Zero's Dream-Chaser log with MST's Somnidren GH/ZMK stack
08-01-2008 12:24 AM
I seriously think at some point I will completely lose control of everything. I need an outlet, Softball was that, the Gym was that. I need to fight. Just to give a piece back I would enjoy it too much to see her get her fair share of understanding what hell feels like.
But I cant do a thing because I never want to hurt anyone. Actually I would say God is the only crimson tears have been avoided. If I was the old me...
I just want peace of mind.
08-01-2008 12:33 AM
maybe taking up boxing would help a bit. now i write poetry when i'm mad. or go back to the gym when i get wired a bit. i'm sorry brotha.
08-01-2008 01:06 AM
Originally Posted by suncloud
Yeah, I just don't want to flip out and blow something or someone up.....or worse.
Thanks for the input. Gym doesn't cut it, writing doesn't without alcohol(and I don't drink anymore).
I had to rip up my knuckles for the pain to act as an override. I need the pain from the gym to act as an override. This raw leg of mine I just got don't bandaging, acts as my current override.
Pain is the only override sometimes.... but eventually it wont be enough.
08-01-2008 01:32 AM
i hope you read this after a good nights sleep. today sucks for me. my girlfriend/fiancee is eating her fentanyl patch. 81 times more potent than morphine. i've staged an intervention before, but she just won't listen, and with a preexisting problem, cannot be denied medication. maybe tomorrow will be the day she doesn't wake up. guess that doesn't matter to her, or to her kids. i'm still waiting to adopt, after the biological dad died from an overdose too. sometimes you just can't change someone, no matter how much you want to, and it really blows. but thats life. more importantly, thats their life. they want to be an idiot, and not do the right thing, i'll let someone else judge them. sure i'd like to, but they wouldn't listen to me anyways. and the damn thing that keeps me going, is knowing some guy has the same problem as me, but he's got nobody to turn to. okay, enough whining on my part - hope that helps to any small degree.
08-01-2008 10:41 AM
MST Reppin Hard!
^^...that...is real life.
I'm sorry. I hope it makes as much sense to her as it does to you man...and I hope the universe sees it fit to have her healthy again before the other alternative.
08-01-2008 11:55 AM
Yow. I can see what you mean. Having to try and be with someone going through all that. My crap aint crap......simple stuff. Guess I am still too young to really understand a lot of the world yet. I am mostly just angry with no way to show it because I am always a super nice guy, which sometimes gets taken advantage of. Every once in awhile I just want to be a Jerkwad for once. Just wouldn't be me. Maybe boxing would be a good way to get stress out. Ever since I started working out I think my body is into producing alot more testosterone or something, I am always wanting to do a sport, or wrestle, or just go to the gym. That and I am always something else that I cant fix -.-
I really hope things change in your situation bro, I am sorry to hear that. Put me in my place tho -.- I will put you in my prayers.
Actually I do feel great today, after a short nights rest(not much sleep at all actually) I am doing really good. I think it was just the combo if a being highly irritated, letting her get to me when thats what she wants...and its not even a big deal. I found someone better. I am just stupid is all. Only 21....maybe I will be smarter by around 25ish....I give good advice to people, now if I could take it myself. Oy I feel quite the stupid one.
Thanks for sharing though sun.
Last edited by Zero V; 08-01-2008 at 04:18 PM.
08-01-2008 05:15 PM
man. i'm crying as i read this guys. i really feel the love and support from this community. my fiancee woke up, after puking her guts out all last night. course puking doesn't help because of the rapid absorption (through the gums no less). she's got a nasty headache right now, but alive. just wanted to share my thoughts with you. sometimes life is really rough, but i heard it said that life is measured by what you have done, and the obstacles you overcame to get somewhere. god does not judge me the same as someone who has struggled their whole life to get ahead.
being a minister of god is a lifestyle that most people can't do. its like being a police officer, and being judged even when you're off duty for what you do. i just wanted to share with you zerov that you are not alone, and we all struggle with life. but the best of us maintain a positive look on the future in spite of the madness that has been brought upon us. being a minister is like that, where you will have to comfort someone, even though your day is rough. its not something most of us have the compassion to do. that being said, YOU, staying positive, and not acting out of anger, reflect just how amazing you will do serving god. reps and love to you brotha.
