Matt Skiba
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So here's my story, about a year ago I decided to take the god-awful drug propecia due to very subtle hair loss within the hairline area. I took the drug for a very short amount of time, but basically it was enough to destroy my libido and give me a case of ED that lasted months. I ended up at this forum since a lot of people seem to be pros on hormone problems and these sort of issues, I used dermacrine sustain/sustain alpha and after about 3 or 4 months worth of using that product I seemed to have regained a good amount of what I had been lacking, but I think there is more that needs to be done. These sort of problems have been destroying me emotionally, I am having all sorts of intimacy problems and fear of getting close to girls, and the fear of failure has been killing my game, as well as performance. It truly is depressing as I'm sure anyone here can understand that female companionship with a compatible partner is something that can really brighten up life in aspects beyond sexual interaction.
About a month or so ago I met an amazing girl, she was very obviously into me and when I met up with her she was wearing a skirt with boots (this was the only time I have ever seen her wear anything that shows her legs) and she had her hair dyed, and I am almost positive that she did all this for me, for that one night. She also had a tongue piercing in that night which has also not made an appearance since then. She had every obvious sign of being attracted to me and was sending me all the right signals, and to be honest it kind of blew my mind. She was looking gorgeous and had the warmest smile on her face, and it felt amazing that this was there for me. So we were standing alone on the street just me and her and she was up close and had her arms around me, I was also kind of drunk and this was the perfect chance to start making out with her. I just couldn't go for it though, because I was so goddamn nervous that I wouldn't be able to get it up all the way, and like a 14 year old boy I couldn't even make it to first base. This girl had such a ridiculous amount of things in common with me, and I really tend to not find that in most of the girls I meet, it was as if god sent her from the heavens to me to be my vessel. There was obvious chemistry between us two, and I really could have seen things going somewhere if I had sealed the deal that night. I could have seen her as being the person to give me a positive outlook on life and pull me out of this damn depression I've been in for so long. If I could live that night again, I probably would have gone for it even if I couldn't get it up all the way, just to gain that level of intimacy with her. After I blew it on that night with her, she seriously won't even acknowledge me or even be involved in conversing with me even if I just say hi, for all I know she's probably boned another dude since that night. I guess indecision is one of the worst traits you can show a girl. I've been suffering with this failure for basically every day since that fateful night, and it seeps into my subconscious and makes me feel bitter and I can't help it. I think it causes me to have a negative attitude and sometimes even causes me to treat those around me poorly.
Thankfully I'm at a point where I can enjoy masturbating and looking at porn again, although I'm thinking I'm going to have to fully give up porn to develop my own mental intimacy capabilities, and cut down on the masturbation as much as possible. Porn just can't compare to actually having someone, and for the most part it's just plain dirty and involves people I generally wouldn't respect if I actually met in real life. Getting off on some dirty smut just feels kinda pathetic after a while.
I'm sorry about the ridiculous amount of personal detail I've put in this post, it's just been killing me, and I really don't feel like I can talk about this with anyone :sad:. I feel a bit better having have written it down actually. It really sucks to be feeling like this, and I've recently kind of made friends with a 26 year old fat dude who still lives with his family who has the habit of basically giving me vicodins for free, and it gets harder to refuse him when I'm feeling this low.
I am also starting to fear the fact that my member might be shrinking, since I feel that the rare times I get a really stiff morning erection, it actually hurts a little bit.
So basically I am pretty desperate, help me out guys, I don't want this **** to ruin my life anymore. I am looking for ways to increase libido but more importantly hardness. I think I'm going to give sustain alpha another cycle along with the rest of the "testosterone recovery stack". I am also going to give coconut oil a try, and I've already got some diesel test pills laying around.
I am thinking of also maybe trying out citruline malate since people say it helps with blood flow. I am also gonna try to sleep much better and eat breakfast more often. I'd like to quit smoking, but it's hard to quit, especially if you're feeling as bitter as I am.
So please help me out and give me some sort of suggestions, I need my libido, erections, and sexual performance to be at a point that is beyond doubt and I can be ready to go whenever and wherever. I don't want a temporary fix, I want a permanent solution so I can never worry about this sort of thing for as long as I am young! It hurts especially more coupled with the fact that I'm only 20.
About a month or so ago I met an amazing girl, she was very obviously into me and when I met up with her she was wearing a skirt with boots (this was the only time I have ever seen her wear anything that shows her legs) and she had her hair dyed, and I am almost positive that she did all this for me, for that one night. She also had a tongue piercing in that night which has also not made an appearance since then. She had every obvious sign of being attracted to me and was sending me all the right signals, and to be honest it kind of blew my mind. She was looking gorgeous and had the warmest smile on her face, and it felt amazing that this was there for me. So we were standing alone on the street just me and her and she was up close and had her arms around me, I was also kind of drunk and this was the perfect chance to start making out with her. I just couldn't go for it though, because I was so goddamn nervous that I wouldn't be able to get it up all the way, and like a 14 year old boy I couldn't even make it to first base. This girl had such a ridiculous amount of things in common with me, and I really tend to not find that in most of the girls I meet, it was as if god sent her from the heavens to me to be my vessel. There was obvious chemistry between us two, and I really could have seen things going somewhere if I had sealed the deal that night. I could have seen her as being the person to give me a positive outlook on life and pull me out of this damn depression I've been in for so long. If I could live that night again, I probably would have gone for it even if I couldn't get it up all the way, just to gain that level of intimacy with her. After I blew it on that night with her, she seriously won't even acknowledge me or even be involved in conversing with me even if I just say hi, for all I know she's probably boned another dude since that night. I guess indecision is one of the worst traits you can show a girl. I've been suffering with this failure for basically every day since that fateful night, and it seeps into my subconscious and makes me feel bitter and I can't help it. I think it causes me to have a negative attitude and sometimes even causes me to treat those around me poorly.
Thankfully I'm at a point where I can enjoy masturbating and looking at porn again, although I'm thinking I'm going to have to fully give up porn to develop my own mental intimacy capabilities, and cut down on the masturbation as much as possible. Porn just can't compare to actually having someone, and for the most part it's just plain dirty and involves people I generally wouldn't respect if I actually met in real life. Getting off on some dirty smut just feels kinda pathetic after a while.
I'm sorry about the ridiculous amount of personal detail I've put in this post, it's just been killing me, and I really don't feel like I can talk about this with anyone :sad:. I feel a bit better having have written it down actually. It really sucks to be feeling like this, and I've recently kind of made friends with a 26 year old fat dude who still lives with his family who has the habit of basically giving me vicodins for free, and it gets harder to refuse him when I'm feeling this low.
I am also starting to fear the fact that my member might be shrinking, since I feel that the rare times I get a really stiff morning erection, it actually hurts a little bit.
So basically I am pretty desperate, help me out guys, I don't want this **** to ruin my life anymore. I am looking for ways to increase libido but more importantly hardness. I think I'm going to give sustain alpha another cycle along with the rest of the "testosterone recovery stack". I am also going to give coconut oil a try, and I've already got some diesel test pills laying around.
I am thinking of also maybe trying out citruline malate since people say it helps with blood flow. I am also gonna try to sleep much better and eat breakfast more often. I'd like to quit smoking, but it's hard to quit, especially if you're feeling as bitter as I am.
So please help me out and give me some sort of suggestions, I need my libido, erections, and sexual performance to be at a point that is beyond doubt and I can be ready to go whenever and wherever. I don't want a temporary fix, I want a permanent solution so I can never worry about this sort of thing for as long as I am young! It hurts especially more coupled with the fact that I'm only 20.