against Fear tattooed on your forearm.

 

[mtinsideout]

Yeah i would consider that if it was beyond the gym. Im in an event based business and come face to face with 100s-1000s of people a weekend. Crowds and people do not bother me. That is why this is bothering me.

But thanks again for all the suggestions everyone

It sounds to me like you are not confident in what you do at the gym and that is why you get anxiety when other people are there. As others have stated no one is really going to pay you any mind. Have you gone to the gym consistently for any length of time greater than a month or 2? I would think if you have been able to go for 6 months or so you should see some progress which would build your confidence level at the gym.