08-02-2008 11:32 PM
Originally Posted by suncloud
Bro if I could hug you I would(no homo). Having a group of people who actually care makes all the difference. I really do hope to see a post from you sometime saying that things have taking a U-turn and are getting better.
My ex actually did some suicidal things when I was with her. Threatened to stab herself with a knife, tried to walk into a pond to drown herself, opened the car door while I was driving at 70MPH on the freeway, then grabbed my steering while and tried to ram us into the back of a semi. Though that was post breakup.... Also she can be stupid, I gave her a bottle of my Ibuprofen that I got in the army, 1000 mg tabs. She took probably 100 of them over 2 months. Aparantly like 5 in a day when she would have bad pains(she gets severe pain in her stomach and back every so often due to her ovaries). That crap eats your stomach lining like hot water on ice....and at 5000mg in a day, wth! I can understand a little bit of it, but you are obviously much farther. You are engaged, and there are kids involved. I pray things turn around and those kids get the chance to have two amazing parents.
We seemed like each others answers to our problems, but turned out to hurt each other badly. Though today we are actually great friends. I still struggle mentally every so often because of the transition of lover to friend... especially with some of her actions. Today at drama practice she kept poking me, and pushing me when we were getting into position and stuff. basically what you would call flirting. And she always stares at me anymore with weird eyes. I don't get it, she calls me, stops by my house, worries about me. And she is married to another dude. She seems so confused lately, and very competitive with me. I think she realized she cared more about me than she thought she did. Not my problem I guess. God has a plan for me, and this girl I am talking to just may be it, but I aint jumping the gun, that hurts too much I learned.
But I wouldn't change it I don't think...I have learned what it meant to stand on my own two legs, I have learned what pain is and how to overcome. I have learned how to love those you want to hate, I have learned to stand no matter the weight placed on your shoulders. I have seen truth in lies, and lies in truth. I have seen what it takes to be a leader. This is training, this is how you become born of Fire, this is how you stand out in the world. And this goes for you too Suncloud, and every one who tries their hardest to love, show love, and care for others. I am happy to have you posting in this log.
08-03-2008 12:00 AM
About today, I had a little sleep last night, but seriously it was awesome. The longer I am on this stuff, on my 8 hour nights I get so recharged the next day I want to overtrain, and on days with less hours I wake up and still have the energy to go all day, and then some.
I had to get up at 7:30 to go help my sis move. We moved her from Columbus to Oxford, a 2 and a half hour drive down and back >.< OY
After that I had to come back and learn our new drama we are doing when we go to Mexico, of which we are leaving for the 9th.
I am Jesus in the drama actually.... I was driving back from Oxford and Kayla called(which BTW is my ex...) because we were having practice from 2-8, though I couldn't get there till 4. But she informed me I was the main character, Jesus. I have to do a lot....there is a lot to portray, and I have NEVER done a human video before. Make a leap of faith is my opinion now. I got a lot of compliments because people have never seen me act, and this is a human video so its not really talking, but lip singing to the song and acting it out.
Every prop is made out of people, the cross is 3 girls, the tomb is a bunch of people lined up. It startes out with the last supper, then the prayer in the garden where I struggle to come to terms, then I get beaten down and trashed by the soldiers, strapped up and beaten with the whip. Then they cut me lose, slam me to the cross and drive the nails through my hand. When I finally die ans the mary's are crying at my feet I fall back into the cross which the guys are behind and it turns into the tomb. Then as the song busts out, The doors slips away and they launch me a good 7 feet into the air and I land and raise my arms to praise God, and run to the mary's to greet them, then look around at everyone and end the song with an arm lowered to them and one raise to God.
WHEW......and the song is in spanish......lol.
A side note..... a year ago I wouldn't do this, I would be afraid, unsure, doubt myself. Again....this is a reason why I wouldn't change a thing. I earned respect from people, trust from them, and I have esteem and personal courage and trust in myself. God knows what he is doing.....there is no doubt about that. I never thought I would be Jesus in a human video, the main person every one watches. But I am blessed to have a chance to give glory to God in an amazing way.
ZMK played a big role in all of this, it took alot of energy to be running and doing all this from 7 am to 8pm, it was more work than my job lol. I hate driving btw, so 5 hours in the car I was going insane I was thinking about tonight's sleep all day I usually hate sleep because it would always suck, but something about somnidren GH and ZMK make it addictive. I dont wake up in the middle of it, I dont toss and turn. I pass out, and wake up thinking, oh God I want to go running. Which btw my legs are doing great, tendinitis wise. My movements have been pain free, flexibility is returning. I think though I can accredit part of this to the stack. Sleep is the time they would be doing most of their healing. I think the increase in GH and testosterone probably sped up the process. It was kinda stale mated for awhile until I started this stack. Kudos!!!!
I am really pumped to train hardcore on Tuesday. Though halfway through this week will finish my stack off....all good things come to an end, no?
My winter bulk will include ZMK for sure somnidren GH I don't know about yet, though I love my warm feeling and that instant relaxed feeling you get about 12 minutes after taking it. This stuff has busted away so much stress, and I actually enjoy the 5-20 minutes before I fall asleep because I can just relax and have good thoughts. Sleep is like having a good book to read anymore, always enjoyable period. And the dreams I have decided to write down when I can lol.
My left leg is bandaged where I slid in softball and sandblasted the skin away lol....owies. All good though!
Feeling great btw, over my lil spaz from last sunday-whatever
day it took lol.
I cant wait for cardio monday. Softball is over so tuesday will be an all out lifting day. 8 hours sleep the night before, tear it up!!!
Sun I do appreciate how you gave your all as input, your a great guy man.
Thanks for the support to CTDeuce.
AM is a one of a kind place.
08-03-2008 12:16 AM
MST Reppin Hard!
the support will always be there...log or not. Goes for you also Suncloud. Anytime you need to talk.
No thanks necessary Zero..just keep your chin up.
08-03-2008 01:14 AM
keep it up man ! good ****!
08-03-2008 03:09 PM
hey - quick question for you about zmk / somnidren GH. recently my sleep has been jacked because of the aforementioned problems. i either
1 - wake up 10-15 times a night
2 - sleep for 10-11 hours (wtf is up with that)
i need to get my sleep down to 7-8 hours of good sleep like i was doing. 10 hours of sleep and i feel like i'm missing out on my life. which of these products (i have to use a friends credit card because of the stupid identity theft problem i'm having) would you recommend the most?
p.s. congrats on your part for the play.
08-03-2008 05:40 PM
The reason you are sleeping 10-11 hours is because of a mild depression as well as how depleted your body and mind are becoming due to such extremely high levels if stress, IMO. I used to do that kind of sleep when I was depressed, things just seem like a break when you dont have to deal with reality.
Originally Posted by suncloud
The waking up part would also be due to that, and contribute to the need of 10-11. Anything over 8 except during a time of recover can kind of be unhealthy.
ZMK and Somnidren GH worked good for balancing my sleep, I dont wake up unless I have a super urge to use the rest room, but that usually waits till mornin. ZMK alone does wonders for producing great sleep, so you could probably just try that out and see if it helps. It will give you crazy dreams, but that is sometimes our minds getting out the issues that bother us.
08-03-2008 07:34 PM
yeah, i figured it was stress related. then i get stressed about sleeping too much. lol. silly brain. will try and order some ZMK and see if i can regulate my sleep a bit better. thanks brotha.
08-04-2008 12:01 AM
What do you eat before going to sleep?
08-04-2008 01:21 AM
2 tablespoons of peanut butter,
2g of flax oil (same as fish oil - high omega 3 content with no risk of mercury)
1 multi vitamin
1g of calcium
600mg of high grade vitamin D (D3 - my dad used it to get rid of his enlarged prostate, so i use it nightly)
thats my routine. i think stress has been a big part of me not sleeping though. i have tried melatonin but it doesn't work for me, zma doesn't help me sleep, but knocks it out. i'm starting a light cycle tomorrow, so i'm not on it right now - prefer to keep it for PCT with all my other test boosters.
08-04-2008 08:02 AM
MST Reppin Hard!
These are poor choices to take around bedtime. Calcium feeds off of magnesium to be effective, and magnesium is a great mineral that you absolutely need as an athlete (no matter what level you're on). Taking calcium within 2 hours of taking zmk pre-sleep is going to strip all of the magnesium content thus, your body will be in a deficit. This is not something you want.
Originally Posted by suncloud
Calcium and multi's are better used during the day with your minerals at night. This is why the synnergy between mvp365 and zmk is so good. A lot of multi's stuff the vitamins AND minerals into the multi...defeating the purpose. They should be taken seperately...day, and night.
08-04-2008 01:54 PM
will take that under advisement - that is my morning wake up brew as well. probably more calcium than i need, but my wrists are so darned narrow. i know my bone structure sucks, so i'm overcompensating for them to make sure they've got what they need. will switch them up a bit though - thanks for your advice.
08-04-2008 04:13 PM
MST Reppin Hard!
If anything else, just take your calcium and multi halfway through the day instead of at night. vitamins like calcium help your body more when they are in use during your awake hours anyway. Same thing with the power of a good multi...it is utilized better when you're up and around.
Originally Posted by suncloud
08-05-2008 11:00 PM
Decent day today, I will be taking my ZMK & Somnidren and hitting the sack.I think I will take the last of it friday, and I came out to only 2 tabs on my last night. I think one or two may have become casualties an hit the floor or something at some point the shame......
The gym went really good, I took 2 scoops of rag for PWO, oooohohohoo goodies! You sweat pretty easy on that stuff, and I am actually sweat resistant, seriously. At work all day in a hot warehouse I wear a hoodie, 2 layers of pants(either 2 jeans or 1 jogging +jeans), pig hide gloves, and a hat......people are confused with me. Dats ok though, thats why I am conditioned to stand out in the pounding sun and not be affected as they quiver in the shadows Prepare your body and you can handle anything.
I can feel my mind screeching for the ZMK & somnid....it calls....I am ready for sleep.
Sleep and recovery are as always great. I have decided after mexico I will be ordering more ZMK, though I am waiting on the Somnidren Gh. I am also wanting some Cordygen for my WO's, gotta find where to put that into though...
My next little skirmish is going to be AP,Neovar Recomped, Rag,Xtend, ZMK,Napalm. Then I am doing a month of Reset AD in prep for my winter bulk. Winter bulk is going to be Mass FX, Hyperdrol X2, Trisobagen, Activate x, super cissus RX. Maybe some stim X for PWO if i want it... I doubt I will need it though.
Ah also I plan to finish off my tendonitis with a 3 week break from everything after mexico, and I will be taking wobenzyme(hear alot about it), super cissus RX, mega dose fishoil, ZMK, and doing a complete daily stretching and massaging and flexibility routine 3 times a day with my tendons. I normally stretch it out a few times a day, but I am going to finish this once and for all. I WANT TO SQUAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also when they launch me as Jesus, it kinda hurts when you land on weakened endons from 6-10 feet in the air....(when they did it off the stage I was airborne 10 feet, the church loved it). I mean they bother me in no way like they used to. I cycle, can do all my lifts, play softball Bball, tennis, I am just afriad to squat because they do still get sore or irritated. I am hoping a 3 week period of focusing on them will pay off. I even plan to keep a heating pad under them when I am not icing em after WO's(which I havent actually had to do in ahwile...) Light massages as often as I remember to do em. Gona keep blood flow high! I want to be 100% by winter.
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